So hubby and I have been half-assing the whole intimacy part of chastity, and we’ve been going through a bit of a rough patch. After some fighting, I decided to do my part and really look into this more. I have insomnia, so while I was up all last night unable to sleep, I started doing some research on here, a couple other places, and looked into an app he was telling me about. After checking some stuff out, I discovered a little dishonesty on his part (taking part in another group forum with another KH without my permission, keeping a spare key hidden in his laptop bag). I was FURIOUS. I began to think about what the benefit of chastity is for me as a wife, how it gives me control and limits him, and how much I absolutely love all of that. I WANT him to be locked down but I also want him to suffer. We had a bit of an argument this morning, but it ended like this. He LOVES chastity so much, so in getting into the habit of being a KH and him being a locked-down, lying little bitch, I took away his cage as punishment. He loves his cage, so him going without it is HUGE. He is required to give me a valid way he will EARN the right to wear the cage, as well as start to prove to me he wants to earn it back, that he’s willing to put forth effort into this. He has until 5pm ET tonight to tell me how he plans on earning the cage. If he can’t come up with an idea by 5pm tonight, he will have to wait until tomorrow to submit a new idea. I will not give him the cage back until he can prove he wants it. Next, he also has to put forth effort within the relationship to speak his mind, and when I’m failing to do my job as a KH, we actually address it together (no talking about what’s wrong, actually do something about it). He also has to be more clear on what he wants/needs (since we’re lacking a bit of understanding in that department since I’m still working on my KH-ness). Last but not least... we’re going back to dating. We’ve been together 10 years, married 8, but we lost that fire and spark. We need to go back to getting the spark.... dressing to impress, wearing makeup/perfume, going out (not anything too fancy, maybe a light dinner, hanging out together, maybe finding somewhere to have a little voyeristic fun... possibly. I do know one thing, when all was said and done this morning, he left here to go to work cage-free and I texted him letting him know I was hiding the keys. I told him that when he does get locked back up, “the only loose key will be the one around my neck. You will have an emergency key when you earn being locked up again.” As soon as I typed that last sentence, I immediately tingled from head to toe with excitement. THAT right there is how it’s SUPPOSED to feel, this whole chastity thing. I’m supposed to get all hot, wet and squirmy when we mention the cage, I’m supposed to be excited about it, I’m supposed to do my part to make HIM excited about it, and we are BOTH supposed to work together. Fingers crossed, I hope this really does work out.
congratulations on your approach. I hope it works for you both. Earning the right to be caged: that's a delicious thought.
It seems as though you have taken a much firmer grip of your position and are offering to extend that to him. He'd be silly not to grab that with both hands. I hope it works out for you.
Your approach is right on in both directions. He needs to commit to you, to his chastity, and to wooing you. That intimacy is what it's all about as far as I'm concerned. And need to commit to demanding intimacy, service and submission, to leading your marriage and to taking full control of the keys -- in a sense to wooing his horniness; reading between the lines you've been lax too in your continuous control. The cage can be miraculous, but only if both partners fill their roles; otherwise it's just an occasional sex toy. Your desire for control needs to be clear and in his face, ; you both have to want the wooing and intimacy. Good luck!
Well just to reply back to my keyholder’s topic (OP). We have been so much better between us the last four or five days since we both really started putting more effort into not only chastity, but our relationship as a whole. She has fully taken charge of the chastity side. It has been driving me crazy in so many good ways since then. We can’t keep our hands off each other. We are talking so much more than we were. And of course I am making sure she is still completely satisfied each night. I love more than anything giving her pleasure while she is doing what I want and need with the chastity control and teasing. Being open more than I had been with what I wanted was very tough for me, but I am glad that I was. I hate that it got to where it was before we both changed.