Discovering my self

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by lauren1fem, Nov 15, 2008.

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  1. lauren1fem
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    lauren1fem Gurl

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    Strong attraction to self? - Stronger than any sexual feelings Ive had are the ones I feel when I consider being dominated by females. There are so many components to this experience that I want to try to break them down and discuss. [Solo: I should mention right up front that I fantasize about all this stuff and practice it privately. Im not ready to open up to anyone I know/love with this little hobby of mine. Maybe posting here is a first step?]

    The question I am trying to answer is why? Why are these feelings of submissiveness and female domination so strong (as compared to other sexual feelings)? Girls (sissies) really now: is there anything else that compares to what we feel when being dominated?

    As compared to feelings I have for other hobbies, passions and what not, my feelings for female domination are just so much stronger. Sure I love music, feel lust for someone, and get caught up rooting for my favorite sports team. These are primal feelings too. Its just that I believe the intensity is not nearly as great as my private feelings of being dominated by female(s).

    If I were to describe what I feel when I secretly fantasize about femdom and all that goes with it, I use words like: crave, extreme urges, guilt, lust, rush, panic, anticipation, desire. My heart pounds, my head spins, I blush, I get raging erections. In short I feel many of the same feelings that occur when I get a crush on someone. But, the intensity with femdom submissiveness is so much stronger and extreme!

    So what is going on here? Maybe its that there are a lot of really strong low-level emotions at work: blush - of putting on some soft feminine clothing; panic - of being caught (yes this is a huge secret hobby for me); guilt - that my behavior is somehow wrong (compared to societal norms); denial - creating that intense burning desire via edging; and anticipation - of the possible eventual fulfillment of an orgasm.

    I do love the female person inside thats trying to get out! She has a strong will to exist in my life and I love secretly watching her develop. As I delve further into this compelling world that I yearn for, one thing is for sure - Im really enjoying the ride...

    Any thoughts?
     
  2. lauren1fem
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    lauren1fem Gurl

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    I am simply stammering with excitement for the arrival of my first chastity device - the CB3000. Hope it comes soon because I need that enforcement. I don't want to be a naughty girl and I so need that control. More later...

    -Lauren
     
  3. PT109
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    PT109 Senior Member

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    The emotions are certainly strong for us sissies. i think this is partly because we live in an emotional space which other people bury in social stigma. Much of what we do is safely proscribed by most cultures, mostly, i think, because it is counter-productive to the success of the social group. Such a vast psychological playground we enter would mean death in any subsistence group. Imagine sitting there playing with yourself or playing with not playing with yourself, while a lion eats your mama or maybe you. These taboos against sexual experimentation remain strong even in modern cultures and we are programmed to feel bad when we cross the line.
    All this said, i think it is more healthy to use the word shame instead of guilt. It may be a small distinction but you can think of shame as the disappointment we feel when we fail to conform with society's expectations. Guilt on the other hand can be seen as the feeling we have when we do something we know is wrong by our own personal standard. It's true that often society programs us in such away that we are unable to make the distinction between what is our own standard and what is society's. But take the sociopath as an example. Without really being aware of what they are doing they feel no guilt in their actions but know that they must act like they feel shame when they are caught.
    "Shame on you!" is what we sissies feel when we are caught prancing around in women's clothes. Guilt is what we feel when we hurt someone or take something what isn't ours.
     
  4. lauren1fem
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    lauren1fem Gurl

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    Good analysis of shame vs. guilt. I agree with your word choice. Thanks for your thoughts... Your ideas have replaced any guilt feelings I have with shame which seems to burn nicely inside.

    BTW: nice avatar!
    -Lauren
     
  5. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Lauren... how goes the soul-searching?

    I often find when I type "out-loud" I can better configure my thoughts... make more sense of them.

    I would also like to echo pt's thoughts on guilt... I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about. Part of life is ensuring you are safe, happy and secure in yourself to enable you to better cope with the world and be a better person to other people.

    Try not to question so much that it makes you unhappy... enjoy who you are. :animal0008:
     
  6. lauren1fem
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    Mistress Watchful - Thanks for asking - Everything is going great. I appreciate your sentiments. I have to agree that typing out my ideas is quite therapeutic. Exploring my feelings on this subject is what interests me most and having this forum is so wonderful.

    Thanks for being there really. It is nice to know that I'm not alone. What I'm discovering from this site is just how many people there are that are just like me. There's comfort in that.
     
  7. Miss D
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    Miss D Expert In Femming

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    Shame - embarrasment - humiliation... All essential first steps towards acceptance. Acceptance that you are a sissy gurl. Humiliations will femme you lauren... A Mistress loves to see the deep blush on her sissy's face. you wouldn't deny your Mistress that pleasure would you?

    Of course not...
     
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