Developing FLM currently

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Theo Pion, May 12, 2020.

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  1. Theo Pion
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    Theo Pion Member

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    This past week my wife and I (who enjoy an extremely loving and enjoyable marriage) deep cleaned our house. Through a series of events, she found a stash of toys I had been enjoying but hiding for 5 years for various reasons. A dildo, buttplug, and chastity cage specifically. She did not know what the chastity cage was and asked questions was curious and incredibly kind and supportive. Fast forward a few days and I ask if she would like me to put it on and we have sex focused solely on her for the day and at the end of the day she return the key or keep it until she is ready for it to come off.

    I fully thought at the end of the day it would be removed and we would perhaps try it again in the future. That was 2 days ago. I'm still locked. She has not returned the key and not mentioned at all a timeline! We have had sex a few times during this and I have remained locked and brought her to several orgasms, but have not been offered release.

    First, I am LOVING this and this is in no way a complaint from me!
    Second, she has mentioned she enjoys my attitude while locked and my attentiveness to her.
    Finally, she mentioned she feels a bit guilty using her ownership of the key to manipulate me into what she wants. She says her whole life she has been told not to use sex as a bargaining chip in a marriage as it should be enjoyed freely by both parties and not used to divide and conquer. However, in this case, it is exactly what I am wanting her to feel free to do. To use my being locked to enforce her will on me.

    Any thoughts or suggestions on ways to discuss this or if any other keyholders went through this?
     
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  2. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    It took my wife a few months to stop feeling guilty. The more she knew, and I communicated, that I truly only wanted to be unlocked if she wanted it unlocked, the more and more she felt comfortable leaving me locked and receiving her pleasure without guaranteeing mine.

    I explained that I get off getting her off, and anything with me is for her. She has no problem with that now, our normal is now her getting off and me holding her as she comes...caged the whole time.
     
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  3. Theo Pion
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    Theo Pion Member

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    This is really helpful to hear! This is obviously new to us as a couple and while I know it will take time, I have to constantly fight the urge to just talk about it all the time. I'm sure that would get annoying and she just needs time to explore. I love how many of you on here have experience you are willing to share with those of us just getting starting!
     
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  4. MissyB
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    MissyB Active member

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    I agree that you need to both continue to communicate and not overload her at the same time. No need to rush, as she seems to be handling it very well. You might try telling her that even though you aren't always getting an orgasm like she is, that you are getting sexual enjoyment during this. So she need not feel guilty. I defer to @Nicoftime that it will take time for her fully to believe it, but reinforcing the idea early on should help your cause. Good luck and enjoy.
     
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  5. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Yeah overkill is easy when you have this constant reminder hanging off your privates, are super horny, and it’s all you can think about. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that it’s not on their minds all the time like it is ours.

    A good rule of thumb for me is if I text something naughty or provocative twice and haven’t gotten any feedback on it...dirty talk is over until I’ve heard back from her.
     
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  6. Theo Pion
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    Theo Pion Member

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    This seems like really solid advice!
     
  7. Theo Pion
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    Theo Pion Member

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    *takes notes furiously *
     
  8. Faustik
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    Faustik New member

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    Hi Theo,
    I'm happy for you and for the begining of your journey. I'm fighting as well with myself no to speak about it all the time. Although I'm just did make a very small step un telling her about chastity and my will to try it. And now I'm thinking whether to tell her that I already have one and show it it buy new one a do like I'm trying It for the first time.
     
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  9. Theo Pion
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    Theo Pion Member

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    What a delicious problem to have! Use a chastity cage you have or buy a new one. You could always ask her to pick one out if she wanted?
     
  10. madams-sissysub
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    Just keep talking, but don’t be pushy, it souls like things are moving just as they should.
     
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  11. Theo Pion
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    Theo Pion Member

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    This is relieving to hear! The long this goes on with no mention of being unlocked the more excited it gets for me. I appreciate all the advice and insight from those with experience here!
     
  12. asastype
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    asastype Service sub to Mistress AMA

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    @Theo Pion, you say She is reluctant to use sex as a bargaining chip. Maybe expand your definition of sex to include your acts of submission and denial.

    For me, wearing the cage, being of service, and even working the vibe to bring my Keyholder Wife to climax all quality as "sex" to me. I get a many fewer climaxes than She does, but we each have the same amount of sex.

    asa
     
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  13. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    Well, I think soon, this will cease to be an issue for her.

    Since you have a willing and loving partner, be patient and let her develop at her own pace. It does take time for her to adjust and enjoy this new journey.

    It is important for you both to decide if this is for play, or the start of an FLR. As you progress, the reason will become evident.

    You will hear a lot about not “topping from the bottom.” There is wisdom in that statement, but for a couple just starting out, her hearing positive feedback from you is beneficial. There may come a time when she surprises you and your feedback may no longer be relevant. Contrary as it may seem, that is a good thing.

    Good luck to you both!
     
  14. Theo Pion
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    Theo Pion Member

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    This is such a great point. We did chat about that yesterday, how pretty much EVERYTHING falls under the category of "Sex" when I am caged and she holds the key. She mentioned she logically gets that and is good with it, it's just reprogramming her own mind on what "Sex" is that she is having a hard time with.

    I think the advice I'm getting here is amazing which is to go slow and give her time. This is the 3rd night and she didn't even bring up the fact I was in a cage at all today and I was in heaven.
     
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  15. Theo Pion
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    Theo Pion Member

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    Thank you so much for the encouragement!!!
     
  16. Slave to Wife
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    Slave to Wife Nobody Important

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    Casually see if she wants to use other tools of control in addition to chastity, like nipple clamps, paddles, candle wax. Maybe she would like these things for the control they give her and find you even more submissive.
     
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  17. Theo Pion
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    Theo Pion Member

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    So an interesting nuance we discovered when we were first chatting about this last week was she does not have any desire to hurt me or cause much pain. She specifically mentioned paddles and whips not being of interest. This is pretty dope as I am not a really a masochist at all. However, she was interested in the butt plugs and that is a fantastic form of control. We will certainly explore more control methods if she is interested in this beyond just curiosity.
     
  18. Theo Pion
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    Theo Pion Member

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    So we are now on to day 4 of me being locked up. Again, I told her on the first day, lets just go to the end of day and if you want to go longer we can. She has not once mentioned giving me the key back or a timeline of letting me out at all. I naively thought she would go into this slowly as a week ago she didn't even know what male chastity devices were. I thought she would hand the key back at the end of the first day and summarize her thoughts...uhhhhh nope. Not only has she not given the key back, I don't even know where it is. I couldn't get out if I wanted at this point. Lucky for me I don't want!

    We talked about how she was feeling today and I asked more specific questions about how she felt about the whole thing what she liked and did not and if anything needed to change. She said she was enjoying it. She really likes how close it make us and how attentive I have become. She said as long as we are having fun she wants to continue exploring like this. She added we are having more sex now as well which is fun but her libido still isn't that high.

    She also added that when I am naked and in nothing but my cage it makes her giggle. I wanted to clarify if this was something she liked or did not like, eg: Should I do less of that or more of that. She said it was a feeling for her of visibly seeing me in bondage that made her laugh. Seeing my predicament and knowing that she could change it but wasn't going to makes her smile.

    So here is the question I have for all the key holders out there: Knowing that she said this after only 1 week of knowing what male chastity is and that we have only done it for 4 days now, what is the over and under on me getting out? a few weeks? month? Months? LONGER?! Like, how deliciously fucked am I by letting her have the key? lol
     
  19. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    Only one person knows the answer to your question.

    Isn't that what makes it so delicious?
     
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  20. Theo Pion
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    Theo Pion Member

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    It's so good! I love that fact so very much and keeps my attention focused on her constantly.
     
  21. Ulex_
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    Ulex_ New member

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    Great story, really pleased for you! Butt-plug play sounds promising.... I bet she’d love pegging you!
     
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  22. Theo Pion
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    Theo Pion Member

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    Oh great Gatsby, I hope you are right! Being in FLM where I am locked and pegged is literally the dream. Lol
     
  23. WhiteKnight
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    WhiteKnight Member

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    Just a couple of words of caution. Your body, anybody's body, takes time to get accustomed to a new device. Soreness and chaffing are almost inevitable and if it becomes an issue you have to take it off and give your body time to recover: make sure your KH knows this and incorporates it into the play.
    Also hygiene is obviously important, depending on the material: metal, resin, silicon; and whether it is fully-enclosed or barred. It has to come off regularly for cleaning. However you can certainly have fun with this. Your KH could tie you to the bed, remove it, wash-up and replace or supervise you closely while you do it yourself.
    I've also read here of cases where the man is handcuffed to the shower while She does it - and he obviously never gets to touch his own cock !
    Have fun, enjoy.
     
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  24. Theo Pion
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    Theo Pion Member

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    This is really solid advice! I have been using this cage myself for about a year off and on and have gone about 18 days in it. We actually discussed cleaning and chaffing last night and have talked about getting a device that is more focused on long term wear. You are spot on with every one of these cautions you give!
     
  25. Theo Pion
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    Theo Pion Member

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    Well here is an update from Day 5 of me being locked up with my wife holding the key for the first time. On day 4 she did not even mention me being in the cage at all. It wasn't addressed. On day 5 we were joking around while painting our living room and she mentioned having the key to my penis which was a huge turn on. I suggested we have sex and she looked right at me and said, "Do you think you deserve to have sex? I said I didn't really know because it was entirely up to her.

    She later told me I would be giving her a leg and foot massage. After a long massage she rolled over and spread her legs and just stared at me as if to say, "You know what to do". I went down on her and got to work. After that and some vibrators we achieved 4 orgasms for her! I remained caged the whole time.

    When she was done she gave me a location and asked me to retrieve something important from there. It was the key! I came to the bed and gave it to her and she unlocked me. She then had me lay down and gave me a glorious handjob resulting in a massive orgasm!

    This portion while not all that kinky was one of the most fun sexual adventures we have had and I can't wait for the next one! Afterwords I was not locked back in the device but we had an involved discussion of what she liked about the arrangement, other devices we could use, and how this could work going forward.
     
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