Defining rules for chastity

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by lassmichinruhe, Jan 12, 2020.

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  1. lassmichinruhe
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    lassmichinruhe New member

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    Hello everybody,

    I live together with my fiancé, we are both into bdsm (she's dominant, I'm submissive). As we have two kids living this lifestyle often isn't that easy. My first interest that had to do with bdsm was male chastity...the great thing is that it is a an aspect which we can "live" the whole time and are not limited to the bedroom or periods of time when there are no kids at home.

    Because of that we were experimenting a bit with it and we like it a lot. I've finally found a cage (cherrykeeper) that I can wear without having any problems. As I've already written in the review section, this cage definitely is great, but unfortunately the standard version is a bit too small for me for wearing it at night (@JosieLynn Jewell is there a 46mm double ring available? I haven't found one in the shop actually.). But: I can wear it at work, at sports and so on. Well, about 80 dollar of course is a lot of money (compared to lots of other cages it's of course really cheap...), so I won't order a bigger one right now. Because of that we've already set the rule that I don't have to wear the cage during the night at the moment.

    At the moment we struggle a bit with setting rules for my duties as the wearer of the cage. How did you set those rules? When are you allowed to take it off? Are you allowed to take it off in the shower for cleaning? Do you have to ask if you want to take it off for a while? Where are the keys? And so on...

    Lots of questions I know...I just hope to get a bit of input, doesn't matter from whom. Wearers, keyholders, etc....I'm thankful for every reponse (answer here or private message).
     
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  2. Patricia1972
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    Patricia1972 Member

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    As you live together it’s obviously your Dominants choice when to remove your cage, not yours. As an open cage no need to take it off for every shower, it’s pretty much an open plan cage. Easy to wash with it on.

    Sorry I disagree with you on only been able to wear the cage just during the day. Let me guess the early morning wood is painful or been close to your partner locked at is causing you to get hard.

    no pain no gain, In time it will pass and you will feel all the better for it.
    I myself am a grower, I’m over 81/2 inch erect so I know the initial pain in a confined small cage.
     
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  3. radaz
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    radaz Member

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    There are of course no set rules for chastity. So its worth experimenting with short 1 or 2 day stretches in chastity at first to find what works for the both of you imo. But to mirror sentiments of the poster above its ultimatley the choice of your KH when it comes on and off.

    I think its essential to get a device that fits well and is easy enough to put on a remove. Doing this will solve alot of problems for you. There are a number of cheaper knock offs of official products which are useful for atleast test driving different types of device. This forum is a wealth of information for doing your research on different devices.

    There is no good reason why you can't shower or bathe with your device on (as far as I am aware). Even with an less open cage (holy trainer and CB series) I find showers and slightly more frequent baths are sufficent to keep you clean. We do have a routine of her unlocking me once or twice a week for a couple of minutes and giving everything a once over with some wet wipes.

    Morning wood is not always the most pleasant sensation to wake up with but its cost of doing business. On the bright side though I've found it to be an effective alternative to an alarm clock.
     
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  4. latexsissy
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    latexsissy Member

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    As the others have said, the rules are entirely up to you and your fiance. You need to negotiate them together beforehand, like any BDSM scene - it just so happens that this scene has the potential to last a lot longer. Also make plans to renegotiate if something doesn't work out along the way; it's unlikely you'll get your fantasy scenario right on the first try!

    My personal answers to your questions:

    * Our rules are I generally decide when I want to wear my cage, and I keep my keys. My gf actually wanted it that way, so while I'd like her to keep my keys someday, I agreed. My gf enjoys it when I wear it, of course, and I get to help her enjoy herself while I stay locked. I do stay locked 24/7 for extended periods when I put it on; PIV is not the end-all be-all for either of us so that makes it easier. But if I want/need to stay unlocked for awhile (travel, spa days, etc.) it's not any issue.

    * Try wearing your cage overnight. If you get hard in the night and it wakes you up, go pee. Even if you don't feel like you need to. My experience is, it almost always helps and I shrink down quickly afterwards. And honestly, the discomfort is half the turn on for me. I'm about 6 inches or so hard, and 2 inches caged. Smaller is usually better for these things.

    * I sit to pee, without exception. After peeing I wipe my cage with TP to prevent dribbles afterwards.

    * Cleaning is in the morning shower; dipping a q-tip in Dr. Bronner's soap and scrubbing myself through the slits in my cage, plus a generous cleaning around the base ring with my hand. Lotion and a thin smear of vaseline around the base ring twice a day to prevent chafing. I usually get a spot of chafing under my scrotum
    anyway after 1-2 weeks, but it's easily managed with the above regimen.
     
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  5. madams-sissysub
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    madams-sissysub Junior Member

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    I agree, the rules should be set down by the Dom. It is the subs role to obey and please,
    I’ve found with my madam being hard but fair she has made me a much better sub, and chastity has played a major part in that.
     
  6. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

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  7. HerServant
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    HerServant Member

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    My Owner and I are in a long distance relationship and see each other every 3 - 8 weeks.

    Our "rules" are mostly incident to a few simple primary rules:

    1. She is the only one who can remove the cage (she also likes to click the lock shut)
    2. I can remove the cage in case of need (some medical justification, exam, scan, rash, etc). The key I have access to is protected by a tamper proof seal, but physically would take nothing to circumvent. I can also remove if I need to fly somewhere. I am thinking of getting the Holy Trainer so that I can fly locked. I am unfamiliar with the device; however, my understanding is that the resin is is made of actually allows for long term use (my normal device, the only one I have, is made of stainless steel)

    So, when she leaves she locks the Bird Cage on and it stays on 24/7 and I have to cope and learn to deal with it. As others have mentioned, this involves sitting to piss. It also means that I no longer shower at the gym. Other than that, my device is very comfortable, is invisible under clothing (unless something possessed me to wear spandex tights and nothing else below the waist) and is an open design, so I can keep it clean easily. For the first week I had it on, I had some morning wood, but that is no longer the case.

    I guess anyone can add as many layers of complexity to the rules as they want. I have found that simple, but harsh rules to be best. I have been locked for three weeks with no release and if you give it a chance, being locked will open your mind and your body to completely new and unexpected things, not all of them sexual or even focused on your KH.

    Good luck.
     
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  8. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    We have no rules.

    I remained locked full time. I don’t get to ask to be unlocked.

    In my opinion, if she has to make rules, you can improve. Try to anticipate. You have lived together a fair bit, you should know her her likes and needs. Do them before she asks. Then, do what she doesn’t need.

    Make no bones about it, it is hard work. But, this is what you want, right?

    If not, then you need to decide what specifically you both want. I’m afraid this is the only way to move forward. At regular intervals, make her a nice happy hour with a good wine and talk. Communication is key to what ever path you decide upon.

    Good luck!
     
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  9. HerServant
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    HerServant Member

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    Elegant and simple. Brutal and I am sure completely worth it to you both. :)
     
  10. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Active member

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    I tried to make rules early on and got the "There is only 1 rule, and that is that I make the rules, got it? If you continue past this point you are accepting that" speech from my KH. (She admits to getting that speech from an experienced dom).

    It was hard to accept, but has made all the difference for both of us. I never get to see the key or handle anything. Having said that she listens and works with me very caringly.

    @JosieLynn Jewell will custom size a ring for you very quickly, I highly recommend getting the right fit so you can stay in as long as your fiance wishes.
     
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  11. lassmichinruhe
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    lassmichinruhe New member

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    As I don't have much time to answer at the moment, just a quick thank you for all the replies!
     
  12. JosieLynn Jewell
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    JosieLynn Jewell Active member

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    Hi, not to derail the gist of the thread, but if you don't see your ring size, message me and I can add it to the shop. Unfortunately, I'm just seeing this as January has had me swamped, but when you're ready and want the ring made, please reach out to me through the Shapeways shop link - I spend 90% of my customer service time answering messages there.
     
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  13. lassmichinruhe
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    lassmichinruhe New member

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    No problem at all. I mean, I've directly asked you in my post ;-). I'll write you a message in the shop once I'm ready to order a 2nd one...

    At the moment I wear it the whole day from morning to evening before going to bed. But of course you're right, in theory it would be better if I wear a cage also during the night... I must say, after 6 days without orgasm it's getting tempting...
     
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