Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by longtallsally, May 1, 2022.
How I missed your updates
You should checkout some of the dual density dildos from Vixen Creations, Tantus, Uberrime, or Blush. My wife wasn't all that interested in dildos either until we tried some of those. They're far more life-like in that they have a little squishy-ness that makes them far more comfertable for sex. Vixen Creations vixskin has the best reviews though they are the most expensive of the bunch.
If he enjoys watching you masturbate, and you're a fan of g-spotting, I (and just about every sex blogger) recommend the NJOY pleasure wand.
Pete may also be a switch and only comfertable being submissive with you because of how strong your relationship is. For most men, expressing that level of vulnerability is extraordinarily uncomfortable and something that we're culturally conditioned to avoid.
It goes on lol
I've been doing late shifts this week so My Pete and I have been like ships passing in the night. That's all the more reason why I should have been extra attentive about sending saucy little messages throughout the day and reminding him that we're back on the case with the project. But he gave me a strong hint earlier (we agreed once how he would do this) that I've been a bit remiss and he was feeling both frustrated and a bit forgotten. I felt bad about it - not so bad as to agree to unlock him for playtime tomorrow (we'll both be in during the morning) but certainly guilty enough to set up some alarm reminders for myself. Now I feel I owe him a special treat. I don't feel very imaginative at the moment, and all the treats that spring to mind suddenly feel more of a treat for me than they would be for him.
I have started to feel a little differently about using a dildo, or at least having one used on me. Two things have caused this. First, as I described earlier in the week, we managed to find a way to make me enjoy it much more - basically I asked him to imagine it was him inside me and being kissed and gently spoken to at the same time, really helped. And second, the dildo (ugh, ghastly word) now has a name. Elsewhere on the site I asked for suggestions and @anasyrma kindly suggested the Spanish 'consoladora', which I shortened to Dora. But then, the inspired @Chaz69 suggested 'Dora the Explorer'! Suddenly, Dora has personality. Dora is my friend! (Yes, yes, I know Dora is a girl's name which is a bit odd for a male member, but Dora makes me smile and this device has just become a lot more appealing. Thank you, gentlemen.
Although I prefer (both emotionally and physically) the feeling of My Pete being properly inside me, there's something about the experience of him using a strapon which is incredibly erotic for me, and also for him. I think it's the combination of control and the idea that he must be totally focused on my pleasure. (I intend to let him out of his cage afterwards and have a round with the real thing, or possibly a quick round followed by a slow one later, if I'm not too sore!) When we tried him pegging me (just the once so far) I hadn't got used to Dora and hadn't thought to give any direction for how it (she? he?) might be manipulated. So I'm quite keen to give it a go with My Pete wearing it in strapon mode (for which Dora was designed, it seems) and me giving him a little more guidance now that I know what to look out for. I hope he can get it together to kiss and murmur sweet nothings at the same time, but this might all be too much of an ask for someone who's had virtually no practice. I did text him this suggestion earlier, to which his response was, "Oh". He's in a bar somewhere, so I guess I shouldn't expect a detailed response. I just texted him back saying that if he's in a bar he should remember to use a stall for peeing, otherwise he might be seen. As if I really have to remind him. Evil grin.
Regarding the special treat, I wouldn't worry too much because they are more about you then about him
Sell him the treats as reward ("as a reward/compensation/mitigation I decided you may do this and that for me"). This sounds little, but my Lady gets me with that...
Also, texting him little things like your did when he was in the bar. They may repeat and don't need to be very innovative (at least for me)
I agree that you can reward him by allowing him to do something special for you. Especially if it is something intimate (not necessarily erotic, but certainly can be).
@longtallsally If you want to give him a reward you might consider a repeated edging session. After being caged a while the feeling of an erection is a wonderful sensation. Not being allowed to orgasm keeps you fully in charge. But getting to stretch is heavenly.
After edging me caged this morning she asked if I wanted out for a stretch, her preferred term, and then after I had said "that'd be lovely" she said "perhaps I will whip you instead and keep you locked" and that's exactly what she did. I still feel like I was rewarded.
Some men seem to be insecure about toys, and maybe that's true for your Pete. But he so clearly is a loving, giving, partner that I'm confident he'll get past that, if he hasn't already, with some more experience and your continued loving kindness.
I'm the cook in our house. Sure, I could make dinners on an open wood fire, without any of my kitchen tools, relying just on my ego and the hands and eyes I was born with. But I enjoy the meals I prepare and the pleasure I deliver much more when I expand and enhance my abilities with the use of tools.
Likewise in sex. I want to deliver pleasure to my wife. My ego, my insecurity, wants to know that *I*. can deliver great pleasure (it's okay if others can and do, too, as long as she enjoys being with me). But my sense of accomplishment, giving, loving is expanded and enhanced by relying not just on my fingers, tongue, lips, cock ... but also vibrators, strap-on dildos, etc. I love the different ways I can make her feel, and the sense of surprise and delight she experiences that comes with variety. It might be different if she engaged in humiliation or rejection (I'm not into those kinks), but she makes it clear that she loves what I do, and how I do it, whether it's my cock or something else. And I know you give your Pete that kind of affirmation.
For example, I know she enjoys having my cock inside her: clear from her words, her moans, her orgasms. If she also enjoyed a much larger dildo, perhaps enjoyed differently, even more, great! I've got another way to give her pleasure.
One of the things that I enjoy the *most*, and that turns me on wildly, is for her to express her pleasure and her desires without prompting. Far from feeling insecure, I get way excited when she says "strap on, and ride me long".
Couldn't agree more. Toys help keep things novel. That's always challenging in a long-term, monogamous relationship.
For me, being caged helps express my total commitment to giving her pleasure (sexually or not). It signals that she can ask for anything, without judgement or obligation. I've always striven to create that space for her, but it's hard to overcome years of social conditioning and the accompanying expectations.
I know My Pete gets pretty frustrated (but in a way that I know he and I both enjoy) all the time he's locked and I've learned to do my bit by reminding him and sending saucy messages. But I've also learned to recognise that there are times when his frustration goes to a whole other level. I think it's mostly to do with how long he's been locked, but also how much attention he's had (being taken out, admired, teased, examined, measured,denied etc) and I can't help thinking there's a hormonal thing at work too. Not necessarily cyclical and a bit predictable like me, but an interesting extra variable. Maybe I'm projecting...
Anyway, he'd been in this super-elevated absolutely desperate state for several days and it was very distracting for us both. (It reminds me of when I was a teenager and we had to look after a dog 'on heat'). In his case his desperation made me aware of my own needs too, so I started climbing the walls too. He had to have that little pat on the head from me on Monday - our little signal - which was ridiculously frustrating for him and, frankly, only just about satisfying for me.
Laura came round on Tuesday night for supper and stayed for My Pete's inspection and measurement. All I had to say was, "Pete, the chair", and he was there with his legs spread over the sides - just the way he feels nicely uncomfortable and exposed. One of the most erotic moments was when I was measuring the angle and (as I'd been advised), I just let him stand there, gradually going soft while we watched. I found it exciting because of the level of control and the sheer level of desire directed at me, while apparently losing the wherewithal to do anything about it. I asked him to put the cage back on, without resorting to frozen peas. It took ages because he kept getting excited, but I explained we had all the time in the world and we just watched. Eventually he offered himself for locking... bliss. Laura left soon after and My Pete looked at me expectantly.
I realised I was desperate to have him inside me but I also wanted to extend his period of desperation too. I told him I wanted to be filled and he perked up. But I said that for tonight I wanted him to wear Dora (as we now call the dildo strap-on thinggy, after Cosoladora, and Dora the Explorer - see previous posts). I said that the one time before when he'd pegged me, it had felt a bit mechanical but that last time he'd used it (her?) on me, just using it as a dildo, I'd really enjoyed how he'd slowed right down and tried to make the movement as if it were actually him moving inside me. I said I'd also really enjoyed how he'd kissed and whispered to me, making the whole experience feel less mechanical.
I asked if he'd try to do these things to help me relax while wearing Dora in the harness and he said he'd give it a go. Laura had put me up to this. I'd felt awkward about saying exactly what I wanted but she said he would enjoy being directed, and I could see she was right. (Afterwards he told me that this was another example of responsibility (and therefore stress) being taken away from him.) Laura had also given me two other bits of advice; first, to offer him the Aneros as a treat, if he thought that it would feel nice for him while he was wearing the harness and second, to take Dora in my mouth and act as if it were the real thing. I had said to her that I didn't know that I could do that without feeling uncomfortable, or laughing, or both, but she persuaded me to promise to give it a try.
He went off to warm up Dora and fiddle with the harness (a bit of a passion killing moment) while I tried to adjust the lighting and my scanties to make myself as alluring as possible. When he returned, he was wearing Dora in the harness. It looked disturbingly large and the whole set-up seemed a bit, well, tehnological. He could tell I was nervous and he kissed me and whispered that there was nothing for me to be nervous about. I said that of course there was nothing for him to be anxious about either. And he said -"yeah, no performance anxiety or erection issues, but tell me if I hurt you!"
I offered him the Aneros, and even gently tried to persuade him but he said it would be too distracting - maybe another time. And then I did what Laura (and people on this site) had suggested. I can't believe I did this. After a long kiss and naughty talk, I popped My Pete on his back, squeezed his nipples hard and took Dora in my mouth, trying my best to lose myself and act in every way as if it were the real thing. There was one moment, when I had one hand gently moving his cage, with Dora in my mouth and I caught his eye and he gave this huge sigh. I carried on and enjoyed him watching me. After a while, when my mouth started getting sore, I just said, "Your turn. Fill me. Please be slow and gentle" and offered myself.
Oh my - what a total mindfuck for both of us! I could tell he was really trying to slow right down and to move in a way that was more like the real thing and then, the most amazing thing, I stopped thinking about him, or what he was whispering, or Dora or anything, and just managed to be in the moment. Just before I came, I realised what was happening and called to him, as I sometimes do to "Come for me, come for me now". I gripped his nipples again but while I was transported, I'm afraid he missed out.
He asked me how it had felt and I told him the truth, that it had been intense and that he'd been absolutely brilliant and that I'd enjoyed the feeling of power over him. I said that it had felt amazing but something I'd want occasionally as a novelty in addition to having him properly inside me, not instead of. I said the best sex for me was still having him inside me when he was totally effing desperate, and making him come at my command (yesssss!) and then following up with something more leisurely an hour or two later once he was a bit calmer.
I asked how it had felt for him and he said it was one of the most frustrating and moving things he'd ever done. He said that he used to have a kite and after he'd been flying it for a couple of hours, he'd sometimes almost feel he was up there in the sky with it. He said that when I took Dora in my mouth and just 'abandoned myself to the task' it almost felt to him as he watched me, as if I really had him in my mouth. He said that when I caught his eye he'd been intensely aroused. I asked him what it was like pegging me and not being able to be hard. He said he'd found it erotic and had loved that I clearly enjoyed it but that he found the act of penetrating me while not able to be hard 'a bit upsetting'. I looked at him and realised he was a bit sniffly. I said that it was strong emotional stuff and asked whether he could, or wanted to, explain why he was upset and he said he needed to think about it. He said he'd like to try doing the same thing sometime uncaged so at leats he could be hard. We had a big cuddle and kiss and I asked him if he'd like to be uncaged for a whilenow , but with no touching, or wait until the next day for a treat. He chose to wait, which I was quite pleased about as I was ready to sleep by that stage - perhaps he knew.
Before we dozed off, he said something about the experience taking away something of what it means to be male. But then he followed up by saying, 'or maybe releasing me from what's normally expected'. He said he thought that having the Aneros at the same time - the feeling of being penetrated - might have been just too much. I said I thought I understood. I also said that at some point, when I felt we were ready, I very much wanted to wear the harness and penetrate him - 'perhaps not with Dora but with Dora's smaller sibling'. He said he wasn't sure and I said not to worry - that it'll be my responsibility to know when. He asked me why I wanted to do that. I said that it was partly out of curiosity, partly for the feeling of control and power and partly because I thought he might enjoy it too. But I said there was no rush about it. Frightened rabbit, and off to sleep.
Last night we had a shower together, I unlocked him and asked him to take me, any way he wanted. He said that he wouldn't be able to last long and I told him I knew that, and I reasured him as I do every time, that I love it when he's so excited he comes really fast for me. I promised we could have a return bout later. He came very quickly indeed, indeed the moment I asked him to (although I'd timed my command for when he was pretty close!) and this time I felt a bit weepy, just with the emotion and closeness of it all. And later, we managed it again, a bit more 'normally' this time, although I was distracted by feeling a bt sore from the day before. He looked monumentally grateful and we gave it a quick wipe down and locked him back up without any fuss.
If someone had asked me a year ago to take a dildo being worn by my partner in my mouth and then be 'pegged', I would have definitely thought, "Ugh, No. Yuck, yuck. Ewwwww!" And yet, the same me, while not wanting to do that every time, now completely gets the point. Thank you to the lovely folks who were so gentle with advice, never judging, telling us to take it slowly but also sensitively explaining why certain things might be fun. Aren't human beings just crazy?
I red this as soon you writed it, and I wasn't able to do anything for a while. Now I can at least write. Your writing took me to your place as I was watching whole event. Overwhelming...
He is a very lucky guy. And...you are lucky to have him too. So pleased for you both.
I wish here was a LOVE button, not just a LIKE button, in this forum, because I definitely would have used it for this latest installment Sal. You two are making such GREAT progress !!!
@longtallsally What a beautiful, passionate experience! You also are on the right track with him wearing the Aneros while using Dora - especially when he’s desperate.
Most of sexual joy is mental. Now that you both have recognized and adopted your natural roles, you’ll continue to enjoy great experiences without the distraction of worrying what the other wants.
This will change the dynamic of the situation entirely. He’s right, he will be distracted. My wife and I tried it in tandem with Emla cream. Having no sensation to my penis and focussing on her was fun. I completely disregarded the Aneros inside me. Not until she told me to orgasm from it.
Don’t know if Pete’s at the anal orgasm stage, but it’s good fun!
Once she’d told me to focus on the aneros I pretty much forgot about her pleasure. My tempo remained. I climaxed by focusing on my own sensations.
She climaxed from my rhythm inside her and a reaction to my enjoyment.
It was an incredible experience…
But thinking around it now I would say it was like mutual masturbation rather than the intimacy of sex. Agree you should give it a go!
Over the last 9 months or so, I've found the captions posted on this site an amazing source of insights into how men think about chastity. Recently, I've looked at some and made some suggestions for comments that would have appealed to me a year or two ago, when I found this whole thing a bit scary and even the thought of it frankly rather upsetting.
Back in May, I asked My Pete to scurry off to the internet and find some captions that he liked, and Idid the same. It was so interesting (for me anyway) as there were things about how he felt that he wouldn't have been able to describe, I think, even if he'd thought of them. I described tour favourites at the time. Anyway, we were chatting earlier this evening, both fully clothed on the sofa, but with my hand resting on his cage - I love doing that - and I suddenly thought it would be a good idea if we repeated the exercise, six months on. I've asked him to find a few chastity captions on the internet that he finds exciting, and I will do the same, then we'll compare. I wonder whether his have changed at all. I don't think mine have, but we'll see. He did say that just talking about them with me would be scary but exciting. I feel the same way...
Maybe that's what would please him most of all. There's the physical release of an orgasm, and there's the emotional joy of pleasing your partner, and that can be the greatest satisfaction.
So, yesterday, after the football when he was in an especially good mood, I said I'd done my homework and I asked him if he'd done his. I immediately realised that asking him to share his favourite captions with me was going to be excrucitingly embarrasing for him - like watching porn together (which we've never done). I said that I wanted him to do this, even though it wouldn't be easy. He kept saying how I should judge what he picked by the ideas and caption, not by the state of undress or the body of the person in the picture. I hadn't thought of this, but of course I realised he might be thinking I'd compare myself with the models and think that he wasn't satisfied with me. I reassured him a lot, and said that it's ok for him to find other women (a bit) attractive.
He still tried to wriggle out by saying it would be like being 'found with a dirty mag at school'. I promised him I wouldn't judge, and that we wouldn't even talk about them, at least, not until another day. He still wouldn't show me the ones he'd been looking at, so I'm afraid then I just opened up a chastity captions site on the laptop (I'm keeping him away from CM) and just started scrolling... The laptop was on my lap. My hand was on his lap, on his cage. I asked him to tell me which ones make it twitch most, or least.
Here are some he said he liked:
https://sharesome.com/Nzot/post/a6c48c4c-6c20-42b9-b464-91c701392fa4/ (I liked that one a lot too)
https://sharesome.com/KarinaClarketv/post/5ed4a81a-987a-4f6a-acd3-c73a0ab7c744/ (For me, I'd have preferred just "Your daily reminder"
https://sharesome.com/KarinaClarketv/post/64088fa8-9d20-4d9c-a109-a1f166082652/ (we both liked this one)
https://sharesome.com/KarinaClarketv/post/96293435-022e-43b8-89a7-bdb4b43a1a39/ (I was surprised - we both liked this one.)
https://sharesome.com/assman161/post/2b41590f-d494-4f26-bbe3-31b10a1431c6/ (we both liked this, although I was more keen on the message thn on the model... hmph...)
(That one was a real surprise for me. I had to keep my face straight)
https://sharesome.com/KarinaClarketv/post/526c3513-600f-407f-8d5d-eb953081512a/ (another surprise)
And here are some that he said he didn't like very much: (I felt the same way, pretty much)
And some that he said he found a turn-off: (same for me)
I don't think I've ever seen My Pete so uncomfortable. Afterwards he said that is was embarrassing and humiating to look at the pictures with me BUT, that he'd found it very erotic. I told him that I'd found it exciting too and thanked him a lot for giving me the insights. All i said about the pictures themselves was that his views have changed a bit over the last six months, but not extremely.
Grateful for any analysis! Or any other kinds of caption that might give extra insights?
I'm afraid the ones I like are still rather vanilla...
I never thought I would be turned on by that last set you showed but now that set is what haunts me.
Seems pretty clear to me.
He knows he needs to be chaste and likes your play. But he doesn't like threatening ones or cuckold-related ones.
And, best of all, numbers 8, 11 & 12 are clear signs that he's open to pegging.
Pretty clear to me: he wants anal orgasms. Maybe the next lockup doesn't end until he has one.
The sissy/SPH/cuckold ones didn't do it for me either.
Nah, that’s too much pressure to add to the situation. Been there done it, glad she forgot it was a thing!
Should be a whole new set of experiments.
He’s a man… in chastity… did we need any clearer signs