Deep breath. And... relax. Here goes

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by longtallsally, May 1, 2022.

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    #76 Guest 6019, May 6, 2022
    I find the emasculation thing personally strange, though I understand why some feel that way. I guess I turn it on it's head and stare at it with the contempt I think it deserves. I feel more of a man waiting for my wife to be ready for me, than those guys that expect an orgasm every sexual encounter as if it's their right. I know something they don't. The secret to a truly happy wife who doesn't feel pressured or guilted by my more active libido. I feel pity for them, they may never feel the intensity I feel.

    Treating another human, especially one you are supposed to love above all others, with respect is a very manly and gentlemanly thing to do. Sitting to use the WC at home is responsible and prevents accidental seat up's. It is not emasculating to me, because I don't associate standing with masculinity. It's a convenience in public, but that's all.

    Coming a bit too quickly sometimes. I did feel a little emasculated until I talked it out with my wife. Better than taking too long. So if that's best for her, then, again I'm respectful of her needs. Doing the right thing by her, and being a thoughtful lover. That is so powerful that I cannot feel emasculated by it, I have to embrace it. What is more manly than being a perfect gentleman.


    It's all about perspective.
     
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    #77 Chaz69, May 6, 2022
    Well said Jah, there's room for everybody in this chaste club, including guys who don't need to be emasculated, feminized or sissified. I realize that a lot of guys are into that, but it's not mandatory.
     
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    #78 Guest 6019, May 6, 2022
    I feel a poll coming on.....yay!
     
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  4. longtallsally
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    #79 longtallsally, May 6, 2022
    Thank you! I agree about the social pressure. Not so sure about the 2 or 4 weeks at a time because I'm not sure that will be pleasurable for either of us. I had another big chat with him tonight and will try to share some more detail tomorrow or Sunday. Sal.
     
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    #80 longtallsally, May 6, 2022
    So much to think about here! Sal.
     
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    #81 longtallsally, May 6, 2022
    Thank you. I agree this is quite complicated for My Pete, but also for me too. I think we're both trying to work out what we want. Sal
     
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    #82 longtallsally, May 7, 2022
    Yet more helpful insights! We had a big talk again tonight. Hope to post some more later in the weekend.
     
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    #83 Guest 6019, May 7, 2022
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    #84 bondinchas, May 7, 2022
    For a man who's not done chastity very much before, the expectation on being uncaged is being able to have piv and an orgasm.

    It's good to work towards breaking that link between being unlocked and the denial not necessarily ending.
    When you do break that connection, longer periods without orgasm become possible, and make it easier to progress to getting him into the "happy hormone" state where he'll do anything for you, and you'll both not want his chastity to end.
     
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    #85 Guest 6019, May 7, 2022
    Good point. I discovered that I wanted to break the link on my own, but if he is slightly reluctant now, he may need the reward of an orgasm more. Long tall daily Sally edging sessions might help. Getting him to enjoy the long slow drawn out process, and feel that each time it gets more fun and more intense. Then he will want to try for longer. Say you told him he would have the best orgasm ever in 5 days. A clear goal. A challenge if you like. He will rise to the challenge.
     
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    #86 longtallsally, May 7, 2022
    Thank you for the responses to my last post. It's all a bit intense at the moment.

    My Peter is sleeping like a baby and it's 5am and I'm completely wound up and unable to sleep. Last night, while I was cooking, I made sure I was wearing nice, slightly revealing clothes and gave him lots of little kisses, and asked if we could continue our discussion.

    That was the next surprise. I thought I had mentally rehearsed exactly what I was going to say but instead he launched straight in again! He told me that one of the reasons he enjoyed being caged, despite all the things that worried him, was that while he was in it, he felt aroused, partly because he found the whole thing a turn on and partly because he knew I was excited by it. He felt very unsure about not being able to get hard but it also made him focus his attention there, which made him even more excited.

    He also said he had a feeling of relief, in that with it on he felt he didn't have to make any decisions. He said he spent all his time at work making decisions and in our home life too, about financial stuff and fixing and organising things and that he was about to have to do a lot more for his parents. When I had asked him to wear it overnight, he'd felt aroused but also relieved that he didn’t have to do or decide anything, and had found our warmth and chatting in bed that night lovely and close.

    Thanks to the advice from someone else on this forum, having sympathised with his wanting to not have to take all the decisions all the time, I said that I thought we might experiment with us not always making everything lead towards penetrative sex and his orgasms, but while he was locked we could do lots of
    other things that we might both enjoy, just for the joy of doing them together, and not because they need to lead anywhere. And I said I’d find it really exciting to decide carefully about what he and I might really enjoy. And I said I also found the idea of unlocking him very exciting too.

    At last, I used the line I'd gone over in my head again and again Looking straight at him, I put my hand at the very top of his thigh (we were sitting in the kitchen at the table) and I said, "Just for a while, I want you to trust me to lock you and unlock you. And I want you to let me decide when you can get hard and when you can come." He looked like a frightened rabbit (as did I, I expect) and we had a long silence. I asked him if he was ok, but I could tell he was was rather obviously excited. Oh my. Big moment. Still looking at him I gave a little squeeze and we had a kiss. Totally magical. But ambiguous and I couldn't bear to ask him what he felt in case it broke the spell.

    Moving swiftly on, I said I’d been thinking of some do’s and don’ts and asked him what things would especially worry him.
    He said that he’d seen stuff online which was cruel and painful or really humiliating and emasculating. He mentioned dignity and mutual respect. I reassured him again that I love him and want to excite him and not be cruel or to feminise him.

    I said I'd write down a list of ground-rules that we could talk about. So now I have my homework to do, which will be based on my previous post here, which in turn was based on lots of advice in this forum. I think this might be going too fast but I also think that a lot of this has been bubbling away for a while. I won't rush the homework.

    Sal.
     
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    #87 bondinchas, May 7, 2022
    Last edited: May 7, 2022
    "Long silence"...

    That could be a very good thing.
    I can give you my male perspective.

    I used to find it very difficult to not top from the bottom; When you adjust to becoming more submissive, one way to deal and cope with achieving that is to say nothing, to let your key holder make the statements, make the decisions. By making any statement in that moment of being told what to do, I often think I might ruin the whole dynamic by saying just one wrong word, so I often find it best to say nothing. What might be more accuratly happening when it's all so intense, is I just don't know what to say in those moments, so silence should be understood to be submissive agreement.

    The silence can also be a positive feedback that you're doing it right, If he had a firm objection, he'd be saying so, but part of the enjoyment of allowing a trusted partner to make those decisions is being made to do things you wouldn't choose to do, but which have a big potential to provide their own unique and even more satisfying outcomes.

    That's the important thing - trust.
    Without it, you wouldn't let anyone else lock up your bits and deny you pleasure, but because you trust that other person, you do, and you get rewarded with both a lot more of different kinds of pleasure, and also... and this is a big one... that giving of trust and you honouring it generates even more trust. It's an amazing journey.
     
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    #88 spider203, May 7, 2022
    I would take the long silence as a yes in slow motion, if he was against it he would have said no without taking a breath.
     
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    #89 bondinchas, May 7, 2022
    He seems to have an underlying concern about not getting erect. There are no health issues on that score, long periods of chastity don't cause internal damage, there's sometimes some temporary shrinkage or the first erection might be softer or smaller, but it very soon goes back to normal once it's used a couple of times, regardless of how long it was locked up for.

    What you could do is agree to let him out every so often for an erection.

    But of course, you can choose when to let him realise that an erection doesn't mean he'll necessarily be having an orgasm!
     
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    #90 Guest 6019, May 7, 2022
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    #91 Chaz69, May 7, 2022
    I think you got him Sal, now just reel him in slowly, lol !!!
     
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    #92 longtallsally, May 7, 2022
    Last edited: May 7, 2022
    Thank you. Trust seems to be incredibly important. And I think I interpreted the silence the same way as you did. He was excited. And if he wasn't content to go along with it, I think he would have said. I've been feeling so stomach flippy today! Sal.
     
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    #93 longtallsally, May 7, 2022
    Fingers crossed, but I think your right. Sal.
     
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    #94 Chaz69, May 7, 2022
    @longtallsally Thanks for keeping us updated Sal, following your story is WAY better than watching any reality show on TV. I do hope you keep at it and I do hope it all works out for the best, and PLEASE don't stop posting updates!!!
     
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    #95 OwedbyJM, May 7, 2022
    I think in the male mind control is a key issue and a double sided sword. When a male is accustomed to having it, it is very hard to give up. Even if that’s what you want must, a brake from the responsibilities that come with it. Chastity is giving the most Personal control and in some cases the very way a male views himself and his manhood. Sounds like Pete is starting to enjoy the ride, but may not be ready to admit it you or himself. As mentioned, a slow and even approach is best. However, the cage(which becomes a symbol of the lack of control) does become addictive as others have mentioned. It has a way of changing perspectives and outlooks… Self pleasure becomes taking energy out of the relationship and loses its appeal. Sounds like you are communicating well together which is a side benefit of chastity. Continue being loving and seeing his side and my guess is he will not want to be unlocked before long…
     
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  21. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    #96 longtallsally, May 7, 2022
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    #97 Chaz69, May 7, 2022
    I don't think I'd advise going with a contract yet, if I were you. Most of the stuff that people write in these contracts requires the guy to be in a really submissive place and I doubt that Pete is anywhere near that yet, I know I'm not. Just keep communicating. I believe Pete WANTS this, he just doesn't KNOW it yet.
     
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  23. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    #98 longtallsally, May 7, 2022
    That's so nice of you! I was a bit sceptical about looking for advice here but people have been very helpful, especially as I've been asking newbie questions. I've also had a friend helping me - she has some experience with this. I'm honestly not sure I would be doing this without the support! Thanks, Sal.
     
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    #99 longtallsally, May 7, 2022
    Yes, all I was going to do was write out some ground rules, mainly to reassure him. The things that are really important to him are important to me too, so I want to take some of the stress away if I can.

    Sal.
     
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    #100 longtallsally, May 7, 2022
    Thank you!
     
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