Deep breath. And... relax. Here goes

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by longtallsally, May 1, 2022.

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  1. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    @handsolo You literally made me snort my tea. I actually had some tea come out of my nose. Sal
     
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  2. handsolo
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    handsolo Long term member

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    Apologies, and you're welcome.
     
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  3. little_dude
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    little_dude Active member

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    Just tea? Now I have strange assumptions... Never mind
     
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  5. iome343
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    iome343 Long term member

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    I'm waiting too ☺️
     
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  6. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Dear, lovely CM people,
    Sorry for the silence. My Pete's dad died at the beginning of November. We're ok but lots to deal with emotionally and practically, so everything else is on hold. My Pete did mention yesterday that he'd like us to get back to normal as soon as we can 'but the chastity thing might take a few weeks'. I'll try to drop in here every week or so with a quick update. Love to all. xx Sal
     
  7. maid julie
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    maid julie Long term member

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    I was wondering what was going on. It was so not like you to hear from you. so sorry to hear that. Our prayers and thoughts are with all of you. Hang in there and do what you need to. Family comes first
     
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  8. maid julie
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    maid julie Long term member

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    We look forward to hearing about how you to are doing when you are ready
     
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  9. Open2njoy
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    Open2njoy Long term member

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    @longtallsally My sincere condolences to you both. Family comes first. Come back when you’re comfortable.
     
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  10. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    That sucks. So sorry for your family's loss. Of course that trumps any chastity play. You will know when Pete needs a little "normality" (like this is normal, lol).
     
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  11. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    My heart goes out to you both Sal.
     
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  12. anasyrma
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    anasyrma Long term member

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    Very sorry to hear. You are in all our thoughts!
    I've been looking after my mother after a stay in hospital so I haven't been active on here for a couple of months.
     
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  13. iome343
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    iome343 Long term member

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    I am sorry for your loss, I hope you will be able to resume your life soon.
    We will be waiting for you.

    I, personally, appreciate your interventions even when I don't give us updates and if you would like to drop by I will be glad
     
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  14. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Thanks again to everyone for the well-wishes. It's meant a lot. And all of a sudden, it feels like we're on the squirmy, exciting chastity rollercoaster again - way before I was expecting it.

    So the funeral is behind us. My Pete's mum is doing well, she has her friends around her and My Pete's brother and sister, who were a bit hopeless when it came to the formal stuff, have really wonderfully stepped in helping and fussing over her. The last few days we've been getting back to normal and able to relax again.

    We were lying in bed last night, talking about this and that. We had a lovely long kiss and agreed that we'd missed our usual physicality. He said he'd found the last few weeks especially stressful because on top of everything else, he'd needed to lead on all the practical arrangements as well as having to be responsible for some stuff at work that had been difficult. He said he was looking forward to 'taking a bit of a back seat on some things'. Given that we'd just been kissing, and we were in bed, I had a strong feeling that he was hinting that he might want me to 'take back control'. (We laugh about this phrase here in Britain because our politicians used to use it in an entirely different context!) But given everything's that been going on, I decided not to say anything and just take things slowly.

    But when we turrned off the light to go to sleep, after a while, I was still awake and I thought I heard him playing with himself. He knows I'm not keen on him doing that when I'm nearby - it makes me feel a bit unwanted. I listened for a bit and then quietly said, "is that you?" He just said, "sorry" and I reminded him how I felt about him doing that next to me but said given what we've gone through lately, I wasn't annoyed but just a bit disappointed. (I was reasonably lighthearted about it). We kissed and said goodnight again and this time I did fall asleep, so I don't know whether he continued.

    This morning, I woke before him and thought about what had happened. I decided to leave out the cage, as well the key on its little chain (which I haven't worn for the last few weeks), in the bathroom. I thought that if he felt ready, he'd put it on, and if he didn't, he'd just put it away again. When he came back from the bathroom, he was dressed and when I went and checked, I noticed the cage and key weren't anywhere to be seen. I found him in the kitchen, tickled the back of his neck and gave him a big kiss. I pulled him towards me and immediately felt the cage. He'd put it on!

    I asked him how it felt. He said 'just right'. I said that I'd missed it, but especially the feeling of control, and he said he felt the same way. He told me that he'd played with himself in bed yesterday, hoping that I'd realise what he was doing and would want to lock him! He said he'd reported to that when I hadn't taken his earlier hint about him wanting to 'take a back seat' for a while. We laughed and kissed.

    This afternoon, he said his hair was getting caught under the ring, so we had a shower together and I shaved him. It felt warm and intimate and exciting. While I was paying attention to detail, he was obviously aroused. I said that I thought that we should lock him just for a day or two while we get back into our project and he just said that all he wanted was for me to decide. He said the thought of taking no decisions and not having to be responsible for a while was just what he wanted, if that would be ok with me. I said it was absolutely fine, and realised at the same time that I was excited too. And then, with me kneeling in front of him rubbng in some cream while he sat on the edge of the bath, he suddenly let his guard completely down.

    He told me that he has often gone through phases of performance anxiety that he'd found quite upsetting. I said that I'd never noticed, or realised - which is absolutely true! Having sex with me never seems to have been an issue, or at least no more of an issue than just the occasional time, like anyone else. I asked him what I could do differently because the last thing I want is for him to feel anxious about having sex together. He told me that it wasn't anything to do with me (phew!) but that he'd had a really unpleasant experience at university where he'd split up with someone rather messily and she had shouted at him in front of loads of people that he was hopeless/ couldn't satisfy her etc. He said that even though he knew it wasn't true, just thinking about it the next time he was with someone, had made it into a self-fulfilling prophecy, at least for a while.

    I reassured him that I'd never had any inkling of this and that everything had always seemed to work perfectly. He said that over the years he'd got a lot better about it so that by the time he met me he was pretty ok, but always just a bit anxious at the back of his mind. But he said one of the loveliest and most erotic things in the last year was when I had said to him that I was going to take responsibility for his erections and his orgasms, and that whether he was soft or hard should be up to me and not up to him. Apparently, I had told him that I wanted to completely take the lead on this and I didn't want him to even think about it. I told him I found it exciting that we trusted each other this way. He told me the effect on him was incredibly special ( he said, "liberating"!) - that he felt he didn't have to care at all whether everything 'worked' and that this was a wonderful feeling! I asked him if this feeling extended to when I asked (or 'allowed') him to have ordinary sex with me and he said it did, because it was in the context of his sexuality being in my control, which took all the need for 'performance' away. He also said that his worry about being 'premature' had gone as well, because it seemed that I almost expected that response from him if he'd been denied for a while, which meant it was ok. And he said that being 'commanded' to come or to delay allowed him to just relax and not have to think at all, only to feel. And he mentioned when he had used the strapon to enter me, which he had found disturbing but profoundly erotic because he could think solely about my pleasure while feeling as mentally aroused as he'd ever felt in his life. We were quiet fro a bit, and then he kissed my fingers and said, "I love submitting to you". Those words, eeek! I think he saw me looking a bit unsure (actually more aroused than I'd expected to be), so he added, "in bed, that is".

    By now I was very aroused - and I knew he could tell. We went and lay back on the bed, but I asked him to give me the key and with a lot of patience and some frozen peas, we wrangled the cage on together. At last, that blissful moment of turning the lock and putting the necklace back on. I'd hadn't realised how much I'd this. It's not just the lock of course, but the feeling of control and also the amazing intimacy. I put my hand on his head briefly - our signal, which he recognised immediately.

    So, he's used the 's'-word and I know we both found it exciting. Oh dear. Much to think about. Sal.
     
  15. maid julie
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    maid julie Long term member

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    Glad to hear that your back in control again and having fun. We have missed you
     
  16. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    Welcome back Sal.
     
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  17. boo
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    boo Long term member

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    from bedroom to life is a rather easy transition. Grow grow grow, he needs you!
     
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  18. Open2njoy
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    Open2njoy Long term member

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    @longtallsally Welcome back! You’ve both been through an intense, emotional experience and it’s normal for your Pete to want to get back to a sense of what’s become his new normal with you. The fact that he admitted to you that he desires to be submissive to you is huge given his past reluctance to admit his deepest desires. Chastity is incredibly liberating when practiced with a loving partner and by your account here, you are a very loving partner. Embrace it and enjoy the journey you’re both destined to share.
     
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  19. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Thank you. Honestly, I don't know whether he meant, 'I love submitting to you...' occasionally , or often, or just in bed, other times too... I didn't want to ask but will just gradually find out. And I'm also a bit confused in my own mind about which I'd most enjoy, which of course is itself dependent on which he'd most enjoy, which in trun is dependent on which I'd most enjoy... etc etc. I might be overthinking again. Sal
     
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  20. SlaveBoy73
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    SlaveBoy73 Long term member

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    Your power over him may start to creep into daily mundane things.

    You can experiment by saying,”now Pete, I expect xyz to be done by 5pm or perhaps a punishment is in order...” just to gauge the reaction.
     
  21. maid julie
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    maid julie Long term member

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    He played with himself next to you hoping that you would catch him and tell him to lock up. He wants you in charge of this. Your his key holder so run with it how ever you want whenever you want I’m sure that you know him well enough to know when he really needs out versus he wants out. You have proven that sending him out with his friends secured and I believe that he even thanked you for it later
     
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  22. Open2njoy
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    Open2njoy Long term member

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    Submission is a gift that fully reveals itself over time by both of you. It doesn’t require overthinking but it does require open and honest communication. He needs to be honest enough to let you know if you’re exceeding his comfort level and you need to respect that. I’m willing to bet you have done everything right to reach this point because you’ve kept his pleasure and interests (as well as yours) foremost in this experience.
     
  23. Jay Sub
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    Jay Sub Married with Cage

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    Just a thought. Stop being too concerned about "spoiling the illusion". Pete knows full well that this is a consentual game, that you both have to buy into for it to grow. Remember he's the love of your life in a normal vanilla sense too. You are very mindful of his feelings, are you also mindful of your own, and making sure that you get a break as well. I know my wife sometimes needs a couple of days not to have to think about it at all. I think if he did come on here, he'd be even more proud and amazed as we all are by you.
     
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  24. Jay Sub
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    Jay Sub Married with Cage

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    And her not thinking about it for her, means I'm learning to deal with no attention at all, still caged and being good, which is healthy for me. I do need to be less needy.
     
  25. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    This morning we had a shower together and while we were drying off, I suggested it was time to reinstate the measurements. I asked him to 'pop yourself on the chair for me' and he immediately trotted off and got into position with his legs over the arms of the armchair. I'd forgotten how much I love being able to just ask him and he does what I ask! I know that having his legs apart in that position makes him feel especially vulnerable, so I made sure to take my time and fiddle about with notebook and tape measure. I also made sure to say how the whole process would be so much easier if Laura were around to hold stuff for me. It was nice to see some of the frightened rabbit look return. Length, girth, hardness and then I get him to stand and we do the angle. He's always very keen to leave the ring on when we do this - I think it makes him a little harder, or perhaps just gives him confidence? I let him put himself away and call me over once he was ready to be locked. I really enjoy the measurement ritual.

    After he'd gone out for the day, I went to the bathroom and what should I find on the little table in there? He'd left out one of the dildos (oh my, how I hate that word). I actually laughed out loud when I saw it. I know he is telling me something but I'm not sure exactly what. I noticed it was the the one he'd bought that was significantly larger than him. For me to use on my own? In front of him?

    Sal
     
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