Deep breath. And... relax. Here goes

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by longtallsally, May 1, 2022.

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  1. Open2njoy
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    Open2njoy Long term member

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    @longtallsally To answer your question, cold doesn’t really affect arousal. I believe it simply constricts the blood vessels making it difficult to sustain an erection. I’m sure throughout the entire conversation he was incredibly aroused.

    It will be interesting to see what options he has to offer for your fulfillment. Quizzing him about the pros and cons of each option should also be illuminating. Remind him that you’re only having this discussion because he’s a habitual masturbator who seemingly would rather play with a penis then use it to satisfy you sexually.
     
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  2. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    My Pete's 5 suggestions for filling Sal
    (I thought I'd try a title for once, since I seem to be writing whole essays here)

    Just a reminder. My Pete was bad last weekend. We had the Big Talk on Wednesday, and I told him that he wouldn’t be coming for at least a month. There were several other things I told him, which I mentioned in my crazy-long post yesterday.

    Since he’s been spending decent periods in chastity, he’s become practised and attentive with his tongue and fingers but I’m missing straight sex, which we don’t have as much as we used to. Also, when he’s uncaged, he’s more sensitive (and desperate) than he used to be, so he comes too quickly for me to be able to fully enjoy myself. What’s worked really well though, is on release days, having him come really quickly (on his own or with my help) and then making love ‘properly’ a couple of hours later. This ‘double orgasm method’ as we call it has been satisfying for us both. However, because of this ‘no orgasms for a month’ rule, that isn’t going to work. I told him that although I really appreciate and love what he does with his mouth and hands, I ache for the sensation of being properly filled.

    I asked him to come up with five possible solutions for us to discuss, which we did this afternoon. I’d asked him to write them out and I can’t remember ever having seen him so nervous and distracted. I asked him to read me his ideas while we lay on the bed, just in our underwear - me with my hand on his cage.

    He started by saying how sorry he was for what he’d done. I just said that it was ok, but there needed to be consequences, some of which we discussed a few days ago, and some we were going to discuss now. I asked him to go ahead and tell me his ideas and I said we would talk about the pros and cons of each of them (thanks for the suggestion @Open2njoy ). Throughout all the following conversation I had to keep coaxing him – I didn’t know at that point why he was quite so uncomfortable while I was finding the whole experience delightfully erotic.

    His first suggestion was that I could use the dildo he’d tried on me recently. I asked him about the pros and cons, and he said that on the plus side it was something we already have, but on the downside, he had the feeling I didn’t like it very much and that it felt like something I might do on my own rather than with him. He was right about how I felt about it (see earlier post).

    I asked him for the next on his list. He looked a bit sheepish but suggested that maybe he could use the dildo on me. He said he realised it was basically the same idea, but the advantage was that it would involve us both. I said I agreed that it wouldn’t be so much fun on my own.

    His third suggestion was to try either of the first two options but with something substantially larger, ‘so I’d feel completely filled’. I could tell he was feeling very fragile, although I didn’t know why, so I told him the truth – that I didn’t need anything bigger than him to feel quite filled enough. He looked relieved (men are so simple!) but for some reason still incredibly nervous.

    I asked him to continue. Now I could see he was trembling a little and I wondered what he had in mind! He suggested a dildo again (I hadn’t been able to imagine anything other than dildos, either) but he suggested that he could wear it as a strap-on, so it would feel to me that he was much more involved. I must admit I felt curious about how it would feel, especially if he got one of the realistic kinds and warmed it up first. I immediately started wondering how he would feel about it. I don’t like the word, but ‘mindfuck’ is what I thought. I asked him about the pros and cons. He said he thought I might enjoy it more because we’d both be ‘in it together’. I asked him how he would feel, and he said that he thought it would be the most humiliating and weird thing he’s ever done. I could tell it was something that would be very strange for him (and me) but I immediately said something like, “Well you should have thought about that before you broke your promise last weekend!”.


    I was about to say that this fourth idea seemed like something we should try, when I realised there was still another one to hear. I caught his eye, and he looked like a caricature of someone being incredibly anxious. He was kind of gnawing at his lower lip and squirming around - I could tell it was involuntary. I didn’t know what was going on, so I asked if he was ok. He said, “Not really”. I asked him to tell me what was wrong, but he was just quiet. So I asked him to tell me the fifth one and then we could go and have a cup of tea or something. He looked at me and said, “You could ask someone else to fill you. Maybe that’s what you want?” He was completely wound up, almost shaking and I thought maybe angry too. I felt my mouth go dry. I had wanted him to be a bit humiliated and squirmy, but I hadn’t wanted to put him through this! Of course, this explained his nervousness!

    I immediately called him a daft bugger (a term of affection in England) and made it very clear indeed that the only live appendage I wanted inside me was his, so I was dismissing his silly fifth suggestion immediately. I said we’d already talked about this cuckolding worry of his before, and quite recently too. I reassured him again and again that having another man was absolutely out of the question. I told him that what I wanted was him inside me and that once ‘this month or two’ (no harm in having some doubt about the timing) is over, I was looking forward to going back to the ‘double orgasm method’ and enjoying each other properly again. I said that’s what I wanted more than anything, but in the meantime, we would try some of his other suggestions. I said I was especially keen on him trying the strap-on because as he said, it involves us both and would be a proper squirmy punishment for a pretty bad misdemeanour. I said that I wanted him to buy a ‘nice little harness’ and something to pop into it which he thinks I would like. And I told him again to put the whole cuckolding thing out of his mind.

    He looked so relieved! I nearly cried from the release of tension but managed to hold it back and just said, ‘Well done’. I went and had a slightly sniffly moment in the kitchen and then came back to reassure him again but also explained that if I managed what I intended, the next ‘month or two’ would be very frustrating indeed for him. I asked him how he felt, and I could see that he was practically crying too. He said he felt much happier and less scared but worried about what it might be like with the strap-on. I just smiled, and kissed him and said “Well, we’ll find out, won’t we. Remember to order the bits and pieces”.

    As he was going out this evening, I stopped him and kissed him and said I just wanted to check that he was dressed properly. I asked him to just drop his trousers and show me the cage. I’ve discovered that doing these spontaneous ‘spot checks’ makes him squirm but also that he finds it exciting. I find the feeling of control very erotic, and he knows it.

    I know my posts are too long. It’s my way of ordering everything in my head.

    Sal.
     
  3. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    And I forgot to say... When I had his trousers down and I was checking him as he was going out, I said we'd forgotten to talk about a sixth possibility. That one is using numbing cream on him and a condom so that he could be suitably punished but still fill me. I said that I realised we hadn't had much luck with that so far, but i said I thought we should try again. He looked suitably worried! Sal
     
  4. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    I think I speak for everyone when I say that maybe your posts aren't long enough. Please go on!
     
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  5. maid julie
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    maid julie Long term member

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    Yes we do enjoy your posts. I was thinking about the numbing cream the whole time that I was reading your last post I was also thinking about warming the dildo for you first
    I can tell you that it is a strange feeling using the dildo and harness on my wife and feeling nothing myself But it bad. I know that I am pleasing her and that is what matters
     
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  6. Open2njoy
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    Open2njoy Long term member

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    @longtallsally That must have been an erotic conversation for both of you! I’m surprised he didn’t mention the condom and numbing cream option as well. Perhaps he thought that would mean uncaging him and therefore off limits.

    I have to congratulate you on the way you handled the cuckolding option. Had you accepted that option or even been noncommittal about it, it would have shattered him - and he’d live in constant fear of you cheating on him. He needs a lot of assurance that he’s your partner and lover especially while in chastity. So, once again your intuition stood you in good stead.
     
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  7. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    I wondered about that and while he had his trousers down (around his ankles for the double feeling of control, because he can't even walk away!) asked him about that. He said that he hadn't mentioned it because he thought it hadn't gone well last time and that he didn't think I liked the idea. He was right, sort of. I actually have mixed feelings but would be open to giving it a try because several people here have recommended it (including @Jessica Alexander who seems to be right about most things). I like the idea of it, a lot. The idea of having him inside me but unable to come is exciting. It's just the practical side of things I find a bit yucky - creams and gloves and condoms and things. He also said that he'd interpreted my challenge as meaning that I should feel filled in ways other than by him. I'm all the more keen to try this now - during this week I think - he should be fairly desperate by then.
    I'd be grateful for any tips on getting this to work. My main worry is that he won't be able to stay hard when he's numbed and will get upset. I'd also be grateful for any tips on the other thing I want us to try - with him with a strap-on while he's caged. (I can't believe I'm saying this). Any suggestions for making it more fun and slightly less worrying? (I might post this question to the more general part of the forum too)
    Sal
     
  8. BarbCD
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    BarbCD Long term member

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    I agree with the others that your posts are not at all too long.

    Of the leading options (strap on or desensitized penis) my suggestion is to give the numbing crème and condom another try. Maybe just have him apply the crème and condom himself and then present to you. 10-20 minutes if foreplay and cuddling while it becomes effective would benefit you both. But to your mutual benefit it is still HIM inside you and the close physical proximity….but he simply won’t orgasm. I expect he will get much pleasure by providing you an O with his own penis even if he doesn’t get one.

    But one thing we’ve all learned here is that you have a remarkably good sense of yourself, your Pete and your relationship so my number one suggestion is go with what feels best to you. Your “daft bugger” comment was perfect.
     
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  9. Open2njoy
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    Open2njoy Long term member

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    @longtallsally You have mentioned several times how you write to sort out your thoughts. Perhaps you could suggest he keep a daily journal of his honest thoughts, emotions, fears, and desires while he’s caged. Assure him that it’s to be a safe space to help you both make the most of this lifestyle and avoid any pitfalls that might cause hurt feelings down the road.

    Both of your two top options require a little extra effort in preparation but remind him it’s because of his masturbation habit.
     
  10. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    You read our minds! I suggested it a while back - just an occasional diary that he could keep and he told me he already was. I hope he'll show it to me one day. Sal.
     
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  11. ChasteCel
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    In the earlier post you called this a "mindfuck". That's precisely what it is for me - all of the motion and none of the sensations. It's insanely frustrating to be in a position where you're hearing your wife moan and squirm and breath heavy and make all of the normal sounds ... and you're feeling nothing except maybe some occasionally "tapping" depending on how the motions are going.

    For some background - I first suggested a strap on to my wife under similar circumstances - she wasn't going to let me out of the cage due to behavior, but she really wanted intercourse. We also haven't had a ton of luck with numbing cream, mostly due to lack of practice there. We've done it a bunch since because - like your Pete - my stamina is pretty bad nowadays and she sometimes just wants "a good, long, filling" time.

    All that said, its one of the things I like the most too. I like being able to go a lot longer than I have been able to in years. I like how she responds and really enjoys herself. We've tried a few different dildos over the years, and the one we have now she really likes (its not 'life like", because she's not fond of that, but it has some ridges and bumps and such for extra stimulation - there are a lot of options out there).

    So I think you and Pete are in for some fun times over the next month! Best of luck!


    I do have a few thoughts and suggestions:
    (a) If you need to use lube, think about getting one (water based!) that's also edible. My wife likes telling me to switch it up between eating her and fucking her, she gets all sorts of stimulation from it. And honestly since we're usually in missionary, it helps my arms recover a bit if I'm going down on her for a bit. I've switched back and forth several times in a session. If you don't need extra lube, even better! Just get him to go back and forth ;)

    (b) Think about a vibrating cock ring ... on the dildo. Dunno if you've tried this with The Real Thing, but you can totally use it on a dildo too, and enjoy it.

    (c) The first (maybe first couple) times trying it may be a little difficult to get everythign working right. Since he's caged, the dildo isn't exactly where his penis would be. My harness (I highly recommend btw) positions the dildo a little bit higher than normal, so it takes a bit to get used to getting a rhythm right. He also literally can't feel anything so may need some extra help with positioning and getting the dildo uh, in the right place. Just know it going in and have fun with it!

    (d) Finally, remember that the limitation here is how tired his arms/legs/etc get, not how quickly he comes. So changing it up a bit and try some different positions here and there. It may let the whole thing go longer!

    Enjoy!

    PS - the length of your posts is exactly right, neither too short or too long. Especially if it's helping you sort through feelings and thoughts. Please don't feel you have to stop!
     
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  12. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Oh my gosh! This is exactly what we needed! Thank you!! And thanks for the harness recommendation too. May I ask, mentally, did you find it upsetting at all, or just fun and a bit weird? Sal
     
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  13. anasyrma
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    anasyrma Long term member

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    Great progress Sal! Do you have a rule in place where Pete is not allowed to ask to be unlocked or otherwise mention being caged? If not, I think it would help to emphasize your control over him. If he brings up the subject without your prompting first, you can extend his lock up time a day or so each time.
     
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  14. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Thanks for your kind comment about progress. I think the reason I've been posting quite a bit the last few days is not just because there's been a lot going on (and My Pete's been out of the house a fair bit) but also because it bolsters my confidence! When I read back what I've written, I do sound like I'm completely in charge and know where I'm going. Actually, half the time I feel I'm going to be rumbled any minute and in truth, i only know the general direction, not the destination.
    Several people have suggested some sort of penalty when he askes about being unlocked. There's a simple reason why I haven't done this, which is... that I really enjoy it when he asks me, and I enjoy it even more when he begs, and I am completely thrilled when he's begging and not putting on an act. It is one of the things I find most exciting and arousing about the whole chastity thing. It gives me a feeling of power and control over the most intimate aspect of someone who is physically much, much more powerful than me. I completely understand that other people are different (thank goodness for that!) but I wouldn't want to do anything to discourage him from asking because having the power to say 'no', (or once in a while, 'yes') is a major turn-on.
    Sal
     
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  15. anasyrma
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    anasyrma Long term member

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    It's evident from your writing that you are getting more and more confident. I personally am enjoying reading your detailed description of what you get up to, how Pete reacts to different things and what you are feeling.
    I get your point about enjoying letting Pete ask and you saying no. Based on that then perhaps the opposite suggestion could work; how about you add to his caged time if he DOESN'T ask about being released on a given day, but don't tell him you are doing this. Eventually it might encourage him to ask more!
     
  16. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    A late start for work for both of us both this morning. Nice leisurely breakfast which feels like a luxury on a weekday. The last few days have felt quite charged, so this felt especially nice. Happy, splashy shower together. I unlocked him to wash him and took the ring off to shave underneath it to stop it chafing. He got excited immediately and asked when he might be able to come. I said he should consider himself extremely lucky that I was allowing it even to get hard. It was all very giggly. Then I reminded him that last week I'd said he was getting a bit unkempt and I'd like to see him with a hair cut or at least a substantial trim. I splashed out of the shower and got scissors, shaving cream and a razor and said I'd watch because it would be fun, and to make sure he didn't play with himself. He asked how much to take off and I just said, enough so I can see our property properly. I thought he'd complain about the whole feminisation thing, but instead he treated me like an indulgent uncle whose niece had just asked for extra sweeties.

    I loved watching him concentrate, and especially the moment right at the start when he asked me if it was ok to hold it out of the way so he could trim properly. I think he's feeling contrite and doesn't want to do anything wrong but I loved that he asked me. If anything, he took more off than I would. While he was doing it, I told him how much I enjoyed watching him and how I liked the idea that it would feel a little different and be a constant reminder. He said the cage was already enough of a constant reminder!

    So, now there's quite a big area that's completely shaved, including all round the base of it, and the rest is really short. I cupped my hand underneath him and told him (truthfully) that I loved how it felt; exposed and smooth, and 'ours' rather than 'his'. And then, with the shower running and water splashing and everything - in the middle of all that, he said one of the loveliest things. It was something like, "I can tell you like it. I love that. The whole chastity thing - you really find it a turn-on, don't you? I do too, more than I ever thought I would, but a million times more because you do." And he thanked me for 'being ambitious about it'. We had a big shower-kiss followed by a closer inspection of his handiwork.

    I said his haircut made him look bigger (which is surprisingly true) and he looked so pleased. (Men!!! Again!!!) Then he asked me about the last time I'd measured it and how he'd interpreted me to have thought that he'd shrunk a bit. I was intentionally ambiguous at the time. He'd obviously been thinking about this - (just as people on this site said he would) and he asked me why I hadn't shown him the measurements like previous times? I could have said that he hadn't shrunk at all (which would have been the truth) but instead I told him that he was 'absolutely fine and I love the way he is', which is also true but probably not quite what he wanted to hear. I think he knows I'm messing with him but there's just enough doubt to up the ante on the inspection sessions. Of course I'll tell him the good news next time, but I'm hoping that will be with Laura and I want to make that as squirmy as possible. For goodness sake, it makes my tummy tie itself in knots, just thinking about it.

    I left the bathroom door open and let him wrangle the cage and then present himself (I love that phrase!) for locking. A quick twist of the key, bliss, and then a big kiss. I reminded him that he had an important purchase to make and said I'd text him the link to a recommended contraption (thank you @ChasteCel ) but suggested he do some research and have a little practice and "let me know how you get on".

    I gave his cage a little tug and packed him off to work. Which is where I need to go now - late shifts for the next few days.

    Sal
     
  17. ChasteCel
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    Happy to help! Oddly enough, after posting, my wife came home from errands and wanted some fun time using the strap-on. Weird coincidence :)

    Upsetting? No, I don't have really negative emotions associated with the experience. It is extremely frustrating. It is somewhat emotional, giving all that pleasure and feeling the deep aching to be touched and cum. Given some of what you've posted, I suspect your Pete is going to need some cuddling/aftercare afterwards. He's likely to be in a very emotional mindspace. I, personally, enjoy it, it makes me feel *very* submissive and in thrall to my wife, but he might respond a little differently.


    My wife is similar ... though she also at times tells me to "stop begging" and I might get punished if I don't. These times usually happen after several weeks of being locked up - so be prepared for it to happen and it might get on your nerves if you've had a bad day or such!
     
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  18. Conrad3
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    Conrad3 Active member

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  19. Headtrip
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    Great progress, Sal. Let me simply share a few of our growing lessons from the early days. Remember that my Queen brought Chastity to me, and had a Domme to guide her as well. I would bet she was nervous about "what to do next" several times and just never let on. She still won't, of course, but adds that she cannot believe how well this works (good sign that you are also on the right course).

    Hands: From the early days the rule was I will never touch my penis again. It is hers, not mine. There were several exceptions in the beginning but she is getting pretty good at it now. I might have been a bit more honest than your Pete and told her "sorry, babe, but I'm just a normal guy and cannot promise not to play with myself when left unlocked". She thinks that fully breaking that connection (of my touching and feeling pleasure) is essential and even puts the cage on herself (she does that for her own power trip, it was a pain at first). If I am free for a session I am always cuffed. If it is a Dr. appointment she is by my side. Indeed it is one of the few things I am not allowed to even comment on. I thought this was extreme at first, but as time goes on I think she was right (perhaps I am not as naturally submissive as Pete and need a bit stronger approach).

    She has never allowed me to self-masturbate, even to humiliate me, for the same reason. But I am glad it seemed to work for you (funny side story: she has me to the point where if she tells me to cum it happens, even with numbing cream or whatever. If she tried that now it would backfire in seconds!).

    I think you are picking #4 for all the right reasons. Be patient. We had to go through at least 3 dildo's before finding one that really worked for her. In the end a dual density that is a bit (not grossly) bigger than me and warmed up prior did the trick. We now use a Vixskin Ranger X. Expensive but worth every penny. The larger size, while humbling, doesn't bother me any more - it makes me happy to bring her happiness beyond my physical ability. I bet Pete would understand that too.

    Consider other toys/variety. My wife has so many ways to get off that "filling her" has never been an overriding concern: Hitachi Magic Wand, Njoy Pure wand (non powered), different vibrators, just riding against my cage, etc. She/we prefers it when I am involved, of course, but what she really loves is the variety (and for both of us it has turned "sex" into so much more than "PIV"). Perhaps you can offer him a (slightly) reduced sentence based on what toy he surprises you with and how well it works? It's a sneaky way to get him thinking more about your pleasure...

    PS: Combining that last thing, having him buy you toys, with my first comment: hands off, I just remembered that, in the early days, I got "points" (i.e. favors) for buying better cuffs or anything that improved security of my chastity for her. She quickly turned me into the creator of my own prison!

    Sorry to run on. As always, use what clicks and discard the rest. Either way keep it up you are doing great (you have come farther with Pete in several weeks than my Queen did with me in several months).
    Cheers!
     
  20. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Interesting text exchange today.
    "I feel very odd being smooth. I like that it makes me think of you a lot"
    "Sweet! I'm glad. I'm thinking of you too."
    "What are you thinking?"
    "That since it seems to be having the desired effect, you should complete the shaving job."
    "Oh"
    "Any luck with the purchase you needed to make?"
    "Yes - I did some research and it's all ordered. The things I do for you!"
    [Kisses, plus some more explicit things I've edited out!]

    He's ordered the contraption!

    Sal
     
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  21. maid julie
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    maid julie Long term member

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    Have fun and enjoy your ride
     
  22. OwedbyJM
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    OwedbyJM Active member

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    You both have came along ways. The cage is a great gate way to other things and a great sex life once the male excepts the reprograming. It’s difficult at times and a wild ride but worth it!
     
  23. Open2njoy
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    Open2njoy Long term member

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    Shaving has many advantages and he’s being completely honest when he says it reminds him of you. He should also finish the job because it will be more comfortable wearing the cage, sleeve, or strapon. It’ll also be a lot more erotic when you edge him with no pubic hair to get in the way. It’s a great step forward and the fact that he willingly did it for you speaks volumes.
     
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  24. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

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    That looks like a good harness! Make sure that everything is cinched tight when he (or you) puts it on or you will lose a great deal of the thrusting motion to the movement of the harness. You want it pulled as tight to the body as possible or you could easily lose a few inches of pull-out length. If you ever use it on him, you will have a new appreciation of how much effort goes into being the penetrator/thruster.

    When he uses it, it will feel good to him because it presses into his groin and has all the attributes of having sex except that he won't get enough to get to orgasm. He is very likely to work up quite a sweat as he subconsciously thinks if he tries hard enough that he may orgasm and if he sees that you are really enjoying it, it will turn him on immensely!

    If you really want to mess with him, name your toy and you can playfully say things like, "Wow, (insert name) is incredible and fills me like I've never been filled before" (or something along those lines). If your REALLY want to push his boundaries, try the 69 game where YOU wear the harness and you do to him whatever he does to you.

    Good luck and HAVE FUN!
     
  25. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Thank you! You've no idea how much your loud 'Have Fun' was what I needed to hear. I have been worrying about the harness contraption being all too mechanical. I think I'd like us to try the numbing cream first though - and thank you for your advice on that. Now I've got to pick my moment. He and I are ships that pass in the night at the moment because I'm doing late shifts this week. Sal
     
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