Deep breath. And... relax. Here goes

Another heatwave here, and I've agreed that he needn't wear the cage for the next few days. He says it gets truly uncomfortable and I believe him. I've said that although I know he can't control whether or not he gets hard spontaneously, I have said that I'll be very disappointed if he plays with himself, exceptionally disappointed if he comes and off-the-scale annoyed if he does it in bed while I'm asleep. I said if he does any of these things I would absolutely find out because he's hopeless at keeping secrets from me, and the punishment might not be fun for either of us.

I'm considering writing to my MP to tell him that he needs to vote for putting up carbon taxes as climate change is now affecting My Pete's chastity.

Sal

 

The trouble is, our bedroom gets very hot as we have a south-facing wall. We might give it a try though. And thank you for such kind words. I don't think I'd make a very good politician - I'd be wanting to order people about, but purely for selfish reasons. Oh... hang on a moment...
Sal.

 

If he doesn't manage to resist, I'll be massively surprised and impressed. If he doesn't, (which is what I expect), then I honestly think I'll find out, and then I can have the joy of implementing some suitable punishment. And I know there are plenty of people here willing to help me think of some. It's so hot here, I'm going to melt.

Sal

 

At last the weather has broken! (It's Wednesday now.) Our flat got quite unpleasantly warm at the weekend, as one wall bakes during the day and radiates at night. We got a bit tetchy with each other - nothing terrible and we both knew it was because we were too hot - but it meant I wasn't really in a mood to play. I'm not really a hot-weather girl. Because of the heat, we'd agreed that he would be uncaged until it got cooler.
What was interesting to me was that by Sunday evening, he'd mentioned the cage several times. I studiously pretended I hadn't noticed but I realise it, or something it represents, has become something quite important for him. And yes, I admit it, for me, too.

On Sunday night, we showered together - it was mercifully cool - and fell asleep on top of the bedclothes in our hot bedroom. I forgot to take my earrings off and one of them snagged when I rolled over, waking me up after about an hour. There was enough light in our bedroom so I looked over at MyPete and (you've guessed it) I could see his hand was on himself but not really moving . He was obviously aroused but I couldn't tell whether he was asleep! I whispered for him to stop but he didn't move. I waited a bit and, seeing he was still hard, I whispered, "Are you awake?". I wasn't really sure whether I wanted him to reply or not. This time, he responded with a simple "Yes" and slowly moved his hand away, maybe thinking I hadn't noticed where it had been. I said in my best schoolmarmish voice that we would talk about it in the morning and rolled over to go to sleep. Except both of us felt wound up. Eventually he said something like, "I just have to come. please?" I said that letting him out so he didn't chafe in the heat might not have been such a good idea and that no he absolutely couldn't come and that I wanted him to stop touching himself, especially in bed next to me. He was so aroused that I realised that asking him to resist, even though he knows I hate it when he plays with himself next to me, would have no effect.

I switched on the light and said how hot it was and that I was going to get something cooling. I came back with a bag of frozen Bird's Eye peas and said that we should get it tucked into its cage before things got any worse. He was absolutely throbbing - I felt sure now that he'd been playing with himself. And for the first time in my life I can now say from personal experience that frozen peas actually work - just like people on this forum said! He looked shocked and I told him not to move. I had previously fantasised about being able to make him soft on command, and although this isn't exactly what I'd imagined, I did suddenly feel powerful and totally in the role. When I thought he was soft enough, I just said, "Put the ring on for me". No 'please' or anything - and he just did it. A little more attention from Mr. Bird's Eye and I got the cage on, albeit with a little fiddling with a q-tip. I asked him to hold the cage together for me while I got the key off my necklace, and I made sure to look at him while I locked it. Blissful, controlling, powerful moment! I really wanted him to stew for a bit, so I said we would talk about this in a couple of days and that I would bring up the subject when I was ready.

It took me ages to get to sleep because I was so wound up, and I realised, very excited too. I thought of playing with myself, but lying next to him, I couldn't quite bring myself to do the very thing which I had told him not to do and had said I found so yucky. But then I thought that actually I'd love to do that because I know how frustrating he'd find it if he saw me, but by the time this had occurred to me, he was asleep. Another time.

So, that was Sunday night. It's now Wednesday and he's been in the cage since, other than when I washed him myself yesterday. As I was doing that, he started saying, "About the weekend..." I could tell he was nervous (and he's been very jumpy). But I just said as firmly as I could we'd talk about it when I'm ready. That will be tomorrow - although he doesn't know that yet. I asked Laura (my dommeish friend) what she thought and I've decided first of all to get him to admit his 'transgressions' -there were presumably more than the one I happened to see. Laura suggested that he shouldn't get to come for at least three weeks (she said preferably four) and can only get hard (ie have the cage off) when I'm there to supervise or when his hands are tied. She said that as this was a 'second offence' I might try some other things to see how he responds. She asked me to think carefully about the things that are 'triggers' for him. She gave me some examples. I need to sleep on them a bit as I do want to take him out of his comfort zone (and maybe mine) but not be horrid. Since using the Aneros thing, I've fantasised about pegging but I know that's way, way off. But compared with where I was (where we were) just a few months ago, I can't believe I'm even thinking about it. But as @Jessica Alexander pointed out - one can fantasise without having to actually do anything!

I'm a bit nervous now about tomorrow, but I've noticed I'm more nervous while I'm thinking about everything in advance than I am when we're together. I wonder if that's how professional actresses feel.

Sal

 

He texted earlier to say he might go for a drink with mates after work. I messaged him back to say that I'd really prefer him to come home first as we needed to talk about what happened at the weekend. He said he was feeling sorry and a bit scared. I'm afraid I responded, "Good. See you here at 7". I know his tummy will be churning. The trouble is, mine is too. I'm rehearsing my lines and I rang Laura for a chat. Only 2 hours...
Sal

 

Forgive this crazy-long post. As you know, I use the act of writing to get my thoughts straight and as a kind of therapy. Please forgive.

I was so nervous on Wednesday evening that I had to have another chat with Laura to run through a whole lot of little ideas, but mostly to talk me down. It reminded me of getting into a complete tizz before school plays where I had to put on an act, and my mum would calm me by just talking me through my lines. Nothing changes…

While Laura was on the phone, I took a deep breath and asked her whether she might in principle agree to being present one day when I’m inspecting and measuring My Pete. I know he would find that a huge turn-on but also massively scary. She said she’d had experience of this sort of thing, and she had three rules. First, that he and I would have to have discussed this and agreed in advance. Second, while watching him receiving some squirm-making attention or a caning (I didn’t tell her that we’d never done that before) might be fun for her and us, she absolutely did not want to watch or participate in anything that he and I do together. I would need to have my clothes on all the time. And third, she said it would only work if I completely took the lead and she was just present. She pointed out that it would be a disaster if he started following her lead rather than mine. I hadn’t thought about that, but I could see she was right.

She wished me luck for my meeting and told me to remember, above all else, to have fun! That was just what I needed to hear, and it suddenly made me feel a lot more confident. That and a couple of fairly poky gin and tonics (I don’t generally drink on my own!) I laid out the cane, the tape measure and notebook, the clamps, the numbing cream, the leash and also (suggestions from Laura) a pack of frozen peas and some of my underwear, all on the kitchen table. I dressed in my businessy clothes.

He came home just before 7 and I could immediately tell he was both excited and nervous but trying to disguise it. Honestly, he’s so transparent! He had some bluster about intending to go out later and asking how long we’d need for the conversation. But when we arrived in the kitchen, and he saw what was on the table, he immediately went quiet and just looked from one object to another. I explained told him that we would take as long as we needed to take, and I quite firmly sent him off to have a shower. He asked if I was going to join him and I said, rather curtly, that no I wasn’t but that I wanted to inspect and measure it before we talked. I’ve realised that this is another thing that emphasises me being in control. I told him he needn’t put his clothes back on and that when he was ready, he should get into ‘The Chair’ as we call it, in our living room, and call me. It’s just an ordinary armchair and he knows to put his legs over the arms on either side. Having his legs wide apart was a brilliant tip from @maid julie . My Pete told me about a month ago that it makes him feel exposed and vulnerable and worried that he won’t be able to remain hard enough to be measured properly. I remember thinking, ‘good, how perfect’!

While he was in the shower, I kept thinking of the advice about having fun and I realised that I was already enjoying myself, and excited. And at heart, I knew he was too, as well as being uncomfortable. Eventually he called to say he was ready. I gathered my notebook and tape measure, felt the key on my necklace. I giggled as I said to myself, ‘Show time!’ but made sure I was serious by the time I was next door.

I said I’d inspect and measure it, and after that we could talk about last weekend. I made him promise to keep his hands out of the way and I made some snide comments about not being sure I could trust him. As always, I loved the moment of unlocking – the feeling of power and also of excitement and feeling flattered as it immediately grew - I managed to get the ring off just in time. Even with his legs wide apart, it didn’t take much to make him nicely throbby. I’m always careful to shave him underneath the ring but this time I told him that the rest was looking a bit scruffy and that we’d need to tidy him up a bit, maybe even shave a bit more, although not today. I’ve been thinking for a while that this would be nicely assertive and a constant reminder for him. He didn’t say anything other than ‘Oh’, but I could tell he was taking it all in.

When I used the tape measure, I made sure he couldn’t see the markings, nor my notes in the notebook. He knows that I always measure length, girth and give a score for hardness. We started doing this right from the outset because he was worried about shrinking, caused by being in the cage. The measurement this time was the same as every other time, but when he asked me to tell him the measurement, I said, “Close enough to the usual”. Laura had explained (as have others on this site) that throwing in just a little doubt at the right moment, alongside all the other little things, would make him more likely to go along with what I’d suggest later. Of course, he immediately asked what I meant by ‘close enough’ and I just told him please not to ask, “today of all days”.

I asked him to head into the kitchen and I followed him – he wasn’t wearing anything – I still had all my business clothes. He stood by the table while I sat. I said we’d wait until it had gone down, ‘so he could concentrate properly’. It only took a minute or so for him to go soft and I complimented him on not keeping us waiting.

Then, I asked him what he thought had happened at the weekend. He said that he had felt so frustrated that he had just put his hand on himself, just to have the feeling of being hard. I asked him when exactly he had done that and he said, “You know – when you woke up”. And I said (purely guessing), “But there were other times weren’t there?” There was a massively long silence, where I did what I’d been told and just stared him in the eyes, like a parent uncovering a lie. And then it all came out in a rush; that he’d put his hand on himself several times -in the shower and each night (each night!!) while I was asleep. I asked him why he did that in bed next to me when he knows I really don’t like it and he said he finds it exciting. I asked him why and he said, ‘precisely because you don’t like it’. That was a surprise, which I’ve thought about a good deal since, but I just moved on and asked him whether during the hot weather ‘freedom days’ he’d played with himself just enough to be hard for a while, or had he made himself come? He assured me he hadn’t come. I said I didn’t believe him, and he assured me again. In fact, I did believe him.

He was standing in front of me, now looking like a naughty schoolboy in the headmaster’s office, and I noticed it was now quite soft. I thought that this was my moment.

I asked him if he wanted to continue our chastity project. He immediately said ‘yes’. I knew he would be upset to stop. Then I asked him if he trusted me, and he said ‘yes’ again. I just said, in a proper bossy voice, “Good. Now, I’m going to ask you to do something for me, then I’m going to tell you some things, and I’m going to ask you to write something for me”.

I’d rehearsed my lines. “First, since you’re so keen on masturbating next to me, I want you to do it for me right now. Standing just there. Go on, masturbate for me. Wank for me now.” I watched him and felt sorry for him, he was trembling! Laura had rehearsed this with me, including the tone and using the words ‘masturbate’ and ‘wank’ which he and I find very unsexy indeed, and said that if I get it right, he might not be able to get hard immediately. She said he’d find this humiliating, that I should make sure I kept staring at him and make the odd comment to make him all the more self-conscious, and to watch for the moment if he starts to get hard and stop him immediately. It worked! It was maybe just a minute or two, but it seemed like forever. I could tell he was very uncomfortable. Just as he was beginning to get ever so slightly harder, I told him to stop and said, “See. You can’t. It’s not just yours, you know - and sometimes it’s more mine than yours. Tell me that you understand”. I made him repeat it.

It was still growing a little bit, so I told him to bring me the cage and the frozen peas. With him standing with his legs apart and the careful application of the ice pack, it hardly took any time at all to get the cage on [a tangential question – when men get their bits really cold, does it just make them shrink, or does it take away your feeling of arousal as well??]. I told him I wanted to hear him ask me to lock it and asked him to repeat the request several times, saying ‘please’ etc.

Then, with him still standing, I said, (or said something like...) “Now I’m going to tell you some things. I feel you cheated on me last weekend. We had a deal, and you broke it. First, it’s a shame you couldn’t get hard and come just now because that was your last chance for at least a month. You’re not going to have an orgasm with him until mid-September at the earliest. If you have a proper attitude then we might find another way to relieve you, but I doubt it. And I’m going to make sure you’re frustrated like never before.” He just stood there, with his mouth open. I asked him to repeat everything I’d said.

Then I said, “Second, I’m concerned about the measurements. I want Laura to observe next time. Do you agree?” He just stood there looking at me and I asked him again. He didn’t say anything, but he nodded!

Next, I said something like, “Third, I want you to know that I’m disappointed not only because you broke our agreement. Do you know the other reason?” I told him that I miss having it inside me and had been looking forward to that. I said we might otherwise have unlocked him, given him a quick orgasm to desensitise it, and then an hour later he could have been inside me, satisfying us both. But there’s no way you can have sex with me for at least the next month because I know you won’t be able to last.” I told him that even though he’s great with his tongue and fingers now, and I’ll certainly be making use of that, I don’t want to miss out on feeling properly filled, so I said I wanted him to come back on Saturday (this was Wednesday evening) having written down 5 different ways that I could feel properly filled over the next month while he’s locked, and I’ll choose whichever I like. I said, “Will you do that for me? He was starting to look properly panicked - I guess because he was imagining some of the solutions to the problem and maybe didn’t like what he was thinking! I repeated the question and he nodded.

Then I came to number four. “I know you can’t be locked full time for at least a month. But every time I take the cage off, I’m either going to stay with you, or I’ll need to cuff your hands. I’m afraid I just can’t trust you”. I asked him to explain why I felt the need to do this.

Finally, I asked him to ‘go next door for me, choose whichever underwear you like, pop it on for me and bring me the cane’. He refused and said ‘no’, but he didn’t use our safe word. I just stared at him. He asked why he needed to do this, and I told him that I think he has a sub side we need to explore. And that maybe there’s a domme side to me that we need to explore too. I said that if I’m wrong about that, we’ll stop. And that was that.

A moment later he appeared looking 100% frightened rabbit, in a very fetching pair of black knickers (with an edge of lace) and he handed me the cane. I asked him to keep his legs straight and put his hands on his knees. He asked me again and again not to, and said this was going too far, but again, no safe word. I complemented him on his underwear and said that six strokes felt about right. I haven’t ever used a cane, (other than, oddly enough, in a school play) and my first hit was far too light. In fact, all six were way too light and when I’d finished, I told him that I knew it and therefore this is another thing that Laura would observe and perhaps comment on, at some point over the next few weeks. I reassured him that she was sworn to secrecy.

Then something else occurred to me. I remembered Laura telling me that just after the humiliation of a caning, a person’s defences would be completely down. So while he was still bent over, I said “You lied to me earlier”. Again, pure guesswork! He didn’t say anything. I said that he had assured me that he hadn’t made himself come last weekend, hadn’t he? He just mumbled something. I asked, “Was that true?” He didn’t respond. Again, “Was that true?” And then he admitted to me that on the Saturday night in the shower he had indeed made himself come. I felt a rush of satisfaction, and power, and told him to brace himself. I really thwacked him, although on reflection it probably wasn’t as hard as it could have been. He yelped and I told him to stay where he was. I gave him two more, and told him to promise never to lie to me about his orgasms. Then I reminded him about his ‘homework’ for Saturday and asked him to take of his undies (my undies!!), put on a dressing gown while I did the same, and come and sit with me on the sofa.

When he joined me, he was trembling slightly. I think I was trembling even more and when we hugged and kissed, it felt incredibly tender. The sudden release of tension made me want to cry but we just held each other. We kissed and chatted and felt very close. We eventually pottered around and then went to bed. I realised I had been very, very aroused by the whole episode and I’m afraid I lay awake while he fell asleep and I did the very thing that I’d been so annoyed with My Pete about. It felt naughty, and hellishly hypocritical but it was just what I needed.

Today (Friday) I asked him how he’s getting on with his homework and whether he’d thought of any creative solutions to the problem. He just looked worried and said a month is too much. So I kissed his ears and then dangled the key and reminded him I’d said it would be at least a month but I said I’d be sure to edge him often enough to keep him keen and extremely frustrated. Then he said something like, "I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster. I love it but it's scary. And I love you. And sometimes you're scary too, but mostly in a good way." I’m keen to know what he’ll come up with tomorrow.

I've just read this back to myself. Sorry it's so long, but it is great therapy for me. I feel My Pete and I have come a long way
Sal