Deep breath. And... relax. Here goes

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by longtallsally, May 1, 2022.

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  1. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    I think that's wonderful advice and it really rings true. I've immersed myself in this because he's away this week and I'm on my own and not working over the holiday long weekend and I wanted to learn as much as possible from others before he gets back. I feel oddly unfaithful being here (which is why I don't really want one-to-one conversations) and I think that feeling will be amplified when he's back. I definitely want us to take this slowly but I have wanted to quickly work out roughly what direction I'd be comfortable with, and just as importantly, what I don't think we'd be comfortable with. Sal
    PS Re following, of course but note my not wanting to avoid one-to-one conversations.
     
  2. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Thank you. A previous boyfriend taught me all about his prostate and how to access it but my Pete and I are nowhere near that. As for a dildo, I can imagine that in our future but definitely not yet. But this is a general direction I'm quite positive about, basically for the reason you've said - I think he'd enjoy it if he allowed himself, or possibly he needs quite a bit of time to learn to. I find the idea of guiding (controlling?) his sexual experiences erotic, as long as they're things he would genuinely enjoy.
    I think the first hurdle is for him to get comfortable with inserting something small there, on his own. Then perhaps he'll let me do it - I think that's actually a huge step. Then he needs to be able to either enjoy it, or be neutral about it and see if I enjoy him doing it (I don't know yet). Then on to gentle prostate stuff -again him first, then me. But will he be able to enjoy it? Will I? I don't know but I would love us to be able to find out. Another person on here suggested joking about some things - just verbally - in order to seed the idea and get his reaction without scaring the horses, so to speak... Thanks again, you've got me thinking. I like the direction, but this is going to take a while! Sal
     
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  3. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    I think you're spot on in one way but, dare I say, quite wrong in another. I agree that playing on his weaknesses, the things that will make his stomach flip, is a good thing to do. But when you say I don't know those weaknesses at the moment, that's not entirely true. Although the chastity thing is fairly new, we've been together a few years now and I think I have a pretty clear idea of some things that are a bit edgy for him. Some of them are standard male fare I guess, others are his special things. It's quite fun thinking about those! Sal
     
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  4. SlaveBoy73
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    SlaveBoy73 Long term member

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    Butt plugs have to be wide and flared so that they don’t pop out. As wide as he can handle is better.
     
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  5. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    Sal, you're spot on about letting him try the anal stuff first, as that way he can figure things out without the pressure of you waiting for him if it's part of an evening's sexual play. Furthermore, it takes a few moments to get it in the first time, and I don't just mean the first time ever, I mean the first time in an evening. So, for the 2 times that I've done this with my wife, I had to be the one to actually put it in. And while I'm sure you know to use lube, I wonder if you've heard of lube shooters? They are a game changer! They let you shoot some lube up there first, which makes everything else so much easier.
     
  6. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Lordy! Who knew? Still a long way to go before that. Sal.
     
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  7. Guest 6019
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    I get that. There are a lot of respectful guys here, and then there are those that are not. Some come here as an extension of their porn habit, and don't actually get the lifestyle
     
  8. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    By the way, I realise I misunderstood the difference between one to one conversations and private one to one conversations. I'm 100% ok with the ones that everyone can see, like the exchanges we've ben having on here. I've learned masses from people who have so kindly chipped in. It's the private one to ones I wish to avoid. Hope that makes sense! Sal.
     
  9. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    We all look forward to SallysPetPete joining the forums to give his side to all this, lol.
     
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  10. BarbCD
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    BarbCD Long term member

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    Lol! I like the proposed username. If he ever shows up here it’ll be like he’s a guest at a party where everyone knows him and he doesn’t know anyone!
     
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  11. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Hey, stop it!! :) This isn't meant to be about me feeling stomach-churning! Sal.
     
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  12. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    We'll all be like "So YOU'RE Pete, welcome, we know you so well !!! " lol
     
  13. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Oh haha. Just stop it now! :)
     
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  14. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Long term member

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    Here's another thought for you: most husbands are embarrassed that they masturbate and even more so when their wife catches them. You can have a lot of fun with this -- tell him you'll only unlock him if he lets you watch, make him tell you what he's thinking about, maybe make him edge but don't let him finish. Or have him finish inside you when he'll have no stamina and then tease him about that.
     
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  15. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Oh, clever you!. Of course. Thinking about it, it is something he's been embarrassed about - I didn't really know whether that was personal to him, or whether most men feel that way but I'd definitely like to play on that. I'd enjoy watching him -I've suggested it before because I think I'd earn a lot about how he likes to be touched, but he's never been at all keen. Something for me to work on, perhaps by telling him what a turn-on it would be for me (which is true, I think) I really like this idea because essentially it's a nice thing that he'd probably enjoy, and that I would definitely enjoy, and it's not cruel or undermining. So, thank you. Sal.
     
  16. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    I too have a rule here. It’s not so much one on one rule, but I don’t put anything down I wouldn’t be ok with her reading.

    She’s a member here and could check it out anytime she wanted, and can access my phone whenever she wants I have nothing to hide. Still I feel out of respect, I don’t have an interaction that could be mistaken for anything but normal conversation.

    Besides, I’m a firm believer that there is a thing called emotional infidelity. Having private conversations, getting emotional needs met by another, can lead to hurt feelings.
     
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  17. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    yes, that sums it up for me. That's exactly why I'm happy to have one to one exchanges but not private ones.
     
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  18. Guest 6019
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    PM feels more of an intrusion, if it is unlooked for. It's just not the same as a public post. I know my wife would view it quite differently. As I'm about to post I see @Nicoftime has put it very well. Getting emotional needs met by others and not posting anything that you wouldn't mind showing your partner. That's the line not to cross. I think the trouble with some, is they aren't getting their emotional needs met by anyone, so they seek out interactions without thinking of the other person, or whether the person they are approaching wants that. I imagine that if my wife were a member here she would be put off by men contacting her, and probably not come back.
     
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  19. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    I think that's exactly right. I sometimes bring up the profile of members with a view to seeing which threads they have started, and the first thing you see is their wall where people leave them personal messages, and if the member is female, you'll typically see tons of "may I follow you mistress?" type of messages or other messages from subs trying to establish contact. If I find it creepy, just imagine how the woman feels.
     
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  20. Guest 6019
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    Guest 6019 Long term member

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    I've asked to follow a few verified females in a pm but if I get no response I have not asked again, and I don't try to open a discussion. It was pointed out that it is the right thing to do. Now I'm not so sure? Maybe CM could provide guidance on site etiquette?
     
  21. mikecb
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    I'm glad you're finding this a supportive forum. :) My own two cents is that handing your peter a butt plug in the restaurant may be a bit too fast, if he's not even comfortable doing it privately. One compromise might be something like handing him the plug at home. "If you put this on now, you'll get out of that cage this evening. If not, you stay in till morning, but I still get my orgasms tonight!" That would be a delightful mind fuck for him to navigate, without the additional pressure of doing something very uncomfortable for the first time in a public restroom. Then, if it works out, there's always the restaurant the next time! ;-p Anyway, that's a suggestion to consider.

    On another note, I have to say that it's a delight to see someone putting so much effort and thought into being GGG - Good/Giving/Game to her partner. I'm envious of your husband!
     
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  22. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Thank you for the lovely compliment. I absolutely agree with you about not moving too fast. See my response at Post no 27 above - does that feel about right? Sal.
     
  23. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Sadly, it's back to work tomorrow, so my posts will be a little less frequent - which is possibly no bad thing! Also My Pete is coming back on Wednesday so that should be a pleasing distraction too. One thing that the exchange above has just reminded me is that I haven't ever even explicitly asked for anything in return for being unlocked. We've not yet used being locked or unlocked as 'currency' - if you do x then I'll lock/unlock you. That in itself is quite a big mental leap for me and I just don't know what his reaction would be. It's a leap I'm now pretty sure I'd like us to at least try though.
    Thank you for my immersive tutorial over the last few days! I hope one day I'll be able to offer advice to others -I realise it's all a bit one-way at the moment but I'm very grateful. I hope to be back in a few days. Sal.
     
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  24. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    I believe you are supposed to ask before following a female member, but sometimes when you look at the profile of a female member and you see tons of posts from males looking to establish some sort of contact, you can help but think they're a bunch of horny dogs, which isn't what you would expect from a bunch of subs and sissies.

    And that's just what we CAN see, I wonder how many direct chats or conversations these ladies are also receiving.
     
  25. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    Sal: Love that you are gathering all this so fast. You have captured the essence in one of your posts above: it:

    "I need to change my mindset, so that I lead with more of what I find exciting, knowing that if I do, he probably will as well. That’s really difficult for me. I’ll see how it goes

    Don’t forget or ignore him when he’s locked up. That’ll just make him miserable. He’ll need lots of little reminders.

    Finally, it needs to be fun for both of us."


    Throw in a good amount of communication (but get his commitment that YOU lead in the end) and you won't go wrong. You won't change who he is. Scratch that, you probably will. You will both grow to be closer, have more fun and be more intimate than ever before no matter where the dynamic takes you.

    So my advice: Don't be afraid to learn ahead of him - you are taking lead. Act a bit more patiently because of that, take time to observe what works each step of the way. Personally, I think the butt plug ideas sounds fun, but you should time if for when you are comfortable he can handle it.

    PS: One of your other posts talked about having him hold off pushing you over the edge. Our experience is that my love making became much more balanced when I learned to focus on how many times I could push her over the edge first. Denying her does not have the same good effects (on either of us) as denying me has (on both of us). But what the heck, everyone is different so give it a try or try it a few times each way, that is the fun part!
     
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