Deep breath. And... relax. Here goes

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by longtallsally, May 1, 2022.

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  1. Guest 6019
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    Will make it more difficult as you will get him to excited. Eventually the cage itself will be less of a turn on, as the denial becomes the trigger and switching will be easy. He should stay soft during the exchange.
     
  2. Chaz69
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    When I was wearing the HT cages, I was wearing the Nub at night and the slightly larger Nano during the day, but this was before I had handed over the keys as I wouldn't want to bother my wife with constantly needing the keys.

    Since switching to a metal cage that I can leave on all the time (as I can clean in it), it really is a great feeling having it on for long periods of time. Right now it's been on for 12 days straight, and in the last month it's been off for less than 4 hours (for play time). So I'm with Rectrix on this one, best to find one cage that works and just leave it on. But that's just my opinion, you do whatever works for you.
     
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  3. BarbCD
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    I think switching will indeed reduce the impact of being caged, so wouldn’t ordinarily suggest it. Your involvement probably has pro and con: on one hand it reinforces that you are caging him. On the other, it IS a release and will probably aroused him and make it both mentally and physically harder to re-cage.

    That said, you have shown remarkable instincts on the topic and your knowledge of him, so I would say do what feels right to you. That can always change in the future.
     
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  4. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Thank you. I'll see later how he got on at work today. I'm tending towards the smaller one, with time here and there in the larger one as a treat for both of us. sal.
     
  5. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Ok, we tried. The slightly larger cage hurts him too much at night. I know, everyone here told us so. It's just stopping him sleeping and then he wakes me up and asks to be released and I say I'd rather not. So we've gone back to the smaller one, which he's been finding quite comfortable now. I can live with the look of it and I've said I might ask him to wear the slightly larger one occasionally.

    This morning, in his (smaller) cage again, we were slobbing around in bed and I kissed him and asked if he could feel it getting bigger. I asked if it hurt and he said no, just tight. He told me he was enjoying being locked (!!!!!) but he'd been feeling completely desperate to come and desperate just to be erect too. We kissed some more and I said I liked him feeling like that and guided his hand a little to feel just how much I did indeed like it. I said how much I'd enjoyed it the other day when he'd been so slow and attentive. And I found I just naturally guided his head and he just naturally took the cue. And this time, I didn't even have to ask him to slow down!

    A couple of days ago, I had a look at some of the semi-porn captioned photos on this site. They were a fantastic insight into how some guys think about chastity. A lot of them just aren't for me, or for us I think, but several people here have suggested that I ask him to look at some caption pictures (not on this site!) and tell me which ones he finds most exciting. I've given him a few days to do that as homework and I figure it'll excite him a bit anyway and I hope I might discover more about what he'd enjoy, without having to ask him in a conversation.

    Also, thanks to @MsPamela (I think it was). She suggested that when we're cuddling after playing, and he's uncaged and kind of semi-hard, then if I put my hand on it while we're chatting and just leave it there, then when I ask him about things, it'll be an indicator of whether he finds them a turn-on or not. Possibly a more reliable indicator than solely listening to what he says. I'm looking forward to doing that tomorrow, when I'm planning to uncage him and have proper sex together. He doesn't know that of course!

    I'm loving this. I think he is too. THANK YOU to everyone who's given advice. I feel that with some hiccups on the way, we're on our way now and just able to explore and experiment a bit.

    Sal.
     
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    Not always an indicator. For instance, after I've been really on edge for a while, and it softens, it can take a while to get going again. And a hand that is too still for too long starts to feel like it's not there if there isn't a bit of rhythm (especially caged)
     
  7. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Ah, not being the owner of one of those, I hadn't realised! Thanks! Sal
     
  8. ChasteJase
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    To follow up on jah rubbing‘s comments i’m not sure that it’s the greatest indicator as well. You could probably start talking about some pretty over the top sick shit and from a perverted fantasy standpoint that could make him excited but that doesn’t mean that that’s what he would really want. I think you’ve been asked a few times on here but I don’t know if you’ve ever answered to my knowledge. What kind of cage are you using? Is it plastic or steel? As for your realizations about his past issues with anal, I think you definitely need to take it slow but I think you could probably make some progress there. Maybe start with having him tease or lick your hole and then ask to return the favor. It will feel good to you both. Slowly progress from there. Not much different from training a previously abused dog.
     
  9. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Hi, point well taken! The cage is a plastic 3D printed one from cherry keeper. Sal
     
  10. ChasteJase
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    I hear those are good. How did you get the ring size dialed in so we’ll so fast? Do you think a custom steel cage would be more attractive to you? I understand the CKs are comfortable but a steel cage may be more attractive
     
  11. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    We've been playing with chastity since last autumn, just for here and there fun an hour or two at a time, mostly, until recently. You're right - we needed a couple of goes to get the right ring size. I'm not too fussed about steel or plastic really. But size does matter to me, I think. I don't like the very tiny cages I've seen. But each to their own! Sal
     
  12. JaySaysYes
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    JaySaysYes Level-4 Sarcasm Master, PhD in Google, Ace Pedant.

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    There is 5mm between that you could choose. A couple of mm make a big difference in my experience. You should try it.
     
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    So size does matter! Lol. Seriously though, It's nice to have something still for her to move around. Sometimes holding it down still is nice, and you will feel him trying to escape, but then as you feel him relax, and breathe deeper the effect wears off, and maybe lifting it will get it going again. Slow is good but 15-30 seconds without stimulation will be about his limit. When caged it will go down quicker than if fully hard, that can lead to negative frustration until he reaches that point where a feedback loop occurs. When the pressure of the cage just starts to intensify till you reach a high plateau and calm down. When the tiniest touch sends him wild. Then he will be frustratisfyed. Which is where you want him.
     
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  14. ChasteCel
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    ChasteCel 7/6 on the TomAllen-Rectrix scale

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    Sal, still a lovely journey, this is an amazing read and I can't help but wish you and your Pete the best over and over again.

    In terms of the "sight" of the cage, there are a lot of options out there, but price does play into it. The Cherry Keeper has always struck me as somewhat "pedestrian" looking, though it is a pretty solid design. Other custom manufacturers - Evotion Wearables, Custom Chastity - might have a design that is also 3-d printed that you'd like more. But those do start getting pricier. If looks really matter to you and you don't find yourself getting used to it, then after a few months maybe start looking into other makers? Time might just help!
     
  15. bondinchas
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    bondinchas Long term member

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    You might change your mind when you see him in a steel cage.
    When we started I had a number of plastic cages. After a while we graduated to a steel cage, going down a size (as you do) but mostly for the benefits of being able to wash without taking it off, and better hygiene all round (the plastic itself was difficult to keep clean, and it got rather humid inside at times).
    The first time I wore it and she saw it, her eyes lit up and she exclaimed "Oh! Jewellery!"
     
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  16. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Well, it's been quite a few days now for him without an orgasm and as far as I know he hasn't had any erections without me being there with him. We've been taking it off when he has showers, so it has had a bit of exercise, but I've been in there with him to check on him and frustrate him even more! I gave him another little shave yesterday. When I wash it I can tell that My Pete is completely desperate. I haven't told him, but I'm aiming for 6 or 7 days without him coming. I'm sure to remind him often thati haven't forgotten him and we talk a fair bit.

    I've been really pleased that he hasn't wanted to continuously please me in other walks of our life. We talked about that, and I'm very careful not to use those things as an incentive. (Eg I'd never say, "If you don't generally agree with me about politics, or the world, or what we think of our friends, or the car, I won't unlock you for X more days")

    On the other hand, sexually I've been surprised and thrilled at how attentive he is. He always enjoyed it when I came, but he seems very focused on giving me pleasure. The merest touch on the top of his head is enough to signal where I might like his head to be! It's been a little slower to teach him to slow down (I think maybe I'm unusual in this) but he knows what a hand on his shoulder means now!

    Just as everyone here told us, we're using the smaller cage, which is more comfortable for him. And thank you, everyone, for not saying, "We told you so!". :)

    A few days ago, I suggested he look at chastity captions (not on this site!) and tell me which ones he liked. He asked me to do the same. We compared yesterday. The ones he liked were about the moment of being asked to put the cage on, the not knowing when it would be removed, and being sexually controlled (that made me almost weep with relief!). Mine were about being in control. And there was one I found which said something like, "it's not just his orgasms. I control his erections too", which I found very erotic. Nether of us liked the ones which talked about being locked forever, or the key being thrown away, or the humiliating or cruel ones. (We mean no criticism of the many people who love those fantasy. They're just not for me, and I now know they're not for My Pete either.)

    We're going out tonight with friends. I'm going to ask him to put on the slightly larger cage ('for me') because I know he'll be more self conscious and of like him to get the beginnings of erections while we're out. I'll be sure to prompt those by weaving in trigger words into the conversation.

    Sal
     
  17. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Possibly something for the future! Sal
     
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  18. maid julie
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    maid julie Long term member

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    Nice to hear about the great progress your making
     
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  19. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Last night's dinner was a great success. Lovely food and company but he told me on the way home that he'd never in his life felt so completely unable to concentrate and desperate for sexual release. All evening, I'd managed to weave in words into the conversation that he would recognise and I made sure to look at him whenever I did. I love having this code. We talked about politics and I mentioned Labour and Conservative locked in combat. How so and so was frustrated at every turn. The mounting problems of whatever. Even the 'release' of statistics. I knew it made both of us excited.
    When we were helping with the washing up and he was standing at the sink, I made sure nobody else was around and put my arms around him and tugged at the cage. He just said, "When?". And I just said, really slowly, "Soon...ish".

    When we got home, he pleaded with me and I almost gave in. Thanks to the advice from this forum, I didn't, although I plan to release him and have proper sex with him in the next day or two. I have my needs too, after all! But last night I just asked him if he was desperate, to which he immediately responded yes. I said I would love him to come right now, but I wouldn't take the cage off him or use a vibrator against the cage. I asked if there was anything else we could do. Anything at all?
    He asked me to suck his nipples and I noticed that while I did that, he tugged the cage back and forth. I do think he got very close to coming but after a while I stopped and just made sympathetic noises. I asked if he was ok and how it felt and he said, "Awful. Wonderful. Both".

    He asked me how I felt. And I said, "Sopping wet", and I just touched the back of his hand for a moment, which he now knows is another signal for what to do. He was lovely and slow and gentle.

    When I had recovered, I reminded him that I want to help him make more of an association between other parts of his body and complete arousal. I said that I liked his nipples being really sensitive and suggested that every stimulation I allow him for a while will be accompanied by stimulation there, to see if his nipples can become as sensitive as mine, or at least, more strongly associated with pleasure. He readily agreed, although I could have really asked him anything at all and he'd have said yes!

    I mentioned that one of the principles we'd talked about was that he would try to articulate more. I said that I find it exciting when he asks me for release or even for an erection as it makes me feel like I'm in control. He said there was no doubt about me being in control but he promised to try to describe his feelings more. And then there was a gorgeous erotic moment when he said, "I feel sexually in your power. Please may I have a proper erection and an orgasm now?" and I just said, "thank you for asking so nicely, but the answer is no, not yet. Soon though"

    And that was pretty much that. I felt a real rush. He told me this morning that he had felt very excited too. Disappointed, frustrated, excited all rolled into one! :) :)

    I asked him about the tighter cage he'd been wearing and he told me he was still worrying a bit about shrinking. I said we'd measure it the next time he had a shower. He looked quite frightened by that. I said there was nothing to be worried about, and found myself saying, "obviously this time it will only be me". I don't know what I was thinking when I said that but when I saw his look, completely in my power but totally turned on, I loved the effect I had on him! One to file away for a long way into the future.

    May I ask the forum, if I release him tomorrow or the next day, and have ordinary sex with him, is he likely to come too fast? I don't really mind but I don't want him to feel horrid about it. If you think he will, I was planning to give him some other kind of orgasm and then give him enough time to recover before having ordinary sex. Does that sound ok?

    Off to work now. Late, late, late shift.

    Sal.
     
  20. Siri
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    Siri Active member

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    I red this topic just recently. I got curious to see why it has so many replies in short time. This is fabulous, you do what many of just dream. Your man is so lucky.
    But your question, he can be quick. You could make him come in smaller cage earlier so it wont consume all energy. Or free him and give him ruined orgasm, which he will recover fast. But don't tell that there is more to come :)
     
  21. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Long term member

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    Yes, he likely will. If I've been following it's been over a week since you last let him spurt and he'll be marvelously sensitive if your foreplay is slow and loving. But please DON"T give him some other kind of orgasm first! One of things you want is for him to know that you control his arousal and that you can cause him to lose control. He'll be concerned by spurting too quickly, just like he's concerned about shrinking and it's another way he'll feel your control. Another time, deeper into your training, you might try letting him cum some other way first, but right now I think you want him to feel his control slipping away, feel your control over his sexuality deepening.
     
  22. Siri
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    Siri Active member

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    You got point in that. Sometimes I didn't want to have orgasm, but she said otherwise. That was hot!
     
  23. BarbCD
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    BarbCD Long term member

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    I also agree he will likely orgasm quickly. But instead of a pre-sex orgasm, you could consider a delay spray or desensitizer. The “problem” with the orgasm is the “drop” afterwards, and I think you want him desperate to be inside you. A desensitizer such as the KY brand widely available at drug stores in the US would slow him down and allow him to enjoy the sensations.

    That said……

    From your prior writings though, I get the feeling he won’t like the idea of the desensitizer if you present it to him. He may think you are try to deny his orgasm totally.

    In the big picture, it might be best if you just take everything natural and if he comes too quickly for you both, THEN you look for solutions. Providing a solution before you know there is a “problem” may be a bit much at this stage.
     
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  24. bondinchas
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    bondinchas Long term member

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    What you could do is tell him that he can have sex on one condition, that he can't orgasm.
    He's to tell you and slow down or stop if he thinks he might cum, and when he thinks he can continue then you can.
    Then just let him keep doing that until he does eventually cum, he's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't! Whether you penalize him for doing so or not is up to you of course.
     
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  25. Crowdpleaser
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    Last time I was locked was for 2 weeks leading up to my husband's night where he was away (he locked me well before for fun but the main purpose was so I did not jerk off a night he was away). He told me where the key was 45 minutes prior to him getting back home and told me to jerk off as many times as possible before he arrived and that he would subtract time for each time I came. I ended up getting to 4 orgasms and he told me that next lockup will likely be 21 day but he will subtract 1 for each orgasm, so it will be 17 days next time. Then he tied me to the bed and edged my sore cock until I came a 5th time, which was quite intense and difficult.
     
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