My lovely Goddess absolutely loves to keep me locked up 24/7, she keeps her keys locked away in a wifi lock box on her nightstand. When we have sex, she truley enjoys it. However, her libido is quite low. Anything to do with sex or pleasure is a complete afterthought. Which makes teasing, which is essential, tough to come by. I can get her revved up sometimes, but it takes a ton of effort and my attempts often fail. Half the time when I do get her going, it seems that she feels that she has to unlock me, which of course I love to enjoy the pleasure. But, I dont always need unlocked. I really, truley, get an insane amount of pleasure from her pleasure. How have you and yours dealt with low libido in your wife, kh, girlfriend?
Is her low libido related to the situation with the virus (e.g., lockdown boredom/loneliness, work/financial stress, etc.)? If so, hopefully we can just consider this a temporary thing. However, if that's not the case... Part of me wants to say that if you're locked up, sex - or lack thereof - is her prerogative and you should just suck it up and go without. That's why she's holding the key, after all. On the other hand, relationships are about mutual love and support, and it's pretty clear your needs aren't being met. So realistically, you ought to meet each other somewhere in the middle. Communication is the easy answer for us to give you, but that doesn't make it any less important. Make your feelings known and do your best to emphasize how you honestly don't need/wish to be unlocked. Try to relieve any self-induced pressure that she might have put on herself to perform and please you. What also works well for me is just to pile on the romance and affection. Don't make it about trying to arouse her or even getting her to reciprocate your actions... just make her feel as loved as possible. As adults, we tend to forget this once we get comfortable (and maybe even a bit complacent) in our relationships.
We are very open and talk about it all the time. No libido and not prioritizing it are things that she brings up. It's not a quarantine thing, it's pretty much all the time. She never has been an initiator, so she still wants me to take care of that. As for sucking it up and waiting, 2 things: 1. I tried stepping back and allowing her to tease initiate at her leisure for about a month and it was a disaster, all chastity play stopped for nearly 2 months. We brought it back at her request. 2. Tease and denial without the tease, is just denial. While there is still some enjoyment, the more teased and frustrated I am, the more I naturally want to pamper her more. She says our sex life is very important to her, but its priority still falls after the kids, work, finances, dishes, laundry, cleaning, sleep, etc. And to be fair, I am a very active and capable parent, I always do the cooking, we split the laundry and dishes (with the kids help too), i always serve her meals first, bring her drinks, and pamper her. Shes an engineer so she likes to do spreadsheets and financial things, i own my own business, and I've been single handedly gutting and remodeling sections of our house. So, obviously I can always pamper her more, but beyond that, it's pretty much strictly a get-out-of-her-head, relax, low libido thing.
I used to be somewhat like you in wanting teasing in chastity; but then I decided to properly listen to my Wife who told me not to ask for anything. Now I don't like being teased, I 'd rather have a brief cuddle. You've gone 6 weeks in the past that's a fair amount of training. You really should have moved into the acceptance phase by then. Try to switch away from equating teasing as fun. Try to accept only what your Wife wants. Embrace total denial. Give up all hope of teasing. Think of this as an experiment for now and go longer than 6 weeks.
I feel your frustration if she keeps the key locked up , you have overcome one of the bigger hurdles, it really does take a while if she has a low libido just keep the faith my journey has been the same as yours my Wife/ Goddess is slowly starting to realize and enjoy her power . It's starts with the little things and grows so stay the course
If her libido is that low she could at least kiss you while you pleasure yourself if she isn’t open to giving you a hand job. I enjoy that just as much as being inside my KH. She could even tease you that you are banned from being inside her and only get hand jobs now. Relationships are about give and take so if you want to be more than room mates, she has to invest at least a few minutes a day to your needs.
See this is where I'm torn on this. Opposing libidos is such a common issue among couples, and the question should probably be asked somewhere other than a chastity/kink forum. Nevertheless, OP made the choice to post here, and your answer is probably what he should have expected to receive. Then again, this is the "Chastity in Vanilla Life" section, so I don't think an FLR-oriented answer is what he's looking for nor is it appropriate for their relationship. IMO, they can probably both do a little more to detach from work, kids, chores, and projects in order to prioritize each other's needs.
I appreciate everyone's comments and let me reiterate that it's not just myself that hates the low libido, she hates it too. She would love to have half the sex drive I do! (As would I!) So, back to my original question, is there anything that you may have found (day to day or games or anything for that matter) that has helped increase your kh desire for sexual activity?
The way chastity works for us is that she loves the extra attention, pampering, etc. that naturally comes with me being frustrated. 2-3 weeks of denial will help with that, but a tease or 2 on occasion, will improve that, which gets us both what we crave.
I wasn't aware that Chastity in Vanilla Life excluded FLR. My impression is that the FLR plays a large part in male chastity be it vanilla or otherwise
Hmm... an interesting debate that could be worth having in another thread (I'd rather not steal this thread away from OP). Though I suppose we should just call it a matter of perspective since everyone has their own opinion on what exactly things like "vanilla" and "FLR" mean... and there's bound to be a fair amount of overlap. Personally, I don't consider my marriage to be an FLR in the slightest despite 24/7 chastity, but maybe you and others would qualify it as such.
Not sure how old your wife is. My wife/KH went right of sex for about 5 years while going through the menopause. It wasn't that she didn't enjoy sex. She just never felt the urge to make love. Things have improved greatly over the last year. Hopefully they might improve for you to in the future.
I agree with Jessica, in the menopause evrything changed concerning hormones. Maybe she has a short on testosteron. Easy to check at there doctor.