Cruelty and Control

Thank you.

 

dilly diily Miss Joan

 

Off topic for a sec. This may sound awfully sycophantic, thats not the intention; I find myself feeling quite excited with your interventions and I must say your pics truly inspire. I think my bi submissive side pops out occasionally to say 'hi'. And you avatar (i hope it's you?) has a dominant affect on me. There, just shown my vulnerability to everyone, but you are worth it.

 

I find I can only these things with people whom I respect.

I used to find cruelty; i.e. deliberately imposing humiliation, discomfort or paid, etc. very hard, even if clearly and explicitly asked-for; it seemed disrespectful.

Then I communicated at length with someone who wanted me to be cruel to her, in what ways, how and why. Then she spent several weeks in my service.

In the subsequent discussion she asked me why I'd done X, Y and Z to her.

My reply was, "I really have no idea, beyond that I wanted to, and knew I could!"

The response was a beaming smile. She later reported that from that remark and the experience with me, she felt her feet hadn't touched the floor for weeks.

I gather that if I'd been cruel to her, 'because I knew that she wanted it', that would have been 'wrong' to her, like a dominatrix servicing a paying client.

But if it was something I just wanted to do, without even considering her feelings, then that was exactly the situation that she desired. Zero control.

It seems to me that to her, the cruelty was a powerful way of demonstrating that she had completely surrendered control to me.

I am still not sure whether I completely understand it, but I do now enjoy it!

 

@Breathe - I really like your style.

I think cruelty and control are mostly independent of each other as they pertain to sexual interactions. As noted, a lot of it depends upon defenitions of each, personal preferences, etc. There are two factors in my mind that determine how some of that interpretation might be made, namely consent and communication. A variable however is the current mood of participants, which really throws a wrench in the gears, because it can be unpredictable and skew those definitions even day to day. Perhaps my world is rather manic, making things seem more unpredictable.

 

I want my wife to be strict, not cruel.

 

I don't believe there has to be cruelty associated with control. Cruelty with control is part of a dynamic between two people, whereas I think cruelty without control is plain... well... cruelty

 

I don't think I am saying anything that others haven't already said, but in my opinion cruelty depends on intent and on reception, so context is everything. If someone is doing something with the intent to hurt, whether that is physically or mentally, and the subject isn't enjoying it, then it is cruel. If the subject is actively getting off on the treatment, then it isn't cruel. It might be harsh, it might look cruel, it might take someone to the edge of their comfort zone, but the end result is enjoyment.

If Elle, my Wife thought that she was being cruel then our chastity based relationship would come to an end and we would return to how things were before. When we started it was her worry about cruelty that held her back. She felt that she was being cruel denying me orgasms, so my average denial period was about two weeks. The fact that my current average is between two to three months, and I have had a period of four months and another of five months between orgasms, you can see she no longer has any problem with feeling cruel.

If one of our vanilla friends found out she had not allowed me to have an orgasm for five months I can easily guess that they would tell her she is being cruel. But they wouldn't understand that in the last five years, despite my relative lack of orgasms, I have easily had more powerful sexual experiences than at any other time in my life. If I made a list of my top ten sexual experiences I would guess nine of them have happened in the last two years.

To cap it all this chastity thing has brought Elle and I closer together than we already were. I realise that I am hugely lucky to have her as my Wife, Mistress and Keyholder, cruelty plays no part in what we do.

 

Now I'm blushing like a teenager and thank you for responding.

 

THIS THREAD IS AMAZING.

Soooooo much here that it will keep me re-reading it for a long time.
I normally have so much to say - haha - but at the moment my brain has been reduced to simplicity.

For now, long story short:
Cruelty, Control & Beauty are all in the eye of the beholder.

 

Simply put, I believe the keyholder should be able to make all decisions regarding the sub. That being said, she should be allowed to be as cruel as she pleases. Cruelty can be a valuable asset to help control subs.

 

r: 55935"]I believe the keyholder should be able to make all decisions regarding the sub. That being said, she should be allowed to be as cruel as she pleases. Cruelty can be a valuable asset to help control subs.[/QUOTE]

Agreed.
In the [United States] Criminal Justice System penalties might be perceived as cruel - and to be sure, sometimes they are - that was the whole point of the Eight Amendment (protection against Cruel & Unusual Punishment). Odd sideline, I know ... how it relate to controlling crime.

Point being ...
Punishments are often necessary in order to Control - and the Cruelty of those Punishments are open for interpretation. I would venture a guess that the 'Crueler' something might seem, the more effective it might be.

For me, when the Cruel outweighs whatever benefit I sought - I learn from that. An object lesson.
I suppose that is a big part of this idea.

 

And who am I to judge myself to someone else desires ...

I love to teach by example & opposites.
It brings me a smile when someone says "Treat others the way you want to be treated."

"Really now ... I am not so sure you want me to do that - let me tell you why".
Hahahaha.

Its a match made in heaven if you want someone to be Cruel to you ... and they oblige.