Couple in need of help

I wear the cage in my avatar -- you can find on ebay =/amazon around 20 bucks - I spent 35 because I got to small of ring on the purchase -
some book
Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders (Paperback)
by
Lucy Fairbourne
or
A KeyHolder's Handbook: A Woman's Guide To Male Chastity
Oct 29, 2013
by Georgia Ivey Green

 

OK, here is what you do. My wife loves me too much to hurt me and measured her desirability by my orgasms and erections. This is what I did. First I briefly explained Tantric sex which has a practice of having lots of sex but not reaching orgasm. It gives you more energy and keeps you in a courtship mode since your orgasm is not depleting those hormones that urge you to orgasm..

First off, forget all the fantasy nonsense you read online. Do not expect your wife to go from a loving wife to a dominatrix the next day or week. Remove chastity from all the other fetishes that use it like cuckolding, BDSM, D/s and FLR to name a few. Focus on just teasing and denial. Also, don't bring up any chastity device yet. Just ask her not let you orgasm the next time you have sex. Ask her just to tease you and have her own orgasm so you can feel what all the fuss is about. When she does that, make a big show of enjoying the teasing and edging. Then tell her that you promise that only she will give you orgasms and go on the honor system. After that sex with no orgasm, let her know how aroused you feel and that it is making you feel more energetic. Thank her for not making you orgasm. I never thanked my wife for letting me orgasm, only for not letting me orgasm. That will sink in as you need to reprogram her thinking that if you do not orgasm, she has failed as a woman. The thing is to let her realize that the pleasure you get from not having an orgasm, is better than the few seconds of the orgasm. Then act that way all the time.

Skip an orgasm once. Then when she is ready skip two in a row. Always make sure that she sees positive results for not letting you orgasm. I would ask my wife if I could rub her feet, volunteer to do some of the housework, hug her, kiss her on the neck and tell her how hot she is. You are basically conditioning her to think about sex differently. It is very important that you thank her for not letting you orgasm and show her how much you enjoy the teasing and how it affects you after sex. She needs to learn that withholding your orgasm is what gives you pleasure, not the orgasm itself.

My wife began to enjoy the control she had over our sex life. Sometimes I would tell her to just lay back while I performed oral on her and then thanked her and left the room. I got my wife used to not having to reciprocate and she got used to that real fast. This may take a few months to do but sooner or later your wife will realize that she is giving you sexual pleasure and more, by denying you. As my wife got used to denying me for one week, I suggested that we see what happens with two weeks of denial. Then I would act even better than before. I made her feel sexy and desirable all the time and would just make occasional comments about how much better you feel and more energized.

Once we decided to try three weeks of denial, that is when I said that I would love to go since it has been going so well and I am loving sex much more since I can focus on my wife. It was making us both feel more intimate and took sex away from a drive to the finish line to more passionate and intimate sex. It was then that I suggested that I get a chastity cage because although I wanted to go longer without an orgams to experience any new benefits, I needed help to refraining from masturbation. My wife never saw a cock cage before but she was enjoying teasing me so much that she would laugh out loud saying that she feels the power. She said to get one if I wanted to.

I got the CB6000 and messed with it on my own. I did not involve her in it at all for the first two weeks. I was trying different combinations of rings and spacers. When I had it right then I suggest that she hold the key and place the second key in a small envelope that she sealed and signed so she could see if I used the emergency key. We keep in in our kitchen and it has come in hand a few times when my wife was out. Then just wear it for a few hours a day to get used to it. The big mistake some make is trying to wear it too long the first time. Your scrotum needs to get used to it and toughen up the skin first. One day I suggested that it might be fun to have sex while I was locked up. It was fun but my wife said that she wanted to feel my penis and could not do so with a closed cage device. That is when I ordered a Jailbird that allows her to feel me and even take me in her mouth.

All of this was done with baby steps over months. Get her used to one thing and then when she is good with that, add something else. Don't jump into the deep end of the pool to learn how to swim. Some guys hit their unsuspecting wives with locking them up and asking them to dominate them and try to do all those things you read about on may chastity websites. Do not sell chastity as benefiting her and giving her that same list you find all over the net, but rather sell it as a new form of sex that benefits both of you and will increase intimacy and passion. I never told my wife that if she locked me up I would do her housework while she ate Bon-bons all day and whipped me for any reason at all. I did not call her Mistress or act like her slave. We were just us playing a new sex game. If you want any of that other stuff, first firmly establish chastity. I have been into fetish play for 47 years and it is much easier to start a new fetish using baby steps. Blind folding me during sex will turn into whipping me hard by the end of a year, if she gets into it. If not, drop it. She will only end up doing it to please you and resent you for making her do something she does not like.

So that is basically it. I did not start off with any chastity device or even mentioned that they existed. I did not want to overwhelm my wife like I did the first time when I just told her she is in charge of our marriage and I will be her slave doing all the work. I caught her crying the next day, scared out of her mind. She did not want to run our marriage and said I was trying to take her job away from her. I learned my lesson from that. When I did the same thing to her girlfriend, her girlfriend said OK because she was already into BDSM.

I topped from the bottom because women are not born with whips in their hand and a desire to hurt the ones they love. We started year 5 of chastity and 24/7 lockup, a few months ago and I have relinquished even my ability to determine how many orgasms I get. My wife is in full control and nothing I can say will affect her. So no longer feels any guilt denying me orgasms and prefers me when I am denied. It took a few years for her to fully rid herself of guilt. It is a process.

As for the cage itself. Keep in mind that chastity is not about the cage. The cage is a symbol and a speed bump to give you pause before you do something silly like masturbate and break your word with your wife. You can masturbate one of several ways in your cage. Do not believe the stuff you read online as most of it is fantasy. Be practical about when you wear your cage. Is it necessary to wear it when you go to work? Do you think you will masturbate on the job? There are no prizes for wearing a cage all the time. I am lucky because I work from home and can stay locked up most of the time but if I go out for any length of time or to the doctor, I am unlocked and it does not change anything at all. This is not a game of whose penis is bigger than the others by using lockup times as the measure. What you want to do is make chastity just a fun sex game and minimize its effect on your non sex life.

It took me 4 years for my Jailbird to feel as comfortable as wearing my wedding band. I rarely think about it anymore. My scrotum skin has toughened up and it is no bother to wear it. I did not start wearing it 24/7 until after 6 months. Please note that the CB6000 is not made for 24/7 wear. The cage will split and rings will break as has happened to me and others. Th emergency key comes in handy when the cage splits and your penis skin is caught in it and bleeding. It is a good starter cage though.

So start off slow and easy. Get her to just have sex with no orgasm for you to see how it feels. Make her know that it feels great and treat her accordingly. Then when she is ready, skip an orgasm twice and so forth. When guys, me included, get their first chastity cage we are so excited that we get hard and cannot put it on. We want to wear it all the time. However, that is not a good idea as you will probably end up sore and not wanting to wear it anymore or at least for any length of time. The real test is when the initial excitement of being locked up ends. Then you are just locked up and that excitement you had is gone. Now it is not comfortable and a pain to go to the bathroom. That is when you need to decide if the benefits outweigh the negatives. Go too fast and you are doomed to fail. Chastity is not about being locked up. It is about foregoing orgasms for a length of time comfortable for the BOTH of you.

We tried all the game to determine my orgams date. They are handy at the being because it removes the onus from your wife to determine how long to deny you. She can blame the game. Once she reaches the point that she likes chastity, and man do not end up liking it, she will find that games and contracts take the control away from her and box her in. That is when you have only one rule; she makes the rules and does not have to tell them to you and can change them at any time without prior notice. You need to make key holding as easy as possible for your wife. You also have to want to be denied and work with her to that end. No one is locked up against their will. That is illegal and fantasy stuff. If you are constantly trying to cheat by masturbating, you are only cheating yourself and forcing your wife to be your 24/7 warden which she will quickly grow tired of. Do you think it is really necessary to handcuff you when she removes your cage? Do you lack any self control to prevent yourself from grabbing your penis and masturbating like a monkey at a zoo? Once again, most of what you read is guys living their fantasy lives online. I have been into many fetishes and never met anyone into chastity play in real life. On line there are mostly guys locking themselves up which is much different than having another person, especially a loved one to be your KH. If you hang around chastity forums for any length of time you will see many come and go. You will read about being vanilla one day and a slave the next like magic. There will be guys who claim all sorts of things that sound fantastic; wives who go from submissive to cruel dominatrices in a short period of time. Welded or Superglued locks so someone an never get out of his cage.

My advice as someone who has really done this successfully for several years, is to be flexible and design chastity so tha tit works for you. If you two are fine with just a week of denial, then do it for a week only. I am an old man and I do not even consider it chastity until a month of denial has passed because my libido is low. When I was young I was living with two women and despite sex with each of them, I was still masturbating before I went to bed. Now I can go without for a long time even on the honor system. Do not make you chastity cage be the focus of chastity. Do not jump into the deep end and expect it to work. Make wearing your cage practical. There is no benefit to wearing it at times you will not be tempted to masturbate. No use suffering while playing a sport or other physical activity. I had a few very painful experiences before I learned my lesson. If it is not comfortable and fits into your lifestyle, don't do it.

Most of all, you have to want to be chaste. If not, it will never work. It will be fun at first but your KH will not want to watch over you 24/7. Key holding is work and by making it as easy as possible, odds are increased that your wife will be your KH. If you are trying to escape or masturbate all the time, why even bother. Good luck and take baby steps. My wife is very submissive and it took a few years to get her to fully accept chastity play. She now knows that when I say yes, I want her to say no. She also knows that her edging me and denying me validates her sexiness, not giving me an orgasm.

 

Hello and welcome! You will feel welcome here but you have to give us more information if you really want help. Do not read beyond this point!

You mentioned that you and your GF are new to chastity and that she "tries" but doesn't want to cause any harm to you... What do you mean by that? What are you asking her to do to you? What do you want her to do to you?

You mention that you need advice or guidance. What would you like to do? Knowing your destination is the first step of making a journey. Are you asking us how to do 24/7 chastity or how to control your masturbation or how to get your GF to accept your plan to embrace chastity?

You mention that the devices that you have are too big... What devices do you have. What is wrong with them? Is the ring too big? Is the tube too long? is the gap too big between the tube and the ring? Maybe you can adjust the device.

If you already have a couple of devices and you are looking for a better fitting one, eBay and DHgate ship Stainless Steel devices from $12 to $40 and plastic as cheap as $7 for CB6k knockoffs which are adjustable. All of these have long shipping times though. $5 more gets them shipped from the US to you in 3 days. But I'm not going to recommend a device because I don't know anything about your junk, your package, how much heat you're packin'.

That being said, the cheapest device is free... Use the honor system. Tell her that you want to only orgasm with her and then, if you cheat tell her that you masturbated. If you are genuinely into this, then you will feel bad about it. So don't cheat!

Next, you want someone to coach her??? To do what??? What level of participation does your girlfriend have in this lifestyle you have introduced her to? What did you ask her to do? What did she say and how did she react? Did you ask her to join Chastity Mansion? She will meet other women here who will tell her what to do. What are you going to do if she meets someone who tells her that your first period of lockup should be three months or a year, to get all of your assets in her name so that you can't leave her, and to whip you every night until you cry? Do you really want people you don't know coaching your GF on how to work YOUR relationship?

The problem is that you are asking her to participate in your fantasy. You should be asking her to participate in your reality which is much more complicated.

Start by communicating with her, not us. We don't have any real answers. She has them. Go ask her for them. If you care for her, tell her that you love her. Kiss her deeply, then make passionate love to her. Ask her if you can participate in HER fantasy. Tell her you want to become the man of HER dreams, and then do it. Become the man of her dreams.

I told you not to read it but you did anyway didn't you?