Could the power be a put off?

Hi all.
I've been a member for a while and enjoy the site, but post my online journal on an alternative site, so haven't posted here before (apart from the intro earlier) .
I belive the question I have now would be better answered here as the relationship has evolved to a point where this forum will be more suitable.
My wife and I have been involved with chastity for about a year and a half now.
Initially it was a complete No to being locked to a point where I'm normally locked for 2 to 3 months with release when ever my wife desires or I have earned it.
This often involves edging and cleanup, creampies are something we both now enjoy very, Very much, but not too often.
We have both noticed an improvement in my behaviour and in life as a whole, even though I was practically perfect in every way, sex has gone from not enough for me but too much for my wife to.. I cant keep up with the sex loving woman I married.
So. Great so far.
But. We get to a certain point and the shutters slam down, everything stops and chastity is no longer an option or even open for discussion.
The trigger point is usually when the real power exchange kicks in and my wife starts to deny me orgasms, tease me, drive me crazy with lust and says no, even if I beg, without a second glance. In fact she will make me beg in order to have a bigger orgasm herself.
It is insanely erotic, frustrating and quite amazing.
But as soon as I'm broken,or this occurs, my wife stops dead in her tracks.
She has said she likes the control, but also that it isn't what she really wants. "I like normal sex, I like it when you come, and I like having sex with you much more now than I used to. I'm not locking you up any more, things need to get back to normal"

The benefits carry on of course and I do truly love this woman.
I have little to offer in return because I would and always will do anything and everything for this woman. I don't belive I could love her more and I know my wife feels the same.

This has happened a few times, so eventually we do get back into it, but I know it's for me, To my wife this is my game, she wants to make me happy, and I know as soon as we get to a point where it might no longer be "my game", it will stop for as long as it takes for me to go back to the "normal" we started from.

I'm not complaining, I feel incredibly lucky having found the perfect partner. But this sudden stop knocks the wind out of me, it is always confusing and Not up for discussion. Now or in the future.
Life is good in the normal lane, safe. I'm not really a normal lane person, I'm a thrill seeker, heights, scary hobbies, base jumping, roller blading etc. I'm 55 years old so my life has been this way for a long time.
My wife keeps me grounded, I know this. so I don't break too many bones too often or hearts ever.

She looks after what she loves. I can't complain.

But knowing there is this other side, that I get to taste oh so briefly and crave so deeply?

I'm at an impass, I do not know how to approach this, all I do know is I have gotten this far by taking very small steps, very slowly.

But I do wonder if my wife has drawn a line, she is in control of this. And she has decided exactly how far it will go.

I would love to hear your comments.

Thank you.

 

Thanks Wonderwomanssub.
Yes. All I have to do is work out how a woman's mind works lol.
We have tried a strapon, and have a couple of vixens. The wife likes the big vixens with tongue and vibe but not on the strapon. So I got a smaller one and she still didn't like it.
Im an 8" myself and have to work my way in slowly, it's harder to do with a strapon, wife says uncomfortable. Thus getting the smaller one, a 7" which is a bit fatter than myself. But not as good.
I am going to keep trying for this, practice makes perfect and all that.

Initially my wife found chastity very confusing with my wanting to be Locked, but she gave it a go.
I think it still confuses and worries her to a degree.
My wife does like it when I beg and will ask me to do this to help her orgasm.
I like the loss of control. The alternative to an an adrenalin rush. I'm sure we will work it out eventually.

But this place we hit just before it all ends. Wow!

This might sound heavy.

I have been taken to place that I didn't know existed, a place where I felt truly powerless and at the same feeling some of the most powerful emotions of my life. I have felt fear many times and in many ways, whilst hurtling towards the ground after putting too much faith in a loose rock or going under before an opperation to fix a cracked skull and damaged head, or to stop and restart my heart, placing all my faith In a person whom I had never met before.
I have seen the fear of God and although we have had the odd brief acquaintance, I have thankfully, not yet, been asked to stay.
I don't fear much, and I like to think I am in control of my destiny.
But this place where my wife has taken me is more powerful a feeling than cheating death, emotional equal to witnessing the birth of my children and more terrifying than a head first dive off a cliff edge.
Because this is a person whom I trust and love so dearly. Whom owns my head and heart so completely. I know I can be taken beyond my limits and I will survive it.

It's a place I wish to go again, and I wonder if my wife knows this? and is in some way trying to keep me from getting too hooked.

I think. It maybe too late for this.

Or, does my wife see my fear and think it has all gone wrong.

Or does my once very vanilla, wife like that feeling of control so much, it terrifies her as well?

 

I hadn't considered this. It is possible My wife likes to journey this far, but doesn't want to stick around.

OK.
I managed to have a brief chat.
Found out
My wife doesn't like the person she becomes at that point, well she does in a way.. Ish.
and the control thing is fun for a bit.
but she doesn't like her on hindsight, the next day and also feels guilty at having enjoyed it to any degree. It isn't someone she wants to be.
Also, my wife has said she doesn't mind locking me up again, but still finds things confusing. This is unusual because it usually takes a couple of months before my wife would consider relocking.
She is finds it difficult for conflicting reasons.
Initially I led her into this, she just wanted to do as I told her to do etc. My version of what it should be like. This was ok but irritating, my wife doesn't like being told to do things, I didn't want to be telling her, but she doesn't have enough interest to look it up.
She felt she was getting it wrong and it was confusing.
As time went by I gradually passed the reigns to my wife and said "do it your way, you decide what is ok and what you would like. Don't try to think about what it is you think I want"
My wife found this near impossible, I was asking her to stop being considerate. And to make choices. My wife doesn't like having to choose, it takes a week for her to choose a pair of shoes to buy when faced with a choice of two. (Tried dice etc. No good. They also told her what to do.)

So. I have been invited to start again, and didn't jump at it this time.

I think maybe we should have some simple ground rules, that I have to follow, the wife can over rule them so doesn't have to miss out. She gets what she wants and gives me what I want.
And When she feels she has gone far enough, we take a break

I want this to be simple with the option that my wife can add things at will, in hope she may tailor it to be enjoyable.

How does this sound to the other key holders? Anything I should add or avoid?

I also need to explain a few things that I hadn't realised were unknown to my wife.
Milking and cuming isn't the same
Why cock teasing isn't cruel or morally wrong, how I could like being so frustrated is beyond her. So she tends to not do it so often. Omg? That's the best bit.

So, some basic rules and goals, and a safeword might be all we need for now.

 

As a rule
My wife does like it when I beg and will ask me to do this to help her orgasm.

I will look for a pattern, there does seem to be one.
Thank you.

 

I am locked again, each time C calls a halt to this the break gets shorter, it was much shorter this time.
C has also started some minor physical punishment which is completely new, mainly slapping my balls, each time it gets harder and she always looks me in the eye afterwards to judge my reaction. A new game for her maybe?
I have had a chance to read through my journey and it seems there is a pattern of sorts. Each and everytime, it starts slowly and I find myself climbing the ladder to where I want to be, and each time I get to a point where Im desperately frustrated to a point of "wow, this is incredible". It abruptly ends for some small fucked up reason. C turns quite nasty, blames me for something random and throws the key back. Always from ultimate high to ultimate low. It has happened 4 times now, always my fault, always I feel like shit but don't know what went wrong.
But. Each time the gap gets shorter and C goes a bit further.
I'm only just starting to analyse this, maybe C started ages ago?
But for now, I'm happily locked and waiting.

 

Ah yes. This is the problem indeed.

My wife is happy, was happy before chastity, is very happy now after a bit of man changing etc.
The breaking thing is for me, this is the problem.
C enjoys my being locked, attentive and romantic and agrees we are much better together now. But if it's the cage or other things going on, she isn't sure.
It doesn't matter. C says If something isn't broken why try to fix it.
Yes it can be fun, but C likes my dick, it's big, it's a reason we are together, she likes touching and playing with it, likes to edge me lots and use it every time it gets hard.
We have lots and lots of sex, 5/6 times a week. But when caged this drops a bit. But it can be fun.

So C does wonder what is the benefit of going further than we are now? She likes who I am now. Loving helpful husband and dad who would do anything for them.

Why risk this?

 

I managed to chat a little more whilst walking, chastity chat is very limited.
It was regarding a "I'm keeping you locked" decision made after a lot of carrot dangling and offers of release.
I didn't mind, it actually really turned me on the way C strug it out and made me hold my breath in anticipation, before bringing the axe down to sever my chance of reward. A reward that C knew I had earned 200%
Very clever. Very effective. She knew straight off that I swollen instantly and I would have a frustrated sleepless night. (this by the way still doesn't make sense to me? Why my boner reacts like this when I have been denied really good sex?)

So I asked out of interest. If there was any pleasure for her in having the power to do this?
C smiled and said "yes, I do enjoy that bit"

 

Actually no, but I might suggest it.

I'm having a bad day today, I've been emptied fully and just can't get back into step. I probably only have full orgasm every few weeks now, I've become very good at having semi orgasms, even with piv, a year ago there was no need as we had some kind of sex once or twice a week (too much for C, not enough for me), but once I backed off and gave C the reigns things started hotting up. To the point where I can not fulfil my requirements. Such as come in here now, come on these later.
I found I could stifle an orgasm part way and stay in the zone.
Not today though. I'm empty.
So today might be an oppertuniy to bring this up.

 

This latest Lockup was stacking up much faster than previous attempts, after a much shorter break. Then just flat lined so (as advised) I'm trying to "science the shit out of it" with C's occasional answers to my questions.

C started with a more determined approach, got me to Amber quickly. Then backed off.

My taking on chores on seems to be welcome to a point, but I am taking something away that is C's. The feeling of worth C gets from raising a family means a great deal. C will get annoyed at my doing too many chores, especially the "looking after" type.

I have noticed from my logs that this often happens pre period. Sorry, I know that sounds terrible.

Also. At certain points C says I start to become too attentive, helpful. It can be irritating.
I'm allowed to do more tasks now than ever, but I have added them slowly.
Yesterday, when I got up to make supper for the kids, C actually said "I will do it. Stop stealing my things!"
C loves the way I make her orgasm when Im kept caged and is confident enough to keep me locked without feeling guilt or pity.
But after a few times, even though C orgasms as always, she feels distant, off kilter, she doesn't like me.
like we're not bonding properly, like we would with romantic sweaty one on one.
it's too one way and too off the normal sometimes.

I have suggested numbing cream, strapon and condoms but C says "it isn't all about fucking you know"

I feel, sometimes it really is about the fucking. because the same evening C will demand the full monty, very rigorous fucking and wants me to pin her down.
After this, she is fine, cage back on, hop to it!
Happens about once a month on average. If it doesn't, things go down hill.

C does prefer "us" now, very much so, and leans towards giving the cage some credit. But thinks all the time we spend together due to covid is the main reason.
One thing C is very sure about is "the cage stops me arguing or being arsey"
She doesn't mind a bit cheeky, cocky, confidence even. That's what she liked about me and still does.
C says she is trying to find an "in the middle". too much and I lose my charm, too little and I'm annoying.

C likes that she has extra time now, to read, and likes that she can give me my treat by edging me whilst reading or browsing, it doesn't take any time from her day, so it's easy to give me rewards.
This is why I come out pretty often, if I wanted more I would be let out less.
To C the control is fun, the ball slapping is funny and the making me eat my own can be amusing or gross or erotic. It depends on her mood.

C has also said, she knows if she wanted to, she could have me pleading, beggiing or on my knees crying and it would take very little effort on her part. That I should be thankful she doesn't want that because had she enjoyed that enough, it may have become my new way life.

To me the last bit sounded like a warning.

C is currently running experiments in both sperm and orgasm control, hoping to find the "in the middle" she referred to.
But has little knowledge of the effects of male hormone build up.
So getting the right pattern or timing may take forever.

I don't know if I'm coming or going? currently not coming due to controlled sperm level experiment.