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Convincing Wife

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by janderson32151, Nov 29, 2017.

  1. Yay! That's awesome.
    It sounds like you are too. Isn't this your first device? =P

    That's great though because you two can experience it together and learn how you'd like it to work in your relationship as you go.
    If you are going the it's completely up to her route I'd set up a time each week to discuss how things are going and don't mention how you feel about being locked up outside of that scheduled window. That way your not always bringing it up and trying to give her hints. Let her have time to figure it out for herself without you helping her. =P
    I think you are overthinking this. Calm down lol. Seriously don't give her a list of do's and don't's. I'd actually recommend you avoid giving her any sort of guides or user manuals. I know your probably super excited and ready for her to start doing all the kinky stuff you've seen online like yesterday. But I promise you she will have a blast learning how to be a key holder her own way and in her own time. It could take that experience away from her if you get impatient with her and start giving her homework on how to hold your key correctly.

    In my experience not pushing her is probably one of the best and maybe most difficult to accomplish peace of advice I can give you.
    She will figure those out pretty fast. General you'll be horney, frustrated, constantly thinking about sex, and possibly annoyingly touchie feely. You'll wake her up in the middle of the night and you'll probably have mood swings. Basically you'll be on an emotional roller-coaster until you get used to constantly being sexual frustrated. Sounds fun right? =P
    We got a knock off holy trainer for like $30 online that has worked good for the last 6 months. We ordered a metal one for $20 but it hasn't got here yet.
    ineverknew likes this.
  2. Thanks, yes this will be my first cage. I’m glad you replied because I didn’t realize I would be pressuring her but in retrospect I can see that now. I was trying to give her the benefit of experienced key holders’ experiences, both good and bad.

    I really appreciate your advice.
    Sarah8 likes this.
  3. I couldn’t agree more with @Sarah8@Sarah8 this could turn into a chore very fast if she has so much “help”.

    I’m not sure how old you two are but my kh is mid 30’s and the first thing she did after I mentioned a chastity device and her being my keyholder was to google it and looked up as much info as she could. The next time we made love she climbed on top of me and said “I guess you won’t be on top anymore”. Next she was talking about FLR’s and got into discipline. I don’t think any person in this day and age of information would not be curious enough to search for information.

    She will figure out what she likes at her own pace, and as long as you two communicate she will know what you like.
    ineverknew and Sarah8 like this.
  4. Thanks. So far I’ve received different but much better advice than what I thought I needed.
  5. Now you are starting in this pursuit then be aware of the following (these are all of my experiences)
    for starters:
    1. Don't get annoyed/Depressed/Angry if you Wife wants to take it off after a few minutes/hours.
    2. Don't get annoyed/Depressed/Angry if she doesn't even notice you have it on some days.
    3. Let her know that it is not a way to stopping being intimate together.
    4. Get ready for the "I've been in chastity for two days now, and don't want an O because it spoils the build up."
    5. Sleep will be disturbed most nights, so you will get mood swings.
    1. get ready for some pinching when putting on the device.
    2. get ready for the burning sensation behind your balls both at night (Nocturnal Erection) and in the cold.
    3. get ready to clean public toilet seats before sitting down to pee.
    4. buy some slightly tighter pants to keep everything in place.

    Just a few tips from my experience.
  6. Thank you. Apparently it is advice for me that’s needed. I appreciate you sharing.

    I’ve already told her that she has to be in charge of my cock not me and it has to be her that decides how long to keep me caged. I also asked her to decide how long it will be each time before she cages me and to stick with it regardless of how much I complain. She seemed excited with that because she knows I’ll fuck the hell out of her when she releases me.

    Also, I’m expecting some discomfort.
  7. I guess there is an invisible line that you need to find when deciding how much help to give her. It's probably different for everyone. My fist experience with chastity wasn't really a good one. I felt like I was watching a really good movie with someone who kept telling me what was going to happen next or playing a game with someone who had already beat it 100 times telling me set by step what to do. It wasn't fun.

    You probably already have a very detailed idea of how chastity is supposed to work in your head. Keep it there for a while until she has enough time to come up with her own ideas. Then over time see how they mix together and change.

    I think the house of cards is good analogy. You want to avoid being the guy who gives her a humongous house of cards that you've spent ages developing named "My chastity fantasy and assorted kinks" and then try to explain to her how she can fit into it. Wait no! Not that card it will make it fall. Come on you can't put the card there you won't be able to stack anything else on top of it. No that will make it fall too. Here just do this....

    Far better to go ahead a knock yours down and build a new one with her leading the way.

    If she's like me she may be way more timid than you'd like. So when she's asks if you want to cum or stay denied. A good answer is to say something to the effect of I honestly don't know what I want more but having you decide and surprise me is incredible!

    Once she finds her feet and gets comfortable honest answers are great but until she gets the hang of being a KH I think it's best to let her play around and have fun with it. She may only keep you locked for a couple days when you wanted to go for weeks. If your focus is on finding joy in watching her experiment and discover her role as your keyholer instead of how well she's sticking to the plan in your head you'll both have a much more enjoyable time getting though the hard parts.

    You are probably going to want to complain a lot at first. I don't imagine many if any guys getting into chastity manage to avoid it but do your best not to. It's not sexy but it's going to happen. All I can say is man up and learn to coap. Focus that sexual energy on other hobbies or on things that will please her or make her life easier. Don't be afraid to take breaks from the cage and go on honor system when dealing with your emotional roller-coaster gets overwhelming. Sometimes just taking the cage off for a while is enough to help you get yourself back under control. I like to think of the chastity cage as a sex toy to make orgasm denial a little more intense but sometimes a little less intensity is needed.

    I've talked mostly about how you can make chastity fun for her and pointed out a few danger areas we didn't manage to avoid when starting out. However it's also going to be incredibly important for you to enjoy chastity too. At least in my humble opinion. There are countless ways chastity can be used in a relationship and finding out how to use it in yours is part of the fun. Reading posts on here will probably give you the impression that your role should be to suffer in silence and focus solely on her pleasure and maybe it is. That's for you and her to decide.

    However in my relationship our whole chastity play is focused around being intimate and teasing eachother. You should think on it really hard and come up with one or two things that she can do for you that will make the difficulty of adjusting to orgasm denial more bearable. For my husband it's frequently doing or saying things that let's him know I haven't forgot he's locked up throughout the day and spending atime least a few minutes at night before bed being intimate and getting him really turned on.

    It could be anything you want though. Maybe the idea of her spanking you've been annoying is something you couldn't live without. Or maybe the thought of her allowing you to go down on her each night and falling asleep satisfied while your denied is the thing. Whatever it is bring it up to her and see if she's willing to make it apart of her daily routine.
    ineverknew likes this.
  8. I agree with @Sarah8@Sarah8, the only thing I would add is that one of the hardest things for a guy getting into chastity is that this is no longer your fantasy once she has the keys. I know you've probably read a ton, watched videos, seen all of the captions and built up this idea in your head of how it will be. The reality is it might not be like that. Its actually her fantasy now. Which may be different than yours. And thats ok. Let her make this her own and trust me it can be a lot of fun discovering this together. In the beginning it may be rocky, you may feel abandoned sometimes. Just give her time and she will figure it out. Having a weekly discussion about it can help clear the air on anything that needs to be discussed. so yeah save your needs and complaints until then, women hate to hear whining lol. good luck ;)
    Sarah8 likes this.
  9. Wow Sarah8 and ineverknew, very good advice.

    I don’t really have an idea of what it will be like and my only “want” is for her to take complete control of my cock. I expect not to like my chastity at times but I do know my only complaining must only be about how much I want to fuck her. That’s the type of complaining she will enjoy. I’m not sure what she will do when she really gets into this but as long as she controls my cock and she’s doing whatever she really wants to do with it and me, we’ll both be happy.
    ineverknew and Sarah8 like this.
  10. Chastity isn't that bad if you have a good fitting device. Eventually you'll not even notice its there most of the time. But in the beginning its a struggle because you do know its there, like every minute. Just try not to focus on that as much as you can. Proceed with life as normal.

    Oh yes you'll be complaining lol. But once the lock clicks shut you have to wait for her permission, and that sir is the most delicious part :D.
    Sarah8 and janderson32151 like this.
  11. I think that's the most appealing aspect to me.
    ineverknew likes this.
  12. doesnt matter what you hear and what u read, ever road is different, if its a trip u want to take?..then take it... experience it all
    Sarah8 likes this.
  13. Tonight she was talking about when she cages me and she said, “You know how well I can channel my inner bitch”. She’s being tight lipped on the things she’s going to do to me but did mention numbing cream so I can fuck her without cumming. She seems to be getting excited about the subject and while we were talking about it I felt her pussy and she was extremely wet.

    After we fucked she told me while sucking my cock and just before I came, she almost quit and said that’s enough for tonight. I have a feeling I’m going to be spending a lot of time with my head between her legs while having aching balls.
    ineverknew likes this.
  14. The more control my dominant wife has the more she takes. Once yours has the key her inner bitch likely will take over. Are you prepared for a power exchange?
  15. With us the funny thing it was her kink. And I agree with demale, once that lock clicks shut her inner bitch will come out. She bought the devices and fitted me, I was given the choice to back out and I let her click the lock shut. We now live a full FLR and well we like it. She loves the feeling of the key to my fate hanging between her breasts. Until I got use to the cage there was a spare key in an envelope in my desk. That has since disappeared. Any unlocking is totally her discretion. I have become a true bottom and I love it!
  16. Love being a bottom as well. It's something deep in my psyche that I came to embrace fully. It it a wonderful and natural thing to give your life over to a dominant woman.
  17. I can’t wait for the power exchange but I really think it will not be to the depth of that of many others. I really don’t see us changing into a FLR. What I do see is her making my balls really hurt and then allowing me to fuck the hell out of her. I’m an alpha male but I’m going to go wherever her desires take us because being an alpha male is not an issue of ego to me. I can follow just as well as I can lead. I’ve mentioned several times that she can do anything she wants and I’ve even told her that if she wants to restrain me by chaining my cock to something immovable that’s OK. I’m going to mention today that if she tells me to lick my cum from her pussy I will.

    I explained that we need to talk a lot about what we’re about to do before she cages me because after she clicks the lock shut everything is up to her and it’s no longer my place to offer anything unless she asks. I think her only concern is the length of time before she releases me. She doesn’t see doing it more that a few days at a time. Does anyone have any suggestions I can use to make her understand she can keep me caged for longer periods? I told her it’s up to her when the cage goes on and for how long and she should determine the length of time before she cages me and stick to it and not tell me how long I’ll be caged.
  18. On another note, I slept in a 2 inch ring last night. I woke up several times in a decent amount of pain. My cock and balls were not discolored so the first time I waited and the pain went away. The second time I removed the ring. How do you guys cope with the pain?

    I put the ring on right after I bought it at the hardware store but didn’t tell my wife. I wanted her to find it. When she did found it, she became excited and pretty damn horny.
  19. Whoah big fella! You are spoiling some of the fun for her. Try doing this for awhile and let her figure out what’s fun for her. If you are bound and determined to set the stage for her, at least just put your fantasies out there and let her decide if and when she will use them.

    I suggest writing down the things that turn you on...not detailed scenes just generic labels.
    Example: enforced orgasm clean up
    Anal play

    If you hand her the script it won’t be very fun. You letting her know your turn ons is great, let her decide when and if they will be initiated.

    As far as lock up time, let that go too. She knows she can keep you locked longer, if she wanted u locked longer she would. Let her be the one to make those decisions and I bet at some point you will be remembering the good old days when she unlocked you so often.
    ineverknew and Sarah8 like this.
  20. I appreciate your advice Nicoftime, I certainly don't want to write a script for her and I see that's probably what I'm doing. My intent is to only impress upon her that she will completely control my cock and that she doesn't have to be timid.

    I really think with the advice I've received from everyone here, everything will work out fine.
    Nicoftime likes this.
  21. Careful with the expectations lol. Again this is going to be her fantasy once the lock shuts. She may some day want a FLR, she may not. She may make your balls really hurt and then NOT let you fuck the hell out of her ha ha. Its not up to so be prepared for that.

    Its normal for her to be unsure in the beginning. Once you have some play time under your belt she will grow more confidence and do as she pleases. Its completely fine for short lock ups in the beginning. Natural progression is towards longer lock ups but again she will figure that out.
    janderson32151 and Nicoftime like this.
  22. I'm sure @Sarah8@Sarah8 could comment on how she felt in the beginning with lock up times, that may help shed some light on it. ;)
  23. I think whoever said all this stuff explained it pretty well lol :p

    It was really annoying for me that he wanted to go longer. 6 months later it's still fairly annoying actually. Every KH is different but for me personally, especially at first I wanted to tease him and then deny him. Sounds fun right? It's what he asked me to do and I was excited about doing it for him. That being said how much fun do you think it would be for your KH if she'd had you locked up for a couple days. She's been saying sexy things to you, fondling your cage, and basically doing everything she can think of to tease you and turn you on. It's gotten her pretty hot to so she decides to unlock you and play with your cock. She teases you for a long time and maybe edges you. This whole time she's talking dirty and really doing her best to make sure you are just dieing to cum. Then she asks if you want to cum...... and you say no. :oops::oops::oops:

    Let's go longer!!! She probably expected you to say yes or even beg her to let you after all the effort she's put into teasing you. Then when she's totally expecing you to say yes please let me cum and she's already to say Awe not today honey it's my choice and I'm locking you back up.... but you tell her you don't want to orgasm and that you'd just like to be denied longer.... not fun.

    Before in my previous message I gave you an example of what you could say if she asks if you want to orgasm.... however if she's asking in the heat of the moment after she's been teasing you just give her the appropriate answer. She may let you cum she may be planning on giving you an awesomely wicked mind fuck where she makes you think you're getting to cum until right at the last second before locking you back up.

    In short let her choose and try not to ruin her fun just because you want to go longer. In time she will probably keep you locked plenty but in the beginning it's new and fun for her too and she probably wants to see what it's like to make you cum after 2 days of teasing you.... then it will probably be fun to see what it's like after 3 days.... get her time to explore at her own pace. Eventually the newness will wear off and she might even forget you're in there. :p
    Nicoftime and ineverknew like this.
  24. Good advice Sarah8. I don’t think I’ll ever say I want to wait to cum. She’s going to have a lot of fun tormenting me and when my balls are aching I’m going to always want to cum.
  25. Last night while fucking she suddenly very loudly shouted stop like she was mad! I asked if she was serious and she said, "no, not tonight but you better enjoy it because it may be the last time". She was again extremely wet. I'm confident everything will work out very well and I think it's in a large part because of the advice I've received from all of those who have committed. Thanks
    ineverknew likes this.
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