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Convincing Wife

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by janderson32151, Nov 29, 2017.

  1. Hi, just created an account 30 minutes ago.

    I'm wondering about the different ways men have brought up chastity to their wives; for those who had to bring it up.

    I'm convinced my wife would thoroughly enjoy tormenting me but I also know I will have to bring it up the right way.

    We enjoy an active sex life and she's very daring to the point some would call her a slut. She's always been willing to do a lot for me such as exhibitionism, public masturbation, bondage (tieing her up), posting her pictures online, etc.

    She does enjoy submissive sex where she's the submissive but she does ocassionly want to dominate.

    If I can successfully get her started she will, "Take the keys and run".

    Thanks
     
    SubNoel6969 and catbells like this.
  2. Welcome to the mansion!

    I'd ask her what she thinks about it during sex. Tease her until she's begging for it then ask her if she's ever heard of a chastity device. Tell her you'd like to lock her up and take control of her orgasms. Say that you'd like to tease her like your doing now all the time and then lock her back up without letting her cum.

    If she likes the idea get a chastity cage for both of you. =P

    If she doesn't seem all that thrilled tell her hot much the idea of her controlling your orgasms sounds and that if she agrees to try it you'll let her cum. Horney girls usually don't say no. =)
     
    Chastitybf88 and ineverknew like this.
  3. Thanks, I never considered talking about controlling her orgasms by chastity. Although I do love to make her beg for orgasms when we fuck.
     
  4. Then I'd definitely consider it. I think it would be twice as awesome if you were controlling each other's orgasms. Plus if she not by teasing her and basically giving her a demonstration of what you would like her to do to you it will make it a lot easier for her to understand what you expect from her.

    I think a lot of guys over think it. Chastity is just a type of sexual favor. Do you get all worried about how she will react when you ask for a blowjob? Are you way more likely to get one when she's horney?

    The best advice I can give is to find out what she would want out of being your keyholder. Figure out how you being in chastity can turn her on. Then create your own style of chastity play together. Maybe you guys will take turns being dominant or she might be your submissive keyholder. Just don't fall into the trap of thinking she's got to turn into a mistress in order to make chastity play awesome. If she's on the submissive side like me trying to fit her into that role may not be an easy process. So forget all the chastity porn you've seen and talk to her about how it can fit into your relationship.
     
  5. Thanks again. Actually, there are times I just tell her I want a blowjob and she accommodates. I would never see her as a mistress and I don’t think she would ever try. However, what I can see is her making me please her orally before she releases me. I am definitely going to use your advice.
     
    ineverknew and Sarah8 like this.
  6. You may be surprised by how into keyholding she gets but I'm sure you two will have lots of fun learning what works before for you. If you have questions or just want to share about how it's going please post! We'd love to hear about your journey and there are lots of experienced people here willing to help.

    See you around and good luck!
     
    ineverknew likes this.
  7. Well said ;)
     
    Open2njoy and Sarah8 like this.
  8. If anyone has any additional advice; I’m all ears.
     
  9. While I agree with what @Sarah8@Sarah8 said, I'll just tell you what I did. My wife is very vanilla so I didnt want her to freak out. I guess I thought that if I told my wife I wanted to wear this weird contraption and not be able to cum she would think I was at a new level of weird lol. So I found this article online that I thought brought the idea up in a great way. It was an article where a guy brought the idea of chastity up to his wife and she thought he was some sort of freak. But she did some research and ended up realizing what a great idea it is. So it kind of walks her through the process of being told. http://gweninlove.blogspot.com/2012/03/fulfilled-fantasy-male-chastity-device.html
     
  10. Thanks, I really appreciate your advice
     
  11. Look, @janderson32151@janderson32151, if you want to occasionally role-play with chastity, you've received good advice and it sounds like you have a lovely, "very daring" wife who may indulge you in your (as suggested above) porn-induced, fleeting games.

    That may be a good start, perhaps, but likely not a lasting, real proposition. Beyond that, chastity is more than just a type of "sexual favor". Most here would say that at the core of it, it's truly about a transfer of power. It's about you rightfully relinquishing control to her, and truly be able to submit to her wishes in the bedroom and outside of it, for her to really see the value in that exchange.

    In short, she'd need to want to ably and sustainably hold that power and control over you. And you need to truly be willing to totally yield it to her. For that to happen both of you will need to be prepared, willing, and ready for it. Are you?
     
  12. Yes I am ready. We are both take charge types in our work environments which is why I suspect she often submits in bed. Although while in bed she does push my head between her legs for oral until she either cums or is ready for a different position. She’s good about telling me what she wants whether it’s exhibitionism, pictures, videos, or to be just tied up and fucked hard.

    The times she has taken control I’ve seen in her face a look I can’t explain. It’s almost as if I’m only there for her pleasure. I’ve thought for some time now that it would be enjoyable for her to take full control and let her inner bitch come out.
     
  13. Well just so you know there are just as many ways to engage in chastity as there are couples. It doesn’t have to be as hard core as giving her financial and personal control of your life, or as flippant as wearing it for a few hours as a porn inspired sex game. Most of the time it turns into something in between that both figure out as they go along.

    As for how to initiate the conversation? I usually recommend being completely honest and telling them what turns you on. I had gone out with her for a few months. Long enough to know I really liked her, but not so long that she would think I hid anything from her. I told her that I was sexually submissive, had a feminine side that I have kept hidden my whole life, and that I wanted to give up control to her. I said I had bought a device that locks on, that I couldn’t get it off, touch myself, orgasm, or even get hard unless she unlocked me.

    She said she didn’t really want that kind of responsibility, but I said nothing really has to change for her, except that she would have to unlock me if she planned on using it. She said she would try. Soon she submerged herself in FLR and being dominant. We texted and chatted often about our turn ons etc. We soon got to where we are today through trial and error.

    If she is a gal that is game to try new things I’m sure this won’t really shock her, in fact if she’s anything like my kh you may wonder just how you got to the point that you haven’t got yourself off in almost two years.
     
    Sarah8 likes this.
  14. @RexVa@RexVa Wow I like unintentionally trolled you there didn't I? I was trying to be friendly and welcoming. Then you came in behind me all condescending and implying all this stuff about what I said. I must have really rubbed your fur the wrong way huh? I honestly didn't intend to become the focus of your ire until now but I'll clarify my statements for you.
    Porn-induced, fleeting games.... Exactly what I meant to say! That's actually a very accurate description of chastity play. I don't know why it sounds so derogatory when you say it though.

    Man watches porn, man watches kinky porn, man finds chastity, man buys a $20 sex toy on amazon, and man plays chastity games. I think it's safe to say that's how the majority of guys find they're way into chastity play.

    The key to creating a chastity experience that isn't just a fleeting game is sharing it with a keyholder who enjoys it as much if not more than you do. Then learning together how to fit it into your relationship. Chastity literally means abstaining from sex. That's all. From there onward you and your kh determine what it means to you individually and as a couple.

    Chastity is like a gateway drug and it can grow and expand into numerous other kinks. The message I was trying to get across was that your journey into chastity will go a lot smoother if you discuss it with your KH and incorporate it into your relationship in a way that you both find arousing. If her idea of an amazing night of sex is being tied up, spanked, and fucked by a demanding lover. And your chastity fantasy is kneeling at the foot of the bed in your cage while going down on her.... You can see there may be some challenges ahead if you attempt to force her into becoming your dream mistress. Maybe they won't be any at all I don't know either of you.

    In the broadest sense, chastity will encompasses all the feelings, attitudes, and behaviors that contribute to your sense of being a man both publicly and privately. It's going to suddenly be a huge part of your sexuality and the dynamic of your relationship will change. How it changes can be a smooth and fun learning experience if you create it together from scratch.

    The thing to keep in mind is that most people here aren't laying next to you in bed each night being woken up by your tossing and turning as you adjust to sleeping without an erection. So just because most people like a particular way of chastity play doesn't mean you should try using the default rubber stamp chastity related fetishes in your relationship. It may be a great fit, it may need some minor adjustments... it may not fit at. If you are both into femdom and flr awesome. If not I believe you and your partner will enjoy the journey much more if you are choosing the destination together each step of the way. Opposed to stacking your top 10 kinks onto a $20 sex toy and trying to force her into being something she's not as quickly as possible.
     
  15. I’m still lobbying for a super like button
     
  16. Mistress Jules
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    Mistress Jules Professional Dominatrix and Owner of Lockit
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    Welcome to the Mansion @janderson32151@janderson32151 I hope you are finding helpful information both here and in other threads around the site. One of the most frequent questions on the forum is about introducing a partner.

    As you can see from the answers above, there is no "one size fits all" version of chastity. Some people use chastity as a fun sexual game, others are looking for a complete change in the dynamics of their relationship and still others are looking to move into a Female Led Relationship.

    I did know one male Dom who wore a chastity device at club, his explanation was that it helped him stay focused when he was playing at club and once he was home with his partner he took it off. Maybe that could be a way to introduce the device as a part of play and then you could work out who holds the keys as time goes on. This would be a relatively easy way to introduce the device.

    I wish you luck in your endeavours and hope you will keep us up to date with how you are getting on.
     
    Nicoftime likes this.
  17. Things that you and your wife have done would be a hard no with my wife, based on that, I don't think you will have any problem. Once you try it for a month or so, she will notice a big change in you, and will never want to stop.

    I first read about orgasm denial on CM almost a year ago, and asked my wife if she would try it with me...she had no problem with it, and it may not have made me more devoted to my wife, but it makes it a lot easier to show that devotion. Life is good.
     
  18. Welcome to Chastity Mansion. You can see that there are lots of diverse opinions expressed here!

    My suggestion is to, in a passionate moment bring up the idea of her locking you up. Say something like "I bet you would lock to lock up my cock, wouldn't you?" If she asks "What do you mean?" you can reply "I've heard that some women have their partners locked in chastity cages and won't let them cum."

    Try it! All you have to lose is your cock's freedom!
     
  19. My wife always had a dominant role at work as did I. We moved and she decided to become a stay at home person. As a few years past I found her taking a more dominant role in bed as she missed it at work. One day I was goofing around on FB and sent her a picture of a chastity device. A while later (a day or two) she sent me a link about keyholding. I showed an interest and she ordered a couple devices and when they arrived left one and a lock on my nightstand. That night I noticed a key on her necklace. She fitted the device on me and slid the lock in place. She told me this was my one chance to turn this down, I could either reach down and remove the lock or click it shut. I clicked it and have been locked at her will ever since.
     
    Open2njoy likes this.
  20. I'm getting some really good advice. I'm confident in asking her now. I just have to wait for the best time.
     
  21. Don't put it off too long!
     
  22. @Sarah8@Sarah8 No ire (?), condescension, or derogatory intent at all--I regret that's how it may have felt. We're here to be welcoming and provide our best advice--as you certainly did, and l do as well. We're all good--we're just sharing points of view. And @Nicoftime@Nicoftime, I look forward to a 'super like' too ;)

    Good luck, @janderson32151@janderson32151--we're rooting for you.
     
    Sarah8 likes this.
  23. Fun times ahead for you both. Wait until she unlocks her inner domme.
     
  24. Well, I brought it up with her tonight and she wants to try it. It’s something she’s never considered so she’s very much a virgin with this aspect of kink. She asked how long and how often she should cage me and I told her it’s completely up to her to decide when and for how long and she probably shouldn’t tell me how long in order to keep me wondering. She’s actually looking forward to tormenting me and giving me blue balls.

    Does anyone have any links to articles explaining exactly what she can expect to feel or may feel while controlling my access to my cock? Key holders personal experiences will be great and I would really appreciate a list of do’s and don’ts for her when dealing with me.

    Additionally, I would like her to know what types of changes she may see with me while I’m caged.

    Tomorrow I’ll buy various rings to find the correct base ring size but I’m not sure what size cage to buy. My flaccid cock is 4 inches and my circumference is 5 inches. I used taylor’s tape to measure. I’m not looking for a custom cage and would rather stay with the less expensive cages until we find out if this is an activity my wife wants to continue. Any cage suggestions?

    Thanks
     
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