Confusion, help - question about traumas, porn, compulsive masturbation, conditioning and chastity

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Tommi_cute, Jun 1, 2019.

?

Can chastity help stop compulsive masturbation and enhance self-esteem?

  1. Yes it can, if done right.

    22 vote(s)
    47.8%
  2. Yes, it did to me.

    14 vote(s)
    30.4%
  3. Maybe.

    7 vote(s)
    15.2%
  4. No.

    3 vote(s)
    6.5%
Random Thread
  1. Tommi_cute
    Offline

    Tommi_cute Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2019
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    50
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    11:23 AM
    Hi everyone.
    I'm sorry this post degenerated in a long description of my past.
    I anyone is interested and know things that may help me anyway, that would be appreciated.


    I'll go straight to the point (my question):
    do anyone know how the use of porn (for long time) can alter our subconscious and make us believe we want things that do not "really" belong to us?
    How can be chastity fantasy be related to porn/masturbation abuse? Do you know books about this - mental conditioning / associations and chastity?

    Also,
    Could chastity help me interrupt my compulsive masturbation habit?

    Lastly,
    did porn, masturbation and hypno videos had a role in your fantasy about chastity?
    Do you think that it is healthy?


    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

    Longer description (self psychological analysis attempt lol).
    For example, on one hand I had fantasies of being a girl (and marry one of my friends while wearing the white bride dress) since I was around 3 yo. I remember a detailed day-dream and extremely strong emotions, of kinda love and maybe excitement, etc. But of course, at that point the sexual identity is not fully developed, puberty is a lifetime away, and hormones are different than in an adult.
    I remember I had fantasies and even played games of being basically submissive to girls (a girl that I liked in particular) and being partially controlled. Like, during a travel or smth me and my friend were being "captured" by the girls in their room, closed in the closet, and my friend kinda wanted to go out right away, instead I liked it, idk,. I didn't want to escape. Even in other games I played, with action figures etc, with friends, I remember I enjoyed the emotion of being captured (my toy), put in prison, be helpless etc.
    I'm starting to think that it may have to do with some sort of past (removed) trauma.
    Or is it pretty common having those "being captured" fantasies?
    I'm curious how I could find out. I have one (childly) 'terrifying' memory with smth happened with my father where my freedom was "removed" and I was emotionally devastated, nothing remotely sexual tho. And now that I'm writing this I start to think that it may be related, to the 'helpless' state, idk.

    Fastforward.
    Around 14 yo I started to have access to internet and porn. I started to use it to cope with stress and frustration, more and more often, until unfortunately it became an habit.
    The first cd with porn image a friend gave me (that started my internet porn search) had a lot of hentai and femboy etc, and I remember I used to love the images where the boy was embarassed and basically in an inferior/sub situation.

    Fastforward
    After now like more than a decade of porn use (even while in long therm relationships) I am not sure what my "real" desires are and what is conditioning over time and could be "reversed". But now that I am entering the bdsm world and the chastity thing, I'm thinking, should I actually stop and let my brain rewire before acting those fantasies? Will the act solidify some conditionings that are not "really me"?

    Fastforward to recently
    One thing that makes me extremely guilty and ashamed (with really ruined self esteem etc, that is already low in myself) is the fact that I eventually fell into the findom addiction.
    This is something that I can really see is a conditioning. Porn use transitioned into "hypno" videos online, and now I have some conditionings, some associations strictly tied to the masturbation act that give me "short term pleasure" but I already know in the moment that are wrong for me. And after, I am psychologically devastated. But, over time, with my stupidity, it became an addiction.
    So now I want to "detox" from it, even tho I have extremely strong cravings and urges.
    The findom led me to be aroused with ballbusting videos (tied to cashmeets) and cuckolding, other than verbal and "task" humiliation and degradation. All of this make me extremely aroused and anxious/stressed in the moment and extremely guilty and feeling worthless after. It is impacting my career development and my productivity and creativity, and led me to more often thoughts of total worthlessness and sometimes suicidal thoughts (I never acted on those, and I was seeing a psychologist and now I a very spiritual and intelligent psychiatrist - but he didn't even know what findom is).
    I am not sure where my real self end and where I enter the realm of hurtful conditioning.

    Does anyone have any suggestion?
    Given those facts, should I stay away from chastity until I am rewired and serene with myself?

    Could chastity help me interrupt my compulsive masturbation?
    That would be amazing as it would actually solve all other problems: everything wrong with me starts from my compulsive masturbation.
    But I also usually surf the web etc wile laying/humping a pillow/blanket, and I get great pleasure from "riding" something soft the massages right below my balls: I get I am massaging my prostate, and idk, I usually also touch the frenulum, but idk it chastity can help me with compulsive masturbation.
    Any thoughts/suggestions?

    Thank you whoever reads for your time and attention.
    Sorry for the length, if not clear, I am very confused lol.
    Tommi
     
    StevenBeez and GoddessMWilspoon like this.
  2. Nostromo
    Offline

    Nostromo Active member

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2013
    Messages:
    457
    Likes Received:
    281
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    New York City area
    Local Time:
    11:23 AM
    If you are truly addicted and porn and masturbation is having a negative effect on your life (findom is a red flag) I would seek professional help. Having said that, I often self lock for a few days or weeks to take a break from masturbation. It can be helpful.
     
    Tommi_cute likes this.
  3. Tommi_cute
    Offline

    Tommi_cute Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2019
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    50
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    11:23 AM
    Thank you.
     
  4. HenryFlower
    Offline

    HenryFlower Member

    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2014
    Messages:
    75
    Likes Received:
    67
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    UK
    Local Time:
    4:23 PM
    What you say about your early fantasies reminds me a lot of me. I often describe myelf as a 'born submissive', since those feelings came about at such a young age, and were fundamental to my own self-image as it developed.

    As I've got older, and had more experience, I've realised just how much excess stuff I picked up along the way by engaging with unrealistic or unhealthy representations of BDSM. Seperating your true desires from those depictions can be tricky.

    Given your present problems with findom, porn and mental health, I think now may not be the best time to begin experimenting with chastity.

    Chastity will make your arousal near-constant. My guess is it will make you crave more of the things that are making you unhappy - not less. And it will make it more difficult to tell what's a real desire and what is part of your conditioning (not just from hypno, but from over exposure to porn in general).

    I think continued detox is the way to go here. A kink-aware counsellor may also be able to help. If you're fixed on exploring kink, try getting out to some munches and events and form some real-life connections that will help you grow and learn more about yourself.

    Once you're feeling more gorunded, you can pick things back and go about it in a more positive and healthy way.

    Good luck!
     
  5. Tommi_cute
    Offline

    Tommi_cute Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2019
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    50
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    11:23 AM
    [... I think continued detox is the way to go here. ...]

    Thank you very much.
    I think it may be hard to find a kink-aware counselor, I will try.
    And, I think I will start trying chastity and see how it affects my cravings. It things get worse, I will rethink it.

    I already relapsed badly yesterday night and today basically all day (I can't believe it).
    Now I'm finally locked and will see.
    The thing is, I got a call from a company that may want to give me a 3 year contract to buy and license my music, and so I have to deliver some new tracks and make a good impression to get the job. It would be an amazing change in my life. That is why I am very scared, I don't feel I am good enough, and I escaped in findom stuff.

    Now I will see if I can make the change happen.

    Thanks tho.
     
  6. HenryFlower
    Offline

    HenryFlower Member

    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2014
    Messages:
    75
    Likes Received:
    67
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    UK
    Local Time:
    4:23 PM
    Ace news on the contract. I'm a musician & a licensing deal like that is the dream! You obvs have talent or they wouldn't bother with an approach. I hope things turn out well for ya. Feel free to PM me a link to your tracks - would love to hear some music from a fellow kinkster-muso
    .
     
  7. jenniferlace
    Offline

    jenniferlace Junior Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2008
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Local Time:
    8:23 AM
    There is SO much porn and very personal, first person, or even interactive porn, that you DO NOT NEED that findom stuff. You MUST allow for separation of those ideas - a porn addiction is one thing, but the absolute self-destruction of findom is MUCH more serious. 'Fetish' might take all different forms, but those people are SCREWING YOU OVER. Get off, but be safe, be GOOD to yourself - even if you're seeking 'degradation' - there is a limit and there is self-respect. It is NOT worth it.
     
    Tommi_cute and b_quark like this.
  8. madams-sissysub
    Offline

    madams-sissysub Junior Member

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2009
    Messages:
    2,657
    Likes Received:
    1,815
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    nurse
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    uk (west mids)
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    3:23 PM
    I think your first step should be seeking a councillor, and getting a professional opinion and advice. But that said if being in chastity is helping and makes you feel better, then there is nothing wrong with that! Just be safe and get help, and don’t let it ruin your life.
     
    slavette likes this.
  9. Tommi_cute
    Offline

    Tommi_cute Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2019
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    50
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    11:23 AM
  10. Finn-egan
    Offline

    Finn-egan Active member

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2018
    Messages:
    405
    Likes Received:
    669
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Canada
    Local Time:
    11:23 AM
    Therapy is probably the best start. I am locked full time, and totally denied sexually, but still enjoy looking at porn, which I've greatly reduced, but it's still a desire. I've cut it down to things that reinforce my goals and relationships, but I still crave it. Being locked may reduce the addiction to the hormones from masturbation and orgasm, but not necessarily the desire, which as some have noted, may get worse. I kicked masturbation with the help of my keyholder, who looked at at as a gross and childish habit. Her attitude, and work at making me self aware of it, got me to quit. That's the missing part here though. Pursue a relationship of some sort. The worst thing about porn is that it creates unrealistic expectations, and kills actual human interaction and contact. I couldn't do this without the support of my wife and my keyholder, both of whom are my best friends. Don't rely on fantasy. Maybe this requires therapy too, but nothing replaces an actual relationship and human contact.
     
    GoddessMWilspoon likes this.
  11. Jessica Alexander
    Offline

    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2016
    Messages:
    1,367
    Likes Received:
    2,456
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Female
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Houston
    Local Time:
    4:23 PM
    Maybe you should get a good friend to help you by putting parental controls on your computers and phone. Without adult sites you'd probably masturbate a lot less and have better control.
     
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice