Conditioning the mind

I have no experience here to impart. I am at the start of what I think may be a long period of exploration to understand what I truly seek.

For sure, my starting point was selfish self-gratification. I wanted to manipulate a situation which accorded with my fantasy of domination. Even if that happened, it would not be true domination, because it was something I had basically engineered.

Now, I am seeking something different, but I am not yet entirely sure what it is. Certainly, any idea of domination doesn't come with the erotica baggage attached to it, or the notions of humiliation or subservience that originally informed my thinking. It's something else.