Conditioning the mind

Your experience seems to mirror mine exactly. For a decade now, I've been trying to get my wife to be more dominant. Finally, in the last few months, it's worked. However, it's been on her terms, not mine.

We were fighting a lot and even seeing a marriage counselor for a short period of time. Basically she would have me make all the decisions in our relationship. Then, she would complain if things didn't turn out how she wanted. I would get defensive over this and we would just argue too much.

After having a few honest discussions, we realized we needed to change the power dynamic. I run a business but positions of authority cause me a lot of stress. So, we decided my wife would be making more decisions, especially when it comes to parenting.

Over a relatively short period of time, she has seen how much happier and stress free I am in chastity and how much more compliant I am after a session on bondage/cbt/cropping/etc. She's using these tools, plus other smaller displays of dominance, to ensure I remain submissive with unquestioning obedience. Plus she enjoys nightly massages and regular orgasms (while I remain locked up of course )

This doesn't mean she calls me her slave, carries a crop and slaps me if I backtalk.... Our underlying friendship is growing, we are talking and joking around more, and overall we are becoming more positive people. An outside observer probably wouldn't be able to tell we are working on an FLR. She asks me nicely to do things (with please and thank you), but we both know I don't have a choice.

I was going to start a journal about this, but I don't think there is much more to say.

 

Similar experience here. You can't make someone do something they don't want to do. They will make the journey when they are ready and in their own way. Beautiful is making great strides becoming a key holder, but the direction she is going is not quite the same as I had fantasized about. Now it's up to me to accept her decisions and learn to adjust to what she wants. Wait, now who is conditioning who?

-the footman

 

great topic and lots of good points.

 

Exactly! The fantasy is just a way of realizing the direction you want to move. It takes a lot of trust on the submissive's part to let their partner guide their relationship and life.

 

I echo a lot of the same sentiments posted already her. As a man that desired to be treated as a baby girl I begged my wife to take control of me. For a long time she actually felt she was submissive in the bedroom which was hard for me to understand because I viewed her as very dominant. When we would roleplay before our relationship became a FLR lifestyle she was very dominating and specialized in severely humilating me. The more she dominated and humilated the more I craved. Our FLR did not really completely form until I became her cuckold. After that she had felt the power and control cuckolding brought to our marriage and realized she craved it very much. Since that time I have been in diapers permanently and chastity soon followed. We both have never been happier.

 

I totally agree, @At all Times! The whole chastity journey is much more about mind control (Her controlling mine) than it ever was about chastity or the physical cage.

Our FLR began as Her being disappointed in my "deviant" interests in wearing feminine lingerie items and, over time, has evolved into Her domination of me in almost every way possible. We have both learned a lot along the way - most importantly, how to communicate our wishes, desires and thoughts to one another! (and then She directs me to do as She wishes!) LOL

 

Getting your SO interested is an achievement in itself. Well done all of you I take my hat off to you all. Thinking you are going to get your SO's concept of what is going to happen to coincide with your fantasies is at best for most of us an execise in naivety.

The main thing to concentrate on at all times is what can i do to make this worthwhile for her, something she gets enough benefit from for long enough to capture her interest. Above all you must be able to show her how your appreciation of her decision is in her best interest. Once you have her into TTTWD then be prepared to learn and adapt to and then meet her wants, needs and fantasies and if you are lucky and your relationship was already strong it might endure. Most already broken relationships will remain broken or end.

The price we guys pay our SOs to indulge us join us and embrace male chastity play/lifestyle is the price that is asked from us ...or we need to forget it and/or move on.

I've been trendously lucky so far in all my relationships where TTTWD has been a factor much has gone as I would have wanted it to.. some adaptations have been needed but all has been good, mutually beneficial and pleasurable is the catch phrase I think..

My current KH and Partner has upped the price signifiacantly .... Indefinite denial. I pay that price for her ... it fits our dynamic well it makes her visibly and outwardly very very happy and I'll get used to the reality over time. I am already used to her being so happy.

 

I agree, with most couples, the male initiates the chastity discussion. However, frequently the female eventually realizes how much fun this can be, and starts to participate actively-sometimes to the point of being more enthusiastic than the male.

That's more or less what has occurred with me. We stumbled on male chastity online while looking for something to "spice up" our intimacy. At first, I was the driving force. However, she has enjoyed it more and more as time went on and the possibilities became clear. Now, she willingly takes on the dominant role in our sex life and much of the rest of our relationship, socially we truly have an FLR. I am locked most of the time, and wear pink panties at her request, which is 1-2/week.

We both love it, and haven't been more satisfied sexually in years. Although its now been since Jan 8 since I've been unlocked. Things are getting kind of tight in my cage.... She's had 25-30 orgasms since I had one.

 

Thank you

 

A very accurate description for me too. We too started orgasm denial and chastity more than ten years ago. She simply selected exactly what she wanted from what was on offer and completely rejected everything else, not by arguing about it, but just by never doing it however many time it was suggested. She loves cunnilingus but not intercourse so she asks me to provide pussy worship every few days, and thanks me sweetly with "oh, that was lovely, thanks", but then `dominates' me by not even hinting at an orgasm for me. I'm simply lovingly dismissed after providing service. All sort of low key but quietly effective. Like others I do many things to make her life easier, so she knows her strategy of keeping me denied is spot-on.

 

Wise words.

 

there seems to be a theme here. " i want her to take total control over my/our life and i will submit to her will" followed by his needs he expects her to provide. that's not turning over control. how can you expect her to feel and enjoy the power when you never really gave up your power? seldom do i hear guys talk about the terrible burden they have placed on their spouse. what i do hear is openly or concealed, how his spouse does not make the grade at fulfilling his fantasy.
for the sake of argument how many men would pay to have someone train your wife to be in total control? would they realize that if the wife is trained his fantasy is complete. all the rest can not be if she is to take full control.

 

truth is he need not accept anything . all she needs is the only key and a strong sense of entitlement to rule.... everything else will fall in place.

 

So far, in the middle of our second year of a FLR and chastity, I have tried to condition myself, including my mind, to meet the expectations She has. While there has also been a change of mindset for her as well, I feel it was somewhat less difficult for Her. I now realize how whatever expectations and fantasies I may have had in the past about this way of life had to be somewhat put aside or at least toned down. My Bride is very much a natural leader working in a mans world, so in many ways, she has been successful in taking charge both in and out of the bedroom. She has expressed feeling a bit pressured at times, so I am doing more to avoid that. Just yesterday, she expressed how much happier She is with me as a partner and person in our new way of life, so I don't see things going back to what they used to be any time soon. I have been lucky to realize a fantasy or two along the way as well, so overall, it has been quite the time. I look forward to the future more than I used to, and I believe she does as well.