Complicated start

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by Jasmic68, Nov 16, 2015.

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  1. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    My wife has agreed to try delay spray and condoms. The good thing about this is it isn't expensive and it doesn't require her tondo anything new. I will order the supplies for next week.
     
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  2. Caged Wolf
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    Caged Wolf A Wolf, even caged, is still a Wolf.

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    Welcome to the numb club! Just make sure you are hard before you spray, because in a couple of minutes you're not going to feel anything!
     
  3. Jasmic68
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    Thanks @Caged Wolf . What is it @Mistress Wolf says? Spray and wrap? I like that. My wife was not interested in strap on Dildos which I am disappointed about but as ever it is about her wishes, not mine. Neither of us are interested in the stupid penis extender as a method of simulating PIV sex. (I like that acronym as well!) (I assume it means penis in vagina?)

    The fact that I want to please her this way provoked a good conversation last night. I explained more about how important her pleasure is to me over my own, and how I do not actually want to orgasm as often as I used to. I explained how pleasure was gained from her own, and how for me the idea of doing this for her was more a slow burn headspace pleasure for me than a quick chemical burn of an orgasm. She has agreed to try the delay tactic and I am so happy about this.
     
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  4. Jasmic68
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    After the down of a few nights ago, last night could hardly have been any better.

    The BBC aired an Adele special. My Wife loves her voice and singing, and she put it on. She has been having physiotherapy for a back issue (many years of being a Nurse can destroy your body in quite imaginative ways!) and she lay down on our rug to stretch. I was pottering about doing laundry and tidying the kitchen after dinner and when I came in and saw her I stretched out down next to her and started rubbing her back. We have a 17 week old puppy who is almost as long as she is now, and he stretched out on her other side, snuggled up and chewed his latest sock (a nice big thick walking sock, donated to the puppy fund due to holes in the heel.)

    My wife was in gooey heaven. She loves having her back rubbed, she adores the puppy, and Adele was pretty amazing.

    When the program finished she declared it was bed time. As we are in Germany so we are an hour ahead of the UK, and she was tired after work. I mentioned that I had half an hour before I had to come down and put the washing in the tumble dryer, so she said I had better find something to do for that time then (with a glint in her eye.)

    In our bathroom she asked me if she should have a shower. I said that it was totally up to her, and this started a conversation. We have always had a partnership where we work together, and she is worried about changing this dynamic with my FLR wishes. I discussed how I am ALWAYS willing to pleasure her, or at least the only two things that would stop me are when I get my bad flu attacks (when I shiver like crazy, my muscles lock up, every part of me aches and then I sleep for 24 hours) or if I get a migraine. That actually made her feel good.

    All I am doing with the wish to move into an FLR is to just acknowledge what we already had with the addition of her power over my orgasms. We were never 50/50 partners, major decisions and even most minor decisions were always hers to make. She would listen to my ideas and thoughts and then do what she wanted anyway, sometimes influenced by me but not always. I love it when she accepts any ideas I have and anything truly enormous (like moving to Germany for instance!) she discusses thoroughly first. (On the Germany thing, if I had said I did not want to go she would very much have gone anyway, even if I had said that I didn't want her to and it would be the end of our relationship. In fact she would have been more likely to go if I ever gave her an ultimatum like that. I never give her ultimatums!)

    My wife had the shower, I dried her and she lay on her front on the bed. I gave her a massage with our Lemongrass oil (smells wonderful!) and she loved it. I cannot resist licking her bottom when she is like this so after the massage I got on with it, her moaning and obviously enjoying my attention. This is a display of how our sexuality has evolved over the years. The first time I went anywhere near her anus she ran away. Literally! Now she demands it, and we are looking to expand anal play. She isn't sure about anal sex but is willing to at least start the journey of getting used to the idea.

    After a while I had to stop and ask for permission to remove my Holy Trainer. I had lubed my middle finger and slid it into her bottom while licking her around it. It had sent her into all sorts of ripples of enjoyment and the feeling of her gripping my finger turned my erection from one that I was coping with to one that tried to push its way out of the device. Unlike my metal devices the Holy Trainer was losing the battle, and one of my testicles slid into the thin gap between the ring and the penis sheath. It was excruciating and my wife has demanded that any pain above my threshold needs to be reported. She unlocked me and due to the nature of the HT I had to go and wash.

    When I came back she told me she had had enough and I covered her back up with the quilt. In mere moments she was falling asleep, very content and happy.

    I switched off the light and left to get on with the laundry.

    Life is good.
     
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  5. Caged Wolf
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    Caged Wolf A Wolf, even caged, is still a Wolf.

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    Yep... that all sounds about right! Good job explaining the FLT adjustment to her, and in giving her what she needed when she needed it!

    And yes, the term Mistress Wolf uses is "Spray and wrap".
     
  6. Caged Wolf
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    Caged Wolf A Wolf, even caged, is still a Wolf.

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    Mistress Wolf also told me to remind you "Do NOT get the delay spray on your Mistress's parts!"

    What i try to do is open the condom, unroll it slightly, spry the stud spray into the condom (5 sprays or so), then put the condom on, being careful not to get the spray on my hands, and rub the spray on working it all the way down the shaft. Once rubbed in well i wash my hands thoroughly with good soap to ensure none of the delay spray remains on my hands.

    Numb for you is a pleasure for Her, but numb for Her is going to be unpleasant for you!
     
  7. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    Gulp! Please thank your Misstress for me! I had not considered that! I really do have a lot to learn...
     
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  8. Jasmic68
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    Saturday is the day that I am allowed to start a conversation with my wife about the lifestyle changes I am trying to instigate. In the spirit of slowing things down I asked her if there was anything that she wanted to ask me, but there wasn't. One of our issues is her day to day life and work does not leave her a lot of time to really get into this, so it has been me finding out information and bringing it to her.

    I thought it would be best if we really did start at the beginning, so I asked her how she felt about me wearing the chastity device. She said that she liked it, that the idea interested her and she understood my reasons. One thing that came out of this is she told me that she prefers the metal devices to the Holy Trainer, so we discussed future plans. She has decided to let me get a Steelworxx looker 2 next year, with the ergonomic ring. I am so chuffed, it costs 369 EUR and that in itself says a lot. My wife is well paid but doesn't waste her money. If she is willing to let me spend that much she really does like the idea of me wearing it!

    We also discussed some CBT ideas that she has shown interest in doing with (to?) me. She found out my secret that I have been quite rough with my testicles in the past, and she has decided that she wants to have a go. When I described needle play her eyes lit up. I have been told to research techniques and found out about Butterfly boarding. She is thinking about needles in my testicles as well, but that will happen if she enjoys the butterfly boarding first. I have a sneaky feeling that she will love it...

    I am not in my cage tonight. After last night where I got an erection that tried to push the holy trainer off the same thing happened this morning, and has left me very raw. It shows that the HT is better at normal wear, but the metal devices are better for tease and denials they are still painful but not as ridiculous as the HT. I want to wear it in the morning though, we are going swimming and that was one of the reasons I bought the device.
     
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    Today has been spectacular.

    In Germany all the shops close on a Sunday. I do not know how Germany have managed to resist the power of the Corporations, but they have, and it is brilliant. The only exceptions are the bakeries. Today this meant that my Wife and I have spent the entire day just being together, doing things that make her (and me!) happy.

    It started early, with a trip to a local swimming pool. I used to swim regularly but haven't for at least a year so 20 laps did come as a bit of a shock. It is going to be a regular thing for me though, I am really motivated to get into shape (motivated by improving my physique to hopefully give my body a more comfortable grip of the chastity device. and also to give my Wife something more pleasing to her eye to look at!)

    I wore my Holy Trainer! One of the reasons I chose it was because I had heard of people using it in that sort of environment successfully and I agree, it was absolutely fine. It also led to the public unveiling of me wearing a device. Germans are not shy about taking their clothes off so when I went to have a shower and then get changed I took my trunks off as well. At first I was a bit self conscious about the device as it is black and does stand out against my pale Northern European skin. After a moment though a previously non existent exhibitionist side of me surfaced and I was turning around in the shower so other men could see it. I did get several looks which made me feel all fuzzy inside.

    I told my wife about it when we left and she laughed, and was 'intrigued' by the idea of me letting other people see it. Luckily nobody said anything to me as my German is in its infancy and I would struggle to explain what it was! It is my wife's reaction to these little moments that make me think that this could end up being a long term thing that she takes a more active role in.

    From there we went to a local bar that does fantastic buffet breakfasts (if you are ever in Germany these are hugely popular at the weekend. I urge you to seek them out, they really are amazing.) A quick drive home and a lovely walk with our Puppy in some local woods. After that I helped my Wife, who is an amazing cook, mixed all the ingredients for three Christmas Puddings.

    I do not know how other people turn on their partners, but for me what I have described is exactly the sort of thing that gets her ready for some private time in the bedroom. We had a shower and then she let me give her a massage. This went the way it usually does and I thoroughly enjoyed myself by giving her an orgasm with my tongue and fingers. She let me take off my device to do this as we don't want it to cause any damaged skin, which is developing from when I get an erection.

    We then fell asleep with her in my arms, which hardly ever happens. It was so nice dozing, listening to her contended snores. My snores can never be described as contended, but they didn't disturb her too much.

    I could go on, as this sort of thing has just gone on all day. We have talked, sometimes about the chastity device and our plans. We have been really close and as I really wanted taken things slowly. So slow in fact that the planned ruined orgasm that was aborted yesterday has been put off until sometime in the week or more likely next weekend.

    Life, on days like today isn't just good. It is amazing.
     
  10. Mistress B
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    Mistress B Mistress B

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    Good heavens, if jemima sees this thread, she will be making hundreds of Christmas pies. :)
     
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  11. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    I usually do all the cooking, have done for years, way before we ever started looking into living any sort of FLR, but my Wife is just amazing with what she creates. Jams and preserves, cakes and puddings. I have seen a small, pleasant Scottish friend barge through lines of people shouting that they better leave her slice of cake alone! She has made our Christmas puddings for several years now and hopefully we will never go back to shop bought ones.

    On another note it also demonstrates something we had a serious chat about, when really getting into what our FLR would 'look' like. My Wife would absolutely go mad if I tried to do everything. She is very much a doer, and would not cope if she thought she wasn't allowed to cook because of the rules of our lifestyle. She even got cross with me yesterday when I started doing some ironing. That is her Saturday morning job, and she definitely let me know I had to go and find something else to be getting on with! It is moments like that when I wonder whether she is beginning to enjoy herself...
     
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    I had a bit of a down morning today. I slept in my steel Attica device last night and while it was fine at first by 5am it was pinching really badly and I was relieved when my wife woke up so I could be released. It had left me sore so I was not locked up in my HT. It is strange how not being locked up makes me restless and disappointed.

    Anyway, by about 11am I decided enough was enough, and locked myself in my HT. My wife does not mind me doing this as she knows it makes me happier. She does however get cross with me if I keep it on when I am in pain (bad pain that is.) luckily it has been absolutely fine. Right now I am in bed and can hardly feel it, and earlier I went to the gym and did some general stamina workouts and hardly knew it was there.

    When my wife came home from work I informed her that I had bought some batteries for her vibrator and that both of my keys for the HT were with the batteries on her bedside table. Since I have had the HT I have always had one of the keys as we did not know whether it would be comfortable but the device has proved itself to be very competent. The only issue is the one of the rampant erection crushing and cutting my scrotum, but that only happens when I am doing something to please her anyway. So with a bit of a leap of my heart I decided it was time to relinquish my key.

    When I told her where the key was I also mentioned that I did not need to know where it was put. This might seem a bit forward (or downright unbelievable) to more experienced Mistresses but we are still very new to this, and although my wife is willing she does want me to guide her. It would be brilliant if she could get that guidance off of someone else and I am hoping to get her to join the Mansion but she is very busy and so far has not had the time to do so.

    I sometimes have a crisis of confidence, usually towards how interested she is in all of this. I was really pleased when I came out of the bathroom after my post gym shower and the key had gone. Now, for the very first time, after nearly 8 weeks since staring this, I have no idea where the key is. I am going to have to wait now until she sees fit to release me.

    I am very happy with this situation.
     
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    I am home again after being chauffeur all morning. My Wife works a good 40 to 45 minutes drive (traffic, not distance) from where we live, and we had to take our son to a health clinic first thing. She had arranged it so she took him into the clinic whilst I waited in the car (I wonder if he realises he lives in a MLR, a Mother Led relationship!) I then had to drive him to school, then to buy some supplies before finally getting to come home. I have some tasks to do the main one being going to pick my wife up when she finishes work.

    I am not working at the moment. It is another one of those things that make me realise I was living in an FLR before I even knew what that was. My Wife had decided that I was going to give up my job, a well paid secure job in middle management, and move from where I was in England to live with her in Germany. This was a big step for me, quite scary, as I had spent the previous ten years working hard to be promoted and had only just got to the level I had set out be at. The relief of finally living with my wife was immense though, and since discovering the ideals of an FLR I realise it gives me an enviable chance t really do this properly. I am going to be working but only for an agency when my wife decides to let me. The money is good and there is pretty much always work available, but for now my jobs are domestic.

    I am really enjoying and getting a lot of confidence from reading the stories told by other members of this forum, about how they started their own journeys of self discovery. There are enough similarities to help me when things are difficult, and enough differences to make me realise that how my Wife and I do this has to be right for us, we don't have to follow any club rules or anything!
     
  14. Jasmic68
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    Thoughts.

    I have recently told my wife how one of my major fantasies was watching her have sex with other people, both men and women. This came about after we filled in a BDSM checklist and compared our soft and hard limits, and what we loved or wanted to do. Having sex outside of the marriage is one of my Wife's hard limits. It goes against her feelings of being faithful and what being in a relationship means. As for myself it isn't something I have ever sought, but I have no way of knowing what my response would be if it happened. Now I am in this new dynamic this would only happen if my Wife commanded it or somehow arranged it, but I still do not know how I would feel.

    I am really hoping that my Wife will join this forum so she can start to get the support and help I am getting but this has made me really think about what I am doing, what I want, how much I am willing to completely relinquish control and let her truly become the person in charge of me that I profess to need and want. I am well aware that there are many people on this forum who do have all sorts of different relationships with their partners when it comes to having sex outside of the initial couple. I have read about open marriages and people who go to swinger clubs or fetish meet ups. I have read about people who are not allowed to have sex with their partner at all, a partner who might have a string of other people they have sex with. Some are made to watch, some are never allowed that sort of access. It is only a matter of time before my Wife is also reading the same things that I am.

    Is this going to change her mind? Will she start to think that actually she is turned on by the idea of having sex outside of the marriage? So many times I have read that men have ended up in types of relationships doing things that they never expected that I almost expect the same thing to happen to me. I am predicting that I cannot predict where this is going! While I think that I would be happy watching her, or even just knowing that she had had sex with someone else I am not 100% sure. I am also completely unsure about how this would effect her, her feelings for me afterwards.

    I do know that the idea of her completely cutting me off sexually terrifies me. I think I could cope with her saying that I was denied PIV sex, but the idea of her never letting me please her in other ways is almost too much to take. Also much as I am trying to turn my interest away from the importance of my own orgasm towards her pleasure, I am still wanting to have orgasms, so if this was denied altogether I know that the relationship would struggle.

    I think that what I am trying to say is that while most of what is happening, and the way the relationship is developing is exciting, I have doubts and worries.

    Today is sort of the first day I can truly say my Wife is in control of my sexuality. She has gone to work and I have no idea where either of the keys for my Holy Trainer are. I could not let myself out even if I wanted to. I am only allowed to ask to be removed if the device is causing me pain that is likely to cause damage, such as cutting skin or cutting off blood supply. This really focuses my thoughts and I am trying hard to modify the way I behave and act with her. I have always been very loving, but now I am trying to be much more respectful, polite and stable
     
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    I have just had the most incredible conversation with my wife. I am still shocked about how much ground we covered. I am utterly, unequivocally convinced that she is happy with the direction we are going in.

    We watched an old NCIS episode in which a guy was murdering women who were unfaithful. She jokingly asked me would I murder her if she was unfaithful, and I said that it would be unlikely as I had recently told her my fantasy of seeing her have sex with other people. She tried to say that she would have betrayed me, by being unfaithful, to which I said how can you betray me when I want you to do it!?

    It is still one of her hard targets, but the end result was we took the conversation upstairs while I had a bath. The rule is that she can start a conversation when she likes, so this was like a cork in a bottle of champagne going off, the floodgates were opened. So much stuff I wanted to talk about came pouring out of me. The brilliant thing was my wife was able to answer and question me equally thoroughly. I am still buzzing.

    I told her that while my fantasy has been around for a long time, I am equally terrified of being replaced completely. I know people on this forum live this way, reading their stories has really made me think about how far down that route I would want to go. I would still love to see another man or woman giving my wife an orgasm, but I know that she would be the one who would then suffer pangs of guilt and negative feelings.

    The best thing my wife said was that she agreed that I had shown her this was more than a fad, a passing phase. She also felt that the dialog this had enabled between us was opening the door to keeping our relationship fresh and interesting and positive. So many couples drift apart when their children leave home, but we now have found something bringing us closer together than ever.

    The clincher, the absolute no brainier that has proved my wife is really happy with this came at the end. She likes the idea of me getting a Neosteel belt device. I showed her @Andrew K s absolutely incredible transformation and she thinks that it could be the best answer for me given my problems with ball trap devices. The Neosteel is a serious investment. I have some interesting times ahead of me.

    My first job is to finish losing weight which I have really started doing. I am going to the gym three times a week, started swimming once a week and my diet has completely changed recently. My second is to save up the necessary funds. I do not know when she will give me permission to send for the sizing device, but I know it will happen.
     
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  17. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    @Caged Wolf I couldn't agree more!

    I think the Neosteel is going to involve a psychological shift in attitude towards both chastity and my penis. All four ball trap devices I have owned have packaged up my penis and testicles and made them more prominent. Even my opaque black Holy Trainer, which doesn't let me see my penis still makes where it is stand out more. The Neosteel on the other hand completely hides it.

    My main problem now is one of impatience. As always I am now feeling like I want to order the sizing tool so I can get this shift happening immediately. This side of my personality is definitely the one my wife is going to be controlling and hopefully modifying in the months to come.
     
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  18. Jasmic68
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    I keep coming back to the same question, Do I really want this? My wife is still at a point where I could decide no and back out. She has also warned me that if I start to complain about what she does, how she chooses to do this, then she will stop and not be involved.

    I picked my wife up from work yesterday, not something I do often, but I enjoyed the opportunity. She was quiet in the car and in the process of getting home through some horrendous road works, then all the normal getting things done in a family home. During all of this she criticized me several times, my driving, not being focused in the shop, not gearing something out of the freezer for dinner. I kept answering back, even though I my head I kept saying shut up and take it, it is deserved.

    Later we had a chat, and I apologized. I told her that I did deserve what she said, that I was working to just accept what she was saying. I do wonder how I would react if I felt she was telling me off for something out of my control.

    Anyway, the answer is still very much yes, I do want this. I am beginning to understand that it isn't going to be easy though.
     
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  19. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    I am a little concerned with how I have very little desire for an orgasm. I would have expected that after 24 days I would have been begging for release, but in fact I find myself either not thinking about it at all or If anything I am hoping my wife leaves me alone and doesn't make me have an orgasm for a good while yet.

    This doesn't mean I don't get turned on. That has definitely increased. Last night my wife leant over me and playfully brushed her breasts (under her jumper) against my face. It only lasted a few moments, but i was instantly swelling inside my device. The slightest touch gets me going.

    The last time we had sex was on the 1st November. The last time I masturbated was over a week before that, sometime mid October. In that time I haven't kept count of the amount of orgasms I have given my wife, but it has been several per week. Normally I would have been desperate by now, and I would have definitely masturbated at least twice a week.

    So what is going on in my head? Where has this change come from? I wasn't locked in my device all of that time, in fact I was out of my device for a large part of it. I have only really been locked up anything like full time since my Holy Trainer arrived about 12 days ago. I read other people's posts about not having orgasms over long periods and start to understand, but then I think about myself again and wonder what is this thing I am ding, and what affect is it having on me?
     
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  20. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    I hate (but understand) this 3 minute editing limit. Gearing something out of the freezer? I'm pretty sure I meant getting! Damn you iPad autocorrect!
     
  21. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    This chastity thing is taking me in some interesting directions. Every day I try to find something that will really please my wife, something more than just the jobs she leaves me with. I have just baked a Banana and Walnut loaf!

    Now I just have to wait and see whether it has pleased her. She normally makes the cakes, so this might backfire and actually upset her.

    So, as a backup I have also been outside and picked up all the dog poo in our back garden. Our lovely puppy does tend to be a bit enthusiastic with his business so we don't always manage to find it all. I did a thorough check and our garden is a pp free zone.

    I hasten to add that I washed my hands thoroughly in between jobs.
     
  22. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    Darn it. I have a spot on my scrotum, right wear the HT ring sits, on the right hand side. I have inspected the area and it looks like an ingrown hair has become inflamed. Hurts a fair bit (nothing like the pain I experienced in the past.) I am scheduled for a wash release tonight so I will have to see what my wife says about being locked up again. She might make me wait.
     
  23. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    @Jasmic68 use a bread and hot milk, that will help and if you can see it then use tweezer. i had 1 on my leg and Mistress did that.
     
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  24. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    Thanks @jemima I will try that. Isn't it funny the things I am learning at the moment!
     
  25. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    I started this Chastity Journey out of a desperate sense of having to find something to save my marriage, to prove to my wife that I loved and respected her and that the hurt and pain I had caused her was a thing of the past. I read a chastity blog today (not on this forum) that listed my reason as one of the worst possible for putting on a chastity device. The thing is though I really do think it has worked.

    I really had nothing else that I could think of that would do what I needed. I had got into a position that I could not undo, there was no going back. My wife was stuck in a loop and even talking to me was difficult for her.

    It is funny how now, about two months later, I cannot exactly remember the moment I went to her with my thoughts about chastity and how it would help. All I know is I am eternally grateful that she said yes. What I now find interesting is that my initial reasons for starting have been completely overtaken by the effect wearing the device is having on me as well as my wife.

    I don't want to go back to how things were before I put the device on. I am utterly uninterested in trying to masturbate. I have made no attempt to break the security of the device, because the security is second to the trust my wife has expressed she has in me. If I was to try and do something to achieve an orgasm now I would break that trust and I would probably have no way back. While I do want to have orgasms in the future I have absolutely handed that decision over to my wife. She is certainly in no rush to provide or allow one, and I am in no rush either. I have not whined, or complained, or anything like that. If it turns out that sort of thing turns her on then I will provide her with a show of begging, but I am not sure how long it would take before I actually got to the point where it was real!

    I am not saying that I want to go into complete eternal chastity, far from it. But the way things are now between myself and my wife is just incredible. I want to be with her more, to touch her and to be touched. I was lying down with my head in her lap earlier this evening when I reached up and started stroking her hair. She closed her eyes, leant her head forward and after a moment started almost purring with pleasure. I immediately started swelling in my HT. I have always liked stroking her hair, never before has it been so charged with.... something! I don't know what, but it was amazing.

    My initial reason for starting this will probably always be a reason to continue it. It is part of the reason my wife has considered me wearing a NeoSteel device, due to the way it completely hides away my penis, and really adds a new dimension to the pursuit of chastity. I think the reason I will continue is because it has become only a part, and not the entire reason.
     
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