Chastity, Wife Information.

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by BluesClues, Dec 7, 2017.

Random Thread
  1. BluesClues
    Offline

    BluesClues New member

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2016
    Messages:
    42
    Likes Received:
    7
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    8:04 AM
    Is there any vanilla friendly meterial that I can show my wife about chastity. She is slowly getting into it but she says she feels like she’s the only girl she knows participating in male chastity and it’s holding her back. None of her friends have ever Heard of chastity. I’ve tried looking up some stuff for her to read to make her feel more comfortable but it’s so hard weeding though all the fantasies and don’t want to freak her out. Thank you!
     
    Danny15 likes this.
  2. Doczilla421
    Offline

    Doczilla421 Active member

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2017
    Messages:
    483
    Likes Received:
    1,064
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Firefighter
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    North Carolina
    Local Time:
    11:04 AM
    Try malechastitynow.com.or www.brassiered/tamingthecagedbeast/benefits.html, couple of sites that help. My wife loves it now. I have been locked up for almost a month now. Only had one 3 day break to heal a bit, then right back on.
    I have asked her to unlock me once and her reply was " ABSOLUTELY NOT". She dosent trust me not to go back to masturbation again. "Its mine and it will stay caged till I want it". Never really expected her to be so happy to have me locked up.
    Keep us updated on how things are going. Good luck. Be sure this is what you really want because your not going to be able to change her mind once she realizes how much power this gives her.
     
    Sunny, Open2njoy and Sylophine like this.
  3. Vinny
    Offline

    Vinny Locked up again. Starting year 6.

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2014
    Messages:
    1,879
    Likes Received:
    1,632
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Local Time:
    11:04 AM
    Most chastity material presents it as some sort of female led marriage or dominance/submission play. Try the Ivy Green ebooks on Amazon for a start. What I did was to present it as just a teasing and denial game. She got to have sex that is focuses on her pleasure only for a change and I got to be kept in a highly aroused state so that when I did orgasm, it was super intense. I did not introduce a device until we were well into teasing and denial play and wanted to extend my orgasm denial periods longer.

    Check out Kareeza and Tantric sex which use orgasm denial and teasing for better emotional bonding and sexual satisfaction. The first two times my wife got scared off by all the dominatrix, Mistress and female led marriage talk. Once we got rid of that stuff and just did T&D, things worked out. We were in 24/7 chastity sex play for 5 years. We kept chastity out of our normal married life as much as we could. I was not my wife's slave. I never felt like doing all those things you read about. Locking a penis up does not magically change you into a housework seeking submissive husband. I still felt the same except I gave my wife the power of controlling my orgasms. We still had regular sex but it was mostly focused on her. It took her a long time to wrap her head around the fact that I was not allowed to orgasm since she always viewed my orgasms as a job well done by her and a measure of my her desirability to me. Gradually I got her to understand that by denying me she was giving me pleasure.

    My suggestion is to use positive reinforcement. When she denies you tell her how happy you are that she did it and thank her. If she makes you orgasm, tell her that you regret it since you lost that good arousal feeling and energy you had. After being denied for a few times, make a big show of your orgasm when she allows it. Tell her how much better it is when you are denied it a few times. Thank her and make her feel that denying you is pleasing you. Baby steps. Do not dump too much on her at one time. Also no rules. One rule. She makes the rules and does not have to tell you and can change them whenever she wants. Do not make keyholding a chore for her where she has to supervise you 24/7. Chastity will only work if you have self control. If you think your wife is going to force you into it, you are sadly mistaken. That is fantasyland stuff and rarely lasts longer than a few months no matter what you read. Most posts you read are guys living their sex lives online. Just go back and look at how many posted wild stories of a wife magically turning into a dominatrix overnight and a guy suddenly becoming a submissive slave doing all the housework and wearing panties. That stuff can happen but not as quickly as those one post jokers state.

    You can easily masturbate when locked so do not expect your wife to prevent that. You need to not want to masturbate. It is not the cage that keeps you chaste, it is the promise to your wife that you will not masturbate that does. If this is not something you can do, then just have fun but know that chastity will not last past the initial excitement phase. Good luck.
     
    JOhny SInns and Doczilla421 like this.
  4. filltee
    Offline

    filltee Junior Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2010
    Messages:
    3,008
    Likes Received:
    2,058
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Sheffield. South Yorkshire UK
    Local Time:
    4:04 PM
    I have no ties or connections with this author ...

    As a suggestion.
    Sarah Jameson's Be Careful What You Wish For.
    OR... and I believe this is more recent
    Male Chasity and Marriage: The Complet Guide to Male Chastity and Orgasm Denial

    I am not saying that there are not others by SJ and of course other authors. I have found that SJ writes from a sane and sensible (and tasteful) perspective and is empathic towards people (usually women) that are new to this topic.

    These and a couple of her others are on available on amazon and for kindle.
     
    Raven's j and Doczilla421 like this.
  5. Jasmic68
    Offline

    Jasmic68 Active member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2015
    Messages:
    3,877
    Likes Received:
    4,436
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    bum
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    None of your business
    Local Time:
    8:49 PM
  6. Petey
    Offline

    Petey Member

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2013
    Messages:
    56
    Likes Received:
    80
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Canada
    Local Time:
    11:04 AM
    Raven's j likes this.
  7. guest 2942
    Offline

    guest 2942 Long term member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2014
    Messages:
    2,131
    Likes Received:
    1,400
    Trophy Points:
    153
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    11:04 AM
    Sarah8 likes this.
  8. Sarah8
    Offline

    Sarah8 My husband holds my collar and I hold his key

    Joined:
    May 10, 2017
    Messages:
    141
    Likes Received:
    349
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Occupation:
    Teaching
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    USA
    Local Time:
    11:04 AM
    Hi BluesClues,

    I think the best way to show your wife about chastity is doing it with her and learning how to communicate about what you both want. I'm personally not a fan of my husband giving me homework or reading material. Maybe she will appreciate it idk. For me personally I like to research on my own so anything I learn or decide to try will be a surprise. If my husband gives me something that he's already approved of and it's short I'll have a look at it.... most of the stuff he's given me hasn't been short though lol.

    I'd be happy to try helping you figure out what's actually holding things up if you'll give me a little more background.

    I think it's pretty common for women to start off a lot slower than the guy expects. Are there things that she isn't doing that you'd like her to? Do you know what she finds sexy about chastity or is it something she's mostly getting into because you like it?
     
    mch2323, guest 2942 and Sylophine like this.
  9. Mistress Jules
    Offline

    Mistress Jules Professional Dominatrix and Owner of Lockit
    Staff Member Administrator Verified Female

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2013
    Messages:
    1,366
    Likes Received:
    4,411
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Company Director and Professional Dominatrix
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Scotland
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    4:04 PM
    So much of the material out there is written for people who are further on than just finding out about chastity, that's why I started writing, to give a perspective whilst I was still new to the world. So often a female finds a kink they may be interested in and most of the information is way to extreme for their interest.

    Good luck with your journey together.
     
  10. Sylophine
    Offline

    Sylophine She has my key and I have her collar

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2017
    Messages:
    121
    Likes Received:
    275
    Trophy Points:
    73
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Canada
    Local Time:
    8:04 AM
    I love your statement. My keyholder has said she sometimes needs to see something to get inspiration but I feel bad when it is me providing the information.
     
  11. Sarah8
    Offline

    Sarah8 My husband holds my collar and I hold his key

    Joined:
    May 10, 2017
    Messages:
    141
    Likes Received:
    349
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Occupation:
    Teaching
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    USA
    Local Time:
    11:04 AM
    Yeah exactly and it's not even just because it makes you feel bad, a lot of the fun for me and probably for most keyholders is doing the unexpected. I want to surprise him and see that shocked look of disbelief he gets when I totally get him to fall for something. You can't tell someone how to surprise you or its not a surprise. It's actually one of my favorite parts about keeping him in chastity. Making him really believe he's going to cum then not letting him. I made the mistake of over doing it though so now I've got to come up with elaborate plans if I want to trick him really good. It's a lot of fun for both of us because now the reverse happens sometimes and he's totally thinking I'm not going to let him when i am.

    The key though is finding out what she likes about chastiy and then making it as much fun or as much of a turn on for her as you can. if she's excited and looking forward to the next time she can (insert her favorite thing about chastity here) she's going to be way more likely to research it on her own to find inspiration. So my opinion is if she hasn't gotten to the point where she goes out and searchs the Internet or buys keyholder guide books on her own then she may not be all that interested in them and you giving her one to read may seem like a chore. I don't know her so I could be totally wrong.

    Chastity play is simple. You lock a guy up and make him want to cum. Thats it right? It's a lot like pottery. You take a lump of clay and shape it into a pot. Simple right? Both take hardly any time at all.

    Imagine your wife was really passionate about pottery and she wanted to get you interested in it. She takes you into her studio and shows you how to make things out of clay. You don't see what's so great about it and can probably think of 5 other things you'd rather be doing than playing with clay for hours. But she doesn't give up. She talks to you about how great it is almost every day and when that still doesn't work she decides to give you some reading material to help you understand it more. Do you think reading about pottery is going to make it more interesting if you aren't already interested to begin with?

    If she really wanted you to get interested in pottery she would need to know enough about you to make it fun for you. Maybe the best way she could get you into it would be to turn a block of clay into a woman breasts and then ask you to help her make them perfect? The two of you may spend hours trying to get them just right. Then who knows maybe one day your love for pottery may even grow to a point where you are spending hours each week crafting a pot with exquisite delicacy and then painting it by hand with elaborate designs.

    Because you see just like chastity there can actually be a lot more evolved in making a pot than you'd expect if you really enjoy doing it.


    So talk to her, find out what she loves about chastity, and then come up with a way to play that's fun for both of you. Even if you need to make breasts out of clay for a while so to speak, it will be worth it to get her interested.
     
    mch2323, guest 2942 and Sylophine like this.
  12. Sylophine
    Offline

    Sylophine She has my key and I have her collar

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2017
    Messages:
    121
    Likes Received:
    275
    Trophy Points:
    73
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Canada
    Local Time:
    8:04 AM
    I agree with your points. We are just getting into it as part of our overall sexual spectrum. I took a break from it waiting for Christmas to end. I haven’t been in my device for a few weeks as I am certain she is buying a new device for Christmas. I mentioned the other day that she hasn’t asked me to wear it and she gives me a “oh yeah I noticed. If you want to wear it go ahead.” I talked to her about how a little initiation from her would be nice. That led to a bit of a talk about everything and I think she saw the importance of how she needs to be a bit more assertive.

    All that said I am trying not push anything, but as she has stated she doesn’t really know what she likes until it is brought forward.
     
  13. WEC
    Offline

    WEC Active member

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2017
    Messages:
    380
    Likes Received:
    479
    Trophy Points:
    73
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    9:04 AM
    Its a good article, but is it just me or does it seem like it was written by a guy as something he could show his wife? Hard to say.
     
  14. inhershoes
    Offline

    inhershoes Member

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2010
    Messages:
    123
    Likes Received:
    132
    Trophy Points:
    43
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Denver, CO
    Local Time:
    8:04 AM
    These are some great ideas, thanks for sharing
     
    BluesClues likes this.
  15. sonhee
    Offline

    sonhee Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2017
    Messages:
    90
    Likes Received:
    66
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    UK
    Local Time:
    4:04 PM
    I remember some chastity "guide" targetted towards women which was going around a few years ago. If I'm not mistaken it was actually written by the maker of some cage - maybe it was Lori?

    Some sexy details I remember are:
    - explanation how men, when they masturbate, think of other women and with chastity he learns he can only find satisfaction through you
    - the initial chastity period should be 3 months to show him you're serious
    - after that, you can decide but it is important not to tell him when the next release is due
    - recommended release frequency every 1-3 months
    - but you can also play with him in the meantime, for example give him a handjob but stop before he's cumming and lock him up again. he will learn to like it because it's about intimacy and not about orgasms
    - he will be more attentive to you and treat you like when you were first dating

    if anyone knows what I'm speaking about and could link it I would be grateful
     
  16. Nicoftime
    Offline

    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

    Joined:
    May 24, 2016
    Messages:
    4,510
    Likes Received:
    10,328
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Railroad
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    South of Lacrosse Wisconsin
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    10:04 AM
    I dont know, maybe it is because my kh was fairly young, mid thirties, she knew just as much about chastity, submissive kinks for men, and the general idea of it all within a week. I am sure she burned up the internet looking it up, as well as the questions that go with it.

    In fact the next day she asked me if I was doing this because I felt guilty and wanted to punish myself. I was like umm no, I just like it when the woman makes the sexual decisions. Of course there are plenty of little kinks that go with that, but she was relieved that I didn’t hate myself like she read about. So after that she took what she researched with a grain of salt.

    I thought about getting her some books on the subject, but two reasons made me change my mind.
    1. As stated above, not many want homework on a subject that makes them feel nervous about their partner. Each page could lead to something that you didn’t want to know about your husband. She likes to read and research isn’t an issue, but she’s an adult, if she wants to find something out, she knows how to use the computer.

    2. I did not want to fill her head with my ideas. To me it’s all about pushing boundaries, and the act itself no matter how dirty or what it is , only is exciting is if it’s what she truly thinks is exciting. Example: I do not like cleaning up my mess after an orgasm. Yet if she tells me to it is hot.

    Point is I don’t want to fill her head full of my stuff, I want everything to be her idea.

    If she is truly curious, she will do her own investigation. If she is putting up with it and waiting for you to tell her everything, I suggest a letter. That way you can spot it all out without jabbering on, she can take her time to absorb everything, and have some privacy to deal with what she may be getting into. In that letter I would explain your feelings, your desires, and why this turns you on. A few examples wouldn’t hurt but don’t go hog wild.

    Once she knows what turns you on, the ball is in her court.
     
  17. BluesClues
    Offline

    BluesClues New member

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2016
    Messages:
    42
    Likes Received:
    7
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    8:04 AM
    Thank you everyone! This is really good stuff that helps me a lot and I’m sure anyone else just starting out. Feel free to keep it coming.
     
  18. Mistress B
    Offline

    Mistress B Mistress B

    Joined:
    Feb 29, 2012
    Messages:
    2,450
    Likes Received:
    3,434
    Trophy Points:
    153
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Business Owner
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    United Kingdom
    Local Time:
    4:04 PM
    It can seem rather overwhelming at first and there are so many variations of male chastity. Chatting on here can help but only do what your wife is comfortable with doing. You may be surprised at what will happen after a while. :) Good luck. @BluesClues
     
  19. b_quark
    Offline

    b_quark Active member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2011
    Messages:
    652
    Likes Received:
    1,181
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    USA
    Local Time:
    9:04 AM
    Before we got into chastity I had suggested some books to my wife, and she feigned interest occasionally but never really read anything.

    This may or may not work for everyone, but I eventually just bought a relatively cheap device (CB-6000S), showed it to her... again, without much interest or understanding on her part. Then I told her I was going to put it on and try it out. I think I gave her the key. Well, what happened was that after a day or two my attitude and affection for her were noticeably different. Since I wasn't masturbating nearly constantly I was more focused on her needs. And when she noticed all of this, she said she really, really liked it. She was already into denying me sex because of my small, inadequate penis. So I think that in addition to appreciating the attention and renewed romance, she liked that chastity took my penis completely out of the equation. Sex would never again have to be about my little penis jutting into her, and we could instead focus entirely where we should: her absolute pleasure.

    In any case, that was years ago. We have done 24/7 chastity for weeks or even months at a time since then. But we also take breaks with several months in between before we both yearn for it. But she is always the one who demands and controls it.
     
  20. Mandynjack
    Offline

    Mandynjack Active member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2017
    Messages:
    558
    Likes Received:
    1,843
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Local Time:
    4:04 PM
    try this.. https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entr...-healthy-marriage_us_570d34cae4b0836057a2895a
     
  21. Tom Allen
    Offline

    Tom Allen Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2008
    Messages:
    1,041
    Likes Received:
    2,872
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Southern New England
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    11:04 AM
    I've been noticing a lot of traffic to my blog from here (thanks, everyone), so I thought I would chime in.

    I - we - were once in the same situation. Mrs Edge took to the internet for an afternoon, and what she ran across completely freaked her out, and understandably so. I eventually started blogging as a way to give advice to newbs who weren't into the more extreme aspects of BDSM, cuckolding, sissy play, etc. Chastity has a lot of cross-over in those areas, and that's what usually seems to come up when doing an open search.

    A while back, I created a couple of blog aggregates as a resource for people who wanted to read about the milder aspects. The first was "Keyheld," a link to blogs and other resources in which chastity and OD is done in the context of committed relationships. The other is "Sheheld," an aggregate of blogs and other resources aimed at FLRs, mainly without the more extreme domination aspects.

    There is some overlap between those two, but hopefully you'll find a few resources (blogs, websites, forums, etc.) that will help to give her some ideas without leaving her shaking her head, or recoiling in horror.
     
    guest 2942 and L-u-c-y like this.
  22. guest 2942
    Offline

    guest 2942 Long term member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2014
    Messages:
    2,131
    Likes Received:
    1,400
    Trophy Points:
    153
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    11:04 AM
    @Tom Allen, yeah I think I just posted a link to one of your blogs here the other day. They are a great resource for newcomers and anyone looking for a tame version of chastity.
     
  23. mch2323
    Offline

    mch2323 A lost sub in Florida

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2017
    Messages:
    67
    Likes Received:
    33
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    self employed
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Tampa
    Local Time:
    11:04 AM
    Wife my wife was mor understanding. We tried it she got disinterested .. back to self lock for me
    e une understanding
     
  24. kostic
    Offline

    kostic Member

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2017
    Messages:
    15
    Likes Received:
    30
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    5:04 PM
    inhershoes likes this.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice