Chastity Trip and Fall

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Doug Scibor, Jun 28, 2022.

Random Thread
  1. Doug Scibor
    Offline

    Doug Scibor Long term member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2016
    Messages:
    439
    Likes Received:
    885
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Technical
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Atlanta, GA USA
    Local Time:
    7:06 PM
    We have had a lot of success with chastity and having fun with our relationship over the past few years. She is highly vanilla and just shakes her head at most of my kinky requests but has found a place she wants to be in controlling me sexually. It took her years to not "feel bad" about denying me but now has a firm handle on her role as keyholder and how hot it is for me to hear her say NO.

    As travel came back after two years of being at home, she unlocked me to avoid hassles with the TSA and venue security with nearly no mention of being locked up since. I spent most of June on and off airplanes but now that things have calmed down, we're out of the rhythm and it just isn't her first thought. I got a "I guess we need to 'take care of you for Father's Day but then you'll have to be locked back up.' Neither of those things happened.

    A week later I begged her into a sexual encounter and she opened up to me that her sex drive was just zero. She envied me and my vitality but couldn't relate to it. My own drive is pretty standard for a guy in his 50's and I get that she is perimenopausal or about to break into full on menopause but... what now?

    Judge me if you will... I have been masturbating about every 48 hours since she consented to sex so I wouldn't have to make her feel put upon either to be my sexy keyholder or my sexy wife. I sense exasperation in her tone and I'm trying to be supportive to ease her burden but I don't want to revert to where we were six years ago. What seems smart for me is to put myself back in the cage and continue to sit back and let her figure out what she wants.

    If you have been through the aging wife scenario, I would genuinely appreciate your thoughts.
     
    IB-Chaste, 1mlockedup, taped2 and 3 others like this.
  2. Headtrip
    Offline

    Headtrip Long term member

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2019
    Messages:
    608
    Likes Received:
    1,269
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Midwest USA
    Local Time:
    7:06 PM
    I say trust your gut and just lock up and offer her the keys when the moment is right.. Maybe she will pick up on your vibe and maybe not, but you will feel better. You've been around enough to know not to ask for anything in return...

    PS: My days of using TSA to get out are long gone. Which I am sure seems like a good problem to you right now but it is still a problem!
     
  3. SheMastersMyDomain
    Offline

    SheMastersMyDomain In continuous chastity since 1/1/19

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2019
    Messages:
    183
    Likes Received:
    269
    Trophy Points:
    73
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Queen City, USA
    Local Time:
    7:06 PM
    I hear ya man. We’re in our early 50s. It’s been a bit of a roller coaster over the last several years as the pressures of jobs, raising kids, and then menopause have all affected her libido at various times. I have a very high sex drive, so the chastity lifestyle has improved our lifestyle immeasurably. When she has low sex drive, we’ve figured out that we still have lots to offer each other. She loves massages and attention to her feat. I love T&D, and other sexual attention that doesn’t necessarily require her sex drive, only her commitment to intimate time between us. When her drive gets bigger, our intimate time gets more sex like. This all goes in cycles and is overseen by her because she is KH.

    Hang in there. She’ll come around. You can either stay unlocked until she’s ready and release your own frustrations at the expense of your marital intimacy, or you can lock up yourself, and wait for the next ebb/flow of her sex drive. A third idea is to talk to her more about it all. See if you can find some common ground and win win territory where you both get something that you want/need. I could envision a scenario where she takes the key again and you both win.

    one final thought, a couple months after my wife ended birth control, after being on it many years. Her libido increased significantly and has remained pretty high since. While she was on birth control, her libido was more cyclical as I described earlier. Not sure if there’s anything to that, but definitely noticed by me.
     
    Rectrix, corsac, taped2 and 2 others like this.
  4. JLeopold
    Offline

    JLeopold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2020
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    23
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    7:06 PM
    Have you tried talking to a doctor about possible medical solutions?
    I don't know your situation or your wife's feelings about this, but this comes from the journal of someone on Fetlife, and I earmarked it for just such problems - possibly even me in the coming years.

    "Two years ago, my sex drive was at zero. I was fine going the rest of my life without ever having sex again.

    I had started early menopause at 39 and by age 49, I could no longer have sex, due to pain. We tried, but there were no amounts of pot, alcohol, and incorporating pain into pleasure that would work. I considered opening up the marriage for my younger husband, but first scorched the earth for a solution.

    My efforts were rewarded and I found a doctor who did three things for me. First, she gave me three laser resurfacing treatments (DIVA laser) to my vaginal lining, over 12 weeks. It worked and now I can take a pounding.

    Second, she gave me bioidentical hormone pellets (by BioTE), implanted in my ass. I expected estrogen, sure. But the surprise was the testosterone, which not only gave me back my sex drive, but turbo charged it. I found I was walking around whimpering for cock when I wasn’t masturbating 6+ hours a day.

    But the good doc wasn’t done. She had one last trick up her sleeve. Finally, she recommended injections of my own platelet rich plasma, directly into my clit in order to “regenerate” it (an “O-Shot”). Afterward, I found I could cum very easily, from the lightest touch.

    After all of this, but before I found my first dom a year and a half ago, I would get high, listen to music, and masturbate for hours. After a few months, I started to notice that I was experiencing a different type of altered state and found that hours were slipping by while I was cumming. I realized I had found subspace, which led me to go online and find my first dom. Now I have found what has always been missing."

    Built by Science - Superior-Sub | FetLife

    Good luck in your relationship.
     
    Pinnie and starflyer like this.
  5. LesterBallard
    Offline

    LesterBallard Long term member

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2016
    Messages:
    10,636
    Likes Received:
    4,279
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Management
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    United Kingdom
    Local Time:
    12:06 AM
    Seriously, talk to her. Not anything about kink or chastity but about how you can help her through this phase of her life. Good luck
     
    1mlockedup, PawEee, taped2 and 3 others like this.
  6. Rectrix
    Offline

    Rectrix Long term member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2010
    Messages:
    2,347
    Likes Received:
    4,702
    Trophy Points:
    133
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    US East Coast
    Local Time:
    7:06 PM
    It's a road we all have to travel for shorter or longer periods, but you already know that masturbating isn't the answer, it'll just increase the distance between you two and make you less empathetic and understanding of the changes she's going through. You need to lock back up and wait. Find ways to be intimate with her that dont involve her vagina. Let her know that you're there for her and chaste for her. I'm in a very similar place, no PIV for nine months now. As you begin to accept that erections and intercourse are not for you you'll also begin to accept your chastity and understand that the wait could be a long one. I still have hope that she'll come back, she's mentioned she's working on ways to get the juice back. Lock up and hang in there.
     
  7. starflyer
    Offline

    starflyer Junior Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2010
    Messages:
    1,595
    Likes Received:
    1,215
    Trophy Points:
    133
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    UK
    Local Time:
    12:06 AM

    WOW!
     
    Pinnie likes this.
  8. Queens servant73
    Offline

    Queens servant73 Long term member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2020
    Messages:
    318
    Likes Received:
    641
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Midwest
    Local Time:
    6:06 PM
    I second the talk to the doctor and probably a doctor dealing with hormone issues as a specialist. My wife and I both had very high sex drives and hit mid 40’s and felt a lull. We saw a very good hormone doc in our area, both started Testosterone replacement and have been on it for years now. We’re both 49 and I feel like I’m in my 20’s again, and my Wife maybe skips 5-6 days a month without an orgasm, but still is averaging about 31-34 orgasms a month.
    Obviously not everything with TRT is about sex, we both feel better mentally and physically all around. We both felt in a fog, fighting mild depression, got lethargic and it was probably the worst I felt ever in my life.

    No idea if this would help you both or not, just my two cents. Hope everything works out for both of you!

    PS, forgot to add, your primary care doc will more than likely say everything looks normal, most don’t understand hormones and don’t want to. Just for reference, my T level was 600, which all regular docs would say is high for my age. Yet I had every single symptom of very low T and my estrogen was very high. My specialist doc actually listened to me and treated my symptoms and probably saved my life
     
  9. Trapped
    Offline

    Trapped Long term member

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2020
    Messages:
    276
    Likes Received:
    526
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    quality manager
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    houston, texas
    Local Time:
    6:06 PM
    My wife and i are in a pretty similar situation. I am about to turn 56 and my wife is 52. She had to have a hysterectomy 4-5 years ago and it sent her into menopause. her desire for P in the V is zero and does not even want oral. But a few years back she discovered my self locking me trying to to control my own excessive masterbating. Once discovered, She actually took rather quickly to being my key holder and denial. While she still has zero sex drive, she does enjoy denying me and the rush of power controlling what is now her penis. She had me pierced then circumcised and placed in a custom cage. While maybe not as much as i would like, she does unlock me 3-4 times a month for some games of her choosing, but rarely do i get a release. (1 time this year and 3-4 times last year) She is a biter and i do get bit as punishment, but it never leads to and sexual activity. I think for her it is a power thing. She has always been a Top and i have always been a Bottom, even before we got together. I will say this though, last year the VA gave her 3 Levitra and it did hake her a bit horney. You might try that. i know that women have been getting prescriptions for male impotence grugs with good results. Good luck.
     
  10. PawEee
    Offline

    PawEee Active member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2020
    Messages:
    82
    Likes Received:
    59
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    freelance
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Europe, Chopin’s homeland;)
    Local Time:
    1:06 AM
    Absolutely!
     
    Doug Scibor likes this.
  11. littleguy3
    Offline

    littleguy3 Long term member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2022
    Messages:
    154
    Likes Received:
    197
    Trophy Points:
    43
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Semi-Retired; gardener & child caregiver
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    USA - Virginia
    Local Time:
    7:06 PM
    That's some very good advice!
     
  12. madams-sissysub
    Offline

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2009
    Messages:
    7,614
    Likes Received:
    4,182
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    nurse
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    uk (west mids)
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    11:06 PM
    i agree!
     
    PawEee likes this.
  13. Trained
    Offline

    Trained Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2022
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    11
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Waiting to retire
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    USA, Missouri, St Louis area
    Local Time:
    6:06 PM
    Take it for what it’s worth, my wife and I were not into chastity, and she had a couple other medical issues that might have made it worse, but for the last 20 years of her life, sex was off the table. There is no guarantee the drive will ever return.
     
  14. billzboats
    Offline

    billzboats 63rd birthday

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2020
    Messages:
    242
    Likes Received:
    189
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Groundskeeper
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    US
    Local Time:
    6:06 PM
    I am 64 and my wife is 62. She went through a long period of menopause. I joined this site and started reading posts about flr and how to show my wife that I still loved her but I think that the biggest lesson I learned was to make her feel sexy. Now I brush her hair, rub her back and feet. She always thought that she had ugly feet, now she brings herself to orgasm as I kiss and lick her right foot. I am denied orgasm for a couple of weeks and then she comes to me and says she is juicy. She has from 4 to 6 orgasms in each session and her throat gets sore from screaming. Give it time and make her feel like your Goddess!
     
    Rectrix, true42 and littleguy3 like this.
  15. Doug Scibor
    Offline

    Doug Scibor Long term member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2016
    Messages:
    439
    Likes Received:
    885
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Technical
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Atlanta, GA USA
    Local Time:
    7:06 PM
    I have agonized over this one and tried to talk to her on a number of occasions but aborted the discussion thinking it wasn't appropriate because she had her mind on other things, she was too tired, she was sick. The short story is that I was afraid to have the conversation. I'm not an anxious person and I don't avoid confrontation but this was my bride. My sense of dread for where this could go soul crushingly high so I kept putting it off.

    She has a very fixed view of what is acceptable in the bedroom and I have chipped away at it over the years. What she doesn't truly enjoy always feels like a kid asking for money for the ice cream truck "Can I? Can I?" but what she likes or just doesn't mind is something she'll bring up. I usually know where I stand pretty quickly.

    As it all fell apart for me just over a month ago and as I took things into my own hands again, I posted my trip and fall topic. The advice to lock back up was the correct path but I didn't do it. While I only went solo twice, it was enough to learn that while physically exhilarating, it is soul deadening. I was responding to my physical desires but it has no emotional intimacy which was just pointless.

    I have spent time here and there over the last several weeks playing with nipples, using prostate toys while leaving the joystick alone. Sex has been on my mind every day and every day I wanted to check in with her, ask her where we go from here and beg her to cage me back up. I dodged and delayed until finally last night she asked for a foot rub after which she dropped her pants and said "lick me."

    Apparently, our chastity experience has taught her that there is no need for reciprocation and she offered none. When she recovered from (four ?) orgasms she got dressed again, curled up on my chest and started teasing my nipples. That's when the conversation started...

    I asked if she was still okay with the cage and without hesitation she said, "yes." Her constant thought from the beginning has been 'that that cannot be comfortable and he doesn't want to do it anymore.' I need her to stand her ground and lock me up while she just wants me to be happy.

    We talked about...
    • how I missed the cage - that I'm actually happier caged than uncaged
    • how I masturbated and why that was something I didn't want to happen
    • some stresses of getting older
    • how we both are committed to each other
    • why I withdraw at times not knowing how to be around her without grabbing and professing my lust
    She smiled at the last one said, "That's a real puzzle, huh?"

    There were other topics but we both agreed we were okay, the cage would continue to be part of our love life and she wound me up sexually and fell asleep.

    I woke up this morning with a raging hard on and a plan to work my cage back on and hand her the keys. I was even timid doing that even after all the affirmation last night. She refused them and reminded me that keys went into her vanity drawer so she could properly hide them later.

    "If I take them to work, I might lose them and that would be bad."
     
  16. littleguy3
    Offline

    littleguy3 Long term member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2022
    Messages:
    154
    Likes Received:
    197
    Trophy Points:
    43
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Semi-Retired; gardener & child caregiver
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    USA - Virginia
    Local Time:
    7:06 PM
    6 weeks ago you said:
    And today you said:
    What happened to her in the last 6 weeks? Did last night take you completely by surprise?
     
  17. Doug Scibor
    Offline

    Doug Scibor Long term member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2016
    Messages:
    439
    Likes Received:
    885
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Technical
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Atlanta, GA USA
    Local Time:
    7:06 PM
    I have some more talking to do to better understand it. She knows how much I love to go down on her and it is entirely possible that she did it as a favor to me. I have been blessed with learning her body and getting her to orgasm pretty reliably. Maybe she just was in the mood... I plan on asking.
     
    Rectrix likes this.
  18. littleguy3
    Offline

    littleguy3 Long term member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2022
    Messages:
    154
    Likes Received:
    197
    Trophy Points:
    43
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Semi-Retired; gardener & child caregiver
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    USA - Virginia
    Local Time:
    7:06 PM
    That's interesting! I wonder if your wife has a Responsive libido like mine does. I didn't understand this until recently. I have a Spontaneous libido and get aroused very quickly to her touch or by erotic thoughts. She on the other hand doesn't get aroused unless I start to engage her physically and then she responds to all the stimulus and starts to get very aroused.

    Recently, I was sick for 2 weeks and she said she didn't get horny at all during that time even though we had been making love 4-6x / week. I wonder if that could be why your wife told you her sex drive was zero.

    Since I started chastity, my behavior has changed dramatically and she is now feeling more emotionally, intellectually and physically connected. I've also learned that she needs to engage in extended foreplay before she's ready to orgasm. I know you didn't share the details but the fact that you were able to bring her to 4 orgasms the other day is surprising. Was there any build up to this outside the bedroom that could have opened her up?
     
  19. Lckdnpnk
    Offline

    Lckdnpnk Member

    Joined:
    Monday
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    16
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Engineer
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Midwest US
    Local Time:
    6:06 PM
    This is a great practical discussion. My wife also has pain during intercourse and both of our sex drives are significantly lower, but we’re trying to communicate and to find other ways to do things. I think her low drive is why she has not been as actively directing our activities as I would like as KH. She is more concerned with building her business, my retirement, and grandkids right now and that’s important stuff. I want to keep the chastity dynamic alive but it isn’t life or death for us; so I lock myself and keep communicating and hoping for the best. I am thankful for what I have.
     
    Rectrix, Xileh and littleguy3 like this.
  20. IB-Chaste
    Offline

    IB-Chaste Long term member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2022
    Messages:
    220
    Likes Received:
    247
    Trophy Points:
    43
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    12:06 AM
    As ageing wives go I don’t have much experience. My wife recently turned 30 and she was out of action for a few days as she had the smear test and then didn’t particularly feel like she wanted anything else around that region after.
    That said I do find these discussions intriguing. What will life throw at our relationship and are we in a much better place as we’ve embarked on this lifestyle. I think back to when my wife was really ill through pregnancy, how I would have handled that situation differently if my own needs had not compromised my care.
    Is there a situation where chastity does not benefit the relationship?
    Is an inactive KH as valid as an active one? Or do they require to be sexually driven to undertake it?
     
  21. littleguy3
    Offline

    littleguy3 Long term member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2022
    Messages:
    154
    Likes Received:
    197
    Trophy Points:
    43
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Semi-Retired; gardener & child caregiver
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    USA - Virginia
    Local Time:
    7:06 PM
    We didn't find chastity until the other side of menopause. I also wonder how well you can navigate that stage of life with the tenets of this lifestyle.
     
  22. Doug Scibor
    Offline

    Doug Scibor Long term member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2016
    Messages:
    439
    Likes Received:
    885
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Technical
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Atlanta, GA USA
    Local Time:
    7:06 PM
    My biggest regret is that we didn't start chastity until my late 40's. It was a crazy idea that monks, yogis and boxers getting for a fight subscribed to while we all considered that in honest horror. Man, not me...

    The time she spent pregnant was perhaps the most conflicted I've been as a husband. She was determined to keep me satisfied while I was trying my best to take care of her when she was exhausted, uncomfortable and just plain not into it. She wouldn't take no for an answer and most experiences were a hand job or something low effort that was inside her energy level.

    I would have been SO HAPPY if I'd been locked and teased back then but you live and learn. I imagine having my hands cuffed behind me, my nipples clamped and she could rest in the easy chair and toss out a "I could make it hurt more... stop whining. I'll find a way to give you an orgasm when the baby has a birthday."

    Yes, I enjoy orgasms but honestly the intimacy is worth so much more to me... I'd rather ride the wave of frustration most of the time.
     
    Rectrix, IB-Chaste and littleguy3 like this.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice