Chastity sucks

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Ed Brock, Jan 12, 2022.

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  1. Ed Brock
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    Ed Brock Member

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    Hi all,
    I've had different devices over the years and my wife and I have played. She has always been lukewarm about it. I've given her books, explained it to her, etc. But she was still just OK with it and basically just tolerate it. She'd hold the key if I put it on then give it back to me if I whined too much.

    A few months ago, she surprised me by sending me a text to lock it up. I was super excited! It felt real! After a few days, I asked about the key. She quite simply said nope. I thought cool!. After a week, she gave me a key. We had great relations. Yay!. Two days after that another text to lock it up. Then 9 days! When I asked her during that time, she got/still gets quite angry. She says it annoys her and stresses her and I should not ask. Safter the 9 days we had relations, then she reminded me to put it back on. That started in November with a similar pattern. Occasionally, she'll have me pleasure her without unlocking me. I'm orgasming about every 10 days. I don't want to complain to her because selfishly, I am thankful she is doing my fantasy. Unselfishly, I don't want to stress her., because I love her But, it isn't really that fun! For her, it works out great. She gets a few more orgasms out if it, and she doesn't really do anything extra. In fact, she is doing less than what she used to do when we had a normal sex life. She doesn't want to talk about it. She has said I got want I wanted and to stop bugging her.

    Real chastity, what I had dreamed about is actually quite boring, inconvenient, and it is driving me crazy. It is not what I thought it would be. There isn't much teasing or excitement. I have a MM jailbird with a customization. The head of the cage is mushroomed a bit. The mushroom head allows for no real stimulation. The cage has security screw, so it's not like I can cut the lock and just switch out a new one. I can't pull out. So, it is as real as it can get. Seriously, be careful, not being able to orgasm when you want is awful.
     
  2. Siro
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    Siro Member

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    Topping from the bottom
     
  3. SubSnuggler
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    SubSnuggler Owned by Fiona with the Magical Velveteen Pussy

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    Heh. Be careful what you wish for. You just never know where you will end up.

    About 10 minutes ago my Wife walked in telling me about this guy she has been texting on kik. She mentioned he had just sent her a dick pic and he was remarkably well endowed.

    I mentioned that made 2 things better about his dick than mine, his was bigger and it was uncaged. And she said EXACTLY! and gave me a big French kiss while rubbing my cage.

    You get used to it, and then you get to enjoy it.
     
  4. MouseJstr
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    MouseJstr Active member

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    The struggle to not top from the bottom is real...
     
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  5. aschegeist
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    aschegeist Member

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    This sounds nearly identical to my last relationship; except we never tried chastity.
     
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  6. chrissie68
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    chrissie68 Active member

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    It's not about you. You need to refocus, chastity is about Her. Sorry to sound pussy...but that's what many folks don't understand. If my Goddess is fulfilled, then I'm doing a good job. No matter whether I wait 158 days for release or Goddess has 200 orgasms. It Her thing, not mine.
     
  7. DonnaSue
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    DonnaSue Long term member

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    Agree on topping from the bottom! It's all about Her, my friend!
     
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  8. HusbandInTraining
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    HusbandInTraining New member

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    I would love more teasing too.. Goddess has very little sex drive, plus life gets in the way. It is boring as staring at a potato. But at least she's on board.
     
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  9. aschegeist
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    aschegeist Member

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    The dichotomy between chastity and foreplay. It is a trap we can fall into when asking for chastity and getting exactly what chastity is. As many have said before, be careful what you wish for. :)
     
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  10. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    Yes, the unofficial motto of this lace is Be careful what you wish for.

    A lot of guys masturbate furiously about the inability to masturbate, and when that actually happens to them they suddenly find there's something missing.
     
  11. RoyMunson
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    RoyMunson New member

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    If you aren’t getting anything out of it then you should stop doing it. I know a lot of people are like “it’s about her, not you!” But it isn’t just about her. If this makes you miserable then you’re going to become resentful which will end up making her miserable, too. I’ve gone through this with my wife and I told her if she wasn’t going to be more attentive when I’m locked up then I wasn’t going to be locked up anymore. She doesn’t like me to masturbate so she’s been better about being more involved and attentive when she locks me up now.

    It’s trite to say, but, communication is extremely important. If you’re really not happy with how things are going then it would be in both of your best interests for you to tell her.
     
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  12. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    Have you had a conversation with her? Perhaps ask her how she sees the both of you progressing? What does she hope to get out of chastity? And, you can ask what you can do more of to help.

    A monthly glass of wine and a chat together goes a long way to ease your entry into long-term chastity.

    Otherwise, without talking frequently, one of you, if not both of you, are bound to become unhappy. Chastity is a big change for an existing relationship.
     
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  13. locked_top
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    locked_top Caged tiger

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    That's pretty funny.
     
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  14. Tom Allen
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    Tom Allen Member

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    lol

    The guys who message me, saying "I wish I was in your position" seem to think I get daily unlocked teasing sessions, and that Mrs Edge is demanding oral sex two or three times a day. They get very confused when I explain that in real life, I'm just locked 24/7/365, my teasing might be an occasional "cage check" or a little fondling when we go to bed, and that our sex life is (with the exception of me wearing a strapon for her) otherwise pretty vanilla.

    That said, we both have learned to eroticize my denial, and I remind myself every day (usually when I wake up in the morning) that I'm actually living a fantasy.

    It's a big change in mindset, but for us it has become an awesome experience, and neither of us would change what we're doing.
     
  15. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    There is an odd realization when you find out what is what. A person thinks “here, you’re in control, I only want to be unlocked when you want me unlocked” then that person finds out how often their keyholder really wants it unlocked. Often it isn’t near as often as they had thought it would be.

    I thought this would be a weekend or maybe 2 weeks tops at a time. Turns out her optimal time frame is every few months for a few minutes. She knows best, so i trust her that it is.
     
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  16. Drews
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    Drews Long term member

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    Your situation sounds very much like mine except I have learned to enjoy it. What has happened is that your wife is now having sex when she is in the mood instead of doing it because you want it. She has found a great benefit of having you locked. She is also probably realizing that when you are not masturbating your sexual performance and desire towards her are much more satisfying to her. I would suggest trying to be closer to her and think about her needs instead of yours. I assume when she does release you for sex you are really into it and it is likely much more satisfying than masturbating or having sex right after masturbating. I get extremely frustrated at times also locked in my Jailbird but I try and focus on the reward at the end. When my wife has sex on her terms it is the most amazing experience for me knowing that she is enjoying it and getting as much pleasure from me as I am from her. It no longer feels like she is completing a required task. It makes it all worthwhile and what I try and focus on when my sexual frustration is extremely high and I would love to have the opportunity to masturbate but cannot.
     
  17. Rider9
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    Rider9 Locked4her

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    It might be boring to you. But chastity is not about you. It's about her. Turn your focus on her. Make her happy.
     
  18. Coloradonewbies
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    Coloradonewbies New member

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    Please excuse the length of this post - I started and couldn't stop!

    You are orgasming every ten days? I would hazard a guess that is MUCH more frequently than the average guy locked up in here. Maybe even by a factor of ten or more!

    Snuggle her, cuddle her, give her foreplay when you are going to bed, give her an orgasm if she wants. And then enjoy the feeling of having pleased her and the tightness of your cage as you try to fall asleep.

    And communicate! What did you want? A ten day lock up is not close to extreme! Maybe make a deal. You get 1 orgasm for every 4 of hers. Or 1 for 10. Or play a game and roll some dice.....roll 4 dice and accept you will be locked for between 4 and 24 days. But you need to talk about what you hoped for, what she thought you wanted, and what she actually wants.

    Over our entire marriage of 20+ years, my wife and I maybe had sex every 5-6 weeks. Very vanilla, no toys, me giving her oral and missionary position sex in a bed. Averaged over the whole period, maybe more like every 6-8 weeks. Since I have been in chastity starting in July, we have been having sex every 4-5 days, even more lately. We've been to the adult store, we have used toys, talked about things I never thought we would. She told her best friend about my chastity!

    And by having sex, I mean I have been pleasing her sexually. I have had orgasms twice since the end of July, and one or two other occasions of being unlocked for intercourse but not allowed to cum. I am horny all the time and more affectionate, attentive and sensual. She is much more sexual now than before - it just involves me giving her oral and her playing with my caged cock rather than me getting off by fucking her.

    If I just ignored her and didn't offer to give her pleasure, maybe she would ignore me (and the cage) and go longer between sessions of me giving her oral. But I give her back rubs and all that attention and contact that she wants. And I think she is much more open, willing and excited about that contact because she knows my intention isn't to end it with fucking. But if she wants it, it can end with her having a huge orgasm. If she doesn't she just lets me know. Turns out she wants that sooooo much more often now.

    I even told her my objective was to please her every day if she wants. She said she didn't think she would ever want to cum that often, but since then our frequency has increased from about weekly to every five days to every few days now. At first I think she felt guilty that she was getting all this pleasure and I was locked, but she now believes me that I find it exciting and has decided she likes the frequency.

    I will say, the few days after I have cum have been the worst. I get the relief of cumming but that release reduces my horniness and my attentiveness and focus on her falls off. I am simply a better husband when I don't cum.
     
  19. madams-sissysub
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    spot on!
     
  20. true42
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    true42 Owned member

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    Wow .. this guy gets it!!!
     
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  21. true42
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    true42 Owned member

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    You're doing fine, but I have some bad news for you: She's got you, and if she keeps this up (and you should hope that she does!), she is going to break you.

    That may sound bad, but trust me, it's a lot better once you're on the other side of getting broken by her. Until that point, you're going to be the poor little pouting boy that you are right now, always feeling frustrated and neglected. (That was me, a few years back.)

    Once she breaks you, once you've given up hope that you have any control left, you'll be a lot more appreciative of your situation.

    Sorry for the frustration you're going to have to deal with in the meantime. It really does bite.

    Good luck!
     
  22. SubSnuggler
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    SubSnuggler Owned by Fiona with the Magical Velveteen Pussy

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    Forced chastity when it's completely out of your control is a real mind fuck at first but yes you eventually accept and then enjoy it. If you are truly submissive and accept this is what your dominant wants, then eventually you will grow to enjoy it even if you may not have chosen this life for yourself independently.

    All of us approach chastity from different angles. In my case it was a fun kink I liked to play with but my Wife did in fact take over and make it completely utterly real. It's a twist that does take a while to get used to.

    It doesn't mean sex is over, though it may take forms you aren't used to. My Wife has had many orgasms in the last 30 days. I've had one ruin without any penetration and one full blown orgasm with PIV. We are intimate a lot, it just doesn't involve (my) penis.
     
  23. Drews
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    Drews Long term member

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    For this guy it does involve his penis. now just on his wives terms. Not sure if he is feeling ignored or just having a hard time really accepting she took full control. Hopefully he can work out a solution and really enjoy the opportunities he has now.
     
  24. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Active member

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    Sorry Ed, but it sounds like you didn't do all the research that you should have done before jumping into chastity. I think what may be missing for you is the 90-day "break in period" that is often recommended, as it seems many guys needed that to transition from being bratty boys to understanding their new role. I don't think you'll enjoy the 90-day lock-up, in fact I know you won't, but I think you will appreciate it after the fact. I can see that you've been playing with chastity for several years now, so maybe it's time to either get serious and tell her to lock you up for 90-days or more, or knock it on the head and get back to normal life.
     
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  25. OrgasmDenied
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    OrgasmDenied New member

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    Ed if you don't like it just say it to her. In a relationship you need communication just tell her how you feel.
     
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