Chastity Kryptonite

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Guest 9483, Apr 18, 2018.

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  1. Guest 9483
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    Guest 9483 Active member

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    This is not lighthearted, but very real, and also on topic. So mods, put this where it should go or whatever.

    There are many reasons why chastity might not work. But of all of the ones I have experienced, one stands out above all others: children. Particularly small children. The small ones, line up very well with about waste high, and if they happen to be running across the room to give you a hug ... use your imagination. Awkward to say the least.

    Children have no place at all in the chastity/FLR/ D/s world. This is a given. I am quite sure that for any of you who have children you'd agree its best if they do not know how, or when, or even why their parents, or caregivers have sex, intimacy, or any kind of bedroom activity. It is a strange dichotomy, to be in one of the aforementioned relationships and to also have children. The firewall between the two must be rock solid, and if you don't already keep your 'toys' locked up somewhere, your children will find a way to poke around and investigate your stuff. That is their nature. They mean no harm, but curiosity, particularly when it comes to mom or dad etc can and will be strong.

    Children are a full time job, before and after the 9-5 40 hr/week typical career. The amount of time needed to properly oversee and guide the little ones through their lives is already borrowed. Many of you know exactly what I mean, and it becomes a bit of burning the candle at both ends in order to get things done. From their health, to daycare, to schooling, to after school activities, to their social lives, parents need to be aware of how and what and where their kids are if they are any kind of good parent. This leaves almost no time for parents to do anything but sleep.

    Children, as dependents, need money, guidance, and help along the way. More often than not, children have their own ideas about what they want to do. And so enters another component to chastity kryptonite; stress. While the rewards of being a parent should be all well worth while and good, parents know that getting there is an uphill battle. If your children are perfect saints, then they must not be human, but in case they are not a source of stress, I am sure anything that happens to them, or your family, or your job will be. Stress is probably the number one reason for a failure between partners, and there are so many ways stress can manifest. Trying to actively live two lives, one for the children, and one with the key holder/Dom is a stress inducing shit storm. And as mentioned, the two must be kept apart.

    So the question is can it work? or is the kryptonite too strong? Trying to navigate a duality such as this can be absolutely foolish. But, not feeding your sexual intellect can also do serious harm. So how does one balance all of this, if it is even possible? Well, what then, superman?
     
  2. guest 2942
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    guest 2942 Long term member

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    Yes I know exactly what you mean and yes it does seem impossible at times. On top of that a wife who is overly dedicated to her job. So at the end of the day anything sexual between us becomes almost nonexistent. The weekends are the only days of the week we have time for each other. It often times feels like a losing battle but I press on. What else to do? I think its really important to have a balance between work, kids, and your spouse. Everyone wants all of your time but as an adult you have to realize they are all equally important and you have to find the right amount of time for each category. Unfortunately my wife sees our sex life as the least important. But I often find myself in the same situation as an outside dog who just wants attention who most of the time just gets a kick in the teeth. Dont get me wrong, im not a depressed person lol, i'm very postive. ;)
     
  3. Turma
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    You should all really reorganize your time account. We got 3 son's they all married now. We have 5 grandchildren now and 6 dog's at home and currently additional 5 puppys.

    We've managed at the past, current and I also hope for the future to get our 4 hours every week.

    The 4 hours the rest of this world could go to hell and do not have to disturb us
     
  4. DonnaSue
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    I agree. @beck ! As a parent, the kids are your first priority and that responsibility seems to never end. Even when your kids are adults, it seems they have a tendency to give birth to their own kids and the issues continue. As a senior caged sissy, I have to be constantly ready to have the little grandkids jump into my lap. So, when they come over to our house or we go to theirs, the cage must come off for that time.
     
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  5. tqbartleby
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    tqbartleby Active member

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    You're absolutely right, but the challenges of bringing up children apply to a couple's sex life in general, not just to chastity. How to have private time when the kids are liable to demand your attention, or to spy or eavesdrop, at any time? Not even vanilla couples have a magic answer to that one.

    Of course, the more one's sexual proclivities rely on equipment and/or elaborate role-playing or scenarios, the more difficult it gets.

    If you're lucky enough to have a relative or good friends who can take the kids, the occasional weekend away can be a lifesaver. And when they're old enough, summer camp!

    For equipment you'd like to keep private, you can get a relatively inexpensive home safe.
     
  6. Guest 9483
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    Guest 9483 Active member

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    I suppose what is really at issue here(for me) is control. The reality of chastity for those with children is it is a game at best. It is not a lifestyle. Children are an element that take precedent. As such, the dynamic of chastity that is most enticing, the element of control, ceases to exist. If the rules are malleable, why bother with rules? Why bother locking yourself up? Why bother keeping a key? I have read through many profiles where self locking is the precedent, and to me it seems like an exercise in contradiction. When I had fooled myself into thinking that the circumstance was otherwise, she played along. Maybe she even convinced herself that she really was in control. I think we were both aware that what we were doing was based in fantasy, but until some experience was had, we tended to delude ourselves to enjoy the moment. Once a few doses of reality were had, the wind no longer fills our sail the way it once did. We are not fantasy people.
     
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  7. guest 2942
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    guest 2942 Long term member

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    i would be ok with game play. It would be better than nothing right now ;) But I can see what you mean.
     
  8. CagedBySocks
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    Of course it's possible to have children and participate in chastity.

    You aren't going to be cleaning the house for six hours day in a maids outfit obviously, but that's not really a necessity (I'd argue that stuff is a separate link all together).

    If a kid is small enough to face plant a cage when giving you a hug they aren't going to think anything of it.

    Like anything it's about balance. It could be argued that children mean you don't go too far down the chastity rabbit hole.
     
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  9. tqbartleby
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    beck, my advice would be: don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. (I have a cliché for every occasion.)

    You're frustrated because for the time being you can't play the game by the rules you want to, so you're saying "What's the point? I feel like quitting."

    You say "we're not fantasy people." But what is your desired rules-based chastity but a fantasy? Even if the kids were not an obstacle, it depends on you and your wife having a consensus. If either of you decided to stop, then poof, it would be gone. No more rules-based chastity. So those rules are only as real as the two of you want them to be *in any case*.

    You're lucky enough to be in a relationship that is sexually creative enough to practice chastity to begin with. Continue to be creative. Find new rules, or a way to function that fits the circumstances. Above all, be patient. Your kids will grow up. ;-)
     
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  10. Guest 9483
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    all things in moderation...
     
  11. tomf_22033
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    I agree our kinks shouldn’t be put out in front of kids. But I don’t agree that FLR and D/s should be hidden from them. Now before the torches and pitch forks come out let me explain.

    I think respect and setting a good example for kids is important. So a male that has impeccable manners, who does what he’s asked, and who pampers a lady can be a great example. It’s also important to have them see strong women. To show them that women can be strong and accept the gift of respect by a man.

    A man who helps with the chores, and who is a gentleman imho is a way of doing D/s and FLR without it being obvious.
     
  12. PouchPantyLover
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    Great thread @beck it is almost like you were writing for me some of the time. We have two kids (8 and 12). Them finding out about chastity and our FLR are my biggest concern about this lifestyle. My family is my number one priority and I had an experience at the beginning of the year that brought this into a harsh light.

    I do know that my relationship with my wife is better with this lifestyle. I know that being a happier person makes me a better Dad. I know that freeing my wife from many of the mundane chores she has now assigned to me has improved her health and her relationship with our kids. So I see many positives.

    I now shower and dress behind a locked door. I am unlocked for events where the cage is problematic or likely to be discovered. Still nothing is foolproof. I worry that when I bend over to pick something up my kids will see I'm wearing pink panties. I fear the accidental bump in a surprise hug or a rough housing tussle. Most of all I live in fear of the dreaded what's that question.

    I will say that one of the reasons my wife and I can make this work is because she works for me and I run my business from home. My only other employees are at jobs in the field. This means that she can tell me to go do chores in a maids outfit and we have the time and space to do so. I can't begin to imagine how hard this would be for those who work separate jobs in different places.
     
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  13. LockedPom
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    Young kids around the house are one of many reasons why I choose to use the honour method (no cage) of chastity.
     
  14. Charleston
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    Charleston Member

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    People used to have twelve kids while living in one or two room houses without seriously damaging their children’s lives. I am sure it is possible
     
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  15. Chaste J.
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    Chaste J. Active member

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    Ah! The good old days! tuberculosis, rickets, and no telly! "By god we were poor, but we were happy!" Yeah I bet they were!
     
  16. Guest 9483
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    Summertime compounded my original thoughts. But, school is right around the corner. . . :D
     
  17. Retired
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    Retired Locked up again. Reached compromise with wife.

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    I agree with you about children. My wife and I had none and therefore we were able to lead a fetish sex life and alternate lifestyles. As for the cage problem with the height of kids, I certainly understand that. I legally carry a gun and I was not able to so when around my young nieces, so they get locked up when around them. That is a lot more dangerous than having them discover a chastity cage. Over the years not one person has noticed my Jailbird but a few women who hugged me felt my gun. :)
     
  18. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Realistic expectations shouldn’t be considered just a game, I think it’s just plain prioritizing, and sexuality taking a back seat to children isn’t new or even bad.

    When we started we had a rule that I go down on her at least once a day. That worked great when we had a similar schedule, when it switched she wasn’t upset or punish me every day...we just had to change our expectations. My kid is another example. My custody agreement changed and basically he is present much more than when we first started this. It’s great but it’s an adjustment for her and us that we do not have the days and nights to ourselves as we did before. So some of the things We used to do when no one is around is off the table,he core of service and attentiveness is still there.

    Do you know what is kryptonite for punishment sessions? Dogs! They hear that smack and they investigate, try to bite the belt to protect, bark, it certainly ruins the mood. Try putting them in another room and it’s whining and barking...ugh never mind and session is over.
     
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  19. Guest 9483
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    Guest 9483 Active member

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    I really cannot agree more. Particularly about taking a back seat. The two worlds cannot exist similtaneously. But taking a back seat or yeilding to another, or others in this case, that is essence of the D/s world anyway... adjusting to it even after years is not necessarily automatic however
     
  20. PouchPantyLover
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    I guess our dog doesn't like me, never tried to intervene. Of course I don't allow the dog upstairs where punishments usually occur. Dogs probably thinking I'm getting what I deserve.
     
  21. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Oh and as far as cage and accidentally discovering with head it’s and jumping on laps...you would be surprised at the automatic instinct to protect that region. Your body automatically turns a slight amount, or your knees move up or over, unless sleeping, it’s pretty difficult to get caught that unawares. Hasn’t happened with me, and my kid sat on my lap, ran full bore for hugs etc etc. Not saying it couldn’t happen, just that we naturally protect that area.

    Anyway, hasn’t happened to me or even had a close call. I will say this though, as he gets older and more curious, we will definitely have to amp up our hiding toys and security of our kinks. I know I snooped as a kid.
     
  22. PouchPantyLover
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    Me too! I went all through my parents stuff top to bottom. I remember one time finding a roll of 100 dollar bills my dad had stashed. There was probably $10,000 there. It was clearly stashed intentionally and I think it was his bank roll for if the economy crashed or zombie apocalypse or something. I never took a bill off that roll and I never asked him about it either.
     
  23. Rider9
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    Rider9 Locked4her

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    We have two kids. 4 and 1.5 years old.
    Life after children changed a lot. Or maybe I should say just evolved.
    Before we played a lot. Dressing up, bondage,... We share all sort of fetishes. Now, it is mostly tease and denial. All toys are safely locked away. And funny, so am I. I am locked 24/7. My kids just don't see me showering or walking around naked. And I never had even a close call someone jumping in my lap.
    And this is something that work for us. And I believe chastity plays a major role. I can't imagine being unlocked and being allowed to do what I want. Being a male, I would want to have sex. A lot. And mastubate, often. After having two kids, my girlfriend lost a lot of interest in sex. And there is also time issue...
    Now, I'm locked all the time. She decides when I'm unlocked for sex (maybe once or twice a month) and when I can have orgasm (even less often). More often I pleasure her and sometimes she just takes care of herself. It works for her. And it works for me.
     
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  24. b_quark
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    We have two daughters, and in my experience, it can still work. I've found that really simple things like keeping something (keys, etc.) in your pants pocket can work to your advantage... Kid inevitably runs into you 'down there' and you have an easy explanation because... your keys!

    I've been locked up off and on for a good portion of our kids' lives, and I'm sure they have no idea. Definitely, I've had to be aware of it when I'm around them, and some of that is not 'fun' because of things like always being alert so you can bend down to catch that hug before someone runs right into you. :)

    The funny thing is, you mentioned the younger kids who are more likely to hit you down there, but they don't have any life experience to think anything of it. Again, it was my keys, see! Moving on... It's the older ones, teenagers, you have to worry about in a kink relationship. They notice things and ask questions! "Mommy/Daddy, why is there another drawer in your bedroom full of panties and nylons and lingerie?" "Ummmm... those are just things you mom doesn't wear as much anymore..."
     
  25. Guest 9483
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    Guest 9483 Active member

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    My thoughts on this are in perpetual conflict, but as many have mentioned the younger age is an advantage in terms of their naiveté. I also agree that a slightly more toned down BDSM lifestyle is appropriate, if not hidden, around those who might ask and deserve some kind of answer. I wrote earlier
    well, they can indeed. It is all about management of time and taking a few extra precautions. If doing so, one must realize that is an additional commitment to an already complex situation, so that is my only gripe I suppose. Life with kids around needs to less complicated. But uncomplicated life just doesn't exist, does it?
     
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