I play at being sexually submissive. Have done so for 47 years. In real life I am very assertive and alpha. Old school alpha, not the modern kind. Sort of an anachronism like a Bogart or John Wayne alpha male. Due to the stress of my job and a sexual experience in my young days, I find sexual submission to be both arousing and stress reducing. Very difficult to think about any problems while you are being whipped raw. Although we were mostly into BDSM with an emphasis on S&M, we successfully prevented it from spilling over into our regular married life where are roles were reversed. Chastity was a puzzle since I am locked up after sex too. What we do is basically agree on my orgasm denial period. For the first 4 years we negotiated it and I adhered to what was agreed to. This year I left it up to my wife and she wants only two orgasms in 12 months. Although I would feel more comfortable with 3-4 a year, an agreement is an agreement plus I always have my safe word if I find myself in physical or mental distress. Plus my wife will also monitor me to make sure I am OK. We do love each other after all and to us it is just sex play and not who we are or how we steer our marriage to as much extent as is possible under the circumstances. We also do not use sex as a currency. My orgasms and denial are not a punishment or a reward. What I do in our marriage will not affect our chastity play, at least to any significant effect. We are human and if my wife is pissed off at me the day before my release or sex, she is not going to be in any mood to do anything, but that is very short lived and no more than a few days delay. It used to be difficult to switch roles once outside of the bedroom but we have been at it for so long that it is natural for us now. Plus we both know what each other likes and stick to doing that unless we agree to something new to try. So I stay locked for about 95% of the time. I work from home and do not get out much due to problems with my feet which surgery hopefully will fix. My wife is handicapped so other than shopping for food and an occasional trip to a restaurant of friend's house, we stay home. That makes it very easy to remain locked. I am unlocked mostly for doctor and dentist visits. Wearing a chastity cage is no longer something that I think of much anymore. I am so used to sitting down that I instinctively sit as not to squash my testicles. I was peeing sitting down before chastity as old age plays tricks on you. Just wanted to put this out there for those couples interested in chastity without all the D/s, cuckolding, and FLR stuff where chastity often plays a part. Your wife does not have to become a dominatrix and you do not have to all of a sudden crave doing all the household chores and becoming a slave. You can lead your normal life and still enjoy chastity or any other fetish play. We did it for a very long time so I know it can be done. Do not let the blogs and chastity books scare you away. Do chastity your way. My wife could care less if I am locked up or not, as long as I do not masturbate. I am the one who wants the cage on as it provides me with extra stimulation and arousal. It is also a symbol of my promise to my wife just like my wedding band is. You do not have to lock up all the time. You can decide on a few weeks of lockup and orgasm denial and then when that is done, put off chastity until you are ready to do it again. Make your fetishes your own. I am pre internet so we had to do our fetish play according to our rules. Now you can find the same fetish "rules" or requirements on porn and many websites and blogs. It seems that too many adopt those readymade fetishes rather than do them the way they want to. Following someone else's idea of a fetish often leads to disappointment. There is no right or wrong way. If you want to top from the bottom and you both agree to it, then do it. Often it is necessary because it is a rare wife who knows how to do the things we guys like to have done to us. Someone has to teach her and who better than you. However, you will find greater pleasure when you both know enough that you can step away from teaching and just let her take over. I taught every "Mistress" I ever had. None knew how best to wield impact toys or how each feels. Most of all, girls tend to think our testicles are more delicate than they really are. I had to teach them the pain I feel is all out of proportion to the force of the impact. Not many women who love you will think to put cigarettes out on the head of your penis or nipples either. Someone had to teach them, so do not feel you are not doing it right if you need to start off topping from the bottom. Most of all, if it is not fun for both of you, don't do it. For us there is sex for making love, sex for fun and sex for fetish needs. All three have different dimensions and goals. I never cared if anyone thought I was not doing it by some unwritten rules. I never tried to fit in by pretending I was doing things that I was not. I never lived my sex life online. I simple am good at communicating and making my wife and former girlfriend feel comfortable doing the things I like to do. They always tried and if they did not like it, we found something else. I do not enjoy doing anything sexual unless my partner is also into it and having fun.