Chastity and Polyamory

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Tracker1, Sep 20, 2021.

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  1. Tracker1
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    Tracker1 Member

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    My partner has a good friend who knows everything about our life style. She is intrigued but has no partner of her own. We have been discussing the option of her moving in with us and becoming a second KH for me to serve. If it was up to me I would invite her to move in today, but my KH, who handles all the details of everything, imagines lots of complexities, none of which appear to either of us to be fatal and some of which seem quite interesting in their own right. We are leaning towards doing this, but would pass if there was any real risk of our friendship blowing up.

    But right now this all just vapor. Does anyone have any actual experience with any of these variations? Or know where I can read about it? Like what is the difference between one KH and two wearers (what is the right term, anyway? KHee?) and two KHs with one wearer, which is what we are actually thinking about?
     
  2. Sipriotes
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    Sipriotes Slave to Artemistress

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    No direct experience with polyamory - though Mrs and I have fantasized about it plenty of times. So I'd love to hear how it works out for you.

    Only advice I'd have is what I often give to single guys "looking for a KH" -- are you interested in a relationship, or a play partner?

    Nothing wrong with either, but it's better to be honest and upfront with yourself and with potential partners.

    If she's just going to be a play partner, then make sure to define it as such upfront. If, though, as your title states, it's going to be a full polyamorous relationship, that calls for a different level of expectations, communication, and preparation. There are a number of books on the subject that you may find helpful if you're going that route.

    Good luck!
     
  3. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

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    Would be funny if they got a key box that had to use two keys to access your cage key which means they both have to agree for you to get unlocked.
     
  4. Nicole Smith
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    Nicole Smith Snarky Trans Girly Seeking Keyholder

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    That sounds like it could be a "too many chefs in the kitchen" sort of situation or a your lady friend might be an junior/apprentice KH who defers to the primary?
     
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  5. Thomas Gangman
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    Thomas Gangman Active member

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    This is great, but will end up in disaster in the long run. When I was much younger, I played with a couple in a threesum and when he was away she stayed over by me. To be honest, all she was for me was a hot piece of ass as she was really high maintenance. Things were going along great until she said she loved me and wanted to leave him. I rejected her and she did not take it well. He then got on my case for becoming a wedge between them, all i was looking for was fun.

    Now add that with a more complicated dynamic and I can see the mushroom cloud on the horizon.....
     
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  6. Peaches
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    Peaches "kinky guy"

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    When you say serve what do you mean by that.

    When the word polyamorous comes up I believe there's certain inflections of what the word means. I'm not a big label person but I believe in a poly type relationship there are more than one person of course and there are romantic feelings involved.

    With this second key holder is this a romantic type of involvement or is she specifically non-sexual serving.

    I would say in a strictly domestic servitude situation and some types of play with no romantic feelings involved, The situation could work pretty well. But clear lines would have to be drawn and communication would have to be extra transparent.

    My wife and I are in a similar relationship with goddess. She does not live with us but my wife does share me for play and for task and things she needs. We are not in a poly relationship, romantic feelings and sexual relationship between goddess and I is a line that was drawn and will not be crossed.
     
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  7. King Hippo
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    King Hippo Active member

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    I think it sounds like a bad idea, but that's just my opinion. Maybe having her move in is fine, but I don't think you need two keyholders... You do what you think is best for your relationship, but it wouldn't work for my wife and I.
     
  8. Tracker1
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  9. Tracker1
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    These reactions have been helpful and interesting. Thanks. The big unknown for me is not how the relationship between the two KHs will work out, though that is certainly important, but what will happen to me. While neither of these women are technically a lesbian in terms of their life history (so far), both are interested in bisexual relationships and this will be a first time for both. For at least a few months I will definitely be a fifth wheel. I don't expect anyone to give a thought to my sexual needs. Maybe I can handle it. But if I can't it will be a problem. Fortunately our conversations are open and honest and nobody wants to risk our current relationships. So we will see.
     
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  10. Isopropylforyou
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    Isopropylforyou Active member

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    I like this idea.

    Its like the 2 keys necessary to launch the Nuclear Missiles!

    Iso.
     
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  11. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

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    2 keys required for unlock also ensures that they are both there when his penis is free. May reduce friction potential.
     
  12. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

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  13. WhiteKnight
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    Love this as an idea ! However I think in the situation as outlined above the Wife / KH should have the first - and final- say. It looks as if there are two keys for each lock. I suppose Wife could have the keys to both locks and so could 'unlock' on her own, while 'Friend' would need Wife's presence or permission to let hubby out ?
     
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  14. anasyrma
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    anasyrma Active member

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    It's a beautiful thing if it can work for everyone. Communication between all three of you will be key. I know three people (FFM) who lived together for a couple of years. It ultimately ended, but they enjoyed the experience. The more complicated the arrangement the more work it is, but the rewards are worth it.
     
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  15. Peaches
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    Peaches "kinky guy"

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    A dual key system is in the works for me. My device has two security screws. One for the cage to base ring and the other holds the PA hook in place.

    Both need to be removed to get my device off. And it so happens that the screws have two different key configurations.
     
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  16. Tracker1
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    These comments are helpful and interesting and I thank you for them. I love the idea of a double key lock -- in our case each partner would get her own key and I would have to demonstrate a real commitment to both to get release. I like that idea. I would not be surprised to see a double key lock optimized for this constituency appear on the market. (The key given here looks like it might be a bit clumsy. Maybe not. I will order it.)

    I have to wonder, purely as fantasy (nothing like this is remotely in prospect for us), how chastity would work the other way, with two males, both in chastity, and one KH. The dynamics would be very different. In the best case the two males would work together to organize dramatic commitments to their joint KH. I can see issues -- jealousy -- but from this distance that arrangement it seems not only possible but fun. Sometimes.
     
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  17. Dr MBogo
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    Dr MBogo You heard the lady! In you go.....

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    I have no experience with this, but have no doubt that such a situation carries a substantial risk for a bad outcome. Anytime you bring a 3rd person into a previously monogamous relationship, it's a very big deal, and must be considered very carefully. My guess is that more often than not, someone will be hurt emotionally in the end. Be very cautious, my friend......
     
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  18. Sipriotes
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    Sipriotes Slave to Artemistress

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    This could be fun too... make a rule so that both subs have to earn the release, and a punishment for one is a punishment for all...

    We've also fantasized about a female sub join us... Mrs would keep both of us locked, though of course I would be subservient to both of them.

    Again, this is just fantasy -- as many have mentioned, the dynamics of a play partner relationship, a romantic relationship, and a domestic relationship all have their own unique challenges that are tricky with just two people. Adding a third increases that complexity by an order of magnitude.
     
  19. Tracker1
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    All true. All too true. But part of me has to wonder if the future of chastity lies not only with the expansion of the population participating in the usual two-member relationships but the very definitions of chastity and chaste relationships themselves. Three women? Four? Two men and two women? One woman and three men? All of these would be difficult and complex but all very interesting.
     
  20. locked_top
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    locked_top Caged tiger

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    Try out the two KH idea without her moving in. Actually living together adds extra complications and makes it harder to back away if the sexual side doesn't work.
     
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  21. Tamed Male
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    [
    BehindBarz makes belts that have two locks. They normally ship with the same key, but they can provide them with two separate locks if needed.

    If you do go as far as having a second KH move in and you are the sub to two women, a two key system is strongly recommended. The dynamics of you getting rewarded by one of them when the other isn’t happy with you are to be avoided!
     
  22. sashasproperty
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    I am a collared and locked pet slave, to two women. We all live together.

    You can see their channel at www.instagram.com/twoasiandommes

    My relationship started out as monogamous with my first Queen, Madam Dee. We met on Hinge, a vanilla dating app and I had put out there that I wanted a D/s FLR.

    She had no idea what it was, but she googled it, liked it, and hit me up. She was new to D/s and I was her first FLR. She was my second.

    Soon, she was reading Ms Renee, Rika etc and was developing her own thoughts and feelings about the lifestyle.

    After reading Ms Renee's book, she enjoyed the character of Heather (her friend) and we discussed what it would be like to have more friends and community around us that were of our age, and who wanted this lifestyle.

    We had discussed introducing more people to our relationship from early on, whether that was a bull or another domme.

    So within about two years of us meeting and becoming a couple, she met Miss Cindy on Fetlife who would soon become my second owner and Queen.

    They started out as friends with a shared love for FLR and dominating men. It was clear they enjoyed each other's company, so she decided to invite Miss Cindy into our lives as a second Domme to serve.

    At this stage, I was already serving some of Madam's female friends in a service sub capacity so Miss Cindy seemed like yet another friend who would enjoy my submission. (domestic work)

    Very quickly, we noted there was deeper chemistry and a shared vision between the three of us so we invited her to join our relationship, and thus into our home.

    As expected, there was an adjustment period for all of us — from having duplicate possessions, to making room for a third, changes in routines, a new bed (super king ftw!), reconfiguring of things etc, different habits, rituals, standards, preferences for food etc — all the usual teething challenges that come with moving in with someone.

    Then there were the occasional feelings from Miss Cindy of feeling like the third wheel to a couple, Madam's feelings of inviting another woman into her domain, and me feeling caught in the middle at times. As sexy as it sounds, being caught in the middle in an emotional moment isn't fun at all.

    Beyond the kink and dynamic, we were/are constantly reminded that we're three human beings, with feelings, with pasts, with dreams, with beliefs, with fears, with wants and needs, and with our own personalities.

    * * *

    I am bi, Madam Dee is bi, and Miss Cindy is bi-curious. We have enjoyed 'threesomes' and 'twosomes' and it's been a winding path to figure out what works for us all individually, as three separate couples, and as a throuple. We have explored a huge range of kinks from mild to wild, and I have my daily rituals and rules to follow.

    We have had some of the most incredible moments together that are impossible to describe unless you've been there. It's easily the best relationship I've ever had, and I regret and fear nothing.

    We have also had our fair share of ups and downs, insecurities, jealous moments, fears, feelings of not belonging or being wanted, desires to detonate it when it challenged our beliefs and values greatly. Our inner 5 year olds still come out sometimes when we get stressed, and we have contemplated whether this dynamic is workable.

    We are human — there will always be breakdowns but it's how we navigate those breakdowns that determines the quality of our relationship.

    Each time, we have all been able to calm down, think clearly, and consciously choose that we want this dynamic together, we want this to work, we want to overcome our fears rather than just react to them, and we want to build a life together.

    The moment one or more people decide that they don't want something (or they don't believe it's possible) then it's over. What keeps us together, healthy, and evolving is our strong commitment to bettering ourselves as individuals, and not blaming others or living with society's rules of conditional love.

    Each of us fundamentally agree that it's our personal responsibility to create our own happiness, and it's not the job of someone else to MAKE us happy. And it's with that personal self-love, happiness, and internal fortitude that we may be able to SHARE our happiness with each other.

    One of the things that took the most time to navigate was the Queens relationship between each other. It took time for them to not just intellectualise, but EXPERIENCE that they are not in competition with each other, but instead in connection to, and collaboration with each other.

    They needed to appreciate that each is their own woman, with their own wants and needs, with their own style of dominance, and just because one Queen gets something, doesn't automatically mean the other needs it too.

    It took them both a lot of work and willingness to negotiate and work through their personal fears and traumas to overcome their default urges of competing for attention.

    All the while, they decided to start a company together — and both were first time entrepreneurs so you can imagine the pressure, challenges, and emotional head-fucking at times.

    But I admire them for doing the work on themselves; they didn't seek to place blame on each other, they owned their own issues and did/do the work to grow rather than just shut down what challenges them.

    * * *

    We have lived happily together for about a year now, (and continue to feel happy even with extremely restrictive lockdown laws), are in a 24/7 D/s dynamic, and have even started a business together.

    Both Queens have bulls on the side, and I am cucked and caged. I get to experience ALL the caged/cuck fantasies people write about here, and it's driven by them and not me, because it's their fantasies too. I also enjoy many of the slave fantasies with them that porn memes show, and we regularly discuss and talk about porn, fantasies, kinks, toys etc.

    We are all from different cultures, different countries, different age groups / generations, and with very different upbringings. I'm 38, Madam Dee is 33, and Miss Cindy is 26.

    If you met us in person, you would unlikely see that we have this relationship or dynamic.

    It would also be very apparent that despite our differences, we have shared values and goals. We all want a femdom household, we all practice a very conscious and consistent level of self-awareness, we are very powerful communicators, we have mature and truthful discussions about what shows up along the way (no passive aggression, no pretending, no avoiding, no lying, no hiding, no playing things down).

    We have all done a lot of therapy, self-help work, personal development, reading, learning, studying, practice. We cannot stress the importance of this enough. If you want to drive a supercar (and not crash it), you need to learn how to drive and respect a supercar.

    We communicate and live in ways that challenges most people because it is direct, accountable, and lovingly honest. We have developed our own language that works for us, and it's designed to ensure that the objective truth gets told, and not some emotional interpretation of the truth.

    Our families and friends all know about our lifestyle — and we put our names and faces out there. We are not ashamed of who we are, what we have, and what we aspire to create.

    At first they judged us, but very quickly they sought us for relationship advice as they couldn't believe how we navigated complex issues together that they themselves struggled with as a couple. I suppose it was somewhat redeeming because it sucked to get judged by friends and family, until we realised that they were just inexperienced and scared of playing with so many proverbial relationship 'knives' at once.

    If there's one thing I've really learned about a throuple dynamic, is that couples can easily hide and avoid their issues from each other. You cannot do that with a throuple AT ALL — there's nowhere to hide. And we LOVE being in a throuple for that very reason.

    It's the equivalent of having children — you can't be frustrated with one child then take that frustration out on the other and not expect to have problems.

    * * *

    So in short, we have taken a monogamous relationship with a D/s FLR dynamic, we moved across the world, we then added a third person from a different country/generation/culture, live together during a pandemic, started a business together, introduced bulls to the picture, and we explore our traumas, sexuality, and fears with a high level of confidence on the daily.

    Most COUPLES cannot handle ONE of those things without it turning into a dumpster fire, let alone all at once, and within a year of meeting.

    And then have it succeed, stick, and get better rather than worse.

    If I sound proud, it's because I am.

    It took me 20 years to figure my shit out, and to be able to create this life. I've been married/divorced, I've had to start over from scratch, I've been cheated on, have cheated on, and spent so much time and energy feeling stressed out in relationships.

    I'm really proud of myself and my two Queens for demonstrating what's possible when people share a common vision, who do the hard work on themselves, and who create/hold space for each other especially when they're reacting, and are able to navigate the complex situations without ego, pride, fear, and unbridled emotions.

    It's been really hard at times, but all so worth it. And I'm so glad I trusted the work and not the limiting beliefs of people who aren't/weren't as committed as me.

    Even though it's cliche, to create anything in life, you really gotta want it. Money, fame, power, mastery — too many people nowadays want the result without the work.

    So if you're still reading, and feel genuinely inspired or interested, (this wasn't intended to be salesy but it's more just coincidental) — we are creating a course at the moment to teach men and women how to create even a part of what we have because it's totally doable. So lmk if that interests you as I'd love to chat to more people who have a life like ours, or genuinely want it (and are willing to work for it).

    And yes, there's plenty of young, beautiful, single women who not only want this, but they don't need to be sold to or convinced. My life is the proof so please don't let the fears, failures, and limited beliefs of others tell you what's possible/not possible in this life.

    So to the OP — I hope this inspires you. I hope it helps. I hope it opens a possibility for you and your partner, and her friend. It's doable if you're ALL willing to step up to the plate, deal with your demons, and give it your all. <3

    Please feel free to reach out :)

    Cheers,
    Rari
     
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  23. allfullup
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    allfullup Trial Member

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    Ethical non-monogamy is the umbrella term for models of intimate relationships allowing for more than two members, including but not limited to polyamory, which emphasizes emotional intimacy. Keyholder/wearer is my usual terminology for the enforced chastity relation.

    So, in my brief experience as the hinge of a V being keyheld by two poly people at once, the wearer seems to become a little bit more central to the "polycule" relationship as a common interest. I don't think that's a bad thing, but TPE dynamics might prefer that papered over with narrative.

    Aside from the usual communication, communication, and communication that is the bare minimum required by any mode of ENM, it is particularly important that you and all of your partners are playing the same game and motivated by the same goals. It would be very difficult to reconcile a strict denial fetishist and a forced cum fetishist in charge of the same wearer, for example. I have no experience with a KH as hinge with another KH, or a chastity-based triad, but I would expect open, honest communication between the keyholders, as one side of a major relationship interest, to be especially important in avoiding corrosive drama.

    These situations can and do work, and sometimes produce sublime beauty, if tended consciously and carefully. I wish you the best success.
     
  24. Tracker1
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    Tracker1 Member

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    Thank you so much. Your whole post is very interesting. Can you post about your course somewhere on this site???
     
  25. sashasproperty
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    I surely will once we have fleshed it out some more :) But I will posting some polls in the coming days to learn more about what people really want help with so we create content that really helps people create this amazing lifestyle for themselves.

    Perhaps you can tell me more about yourself, and what you want to learn but believe is getting in the way for you?
     
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