Chastity and lost libido?

Discussion in 'Online chastity and self locking' started by Locked Sam, Aug 19, 2021.

  1. Locked Sam
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    Locked Sam Active member

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    Still fairly new to this. In the midst of my longest continuous period locked, approaching 5 weeks. As expected from my prior experience, from week 2 to 4 just super horny, but channeled energy to other things and relationships…., the thing I love about the chastity journey. By the beginning of week 5, nipples getting sensitive and increasingly horny. Then…., nothing. I went to bed one night horny and woke up to absolutely no arousal at all. No desire to jerk off, no desire to cum. Cage fitting well. No pain, careful inspection and all is well physically. Not depressed, feeling quite well actually. I’ve not heard of this and it is a bit counter to what I use chastity for. No horny energy to channel elsewhere. Kind of a “what’s the point?” feeling I guess. So as I approach the end of week five do I push on and hope this passes or do I unlock and try to get the sexual energy flowing? Don’t want to throw out 5 weeks if this is normal and will pass. But I also never wanted to become asexual either.

    thanks for any insights.
     
  2. Andy80
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    Andy80 Long term member

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    Well done for reaching five weeks. :)

    In my experience, and from what I've read from other posts on CM, it's fairly normal for things to calm down after 3 or 4 weeks locked. I'm 4.5 weeks into my latest period, and I've noticed the horny frustrations have eased a lot recently for me too.

    I don't think there's anything wrong unlocking and having an orgasm to restart the chastity cycle (well, assuming my KH also agrees!), it's whatever you find works best for you and if you particularly like those intense moments of frustration that happen during weeks 2 to 4.

    In terms of the on-going motivation, the following thread I found quite interesting, where people who were locked long term described how they found serving their KHs, and enjoying when their KHs had orgasms, was very satisfying and in some ways better than the initial personal horniness brought on by chastity.

    Training a man to have fewer orgasms | Chastity Mansion
     
  3. JaySaysYes
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    JaySaysYes I identify as someone that is always right

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    5 weeks is amazing, congratulations.

    According to to nofap folks there is a period of "flatline" where libido drops, often accompanied with some sadness. It will pass.

    Don't be disheartened, it's a sign of progress and acceptance.

    My libido bounced back stronger than ever when released, it was as if nothing happened at all.

    Keep going.
     
  4. Locked Sam
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    Locked Sam Active member

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    That’s really helpful thanks. Needed to hear that this wasn’t necessarily abnormal.
     
  5. JaySaysYes
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    JaySaysYes I identify as someone that is always right

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    Chastity and nofap are not the same.

    It's going to be different when in a chastity cage, especially since the cage is stimulating.

    There is plenty of discussion about stages of nofap on the internet. Please don't take my word for it.

    With no basis in fact; I feel that chastity increases dopamine to a point. It's novel and exciting, for all involved, and so of course it's going to make you insanely horny, it's a constant reminder after all. But that cannot last because your body needs balance. My feeling is that dopamine production drops off and that causes the blues. OR dopamine receptors are reduced such that you'd need more dopamine to feel as perky.
     
  6. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    please whats nofap mean.
     
  7. SissyKayli
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    SissyKayli Active member

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    NoFap is a movement/website that preaches giving up masturbation (fapping) and porn.

    Edited to say that the after rereading my comment, the word preach is exactly why I find myself uncomfortable with nofap many times. People following it tend to be preachy about it, almost like a cult of people that want the whole world to stop masturbating. I get it, much less orgasms has helped my life/marriage too but I don’t necessarily go around telling everyone about it.
     
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  8. Guest 8927
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    Guest 8927 Long term member

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    I'm not a fan of long lockups personally, but do get that some are. I prefer extended lockup with built in checks on libido. If this was me, I would freak out and take a break for a few days. I dunno. I'm almost 50, and a shutdown of my prostate and the subsequent after effects just absolutely do not appeal to me.

    As I always say, write your own story, but pay attention to the warning signs. A break in the 5 weeks doesn't have to imply failure, so much as a degree of maintenance. Just my .02 cents.
     
  9. JaySaysYes
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    JaySaysYes I identify as someone that is always right

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    I find reading eliminates doubt/ignorance. Try it, you might like it.

    It's about overcoming porn addiction.

    https://nofap.com/about/

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NoFap
     
  10. Locked Sam
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    Locked Sam Active member

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    I so very much appreciate the give and take of ideas. I’m taking away from the discussion that there may not be a simple answer but that I’m not unique. This is all helpful. I’m a scientist and experimenting with this, ‘writing my own story’ (thanks Monica), seems to make the most sense. If I make any stunning observations or discoveries along the way, I’ll be sure to share.
     
  11. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    When riding a roller coaster, there is always a top. You can’t keep going up and up and up without end. At some point it would get boring and you would think “hey isn’t this ride ever going to start?!” Wearing a cage is similar, we are waiting for that downhill rush but it’s not up to us when we start the thrill ride to the bottom.

    This is normal with long lock ups. It is especially normal if you are not getting any feedback from a key holder, or know for certain that you will stay locked for a lot longer. Your mind just knows there is going to be no action and drops sexual thinking to a lesser priority.

    What I do would probably drive people crazy, but I like the torment. I put myself on sexual track. I watch vids on porn hub, look at sexual memes and gifs, some I send to my wife to see her reaction and test her desires. I might just make a point to be sexual around her, not ask for sex, just sexual. Give her a romantic kiss and make out, rub her shoulders and ask if she wants a massage etc.

    I thrive on the constant ache and need, so if just being caged isn’t enough, I improvise and add some torment to my nonsexual existence. I leak a little, and I’m no closer to having an orgasm, but it reboots the mind into remembering that sex isn’t an option, but I still want it desperately.

    Good luck
     
  12. Shimone
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    Shimone Long term member

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    I think much of it depends on how you long lockup period looks like.
    Does it only mean that you do not have an orgasm, but regulary let out for play. Or do you have certain kinds of sex without unlocking ? Or is there no sexual contact and maybe even no kind of intimacy at all.

    All those options might have quite different effects on a person wile you could call all of them long term chastity...

    For us we regulary have sex one way or the other so there is not much time for my libido to go low and even if not she might do her best to prevent it as that might be evem more fun for her than for me ;)
     
  13. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    thank You for tell me.
     
  14. bondinchas
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    bondinchas Long term member

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    An interesting reaction to your first one month plus.
    It's quite a contrast to your previous experience of your sexuality, but as it's a first time you may not be registering all the positives. As with any lifestyle, it does take time to "get in the groove".

    Maybe (and I can relate to this myself) try to take the scientist hat off and put your relationship hat on... Has it improved your relationship with your partner? What changes has your partner seen in you?
     
  15. ChasteCel
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    ChasteCel 7/6 on the TomAllen-Rectrix scale

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    My personal experience aligns with most of the above too. I've had a few lock-ups in the 5-6 week range. After about 4 weeks, there's definitely a few days where I wonder if it was worth it, especially since those longer lockups are usually when me or my wife is sick or super busy or otherwise unable to play for a period of time.

    So yeah it feels like it's a combination of naturally occurring around then, especially if you're without any stimulation from your keyholder or otherwise.

    It'll pass. Usually after a few days of this I'll get a major peak of horniness and those frequently end the 5-6 week lock up ;P. There was only one notable time it didn't, and that's because my wife consciously wanted to extend it another 6 weeks. I spent a lot of those 6 weeks extra teased and extra horny.
     
  16. DonnaSue
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    DonnaSue Long term member

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    In my experience, the loss of libido has a lot to do with your age and the intensity of your relationship. When Mistress is paying lots of attention to me, I stay constantly horny.
     
  17. collaredhubby
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    collaredhubby Long term member

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    This is going to come off as impersonal and maybe a bit offensive but do you have a keyholder or are you in a relationship where teasing and consistent play is involved? If not and you are just self locking and have no playmate then chastity I could foresee as eventually boring.

    Locked up for the sake of being locked up would eventually drive any person with no real driving force toward an eventual goal, that being orgasm at the end of the “road” for example, to boredom and lack of libido. One of the key factors to chastity is the dangling carrot that gets slowly further away. No carrot, eventually no fun. If you aren’t having fun then what’s the point?

    There is a common phrase in chastity “it’s not real until you want out.” The question is do you really want out and do you really want to know what that feels like to not be able to get out when you want? Are you comfortable with the idea of or rather the reality of not being in control of your chasteness? “It takes two to tango” isn’t just a dance term of expression. Play is easier in chastity in some ways when you aren’t playing alone.

    Congratulations on making it as long as you did because there are few individuals who make it past two weeks. The longest I’ve gone ever has been two weeks. Usually I run into some issue along the line with either hygiene or fit but I have very sensitive skin. A custom device helps and a cleaning routine but I’ve never made it past 14 days. I’ve never experienced long term like this but would like to. I would very much like to know how you got to the point of going 5 weeks and any tips you’d be willing to share on how you got there so individuals like myself who sometimes struggle to go a single week can have some insight into how the other half lives.

    I hope this helps.
     
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  18. Tom Allen
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    Tom Allen Member

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    https://vanillaedge.wordpress.com/2012/04/02/it-will-pass/
     
  19. Morgan2
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    I self lock so my times being locked are fairly short and find them quite arousing..the longest I have been locked is about two weeks..I am hoping to one day soon expand my sessions and not have control
    As to when I am released. Inwouldnlolemtomexoerience theming term effects as well
     
  20. Locked Sam
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    Locked Sam Active member

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    Thank you so much for responding as you did. It was very helpful and your insights give me something to think about. I am in an asexual marriage. I last had sex almost 10 years ago. I love my wife and I enjoy sharing my life with my best friend but sex is off the table. Doctors, therapists, sex therapists etc etc etc. Medications of various kinds. She just has no interest in sex of any kind. I asked her to masturbate me once a few years back. I told her that I wanted my sex to be only for her but that I really needed to orgasm from time to time. She did it but it was clear that she would prefer never doing it again. I asked her to show me how she masturbates and maybe I could do that for her and this is when I learned that she has never in her life masturbated. I have no interest in cheating. Chastity started as a way for me to masturbate less. The extent of my lack of sex with my wife is demonstrated by the fact that during my 5 week lockup, sleeping with my wife every night, she has no idea I wear a cage. If she were to ever see it I would talk freely about it. I learned as you point out that locking just to lock. . . Well it helped curb masturbation but not really fun. I have my keys in a timed lock box. So I eventually turned to an online/phone keyholder. I am pretty sure if my wife knew of this she would be hurt but honestly the alternatives were not appealing. So my KH tells me how long to set the timer for. She has me edge and occasionally ruin an orgasm. I gain full release from time to time. It has been fun.

    Recently my KH was sick and so we had no play. That’s how I got 5 weeks. There was no tease, no play, no porn no nothing and as I write all this down I guess a drop in libido was predictable. Though the first four weeks I was horny to the max. Crawling out of my skin. I became concerned when that went from 100 to zero overnight.

    Just today, KH feeling better and has contacted me with instructions for the upcoming week and already the old swelling in the cage is returning.

    Again, thank you for taking the time to help.
     
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