Chapter Four

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by Hubby&Missy, Dec 4, 2021.

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  1. Hubby&Missy
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    Hubby&Missy Love keeps us together

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    This is both of us but Missy is doing the typing and “editing.” We spent two or three hours just talking about where we go from here. Missy made it clear that “crazy Tuesday” was not going to happen again. That insanity is not in the cards. I will definitely try to tease him and keep him off balance though. LOL Already Hubby sees I will be playing with his mind. We are also starting a new thread because I am not really “bat crap crazy.” LOL Am I?

    The first few items we didn’t talk about and are all about me (Missy.) Tonight I am going to call my sister and beg her forgiveness. She has always sent me Christmas and birthday cards with an invitation to talk to her. I always sent back just a card with nothing but my name on it.. She reached out to me and I never gave her a chance. I wonder what my life would have been like if I had let her be my big sister and help me through the rough spots. I forgive my mother for her role in my life because I believe she did it all out of love, warped as her love may have been. I will not apologize for anything I said, but if she wants to speak to me in the future I will talk with her. She will have to understand that I am no longer her puppet. I am going to talk to my father more. I think he needs some love that is not dictatorial. Hubby read all my posts and he knows how much I owe him, and love him, and how sorry I am for the years of lost time in our marriage. I can never give those years back to him but I will try to make it up to him. He just said I don’t owe him anything and there is nothing I need to be sorry for.

    Now for the stuff we talked about today. This morning he told me that he did get an appointment for the vasectomy if I still agreed. It would be after the holidays but the doctor wants him to come in for a full physical first since he hasn’t had one in at least 8 years, maybe longer. Hubby is insisting that I at least see my GYN since she has just been automatically renewing my prescription for the last two years and if he let something happen to me like happened to his mother that could have been prevented he could never forgive himself. That is a fair request and I will do it.

    We have decided to keep doing the letters. Especially, with all the changes happening it is important we don’t let the communication disappear. Hubby is much more comfortable writing and it turns out so am I.

    We decided I, Missy, will still be in charge of our love life and our social life. Since we still both work all week we will continue with the chastity cage and week nights will be strictly sensual love making unless I want to have sex. We are going to make next weekend a test weekend to see how comfortable Missy is with sex now that she is more comfortable with herself. The cage will come off Saturday morning and go back on Monday morning. Hubby can have sex whenever he wants as long as Missy feels it is appropriate and he gets her in the mood. He will be required to satisfy her every time or the cage goes back on for the rest of the weekend. No quickies or slam-bam-thank you mams like the old “programed” Saturday night sex.. If Missy can handle this then we will have sex several times every weekend and whenever else she wants. I hope I can now because I love that feeling when I climax. But some weekends if I don’t want sex, I am still in charge he will have to just hold me that special way. He will still be required to make me melt in his arms when we are in bed during the week. I can opt out if I want.

    There won’t be any change in household chores. Right now we both pitch in and get things done pretty efficiently. We are going to do a lot more socializing. We are going to go to night clubs and places where we can dance. We are going to try to make some more friends our age to do things with but Dick and Jane will always be #1. They are more than ten years older though and probably don’t want us hanging around quite as much. I promise to help Hubby with the conversation and getting to know new people till he gets a little more comfortable with it. I don’t want to make life hard for him or hurt him. May have to smack his backside if he gets cocky though! LOL Looking at his face he wasn’t ready for that one.

    Some things we discussed that Hubby needs to remember. I am going to cry sometimes and he better learn to tell if they are happy tears or sad tears. There are going to be some “I don’t knows” because things are changing so fast and sometimes I’m going to be as confused as he is. Deal with it, Hubby! The last thing I need to remind him of is that I really want that promotion at work and sometimes he is going to have to deal with me being a little more stressed and support me. I know he will though because he is so proud of my success. There is one more thing he needs to know that I didn’t mention in our talk this morning. He seems to think I am now more confident and secure in my new role but he couldn’t be more wrong. Change scares the hell out of me and I am going to need a lot of hugs and shoulders to lean on.

    He just stood me up and gave me a hug and already a few tears. I’ll help him with this one. They are happy tears. And a little bit scared tears.

    We are sure this will get adjusted some as we proceed forward. After all, the ride has just started. I hope I can actually make love the way I want and Hubby deserves and I deserve too.

    I had just pasted this and was about to post it when Hubby asked one more question. The sticky question, “would he be able to call me beautiful now?” I was not ready for that and I got a little sharp with him. I tried to think but I didn’t know how to tell him “no.” I told him I had to think about that and asked him to give me some space so I could think. I am afraid he was hurt a little but he agreed to go out to the other room.

    Beautiful to me is a special word. It is about the person not the looks. I do like it when I am dressed up and he calls me very pretty. I also do know I am extremely attractive. That may be partly why I am not comfortable with my body when I am naked or partly so. When we are in the bedroom and he looks at my body I get this terrible fear that it is all about my body and having sex and not about me or love. I am just a sex object. I know this is not rational. I know he loves me for me but that does not make the fear go away. There have been a couple times in the past when I was very playful and could conquer the fear enough to flirt or tease and I hope I can do that a lot more in the future because I know he likes it and it was kind of fun for me. I guess it would be alright if he told me I was sexy or gorgeous when I am playing like that. But in the bedroom I want him to just glance and not say anything about how I look.

    Maybe if I say or do something special (not sexy special) and I will know it is about me and not about my sexuality or looks he can hold me and say I am beautiful. I’ll let him come back and read this now. I hope it doesn’t hurt him more but I have to be honest.

    He read it and he stood me up, put his arms around me, and said, “you are the most beautiful woman in the world” and he kissed me. Needless to say I needed his shoulder for a very long time before I could sit back down and post this.
     
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  2. Isopropylforyou
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    Isopropylforyou Long term member

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    Let us know how it went with your sister.

    Missy, you now have the ability to be a completely different person than you were before. There is no longer anything to hold you back.

    Explore who this new you is. Have fun with it. It is going to be quite the adventure.

    As for being called beautiful, I cannot attest to that (I do not know what you look like but I would trust your Husband's judgement), what I can say, beyond a shadow of a doubt, is that you are brave. Brave for standing up to your mother. Brave for wanting to mend the relationship with your sister, brave for going after that promotion, and brave for discovering the new you.

    You have now set yourself upon a completely new path.

    Enjoy the Journey, and enjoy it Together.

    Iso.
     
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  3. Hubby&Missy
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    After church Missy found Dick and Jane right away. None of us had had breakfast yet so she invited them over for brunch and said Hubby would be glad to make eggs and bacon and potatoes and even some pancakes. Missy was obviously excited which made Jane smile. Jane had known her parents were coming for Thanksgiving and it would be a tense week. Then Missy said, “I have so much to tell you.” Jane said they would be happy to come. Dick just smiled at me and said, “I guess you’re making breakfast.” Missy is definitely in charge.

    So we were all in the kitchen. Dick helped me with brunch and Missy was talking 60 miles an hour, non-stop to Jane. She told her everything that had happened from the beginning to the end with all the details. This is my very private Missy! She actually described the sexy outfit she put on that crazy Tuesday. Dick then chimed in, “Sounds pretty. Could you try it on for us so we can see it too?” Missy turned about 3 shades of red. I think she really had forgotten we were in the room. Then Jane quipped, “It sounds like somebody else needs to wear their cage for a week or so.” We all had a good laugh. Missy went on about all the revelations she had about herself and what we concluded on Saturday. By this time we were sitting down to eat. Missy then said, still talking mostly to Jane, that she really needed to keep doing the chastity the way we were except if it all works out that I would have all the sex I wanted on weekends as long as it was good for both of us. She sounded very confident that she was going to be able to handle having sex now. She pointed out that with us both working, sex during the week when we are tired would probably be less than satisfactory and why ruin the weekends. But then she confessed something that hadn’t come up Saturday. Originally, the chastity was just a way she could decide yes or no and sometimes it was still Hubby who had to help her decide. Then she got enough confidence that she could lead in the bedroom but still worried sometimes about hurting me. Now she feels like she is actually in control. It gives her an amazing sense of power that she never wants to lose. she asked Jane, “do you know what it feels like to have absolute control? It is intoxicating.” Then Missy finally stopped talking. Jane took a couple bites and then made the following very wise analogy.

    Jane looked very serious and said, “Girl Child. Think of your marriage as a gourmet dinner.” Your love for each other is the entrée. It is what has gotten you this far. It is the heart of the meal. The power you feel is the spice. It can make the meal special but if you use too much it can ruin the entrée. Missy thought a second and said, “you mean I have to be careful!” Jane said, “you have a whole cabinet full of spices. Some make the food more interesting and some don’t go down well at all. Just make sure you are both using the same cook book.” Missy asked, “we have to talk to each other?” Jane said, “And listen! You got it young lady.”

    We went back to general conversation. Then Jane leaned over close to Missy and whispered in a voice we could all here, “If the horny, wise-ass over there thinks I was just kidding, he might want to think again.” We all laughed, even Dick. As they left to go home, Jane turned around and said, “If you ever need to talk I am still here. Either of you.” You don’t find many friends like Dick and Jane. Maybe one or two in a life time.
     
  4. Hubby&Missy
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    Hubby&Missy Love keeps us together

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    My talk with my sister was wonderful. She totally understood. My father had told her about the control my mother had over me. It turns out we are very alike in real life in many ways.
    The new me is still a little scared. Excited but scared. Hubby is here for me though and he is patient and supportive. He hugged me twice today already just since Dick and Jane went home.
    The beautiful thing is about what beautiful means to me. I know I am good looking. Beautiful is more about character than looks.
     
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  5. Hubby&Missy
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    Hubby&Missy Love keeps us together

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    Missy seems to still be struggling a little with her identity or maybe just nervous about if she can be the woman she wants to be.

    She needs a lot of hugs. Most of the weekend she was wound tighter than a drum. She’s been her normal self in the morning when she heads to work and she is excited about work. With good reason. But when she gets home, after we talk about our day and are just sitting around watching TV or reading or talking she either gets fidgety and tense or is hyperactive and excited. We hold hands and I hug her a lot. It’s like she is overwhelmed with everything happening so fast in her life.

    In the bedroom it takes a long time for her to relax. I can get her to almost melt but she just never gets to that total relaxed state. She just can’t unwind. Her world has changed so fast and so much. Her standing up to her mother, crazy Tuesday, and the job excitement, all in one week.

    Last night, all excited, she said, “I can’t wait for my period to be over.” Then she got teary and said but what if it isn’t any different. Then she half smiled and said, “I know I can do this.” When I tried to talk to her about it I mostly got “I don’t know” to all my questions. So I just got quiet and held her for a long time. All I can do is hold her and reassure her that I love her.

    I miss that woman who would totally surrender and let go of all her worries and fears and anxiety when I held her. I want her back.
     
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  6. Isopropylforyou
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    Isopropylforyou Long term member

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    The Woman you miss is still there.

    She now has access to thoughts emotions and feelings She has never had before.

    What is even more fustrating is she cannot act on some of them because of her period.

    Hang in there.

    Iso.
     
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  7. Bronco
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    It’s cool to here you made up with your sister . I love the fact that you two are a teem you go to each other when having problems and hold each other up and have each other’s back that is the best thing ever . That makes both of you a beautiful couple.
     
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  8. Hubby&Missy
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    Hubby&Missy Love keeps us together

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    ISO,

    I hope I can still be the woman he is missing When he can make me melt in his arms, there is no feeling that matches that. I am still frightened and worried and hoping to God I can be the woman I want and need to be. Not just for me but for Hubby. Most of the time I am sure I can but then those doubts rear their ugly head and I just need him to hold me and tell me it will be okay no matter what.



    Thank you Bronco. You reminded me that Hubby is and always has been there for me. Coming from someone more objective than Hubby makes it real. That is exactly what I needed to hear tonight..
     
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  9. maid julie
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    maid julie Long term member

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    Yes he is still the same hubby and there for you. Just take things as you make progress with yourself. It’s not a show or performance. It’s just you. Enjoy and try what feels good for you
     
  10. Isopropylforyou
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    Isopropylforyou Long term member

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    Think of yourself as a tree.

    Your trunk is the same, but now your branches have enough sunlight and you are now able to grow and spread out wide.

    You will always be you. You are still the kind and loving person you always were.

    Nothing will change that.

    The difference is that you now have the ability to go along with the desire to grow.

    If it seems scary and mysterious, good. That means you are entering the unknown. Thankfully you have Hubby by your side as you take the journey. You are not nor will you ever be alone. Hubby will be there always.

    Iso.
     
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  11. Bronco
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    Bronco Active member

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    You are quite welcome I’m glad it helped.
     
  12. Bronco
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    Bronco Active member

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    I know it’s hard not to weary about things but try not to trust me life is to short to weary if we are doing everything right. We are human we always screw up this is why we have good mates thay pick us up thay hold us up and always thare . You have a mate so you can do what you feal is right and he will be thare with you so just live happy together and this is hew you are right now. Life is about change may not like it but can’t stop it . Everything changes look how the world has changed but we are still here to do what we do. Embrace the change and I’m sher you two will grow closer together as you move forward.
     
  13. Hubby&Missy
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    Hubby&Missy Love keeps us together

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    @Isopropylforyou and @maid julie and Bronco

    You all believe in me even more than I do. This is the end of my period and I am feeling more confident about everything. I am excited and can hardly wait for Saturday morning. When we talked last weekend I promised Hubby he could have all the sex he wants I think and this is going to be a wild and wonderful weekend. I know it is. Cross your fingers for me.


    Jane called a bit ago and wants me to help out with a fund raiser for a family at our church that has just had some terrible news. I am going to ask Hubby to do something special for me tonight that won’t be what he wants to do so I hope he understands and will go along with me.
     
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  14. maid julie
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    maid julie Long term member

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    I bet he does go along with you
     
  15. Bronco
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    He will definitely understand and go along with you . You all go and have a lot of fun Saturday I will be rooting far you
     
  16. Hubby&Missy
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    WHY I LOVE HER

    This has nothing to do with anything but it says so much about Missy I just had to brag about the woman this geek landed.

    Last night as we were getting ready for bed Missy said that Jane called her. The pastor at our church wanted Jane to organize a fund raiser for a nice family we all know at the church. They had it real hard during the pandemic. He worked at a large industrial firm but with the pandemic his company chose to permanently close the operation here. He eventually managed to find another job but it apparently pays about two thirds what the old job did. His wife is working part time as a cashier at the supermarket evenings and they can barely keep up with the currant bills. Now it turns out the wife was just diagnosed with cancer. There will be about 4 or 5.000 dollars for the operation and aftercare that won’t be covered by their insurance. Plus she won’t be able to work for some time. They have three young kids who are going to have the worst Christmas imaginable. Jane wants Missy to help with the fund raiser.

    After telling me all this, Missy said, “I’m going to ask you something really hard for you to do. I know how important it is for you to have a big special surprise gift for me on Christmas.” She said I don’t really need or want anything special for Christmas.. What if instead of giving me something fancy and expensive for Christmas like you always do, you gave that money to the pastor to anonymously give to them. It could change a family’s life.

    I told her if we did this she wouldn’t have anything big to open Christmas morning. She giggled and said, “I can open your cage and we can make actual love for the first time ever on Christmas.” After a second or two I said, “but I said anything big.” It took a minute for what I said to sink in. And then she picked up a pillow and started swatting me and said, “your right. Small as that is, maybe only one of us will get to make love on Christmas, Smart Ass.” I finally got a hold of her and kissed her and told her if this is what she would like to do, I am all in. I said I don’t need a present either. I told her I can get the money from the bank Friday (today) and you can give it to Jane and the pastor after church on Sunday. I added that I supposed she would still be helping Jane with the fund raiser and we would be donating to that as well. Missy said, “of course.”

    Then I said, “You are beautiful.” Needless to say she cried and she hugged me but I am pretty sure they were happy tears. She is still that same special person I met 7 years ago. If Jane had come to me I would have said sure I’ll help you set up a fund raiser and would have donated. Leave it to Missy to care just a little bit more.

    I caressed her and held her but she was to wound-up to ever melt but it was an excited "wound-up." No stress. She eventually fell asleep in my arms and slept pretty peacefully.

    Tomorrow night is her company’s Christmas dinner-dance and her boss has asked us to sit at their table. We sat with them 3 or 4 years ago and they are really nice. They are probably in their late fifties. His wife is an attractive woman with that grace and elegance that only comes with maturity and self-confidence. I only mention this because they are magnificent dancers and apparently the last time at one point his wife told Missy I was a very nice gentleman but she really needed to teach me to dance. I guess we’ll see how good those lessons were.
     
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  17. Bronco
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    I will say a prayer far your friend with cancer and hope she gets better . You two are more than a beautiful couple you are jenuanly hole harted beautiful people. I am very impressed and proud of you two . With all the bad stuff you hear going on in this world it made my morning reading this and knowing thare are good people in this world. Thank you far being hew you are .
     
  18. starflyer
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    Thats very kind of you, merry xmas
     
  19. Hubby&Missy
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    Hubby&Missy Love keeps us together

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    Thank you both but we are not giving up anything we need. It will just be instead of our extravagant presents that we usually give each other. I was worried a little because surprising me with something big has always been important to Hubby. Usually jewelry or a fantastic trip and one year it was my Mustang Convertible. That was a crazy one, a story all by itself.

    He understood what I truly wanted this year and he was okay with it.

    Bronco, our friend will appreciate your prayers.

    Actually what I want most for Christmas is to make love to Hubby. We have been married six years and the only times we have been able to make love on a romantic holiday were last year when I was able to do it for his birthday and our anniversary and the anniversary almost didn’t happen.

    I am probably going to cry this Christmas no matter what and I hope they are happy tears.
     
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  20. Bronco
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    Nothing rong with crying . What year mustang covetable. I have my late wife’s 73 mustang Mach 1 .
     
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  21. Isopropylforyou
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    Isopropylforyou Long term member

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    73 Mach 1 is a beautiful car.
     
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  22. Bronco
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    Thanks just got done repainting it and I reapolsterd the seats and took out the auto trany out and installed a 4 speed with 4 gear being a overdrive gear . This is the car we take when we go on trips .
     
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  23. Hubby&Missy
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    Hubby&Missy Love keeps us together

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    We woke up yesterday and cuddled a little and then Missy got very playful. She tapped on my cage just hard enough to make me wince. Then she said, “take me to my special place.” She rolled over on her back and placed my hand on her breast. I caressed her breast and she moved my hand down to her vagina. Then she just laid still while my hands and lips explored her whole body. She rolled up in my arms and I caressed her back and buttocks and all at once she had that fuzzy and then she melted in my arms, limp like a rag doll. She laid there in my arms so peaceful. She has been so wound up since “Crazy Tuesday” that even the nights when she melted it didn’t feel quite right. We were finally back to that sensual place that is so fulfilling. Finally I was truly comfortable in the bedroom again. The woman I knew and loved was back at last.

    After a couple of minutes she said, “You have me in the mood.” This caught me off guard a little. I hadn’t thought about the key and taking the cage off to make love to her. I almost didn’t want to break the spell and I hesitated. She asked me if I didn’t want to make love. She seemed perplexed at my delay. I said, “I do but you are so peaceful I just want to hold you a little longer.” She pulled herself a little closer to me and held me as tight as she could and said, “I love you so much..” She actually got a little teary. After several minutes I gave her a huge kiss and said I’m going to get the key and got up and took the key from the dresser and unlocked. She slipped out of her nightie. We made magnificent love. The foreplay lasted a long time and the love making was very gentle so it took a long time for either of us to orgasm but when we did it was almost simultaneous. I laid on her until I went soft and I came out and then I rolled on my side and just held her for the longest time. Neither of us said a word for several minutes. We just held on to each other. Then Missy got very teary and said, “I finally have it all. I love you so much.”

    Saturday afternoon, Missy spent about 3 hours at the church with Jane making a donation box and making up handouts to leave in the pews. I am sure Jane knows how wonderful our morning was. Missy is very private but she tells Jane and her bear everything. LOL

    Saturday night was Missy’s company dinner-dance and we sat with her boss and his wife. I danced a couple times with his wife and she actually complimented me on my dancing. Missy, of course danced with her boss. Missy told me I still needed more lessons to catch up with him. We all laughed but his wife said I should be proud. I danced very nicely.

    When we got home and went to bed she asked if I could just make her melt. Nothing more nothing less. I held her and caressed her and told her I loved her and it wasn’t long till she totally relaxed. I laid her head on my shoulder. There were no tears. She quietly said, “I am sure you can get me in the mood tomorrow night.” She was asleep in no time. She was so peaceful there in my arms. I can’t describe the feeling. She is truly back.

    This morning we cuddled until we had no choice but to get up or we would miss church. I don’t think either of us really wanted to get up. She was just so warm and soft lying there against me. We really do have it all.

    After church, Missy found the pastor and Jane and talked to them about the fund raiser. They had the donation box set up and I quietly slipped the envelope in the box.
     
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  24. Hubby&Missy
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    Hubby&Missy Love keeps us together

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    This is Missy. This weekend has been wonderful on so many levels. Hubby told me how much he loves me in ways he doesn’t even know. We made magnificent love Saturday morning and I feel no pain, no regrets, just love.

    I think I finally know what has happened. I was still a child and God was waiting for me to grow up. He was waiting for me to become a woman and take control of my life. To accept responsibility. That Monday night when I stood up to my mother I started to grow. I started to take control of my life. Now, at last, I am a woman instead of a little girl.

    God saw that and granted me my miracle.

    Jane just called me under the guise of asking how the party went. Then she said off-handedly that when she opened the box there was a small manilla envelope with almost twice our goal in it. I said that is fantastic. She said she left the money out of the envelope so when she gave it to pastor he wouldn’t know it was a single donation and Jane asked me if I thought that was okay. I told her the donor must have wanted to be anonymous if there was no name on it. Jane said, “Well no one will ever know where it came from so on behalf of the family, thank you very much.” Then, before I could say anything, she asked if we made love again this morning. I told her we didn’t have sex but we did make love. We made a little small talk before saying goodbye. Jane understood completely. She is a special person.
     
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  25. Hubby&Missy
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    Hubby&Missy Love keeps us together

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    @Bronco. There were a few tears but they were the happiest tears in our six and a half years together. Thank you for caring.

    Mine is a 2019. Pretty ordinary I guess but it is special to me. I don’t know anything about antique Mustangs but from what you and Iso are saying a “73 Mach 1 must be a true classic. Being your late wife’s it must have some special memories if you would like to share any of them.
     
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