Chapter 2, a sissys diary

Had a quiet night last night, I was completely knackered, yet again. Couldnt even face the kitchen so just made dinner and left the dished until today.
Think Master was in a reflective and romantic mood last night, instead of me pampering him he pampered me a little. He gave me an all over body massage then took off my CB and made love to we slowly and passionately. He seemed to last long time, and on the face of it didnt seem to be enjoying it, not like last night. Just before he came I asked if the sex was ok he replied yes and then came. Afterwards he explained that he was concentrating so that he would last longer and me asking him broke his concentration.

I know that he does enjoy making love to me, but he seem to spend a lot a time worrying about how long he last. He keeps asking me if I would like him to last longer. I always say that I dont mind how long he lasts because its about him anyway. I would much prefer to see him cumming than concentrating on not cumming.

He seems to be a lot more vocal when Im pleasuring him with my mouth and tongue and when Im making love to him with the strap on. I would quite happily give pleasure to him without receiving any in return. I think my prostate has slowly desensitized over the years added to the fact that seeing him enjoying himself gives me a lot of pleasure anyway. Well, as long as the sex is good for him Im happy.

 

Not much to report today, another boring weekday spent working, when is Master going to get that 30k a year job so I can be a house wife. Master did actually manage to fuck me last night. He admitted that he does get more pleasure from my oral service than when he has to concentrate on not cuming. So he ordered me to pleasure him with my hand, which I did or started to do. As he became more horny he eventually ended up throwing me on my front and as I said fucking me, quite hard and quite fast. He didnt last half as long as usually but he sounded like he was enjoying himself which made it all the more enjoyable for me well that and the fact he was pinning me down to the bed. I think were getting there slowly. As Ive said before I really do need Master to be dominant before I can truly submit so things are going in the right direction.

 

We had another quiet day yesterday. I finished slightly earlier than usually so I had a nice long soak in the bath and made a start on my horrible man jungle, did my top half and go down to my sissy clit when I ran out of shaving foam. I was going to do my legs Id like to go back to begin smooth all over, at least Ive made a start though.

Went for a drink with a few of my friends later on, wish I knew some people within the scene it would be nice to be able to talk openly for a change. Ive know my friends for many years and we still get on but it would be nice to be able to have some other people to talk to from time to time. My friends I must add like the think theyre real men but there soft asses really.
They know I dress to an extent, one too many fancy dress parties dressed as a woman gave that away but beyond that they have know idea of the other life Master and I lead.

Dog trainer arrived today so thats good. I think Master will really start to put his foot down now he has something to physically control me with. It might come in handy for him when we go out. Ive almost slipped up a few times, had to stop my self from saying yes sir and last week I almost mentioned Mistress Watchfuls name when talking to Master when we were at a pub. Dont worry if your reading this, it was just in reference to something I was reading on your post :angel:.

I think thats about it for now. It seems like weekdays are just about work. Cant wait till the weekend.

 

Perhaps I need a vanilla hobby. All I seem to talk about is work lately, as my business takes up a lot of m energy and time and the other time is taken up with chores, rest and the play time. Then again why should I take time away from serving Master just to make it easier to have conversation with vanilla friends? Oh the many hills we must climb in order to live the lifestyle we love.

 

We tried dog trainer out a little last night. Strapped it to my leg so that Master could buzz me whenever he wanted anything. We didnt get an electric one, Master still isnt completely happy with causing me pain. Master didnt have much cause to use it but between wearing that and my collar I felt as if Master had control even when we were just talking and watching TV.

After wed watched some TV we headed to bed. One new rule master introduced was that I have to pleasure him each night before we go to sleep.
I began to do as I was told, without Master having to even ask, so I kissed him a little played with his nipples and then got to work on his cock

I was playing with his cock for a few minuets and then I had the idea to get the new toys out. I got the cock ring and the butt plug and inserted it into master arse. I teased him a little turning them on and off and stopping and starting playing with his cock. I have to admit I was enjoying teasing him. I then though Id finish him off so I got his cock between the pals of my hands and rubbed downward. I did this for a bit and then Master complained that it was pulling on his PA. so I stopped and gave him a quick wank and told him to stop moaning, he wasnt impressed by that and asked why I was trying to switch. I was only trying to make it good for him I knew prolonging his climax would ore intense for him and the doming was only a bit of fun. But Id had enough through the toys out the bed literally turned the light of an go into bed

I annoyed me a bit, I never seem to be able to do anything right when I try and play. I lay in bed for a while but couldnt sleep, it didnt feel right that I hadnt sorted Master out.
I got on top of master and began to finish what Id started, this time now toys and no switching just a plain old wank. When he got close and pulled him ontop of me and aimed his cock at my face, he came and his warm cum landed all over my face. I do like wearing his cum, I then got him to rub it in, I know Im just dirty, couldnt help myself.

After Id finished pleasuring Master I manage to bring myself to back down and apologies. I think I am slowly getting less selfish. I was going to say getting more selfless but Im not there yet.

Gees, 3 paragraphs to describe a hand job. Need to try and summarize a bit more when writing my diary.

 

got it off ebay. Just look for dog training collar or search on google. There are loads. Came to around 14 inc PnP. It has two levels of vibration. Just feels like your phone vibrationg when u get a text. Has a massive range none of the problems of the vibrating toys.

I'm glad it's educational. Wouldn't like to think I was boring people .

 

Looks like I’ve been thrust back into vanilla life. Went to a BBQ yesterday at a friend’s house who happened to have a pool. Everyone was having a good time and people were jumping into the pool so I decided to give it a go, only with my luck it didn’t go so well. My foot extended out and hit the bottom of the pool and I landed funny. 4 hours later my foots in a cast and masters the ones running around after me.
Doctors didn’t know what I’d done so I’ve got to go back hospital on Wednesday for proper examination, in the mean time I’m on crutches with what feels like a concrete block attached to my leg.

Now you’d think I’d enjoy Master serving me but the opposite is true. I hate it, it doesn’t feel right. Master has been great he doesn’t seem to mind helping me and fetching things for me so I’m lucky in one respect.
I don’t want to go back to being vanilla, things were going so well, we we’re planning on having a quiet day/night in today. I really feel as if I’m being punished for something and not by Master. Yesterday morning my trailer got a flat and I had no spare so I had to try n get a new tyre. The say bad luck comes in 3, I wonder what’s next .

Master is very caring which often can get in the way of play as he can start to worry, especially where pain and humiliation are involved. His worrying is normally just a hurdle but my foot is like a brick wall, Master has become even more caring and concerned so play is so me being a submissive is totally out the question.
I think logistically it would be hard to play as well. It’s note easy hobbling around the house and getting dressed is proving a pain, no stocking for me then

Oh yeah almost forgot to mention the lovely pink nail varnish I was wearing at the time. The doctors seemed very impressed. I completely forgot I had any on. Maybe that’s my 3rd and final bit of bad luck for now..

 

It doesn’t seem even a plaster cast can stop me from wanting to be Master’s sissy girl. Master although helping me out and now cooking our meals, he still seems very much in charge. We were just getting into the swing of things so I’m glad our D/s lifestyle hasn’t stopped completely. Master can still find ways to use his sissy’s body which is good. He made love to me last night, without the need for permission and just went straight ahead.

I was inspired by sissysophie’s last post about sissy wants and needs. The post really summed up how I felt I wanted to be treated. I’ve never been able to summarise my desires before but sissysophie’s list summed up my feeling quite well.

I can’t wait to become Master full time sissy again, I would like eventually for my feminization to be under Master’s complete control and for me to spend more time dressed. For me feminization is an important part of my submission and I feel good when wearing sissy clothing.

 

It was about 3 foot deep, which seemed more than deep enough at the time. The fact that my leg was extended didnt help. Was still a stupid thing to do, cosidering I need my feet for work .

 

Master still seems very much in control. Today I was ordered to make myself look beautiful for when he came home. I’ve got a nice blue dress that I bough last year so I slipped into that and but some make up on. Feel much more like a sissy now, I’d almost forgotten how good it feels to be dressed up.

Wish I could do more though. It may sound great having to sit around all day but I’m not having much fun. Master’s struggling now as well what with work and having to do more around the house. I find out what’s wrong with my foot tomorrow, I hope it’s good news.
I want to serve Master again and I want to be able to be Master’s sissy.

Master doesn’t think I appreciate him at the minuet but that couldn’t be further from the truth. He’s working, tidying the house and making dinner and still finding time to make me his sissy. If he can manage to make me his sissy now I can only wonder what he’ll be like when I’m all better :sex024:.

 

Well, been the fracture clinic and found out I’ve got to have my foot in a cast for at least another two weeks. It’s a nice purple one this time though, they do them in pink but I thought that may have been a bit too much.

It’s hard not being able to play, I can see that Master really wants to start torturing me and playing with me again. Last night as I was doing one of my duties and pleasuring Master he was playing with my sissy clit. Each time I became close I would to tell him and he would stop. I came close to cumming several times before he did.
After he came he continued playing with my sissy clit by this time it was becoming torture, each time I was close I could feel myself wanting to cum more and more. Eventually he stopped and left me in a state, squirming and wanting to grab my sissy clit and relieve myself. I managed to restrain myself but it really was hard.

It’s so frustrating seeing Master trying to be so dominant but not being able to take full control. Found plenty of ideas for Master on a web site I found though for when I’m back on my feet. I hope his dominance will only intensify when I’m all better. I guess it’s something to look forward to.

 

Had another exciting day yester day, swapping between watching day time TV and playing on the Playstaion. It’s so boring, wouldn’t mind if I hobble around with one crutch but I can’t even get a cup of coffee from the kitchen to the living room.

One bit of good news is that all my customers are going to hang on until I’m better, they all seem very understanding so that’s one less thing for me to worry about.

We’re still managing a little bit of tease each night before bed. I was sorting Master out before we went to sleep and Master was playing with my sissy clit, I think he enjoys touching it, perhaps that’s why Master isn’t overly strict on my chastity because he likes access to it.

Anyway I pleasured Master with my hand as ordered until he came. after he was cleaned up we kissed and he rolled over to sleep. I was cuddling him from behind and was still a bit horny so cheekily rubbed my sissy clit against his bum. That wasn’t such a good idea. I was allowed to cum but it didn’t end up feeling all that good, Master reached round with his hand and rubbed the head of my sissy clit through my pants. Each time I go close I would tell him but he carried on until just before I was about to cum and he would stop, each time I would dribble a bit of cum. He did this 3 times and by the fourth it started to get painful so he just left me with sissy cum in my pants and went to sleep.

I like this new ruthless Master. I can’t even begin to imagine what he’ll be like when everything back to normal :spankwhip: :smilies_xxx21:.

 

Had yet another exciting day. I hate day time television, Ive seen the same episode of Top Gear twice today alone, I enjoy top gear but not that much. I didnt realise how much I must of enjoyed being outdoor. Would give up this for a day spent working in the rain.

At least last night was more exciting. To begin with I almost went to sleep without sorting Master out, but a quick reminder from him had me serving his needs.
I began by pleasuring him with my hand occasionally playing with his nipples but after a while I was ordered onto my back. Master straddled me and asked if I wanted him to fuck my mouth. I said I would, but Master wasnt satisfied with me saying yes, I was ordered to beg for him to do it. To begin with I was simply saying please sir, Master being quite good at conditioning now refused until he could see that I was pleading and I really wanted to do it. When he finally believed that I wanted it. He stuck his big cock into my mouth and started thrusting, quite gingerly to begin with but soon he was grabbing my hair and forcing his cock into my mouth, I was struggling for breath but that didnt stop him and it didnt stop my sissy clit being very swollen either.

I remember finding an article on conditioning from a BDSM web site some years ago. Cant remember which one though. I will have to find it and post it. It seems Master takes in a lot more of what he reads than I realise. He always comes across as a lot more ruthless and dominant when he uses conditioning techniques and I love it.

 

Managed to do some work of sorts yesterday, well I sat around whilst my brother did some work for me. Have to keep the customers happy some how, won’t be making any money but at least I shouldn’t loose any customers.
As for the rest of the day Master and I didn’t really do anything, friends went out around Chester so I couldn’t join them, couldn’t be doing with hobbling around special as Chester consist mainly of cobbled streets. So Master and I stayed in and had a few bottles of export.

Bed time was quite interesting last night. I almost went to sleep again without sorting Master’s needs out, but he didn’t let me off quite so easy this time.
I began in the usual way playing with his cock, kissing him and playing with his nipples and he began playing with my sissy clit, but after a short while he stopped and before I knew what was going on he had lubed up my sissy clit and was easing into his arse.
He pleasured himself on my sissy clit and seemed to be enjoying himself. I was surprised how long I lasted, I was trying hard to concentrate on not cumming but before long I felt myself getting close to orgasm and told Master.
He started again and I could feel myself wanting to cum, it was so intense I couldn’t bare it I just wanted to cum and said so to Master. He stopped and said he would love for me to cum in his arse but he wasn’t going to let me.

Master kept on pleasuring himself with my sissy clit and I continued to tell him that I was getting close, on the edge of tears of frustration. Master took pleasure in this and reminded me that my pathetic sissy clit isn’t worthy of cumming in him. He told me how pathetic it was whilst pulling on my nipples. I backed down after a while and convinced Master that I didn’t wish to cum as it is a selfish act.

Master used my sissy clit a while longer and then began to stroke his own cock whilst ordering me to thrust deep, I was getting so close but couldn’t stop until he had cum. Luckily he came just in time and quickly stopped. He told me that I was a good girl for not cumming and fed me some of his cum as a present.

After he cleaned us both up we pretty much went straight to sleep after a quick kiss and cuddle.

I think Master is defiantly at his peak now I just hope he is still this dominant when my foot is all better. He seems to be getting more creative and ruthless which is what I’ve wanted from the beginning. Maybe it goes back to the old idea of taking a back seat, as my foots in plaster there’s not a lot I can do or suggest so Master has full control over what happens and when. As there isn’t a lot we can do around the house, bed time when I’m lying down is probably the best time to do any play.

 

I was surprised how long I lasted, maybe me forced ruined orgasm the other day helped a bit. I haven’t been that frustrating a long time though.

It felt great, I wanted to cum so much. I was disappointed in myself though for having selfish thoughts. Master has always tried to instill in me that for me to cum would bad and how much of a good girl I am for not cuming.

It’s been a while since I’ve had any intense 2 hour training so maybe the conditioning has warn off slightly. For the conditioning to work the sub need to be reminded why cuming is bad.