Chapter 2, a sissys diary

Ohhh my life in picture furmat

Wake up, Work, More work, Dishes, Washing , Shower

:chores014: :chores001: :chores005: :chores004: :chores003: :chores036:

Very childish I know, just couldn’t help myself after seeing the gardening pic.

 

Not much happened yesterday Master didnt feel very well. I got home later than usual, got far too much work on and the weather doesnt help my profession. I made a start on tidying the house, which is getting in a bit of a state. Shortly after Master came home, we did some of the house together then sat down to have dinner.

Master decided he wanted a bath and I was ordered to go and make myself look beautiful for him. I decided I wanted to go for the gothic look, put on some nice black stockings and suspenders, black bra and black shirt. Also black lipstick, Master taught me how to do sexy smoky eyes, so I did that with a layer of white and then grey eye make up. I was quite pleased with my look so asked Master to take some pics which Ive put up.

Usually I shy away from cameras. I hate having my picture taken but for some reason when Ive got my makeup on and a nice outfit I cant wait to have a few pics taken. I feel so much more comfortable and myself in female dress than normal.
Its nice having somewhere for me to put them up for other people to see. Dont think my friends would appreciate it if I had a facebook with them all on some how :tongue:.

Anyway all seems good at the moment. Was happy that Master let me dress even I was a bit disappointed that Master wanted to go bed early, not that I blame him at all for being ill.

 

I had a bit of a moody on last night. Came home about half 8 after a very long day and Master was trying to get the wireless working again, He was asking me question on what to do. I have to admit that I do know a bit about computers but it was the wireless hub that was being stupid. I just wanted to rest and have sumet to eat. Master finally got it working after moving it into a completely different room, then we had dinner.

Master then said we should play some guitar hero, so we did that for a while and on my go I decided that I wanted to master using all 5 buttons (strings). I dont think I was in the right frame of mind and it was pissing me off to put it bluntly. So I ended up giving up and then said I was going to get into bed.

Master followed me into bed and we chatted a little, Then he started playing with my nipples, I asked him what he was doing, he said he thought it might help de-stress me a bit and added, I had some play planned but we cant because your too tired.
For some reason that really annoyed me, I felt like play will always be tomorrow, a bit of play might have helped me unwind. Well, that was it I rolled over and went to sleep. Well tried to sleep, I tried snuggling Master and tried to get him to snuggle me but he wasnt having any of it, he was pissed off with me for getting in a strop.

Think we made up this morning kissed and cuddled and I sat on Masters cock.

Not sure if stopping my anti depressants helped my mood much of a late, but a bit of play goes a long way. It helps me unwind, it is for a me a big part of living life as a submissive.

I know Im supposed to be taking a back seat and serving my master needs and I do serve my Master and stick to the rules but I cant help feeling whats in it for me. A little play once in a while would hurt. I start to question if Master wants the BDSM play or just wants the control over me. Sometimes I feel like Im just a dirty bitch wanting to be humiliated and tied up and punished. I could of almost masturbated last night and stopped being submissive for good.

I have so many dirty thoughts and ideas I just wish we could act them. I feel its not always life getting in the way or Big Brother, its something else.

Im not as moody today but as Im writing this I cant help wonder about our D&s relationship.

Master if youre reading this I still love you very much and Im not pissed off with you. Im just writing down my thoughts.

 

Thank you so much newsub4a and Mistress Watchful. Don't think Master has read my post yet so will let him read it before I say anything.
As for depression, I wasn't really depressed, I had my stupid irrational fear of blood clots after wearing a CB, so the doctor put me on some pills, I ran out last week and haven’t bothered getting new ones, I kicked my fear completely now but I didn’t realize how much of an effect the pills had on my general mood.

I will try and talk to Master after he has seen my post. I think it would explain a lot more than if I tried to tell Master how I feel.

Glad to hear that I have avid readers and not boring the hell out of people :tongue:.

 

Thank you so much newsub4a and Mistress Watchful. Don't think Master has read my post yet so will let him read it before I say anything.
As for depression, I wasn't really depressed, I had my stupid irrational fear of blood clots after wearing a CB, so the doctor put me on some pills, I ran out last week and havent bothered getting new ones, I kicked my fear completely now but I didnt realize how much of an effect the pills had on my general mood.

I will try and talk to Master after he has seen my post. I think it would explain a lot more than if I tried to tell Master how I feel.

Glad to hear that I have avid readers and not boring the hell out of people :tongue:.

 

Going to have to wait longer than that. Going out with mates for a drink and probably end up back to the house for a few more. We've had a little chat, think we know where we stand. Thank you for your kind words.

 

Went out to the pub with friends had a few drinks and chatted and ended up back home and carried on drinking and played some poker. After a while my friends got tired and went home. I decided to log on here and master apeared wearing his new black hotpants behind me and started to play with my nipples, this happened for a short while and he kissed my neck all the way down and then disapeared, ordering me not to move. Master then came back with some cuffs and bound them tightly to my wrists, securing me to my chair, he then teased me some more and logged me back into chastity mansion. He then ordered me to resite my blog verbally, ocassionally torturing me. I am feeling horny and enjoying myself, this has taken me by surprise as i eas never expecting it. My nipples feel really sensitive and i am so excited as to what master has planned.

 

:sex009:Last night was intense as you can probably tell from the blog I recited last night.
After I had updated my diary Master took me to the bed room where he played with me a bit more and then put me onto my side. He gently eases his cock into my arse and started to make love to me. Whilst he was making love to me he was playing with my sissy tits and saying how he wants me to have double cc, when he said that it drove me wild, I was screaming like a sissy, think we might have woke the neighbors at 4am :hump:.
Master continued and I began begging him to make me his sissy, I wanted to sound act and look like a woman, I was feeling so horny, my voice began to sound more and more fem I also felt quite emotional like it was something I wanted so badly.

This morning I still feel the same, although I’m leaving it up to Master, My female feelings are at a peak now and I’d do anything to feel more feminine. I know being a sissy may not be the best outlet for most people with gender issues but it certainly helps me explore my femininity whilst having some kinky fun. I find dressing both highly sexual but also comforting and nice, for lack of a better word.

I’m sure my breast are growing on there own, think it must be all massaging they get from Master, and more recently myself. I like to sit down move my arms in to make them look bigger and massage them in the hope that I can make them bigger and more supple.
If they do grow I will wrap them when out like F2M trans. Or if I have to remove my top blame it on some tablets.
I’m not going to go for hormones just yet I realize I’m still young with a lot to learn but I might try the flat2fem herbal approach.

Maid Katrin’s reply to my T girl sissy blog helped me put thing in perspective and I think I’m just going to enjoy my time as a sissy before taking things any further. Sissy play is incredibly intense and I don’t think I would want a shrink digging round in my dirty little mind at the moment :sex009:.

I should be thankful for my understanding Master I think any other gay man would run a mile in the same circumstances.

 

Not much happened yesterday. Went round to a friends house for a BBQ, ate far too much, felt horrible and bloated for most of the day. Got home around half 10 and watch TV for a while.

Had an earlyish night last night and Master used me for his pleasure. He ordered me to tell him in detail what it was I wanted. I told him that I wanted to be feminized and reiterated what I said the other night. I told him I want him to be in complete control of my sissy clit and for me not to be allowed to orgasm or touch it again. I also said I wanted him to train my voice and mannerisms so I could act and feel more feminine.

Went to the shops this morning, Master wanted to see if he could find a dress for me, but there wasnt anything either of us like so we just went to Holland and Barrett for some Fenugreek and found some other tablets containing natural estrogen. Not going to take the amount it says to take on flattofem, heeding dollyannes warning so just taking a small amount. Hopefully in a few weeks I should see some little sissy boobies appearing. Only want small ones just something I can feel and see and plump up with tape when/if I decide to go out dressed.

Ive just tidied the kitchen wearing stocking, suspenders and a bra that Master ordered me to put on. This will be my outfit until we buy my maids outfit, I cant wait to buy it, it looks so good. It gets me going just the thought of wearing a frilly maids dress around the house.

 

Just had a little bit of play time and Master was eager for me to write down my thoughts.
Master decided that we were going to play with the sleep sack today, its been a long time since weve played with it properly. and it was one of our most expensive toys being 2 meters of leather and all.

He lay the sack out nicely on the floor arranging all of the leather straps. I was then ordered to get in, I couldn't hide my excitement enisdance:. My arms were tied with the internal straps and then Master began to tighten up each strap. I love being in the sleep sack its so restrictive yet comfortable.

Whilst I was in the sack Master was playing a beat em up game and every time he finished a round he would stroke my sissy clit till I was close to cuming. I would then tell Master to stop and that cuming was bad. Master did this over and over again, occasionally playing with my nipples through the zipper holes.

It was intense experience that carried on for over an hour, eventually I started to dribble at this point Master was waiting until I begged him to stop. I came close to full orgasm a few time and I have to admit I didnt like it, I was dreading having an orgasm.

Master also decided that I would start my sissy voice training, I was to respond in a feminine voice and every time I sounded too butch he slapped me. This just added to the experience and I think Im starting to find my voice.

My sissy clit dribbles a few times and then as the feeling got more intense I dribbled a lot, it didnt feel like a full orgasm but as soon as the cum spilled out I felt the intensity fade and my hornyness levels drop.

Master left me in the sack for a while and then I was released.

I would say that Im not as horny now and feel a bit cranky but Im still able to serve my Masters needs and wont be turning into a little bitch like I used to.
Ive reset the date on my last orgasm even though it wasnt a full one, I just feel its right as my submissive levels have dropped

As you can see, Im out of my CB again. My perineum piercing unfortunately got rejected and now Ive got a sore that it being irritated by the CB so Master said that I have to have the CB removed just until it heals properly.
Im pretty much back to square one with regard to chastity and release now but I still feel that I want to submit and continue to be Masters good girl, I do love it when he calls me his good girl.

 

We had a lot of play yesterday. After my spell in the sleep sack we had dinner and watched TV for a bit and then went to bed. Master decided that he wanted to play with a 20 inch double ender before sleep. It had been lying around for a while but Master wanted to give it a go. Master hadnt had it in before and it was rather large but he managed it ok and we both enjoyed it together. I pleasure Master cock with my hand while we sat facing each while sharing the large red double ender. It was a lot of fun and felt good sharing the pleasure with Master. I love seeing Master when he is being penetrated he seems to love it. It help that Master hasnt been penetrated all that often so his prostate is still very sensitive. Was great fun.

Today was a normal work day, I wish I could retire and become Masters full time maid and look after the house. I didnt get home until 9 tonight, saying that though I was playing around with a tractor mower I recently purchased, a none runner at the moment but I know a thing or two about engines and mowers. Not very sissy like at all but it helps me with work in order to bring in the money.

Cooked some dinner for Master and I, chicken rogan josh with noodle, Masters favorite. Think Ill be heading to bed soon got another early start followed by a long day.
Cant wait until the weekend, we dont seem to have much play in the week as we both dont get home until late.

 

Last night was fun as Im sure youve guessed if you read Masters diary. I was riding Master reverse cowgirl whilst playing with his arse with 2 dildos. He seemed to love it which is always good. I love seeing Master enjoying himself.

We also had a little chat last night and I bought cuckolding again, this time not to suggest it, I just felt I needed to let Master know why I said what I did. I explained how it makes me feel when I see him enjoying himself especially when Im pleasuring his arse.

I cant deny the fact that it does turn me on a bit the thought of being tied spread eagle to the bed while Master gets pleasured by a more well endowed male but I know this particular fantasy should stay just that. I couldnt be certain the effects that another person would have on our relationship and wouldnt want to destroy what we have.

We already have so much fun together and with much more fun still to be had there is no point thinking about cuckolding and putting extra pressure on our relationship. We have only just started to get into the swing of things and settle into our new roles.

Hopefully were going to be getting a few more toys this week. Got a bit of toy money saved up so we should be getting a good few items to play with, I cant wait.

 

Bit of a quiet one last night. After work, got home and Master cooked. Makes a nice change especially considering he cooked something from scratch. He made a lovely salmon and prawn pie, was very nice.

After dinner, we watched some TV for a bit and then when to bed. We talked in bed for a while, the subject of cuckolding came up again, I wanted to know what Master thought of what I said in my last post. I was worried he might of that that was a fantasy too far for him and that he might have been disgusted. He said that he wasnt but he still didnt like the idea of it. After our chat Master instructed me to pleasure his cock with my hand, I did as I was told and began and then Master asked me to describe in details the fantasy that I had just written about, I thought it was strange but began to tell him what my fantasy was.

After Master came I asked him why he wanted me to tell him what I wanted, he just said he wanted to know what I was thinking and added that he still didnt want to take it any further. I wasnt really that bothered, I know this fantasy should stay in my head. We cant be sure what another person would do our relationship and we can have enough fun on our own. Well just have to make sure we have plenty of strap-on attachments.

 

Having a boring day so far. Not feeling too good, too many long working days so having the day off. One of the perks of being self employed but on the other hand I know for every hour I’m not working I’m losing money. Don’t want to push myself to hard though and end up feeling worse. Went to doctors for new inhaler prescription and requested a blood test for blood sugar, I’m always feeling tired so want to get to the bottom of it.

I really could do with having a shave, I’m starting to look a bit of a mess, I just haven’t had the energy. Bought myself loads of fruit and going to get a few more early nights to see if that will perk me up a bit.

Master and I haven’t had much platy time or even had any sub dom time. Feels almost like we’re just a vanilla couple again, I’m not even back in my CB yet. I know this time though that it is life getting in the way, I’ve been working 10am till almost 9pm and Master leaves for work around 11am and gets home for 9, he works almost 40 miles away. Looks like we’ll have to wait until the weekend to get any master and sissy time. That is unless I decide to work the weekend in order to catch up and earn some money.

Starting to miss being Master’s sissy girl, all work and now play, haven’t even been doing many chores and Masters been cooking, I think he knows that I’m feeling really tired at the moment though.

Need Master to get a well paid job so I can stay at home and do the chores in a lovely maids outfit. I can dream can’t I?

Better try and tidy the kitchen a bit I’m not feeling like much of a proud sissy at the moment, the house is looking a mess. Even when I’m tired I feel like the house is a reflection of how good a servant I am to Master.

Enough moaning, off I go to battle with the kitchen. Wish me luck. :chores004:

 

Im feeling a lot better today, think I just needed a rest. Still going to book in to have my blood sugar levels tested. Back to work though, thought Id update my diary whilst having my lunch and waiting for the rain to stop, good old British weather.

Think Master must have taken note of my last entry as Im back in my CB now, and this time I hope for good. Had a bit of a strange night to begin with, I made Master and I some dinner for when he got home and I presented waiting for him when he arrived.
We then ate and watched some TV like usual. We both seemed a bit distant and were bouncing at each other a bit, things didnt seem normal. I got fed up of watching TV so decided to play on the computer and then Master started wanting attention again, I felt like I wasnt allowed to do anything I wanted to do and was expected to sit there and watch Big Brother and Eastenders, programs I can stand for about 5 minuets before I get bored. Well I got a bit snappy and decided to sort the bed out and then go to sleep.

Before I went to bed, I used the bathroom without asking, I really didnt know where I stood and was in a bit of a mood so just decided to go and then get into bed.
Master followed me into the bedroom and we both settled down for the night.
We had a little chat and we both said that we were missing our roles and didnt know where we both stood.

We then started kissing and Master played with my nipples a bit. Master then told me that we were going to start a fresh from tomorrow today. He wanted it to be our last vanilla night and said I could do what ever I wanted, not that I knew what that was. I cant seem to do what I want in terms of sex so I just let Master play with my nipples and suck on my sissy clit, I was loving it. It felt amazing it had been ages since Id been able to enjoy anything like that.
Master said before I came he was going to make love to me so I put a cushion under my bum and Master penetrated me. He began making love to me after a few minuets I could feel myself getting closer and close, eventually I just ended up cuming. We were holding each other pretty close so my sissy clit was rubbing also he was massaging my prostate so I couldnt help myself, it felt great, eyes rolled back and I had to stop myself form screaming the house down.

Shortly after I came and I had given Master some of my cum, my bum started to get a bit sore, so Master pulled out and I finished him off by hand.

Sometimes you forget how good a full orgasm feels but I guess that will just be a memory for me now. Im hoping a fresh start will make Master more Dominant and controlling then ever before. After all the true pleasure for me is serving and being played with from time to time.

Speaking of play weve just spent 100 on toys this morning. We have some new toys on there way. Getting a remote vibrating cock ring, remote but plug and Master wanted a new attachment for our doc-Johnson. Hopefully the remote toys will be for a bit of outdoor fun. I like being reminded of my status when were out and about.
We spent the extra and ordered them by next day so hopefully with have them tomorrow cant wait. Have to get saving for the next lot of toys, think the list is down to about 500 now not including the neo steel which I would like eventually.

I hope we can keep it up. When I read stories of 24/7 slaves I feel that I want it so much. Id love to have to crawl around the house wearing nothing but a collar or serve master in a lovely little maids outfit. I know, I know its not all about that, but its things like that, that remind you of your place at your Masters or Mistress feet.

 

Our toys came yesterday, it was like Christmas. Weve only really played with the butt plug, we went shopping and I had it in, Master kept buzzing me and at one point left it on for a while, I could hardly stand up, it was a bit intense. The remote for the butt plug isnt exactly reliable but it worked well enough. Need to try the remote cock ring next, the remote on that seems better.

We did have a bit of a bouncy day yesterday so we didnt really get to play. We went shopping and then I wanted to go to Liverpool with friends to see the tall ships docked there. Master wasnt very happy about going but I persuaded him in the end. He eventually perked up when we found a pub and had a few drinks. Didnt actually end up seeing the big ships, just ended up going round Albert Dock where the smaller boats where. Still a good day out never the less.

We havent really settled into our proper roles yet but at least Im back in my CB and I know my place.

 

What a day. Been playing with the remote cock ring today, Master decided to use it as sort of bell. Every time he wanted something he would literally give me a buzz. I would go over to Master and serve his needs. This is so close to what I’ve always wanted, being at master’s beck and call. We decided to buy on of those vibrating dog trainers, it will go around my thigh so Master can then buzz me when he wants something or I’ve been bad. Master seems to be more dominant when he has something to physically control me with, it’s seems to make things easier for him.

It’s been great. Walking around the house naked wearing just a vibrating cock ring. We had a little play time today as well, I’ve put that in the play room though. Before we began playing, Master put a collar around my neck and told me from now on that I will be wearing I collar, I almost came just form hearing that, I love wearing my collar. Any reminder that I am a simple slave drives me wild, especially a collar, it’s the true symbol of slavery and looks quite nice as well.

I think the ultimate symbol of my slavery for me when we’re out will be a locking steel bracelet. I would really like one of those, but we have many other items to buy before that such as a maids outfit and a CB3000 cage.

What I didn’t put in my story was the way I felt when Master was calling me a bitch and describing how low I was. The more he broke me down the more I felt turned on, at times I felt that I would do absolutely anything to see my Master pleased.
I have to be honest I did think about cuckolding again but didn’t say anything, I know Master doesn’t like the subject and it would of ruined the mood. It’s just the more he breaks me down the more I want to please him and see him pleased.

Is this just another selfish fantasy or do I really just want to see Master pleased? I hate thinking about it when I know Master doesn’t like the subject.

 

It was a very intense day yesterday. We had some play time which was intense on its own, but there was more too come. After we had finished playing I updated my diary and then we had some thing to eat.
After dinner we watched TV for a short while and then Master said that we should go to bed. So we did, not to sleep thought, I had a scene to recreate before we could go to sleep.

So, just as descried I lay master down on the bed and gave him an all over body massage with oil, I then began to passionately kiss him all over worshiping his body. Then I began to play with his nipples and his cock. After I had got Master into the mood I slipped into a strap-on and attached our new attachment. I kissed Master some more before slowly inserting the rubber cock into his arse.

I made love to Master for almost an hour changing positions and rooms, Master was loving it and I was loving seeing him like that. A part of me wished my sissy clit could pleasure him that much and that I could do that for him but I still enjoyed pleasuring him so much, I know Master deserves much more than my sissy clit.

Things are going well now, I had another tiring day working but had enough energy to make dinner. Master sent me a text ordering me to be wearing the collar when he got home so I gladly put it on. As he entered the house I presented on my knees wearing the collar as ordered. Weekdays arent half as intense as weekends but it can be hard being totally submissive after a hard day working as Im sure it can be hard for Master to be completely dominant. As long as I have to wear a collar then Ill always have a reminder of my status which is important for me. Cant wait till the dog trainer arrives.