Can I please get advice?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Chiefyayy, Apr 14, 2022.

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  1. Chiefyayy
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    Chiefyayy Member

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    Hi all,

    This is the first time posting and I am relatively inexperienced with the lifestyle. I was hoping to get some help on how to stay in the submissive mind frame.

    I have a bad habit of being really good for a couple weeks or a month but struggle to stay engaged long term. I'm not sure whether this means I'm not as submissive as I'd like to or need to be.

    I really do want to be the best person for my partner but just feel like work issues or mentally I'm not always focused or not energised enough to do what's needed. Maybe more back story is needed... I thought I'd just start there. Not sure if this was the right category for the question. Please delete if it isn't.

    Many thanks
     
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  2. SubSnuggler
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    SubSnuggler Owned by Mistress2and4you

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    Nothing gets you in the right mindset and keeps you there like sustained chastity. That is why it is so popular with female dominants. My Wife keeps me locked up 24/7 for exactly that reason.
     
  3. Chiefyayy
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    Chiefyayy Member

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    I was hoping that was all it was. The longest I got locked up was 6 weeks. But as soon as it came to release it drops off and sometimes doesn't come back just the constant voice saying what is all this for? Is it worth it...
     
  4. esposoEsclavo
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    esposoEsclavo Member

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    This is so true! The longer I've been denied the more submissive I feel. Chastity is so powerful for me in that respect.

    I think it's normal to have fluctuations in your mood or mindset over time. You may just need to coach yourself to submit even when you're not feeling it. I find that also kick-starts me again.

    Keep trying and when you find something that helps share it with your partner. Also I would talk to them now and ask if they'd be willing to help put you in the proper place when needed.
     
  5. Chiefyayy
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    Chiefyayy Member

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    It's good. I feel like I'm not the only one that's not perfect. I think when my partner locked me before I wasn't taking it serious and the novelty wore off and so did my enthusiasm for it. But now I feel differently. Even without being caged I've been a lot better of a person with conscious changes I'm trying to make. Hence the advice post. I just want to make sure when I go back to my partner with it that I'm all in, serious and prepared the best I cam be.
     
  6. esposoEsclavo
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    esposoEsclavo Member

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    That makes sense also. My wife and I have played with chastity for a few years but every time we pick it up again it is a little more serious and a little improved overall bc of our previous experiences.
     
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  7. Chiefyayy
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    Chiefyayy Member

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    Thanks for that. It's good to know I'm not the odd one out
     
  8. SubSnuggler
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    SubSnuggler Owned by Mistress2and4you

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    As I heard Viola Voltairine say in own of her podcasts, paraphrasing here, but chastity isn't repression or denial of your sexual energy - it's an opportunity to devote that energy instead to your keyholder and a chance to explore your own inner self without distraction.

    That's totally it for me. It's a journey for all of us, with no defined destination, just a way to further your relationship with someone you are devoted to.
     
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  9. Chiefyayy
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    Chiefyayy Member

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    I think it's going to be a lot of learning patience and self reflection needed. I appreciate you input. Thanks
     
  10. TonyF25
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    TonyF25 Long term member

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    You need a strong partner who won't let you stray. My wife / owner is very fair but firm . She will come down hard on me if I get off track. But will treat me very well if I comply with her wishes. Once I thought I had enough, she told me think about it, I love you, but there is the door if you don't want to comply. She was serious. Well I thought about it. Let her keep the cb6000s lock on me, and wore my panties. She has used punishment on me , which I compiled with.
    But it works for us. We have been together for 6 years and in the life style for 5 years. Feel free to contact me.
     
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  11. Chiefyayy
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    Chiefyayy Member

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    Also I may need to listen to this podcast. Thanks
     
  12. Guest 3729
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    Guest 3729 Long term member

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    I think a lot of us living this 24/7 are in the same boat. You can be in chastity 100% of the time but there are other key elements that key you engaged. I’ve been locked up longer this year than I ever have been in the last 7 years. This is more due to a new baby in our lives versus any plan or desire to keep me locked all the time by my wife. So I’m not getting the kind of attention that she used to give me to help keep me in that submissive mode. In many ways I feel like the lifestyle has been put on the back burner but I am still kept in chastity, other than serving her and helping her as much as I can. Unless you’re truly of the submissive mind set I think many of us can fall out of the submissive mode unless we’re encouraged to stay there and while chastity certainly helps put you there it may not necessarily keep you there.
     
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  13. Chiefyayy
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    Chiefyayy Member

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    This resonates with me in a big way. I think that was the frustration stage is where you feel locked and forgotten about. Apart from the overwhelming need to be thinking about your partner which can also be a hindrance at times because you need to focus on other things. You sometimes just think I might as well take it off have a walk and be forgotten about.

    It's not all doom and gloom I think I'm just voicing some of the down sides I experience to see if anyone has a trick to deal with them when they arise again. So I just become a stroppy 6 year old boy
     
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  14. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    If this is a lifestyle choice, communication is critical. No she doesn’t owe you anything, but if your expectations and hers are not on the same page, resentments and bitterness will become obvious for both.

    Oh, and in case your wondering, enthusiasm is going to ebb and flow regardless of her participation. People get sick, financial stress, work stress, family emergencies, annoyances, busy social life etc. There will be many moments you look down and wonder “why the fuck am I wearing this ridiculous thing on my dick!?” If she is a kh that lets you orgasm…every time it happens, the chemicals in your brain that make this fun go away and putting the cage back on is about the furthest thing from your mind.

    There are certain things to help you get back into “subby mode” what they are kind of depends on what makes you tick. If you two are struggling, let the other know, sometimes they aren’t as mindful of your predicament…they are not reminded of it as often as you are.
     
  15. DonnaSue
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    DonnaSue Long term member

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    I think that all couples go through this while learning to communicate properly and deal with the exchang of power that takes place. It sounds to me like you've about come to that conclusion and are getting on with it. Best wishes on your journey, wherever that may lead you!
     
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  16. madams-sissysub
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    I agree!
     
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  17. Guest 3729
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    Guest 3729 Long term member

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  18. Chiefyayy
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    Chiefyayy Member

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    Thank you for your response. They are wise words I will take on board. You have pretty much summed up my last 12 months. In the last 3 months just started to figure out the power of this mystical thing people call communication haha. Its really tough but seems to really help.
     
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  19. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    A lot of good advice here. I can only echo it. My Queen wants me to be very open and honest about my feelings in chastity, including when its "not" working (but zero whining allowed, just the facts and maybe some flattering begging). She NEVER lets me out then as we discovered early on that didnt help. But she will change things up or pay a bit more attention to wind me up when I tell her the cage is losing its magic.

    In short: communicate, and know that these cycles are normal.
     
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