Can a male fetishist be trusted?

Discussion in 'Off topic discussions' started by L-u-c-y, Sep 14, 2019.

  1. Quietlisten
    Offline

    Quietlisten Junior Member

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2009
    Messages:
    96
    Likes Received:
    124
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Southeast U.S.
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    3:55 PM
    We live in an age in which 1) screen names are at risk and reputations are not, and 2) there are a thousand other profiles to click on if this one doesn't instantly give you what you THINK you want in the moment. Personally, I don't think the problem is the fetish, it's the prioritization of the short-term satisfaction of the fetish over the long-term satisfaction of a relationship. And honesty is WAY more important if you know you will be around somebody for decades than if you can swipe a screen and walk to a different coffee shop at the first sign of inconvenience.
     
  2. keysandlocks
    Offline

    Verified Female

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2013
    Messages:
    249
    Likes Received:
    481
    Trophy Points:
    73
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Self Employed/Retired
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    English Female
    Local Time:
    8:55 PM
    I don't like to speak ill of people, unless they have done something bad.But I think the majority of men I met for a potential KH, or Ds with no sex, were indeed obsessed, and would have done anything. Said anything to get what they wanted.I realised this once we had met.I risked a lot meeting them, as this obsession on some occasions created a Stalker in them.A nutcase and madmen.I had to involve the police.I wont go into details, but it happened 3 times with three different men.These men were indeed obsessed fetishists and not subs.Liars and delusional.
    Some meets were ok though, but they still told lies.Once the little liars realised I was not supporting their sexual desires, they backed off.
     
    Houseboy42, sissy_connie and L-u-c-y like this.
  3. Houseboy42
    Offline

    Houseboy42 Member

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2019
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    55
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    4:55 PM
    In our household, no, males with an obsessive sexual focus (me and occasionally others) are seen as incapable of rational thought. My opinion is valued and sought, but also seen as suspect until approved. In large part, this is the basis of our D/s dynamic. The idea being that I'm so focused on my fetishes that I can’t see the big picture of how my actions reverberate outside my own orgasm, so I must have female oversight for my own good. Both my ladies have very strong sexual proclivities, but they’ve shown that they can shut it off whenever they want. I can’t do that, so I'm not seen as being capable of objective thought. I want to say all this is just a fantasy, but I've learned it is not. My ladies are absolutely right. I really do have a hard time seeing beyond my own obsessions and it can definitely effect my judgment.
     
    GoddessMWilspoon and locked_top like this.
  4. locked_top
    Offline

    locked_top Caged tiger

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2019
    Messages:
    695
    Likes Received:
    1,038
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    USA
    Local Time:
    3:55 PM
    I think this is an important point. People have different motivations, and if they are not motivated by the prospects for sex, they will be *highly* motivated by something else, almost to the point of obsession.
     
    Houseboy42 likes this.
  5. Alana
    Offline

    Alana Long term member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2015
    Messages:
    743
    Likes Received:
    1,181
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    California
    Local Time:
    1:55 PM
    They can usually be trusted to disappoint you
     
    MRS.Lilith and L-u-c-y like this.
  6. L-u-c-y
    Offline

    Staff Member Owner of Chastity Mansion Administrator Verified Female

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2015
    Messages:
    4,866
    Likes Received:
    34,245
    Trophy Points:
    163
    Gender:
    Female
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Oxford, England
    Local Time:
    8:55 PM
    Unfortunately true.
     
    Lockedboy101 likes this.
  7. subslave l
    Offline

    subslave l Active member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2019
    Messages:
    142
    Likes Received:
    106
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    3:55 PM
    I partly agree with this.

    Anyone can usually be trusted to disappoint you.

    I fully agree with this.
     
    Guy likes this.
  8. Guy
    Offline

    Guy Master of a haven for congenial, kinky friends.

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2016
    Messages:
    452
    Likes Received:
    622
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Semi-retired
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Near Tomar, central Portugal
    Local Time:
    8:55 PM
    My take too.

    The pattern I see is that the more privilege somebody has, the more likely they are to be a boor.

    So rich, well-connected, white men are worst, and the nicer they are on average the further down the pyramid of presumed entitlement you go, so those with next to nothing are often the best company.
     
    subslave l likes this.
  9. MRS.Lilith
    Offline

    MRS.Lilith Kitchen Mistress
    Verified Female

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2019
    Messages:
    347
    Likes Received:
    1,873
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Local Time:
    9:55 PM
    So long as the male is uncontrolled and focussed on orgasm, even a sub male will be pushy and demanding.
    So men who's entire existence revolves around satisfying their fetish/actually penis, will do anything to get what they want. Which often makes them untrustworthy so I think you should indeed be cautious and only allow him close when he relinquishes control.
     
  10. henry58
    Offline

    henry58 Long term member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2018
    Messages:
    443
    Likes Received:
    452
    Trophy Points:
    73
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    8:55 PM
    Trust and obsessive behaviour do not sit well together. One will always overcome the other, it's then about the impact of the fail. And when the fail occurs, the harsh reality hits the unfortunate who for whatever reason, was blind to the fallout occurring. But does it learn its lesson?
     
    BobCat likes this.
  11. Her Dividend
    Offline

    Her Dividend Junior Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2010
    Messages:
    377
    Likes Received:
    297
    Trophy Points:
    73
    Local Time:
    1:55 PM
    Great question. Fetishes and kinks don't line up well with honesty and straight talk - for good reason. I can see how you would classify the male sex drive as "obsessive behavior" but it could also be characterized as a "sexual orientation." Having a sexual orientation with needs is normal and not obsessive (exactly.)

    Trust between two people takes time, investment, and commitment. There will be arguments and issues along the way. In the end it depends on how much stick-to-it-ness people have.

    Its magical thinking that internet relationships will play out similar to F2F involvements. When you combine anonymity, sex, and the internet - you have a different sort of soul involved - one closely tied to our own sense of inner identity. This identity is very malleable and often expansive beyond one's corporal, in-the-world, self.
     
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice