Caged Wolf? How an Alpha became the Omega...

Mistress Wolf is doing better in class again, the learning curve with this particular instructor is way steep compared to others at the same school, and about half the class is currently failing... Mistress has a fallback plan, already registered to retake the class in fall quarter, if needed, but with a different professor.

We talked this morning about some dreams i had this morning (sexual, but not wet), She laughed when i told Her that in the dream i panicked and stopped everything in the dream because the Lady involved wasn't Mistress Wolf... Yes, i have it bad, can't even have an erotic dream with someone else anymore, Love Mistress Wolf, and am that dedicated to Her.We also talked briefly about the lack of "playtime", Mistress is just too stressed, and after spending 5-ish hours working on homework She just doesn't have the desire. i understand, and fully support Her, but it's still hard, figuratively and literally!

 

good weekend, Mistress Wolf is getting a handle on the math stuff, I got some things done, we went to a get together party with good friends (not a play party, just real friends getting together to catch-up and plan. Everything was going swimmingly, as I was rapidly approaching the "return to life" day (would have been today... ).
Obviously I'm hurt again... Went Monday to look at a dog needing rescue, and in the process of evaluating her I got bit... not terrible but enough to need stitches, and antibiotics. so 7-10 more days on wounded reserve.

So tired of being hurt and unable to properly care for Mistress Wolf

 

wow, 3 weeks denied already... hand is healing well, about half way through it. Starting a new job that is stressing me some as I have a lot to learn and a short time to be self proficient. Everything else has been going well, Mistress is hanging in there in the class, fingers crossed She can get Her grade up to pass and graduate, otherwise She will have to retake the class in the Fall quarter. Really don't want that cloud hanging over us all summer. Little One's grades have come up nicely with a little more direct involvement in making sure She is turning in her homework as well.

All in all, i'm a contented wolf.... I have a strong, healthy pack who have had my back while I've healed, and who love me, scars and all...

 

HELP>>>

i'm in a pissy mood since about 9:30 yesterday morning, had to go deal with DOL/DMV for my license, and things just went down hill since.. Because it took so long to deal with (had to come back to the house for more paperwork), and because of the heat here, Mistress also canceled plans we had to go to a poly group picnic. Rather than sit in the house all day i went out and started cleaning the garage, weeded the rose beds, and various other things, just keeping busy.

Today i'm still in a funk, don't want to be, but i'm just so tired of being hurt, no playtime (but Mistress Wolf has been giving me lots of hugs...), and feeling like crap from the meds they have me on for the dog bite. the last 3 months have sucked almost as bad as last year, and i just am not sure how much more i can deal with before i hit a point of no return. I'm sore everywhere, my head hurts, and i am just a miserable ass to be around, I'm sure. i've started a new job, officially start driving tomorrow, and feeling like this I get frustrated and keyed up way to easily, not a good thing in a loaded tractor/trailer...

Friends of ours wanted us to go boating today, but with my hands messed up I can't risk getting them wet in the lake water, other friends are out on the motorcycles, but mine is down for fuel problems, even if my hands were up to riding (which they aren't), but i can't even go work on it right now.... just really starting to feel useless...

Mistress Wolf is being supportive, and is obviously worried about me, i just don't know how to pull myself out of it.

 

Feeling better about things again, not back where I should be yet, but am getting there..... the past weekend was just rough, too much, too many different things going on.

 

@Jasmic68 thank you, I know things will be good again, like I said above, i was just way beyond my comfort zone, and need something more than a hug to get me moving back the right way again.

 

New Job, driving truck, not sure if it's the antibiotics, or just being out of shape after the last 6+ weeks of not being able to do much, but I'm tired and worn out like I haven't been in a long time.

Still no playtime with Mistress Wolf, though She did tease me last night.. walked by reached over my shoulders and pinched/rubbed my nipples and then commented something like "It's too bad you're tired and not feeling up to it..".... I was having problems just staying awake. 4 weeks since the last time, and no idea when i will be allowed to pleasure Her again.

 

Not a good night last night, things were going okay, considering it was the 1 year anniversary of losing my Mom, Made it through most of the day, around 9 pm Mistress turned off the TV and we started getting ready for bed. Since i am normally done faster than She, i went back to the living room to fold some of the laundry. Mistress Wolf came out and asked if i was interested in some "Nakee funtime".... Since i wasn't expecting Her to be interested i had been telling myself not to worry about it, so was taken by surprise, and my head and heart really weren't into it.

Off to the bedroom, in bed, and ..... nothing.... it was like trying to cold start with a dead battery. There was some touching, but nothing to really get things started, and after about 10-15 minutes Mistress commented "I guess I'll get up and put my PJ's on...". After 30 days of shutting myself down to prevent any additional stress to Mistress Wolf i just couldn't do anything. i also have a little bit of a sore throat, so no going below option either...

I've talked with Mistress about this issue last month when the same thing happened... Not sure what to do, or how to get restarted again.

 

No ideas? Has anyone else dealt with anything like this?

 

Tuesday night at bedtime right after Mistress Wolf gave me permission to get in bed She turned and told me She was cold, so I offered Her my shoulder so She could curl up against me. For the first time in a long time (i can't actually remember exactly how long it's been) Mistress fell asleep with Her beautiful head resting on my chest and shoulder, and arm wrapped over my chest, and Her lovely body curled against mine.

i was just dozing off and must have started snoring or something, as She shifted slightly and thumped my chest, i presume to get me to stop whatever i was doing, after that i could not get back to sleep so i just laid there quietly as she slept, until my shoulder started hurting (i've had 3 surgeries on my right shoulder). I gently and quietly asked Her if i may shift, She rolled over so Her back was towards me, i curled up tightly behind Her, gently wrapped an arm over Her and quickly fell asleep myself.

Thank you again @Mistress Wolf

 

Fathers Day weekend has come and gone, and still no playtime. Partly because of the failure last week, but more so as I am still sick. this cold just won't go away. It is hard to provide good oral stimulation when you are hacking up a lung, or have to come up for air snorting through a plugged nose.

The weekend was pretty good, finally took the RV out again, headed to the coast for the weekend, caught some decent weather, and just had fun relaxing. Finally got a decent nights sleep last night, but would have traded the good sleep for a chance to properly pleasure Mistress Wolf.

 

It has been a rough stretch.... In the last couple of weeks I've also started a new job, and have been spending 10-14 hours a day out doing the truck driver thing... hoping things settle in and it gets a little smoother. I definitely don't miss the drama at the previous job, but the hours and changes to my sleep cycle aren't helping things. After a 14 hour day I come home tired, eat, relax for a couple of hours, then off to bed, as 4 am comes really early. Today is one of the late days, but need to be out the door in 1/2 hour to go unload, get some work done on the truck, then get reloaded for tomorrows early run again.

Relationship wise, things are okay, we laugh and joke, both Mistress Wolf and Little One finished their school years. Little One is on to High School, finishing Middle School with A's and B's, and Mistress Wolf is waiting to see if She passed Her last required class for Her degree, but already walked at the ceremony. I am so proud of both of them.

My hand has healed from the dog bite incident, my hernia repair seems to be stable and pain free (though I do have a large triangular numb area between my leg, Mistress's property, and the incision site. feels weird when I shave, have to be very careful as I can't feel the pressure.

 

Well crap... Mistress Wolf didn't pass the Statistics class, so will be retaking it in the fall... Tuesday wasn't a good day, as She was in the dumps after finding out Her grade. She has reached out to several of our friends and i, and after lots of talking and reassurance Mistress is feeling better, but still understandably disappointed.

Overall, a better week, lots of touching and hugs, good communication, but nothing more happening this week... i am spending long says at the new job getting in the swing of it, but not sure if it is going to work out, as the hours are already having a detrimental affect on things.....

 

Things are going well, Mistress has decided to take a different math class over the summer quarter to finish, and that choice has taken quite a load off of Her.

Things between us are going great, just no pleasuring Her. Lot's of hugs, touching, etc. Hoping once this particular week is over and things settle in with the new job i may be given another opportunity to attend to Her needs and desires. This morning i woke with a migraine and a full on erection when Mistress Wolf came in and woke me (yes, She chooses to allow me to sleep in late sometimes). She got me one of my migraine pills and sat with me until it started to work. i, feeling some leeway, flipped back the sheets and flashed Her, full mast. She just told me She has been thinking about it all day

Today we went to the zoo, wandered around until we got to the Wolf enclosure and the 4 white wolves were up and moving about. Got some good pictures, and was able to relax some finally...

Happy wolf

 

Thank you @Lucy .... I'm not really stressed about the lack of sex, it's just this is the longest we have ever gone without that connection, even when i was in trouble back in Sept-Oct. It's more the overload of life right now but even that is starting to settle back down. New job has had me away from Mistress Wolf longer each week, this past week I was working over 54 hours, including a night stuck out of town waiting for a load. 12-14 hour days on the road are not conducive to keeping the FLR D/s lifestyle where it needs to be.

Mistress Wolf and i talked a little about my concerns, and either trying to balance the new job or finding something else again. At least i am out of the last job finally.

 

AND that was interesting... Mistress Wolf showed Her strength and leadership this morning!

Little One was being Little One, the privileged teenager... Not listening. i had asked her to go get dressed before breakfast, she said she didn't know what to wear today (we have a party this afternoon), so i told her to just put on shorts and a nice shirt for now and she could change later. After breakfast it dawned on me she was still in pajamas, and was asking Mistress Wolf if she could wear a skirt. i told Mistress Wolf what I had told her earlier, so Mistress Wolf agreed and told her to wear shorts.Little One copped an attitude and did a couple of other things that she knew better than doing, and eventually got in trouble.

Here is where i messed up. i walked by and told her she needed to straighten up as she was being a little bitch... yes exactly.. i got in trouble too, Mistress corrected me on my comments, then went and took Her shower. When She was done She told Little One and i to get in the living room and sit on the floor while She sat on the coffee table (position of authority!), and She let us both have it for our comments and actions, eventually telling us to apologize to each other for our actions, and Little One also had to apologize to Mistress Wolf for trying to play Mistress against me. Mistress Wolf stressed that SHE was in charge, but also that i was still in a position of authority over Little One.

SO PROUD of Mistress Wolf!!!! This was a huge step, taking full control and putting Her foot down, openly establishing Her control over the household. i have been waiting for this day for a long time....

Very Happy, but well disciplined, wolf

 

Yes!! things finally fell into place last night and i was allowed (probably better to say "told") to pleasure Mistress Wolf. without too much detail i'll just say Mistress had 3 big oral orgasms, and at least 2 more before i went over the edge with Her.... Have to be on the road very soon so will add more later, but last night went very well, imho...

 

Good week, work (new job) is still keeping me away from home more than I like, but got times shifted a little so will have less 4 am wake-ups. Stress is down, things with Mistress Wolf are better, but with the new job, the hours away, and the nature of the job i have felt a shift in the dynamic, and feel the difference within myself, as a slip back to the old ways.

With me not being home as much Mistress Wolf and Little One are doing more of the household chores (not a bad thing for Little One, but...), and with me being so tired when i get home it's difficult to be focused on my service to Mistress Wolf when all i want to do is take a shower and lie down and relax. Not sure this new job is going to work out long term, but for now it is an improvement over the old stress hole i was working in.

Thinking it's time to ask for a sit down with Mistress Wolf to discuss things, Her thoughts, my feelings on the matters, and ask Her to step up on making sure i am doing what i am supposed to be... i feel that a reminder will help keep me on track while i adjust to the new schedule, etc.

 

It has been a dark and difficult journey the last year, truly life changing. Had some positive things, but overall one i would like to have a full "do-over" for. i am sorry for the negative posts and am trying my best to find something positive to add, but sometimes i just need a place to put things so i can try to let go and move on again. i also truly appreciate the thoughts and words of encouragement given here. Many have pm'd to check on me and to offer their support, and though it was not my intent to seek such, it has been tremendously helpful knowing people out there in similar lifestyles understand and care.

Last night Mistress did something i think we both needed. After a long day getting not much done on my list of things to do things finally settled down. Little One was off to bed, so i went used the bathroom, and came back to the living room wearing nothing but my blue Greg Homme pouch thong. i sat at the coffee table and quietly finished folding and putting away the 2 loads of laundry (though Mistress Wolf still has me put her clothes by Her dresser, not allowed to actually put them away). When i came back from the bedroom i asked Mistress if there was anything i could get Her while i was up. Her reply took me by surprise... "I was wondering if you were up to doing the mattress mamba?" It actually took me a couple of seconds for it to register and my brain to formulate an answer, i said politely "That is up to you, but yes, i feel good.", So, off to the bedroom She went! My mind was reeling... twice in one week after almost 2 months without!!!

Things started a little slowly, as i am relearning how to best pleasure Mistress Wolf. As i lightly caressed Her Mistress first played with my nipples, rubbing and lightly pinching them, then reached down and found Her property, which responded nearly instantly to Her touch. Very soon i was squirming from the intense feelings, wondering if i would be able to control myself or not, but Mistress Wolf was enjoying tormenting me! "Are you that close already...? Should I stop?", to which i replied, "no, please...". After a few more minutes of fondling Mistress sat up and shifted to a position beside me, leaned down and began teasing me with Her beautiful mouth. i was instantly right on the edge again, squirming and doing everything i could to maintain control. At one point Mistress Wolf stopped and said "This it the point where you breathe again". i had not realized i was holding my breathe... She had me right on the edge for so long, a single word from Her allowing me would have sent me right over the edge. i was finally able to tell Her "i may need to spray to go long enough..".

This is when Mistress Wolf told me why She often prefers i not be numbed... apparently when numb i can go too long.... i reminded Her that SHE was in control, and if SHE was done then so was i, whether i finished or not...... She replied "Then go spray and wrap, and lets get on with it!", Her words sound flat here, but the tone was more of a "hurry up and don't make me wait!". i grabbed a condom and the spray, hurried to the bathroom, sprayed several sprays into the condom (less mess than spraying on the penis), put the condom on and massaged the numbing spray in. Back in the bedroom Mistress Wolf told me "More Foreplay!", so i began gently massaging Her breasts, caressing Her chest and stomach, then moved down to Her long, beautiful legs gently running my fingers down the inside of Her thighs to the knees and back up again, which always makes Her shiver and tremble (She says "kind of tickles, but in a good way"). Finally i gently brush Her most private areas, exploring the lips and folds, finding the sensitive places and bringing them to the fore of Her attention, and quickly bring Her to the first of several orgasms. After several more Mistress whispered something to me "I want...", but i couldn't understand the rest, before i could ask She looked me in the eyes and said "NOW!", i had to explain i had not understood Her request, so She restated "Lick down there, now!".

Have to explain, Thursday i hit my head on something and tweaked my neck again, it is healing, but still sore in the evenings, so i quietly reminded Mistress of this and asked Her to shift to the edge of the bed so i could properly do as instructed, which She did. Very soon She was blissfully squirming, moaning, and clenching my arms, while pulling me in with Her legs around my back and neck. My oral attention was getting Her very close, but not quite there so i added a finger to the mix, which soon brought Her to a huge, body shaking climax, after which She gently pushed my head away. After a few moments to recover and re-position on the bed i began to gently finger Her again, quickly getting Her attention as i lightly pressed myself into Her warmth. i could not feel whether i had entered or not, but from Her response could tell i had, and continued to gently stroke while still fingering at the same time. Mistress was truly enjoying it! Things progress to full depth stroking, and eventually to one of Mistress's trigger positions with me on top holding Her shoulders to allow a stronger thrust, which soon brought Her to the point of no return on one of Her most intense orgasms, leaving Her shaking and quivering with aftershocks.

i could tell from the release and the look on Her beautiful face as She climaxed that She was completely and totally spent, done while i was still no where near finishing, and still unable to even feel anything! i quietly got up, started Mistress's Shower, washed my hands, and went back to help Her up. After She showered i was allowed to dry Her before getting in the shower myself, still wearing the condom to prevent washing off the numbing spray, which ensured i would be numb until the early morning hours, and unable to "take matters into my own hands" (not that i would, but it is good insurance). Before drifting off to a restful sleep i quietly thanked Mistress Wolf for the chance to pleasure Her, and again told Her i it is about Her, not me, and that when She is done so am i.

What a great evening! second time this week, as i said, but to be allowed to pleasure Mistress Wolf and to not be allowed to finish myself was what i needed to help get me back on track, to reinforce (to both of us) that She is in charge and that it is about Her pleasure not mine, i am merely being allowed to experience Her pleasure and to revel in it. i honestly think it is better when i don't finish, but get to see Her sated and completely satisfied, to feel Her pleasure, to touch, taste, and live it vicariously through Her.

THIS is what i have needed, not release but control, pleasure but not completion, and to focus on Mistress's needs and desires.

A VERY happy and contented wolf this morning...