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Caged Free

Discussion in 'The Vault' started by Jamie's-Locked, Aug 14, 2016.

  1. I've had fantasies of being kept in what I think of as "Enforced" chastity. A bit over 15 years ago I discovered that idea due to a site I had found by accident. I fashioned a device for myself based on a design called "The Bird Cage." at the time. I still have it but it wasn't comfortable for any serious amount of time which was just as well since I wasn't mature enough to deal with the reality of extended chastity at time either.
    Fast forward to about eight months ago. I had become involved with an online C/D who attempted to be my Domme. That led to my finding out that she also met and took a C/D slave who had voluntarily self-locked herself for months at a time. Being the semi-OCD personality that I can be, I questioned her about the CB series device she was locked in.
    I drove to the C/D Domme's town for a bondage/C/D party over a weekend and enjoyed the entire situation, especially the symbolic ceremony of 'Goddess" as she requires to be called, locked a chastity device on me and sent me home locked and without the key. I requested and got the key to it in the mail a few days later but I was hooked.
    My first device was the CB-6000 with the full cage due to 'Goddess's' slave's suggestion. I know now that wasn't the right device. I couldn't wear it 24 hours in a row due to painful pulling on my scrotum. I worked slowly up to wearing it overnight to find the proper base ring/spacer combo. Old news to anyone wearing/experiencing the CB series devices. I kept noticing space at the end of the tube and ran across another online chastity blog that suggested that the device shouldn't be too long and should actually somewhat compress the penis so I ordered the S cage for my CB-6000 and was upset with myself for not having ordered it in the first place. It fit far better and allowed me 24/7 wear immediately. My first run in the S cage was nearly 2 weeks non-stop.
    Then came my other concern. Cleanliness. I work in a non climate controlled building 10 hours a day and became concerned. I also found pictures of stainless steel devices that quite completely intrigued me. I focused on the Mature Metal Jailbird but the cost made me relegate it to a future purchase due to the still sometimes uncomfortable base ring concerns.
    Being the inveterate web skater that I am, I ran across a line of Chinese devices that I've seen reviewed on this site. I've ordered two of them and am presently locked in the one in my avatar. I ordered the 45mm cage with the 46mm base ring at first which was very comfortable from day one despite being a smaller ID than the CB-6Ks. I wore it 24/7 from the day it came in.
    Still, I had to have a smaller device. I ordered the 35mm cage with the 44mm base ring due to finding one of the 'boys' having escaped. So far the smaller cage is even more comfortable due to less scrotum pull and, so far, no escapes. I have ordered the 42mm base ring anyway.
    Today makes day 96 of 'enforced chastity'. Ms. K/H, my wife, keeps the key and hinted that I might be let out for my birthday. What that means I don't really know. I could be let out for an erection or to be ordered to masturbate while she watches. She knows that embarrasses me.
    Enough for now, I suppose. Be well All.
     
  2. Well, my birthday came and went. I'm still locked and Ms. K/H went on a day trip out of town to visit a favored nephew of hers. She'll be home tomorrow according to schedule and I have no idea what she might have in mind. I have to admit that I topped from the bottom by asking that she keep me locked until my birthday hoping my B/F would drop by and, as he put it, "Make me leak" by fucking me. Best laid plans, as they say.
    I made a point of telling Ms. K/H that as of my birthday, I am in her complete control as to the locking and release. She makes the schedule and I do what she says from now on. I intend to submit completely to her from now on. My basic fantasies have mostly been fulfilled except for her wishes.
    She has a bit of an unwillingness to commit me to permanent chastity because she feels I should be made, on occasion, to masturbate to keep me keenly aware of what she intends to keep me from getting as often or as easily as I used to. I have suggested that if she allows me that occasional orgasm to make me catch and consume it before she locks me back in.
    I prefer that she snaps the lock shut so that she knows I'm serious about her being my K/H.
    I've approached her about keeping me locked long-term or, perhaps, permanent but she is doubtful or outright vicious about it since she knows I would actually like to rivet my device shut while she watches and smiles.
    I'm presently locked in a Chinese stainless steel device which the cage is listed as being 35mm long but I've got my eye on one with a 28mm cage and integral lock.
    I'm hoping she'll tell me to order it. I will anyway but time will tell.
    What I'm hoping for is for her to call me before I leave work after the shorter device is locked on and tell me to pick up some superglue on my way home, then, after my shower, tell me to hold still, here it comes, squirting the glue into the lock slot and asking me if that's what I wanted.


    Jamie
     
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  3. Today makes day 111 and loving it. I'm so close to the 4 month mark that I can taste it. Ms. K/H pretty much ignores my being locked in such a way that has me constantly wondering if I'll ever be released. Two feelings come to mind due to her seeming indifference. One, does she intend to torment me by keeping any release completely random? If so I like that idea. Two, did she take my suggestion to make my chastity permanent seriously? I know it would be considered topping from the bottom when I suggested that concept to her, but I would love to have her tell me to get my rivet puller and the key.
    Her original objection to making my chastity permanent is that she wanted me to be constantly aware of the orgasms she's keeping me from having. Early on, she told me that she intended to, at random intervals, have me remove the device and masturbate to orgasm for her to watch. That concept made me anxious at the time for a number of reasons. Originally, it was that I had a particular date, my birthday, in mind before I was allowed any real release from the device. About six weeks prior she suggested (I say suggested, perhaps I should have taken it as an order) that while I had the CB6000s off for cleaning, that I could masturbate. I responded by asking to stay locked.
    Perhaps she took it to heart that I wanted to stay locked and decided to reward me that way.
    Back to the topping from the bottom, I suggested that, if she wanted me to remain aware of and wanting an orgasm, that she could at her whim, tell me to bring her the key. I know where it is at all times. It's locked to the rail of a shelf in my office in our home. I pass it many times a day. She would have handed me the key to the lock that holds my chastity key on the rack. Once I return with the key, one of two things happen.
    One, she orders me to unlock and remove the cage. Once I've done it, she tells me to stroke myself to a full erection. Once she's satisfied that I'm 'ready', she tells me to turn around and she handcuffs my hands behind me. Then she either tells me to 'have fun' and grins or, at her whim, tells me to stay nearby and randomly teases me by occasionally stroking or tickling my released organ until she gets tired of playing. Then she keeps me secured till the erection fails, release the handcuffs and orders me back into the device.
    Two, she hands me the key, has me unlock the lock. She tells me not to remove the cage just yet. She picks up her phone, taps the screen a few times then tells me that I can remove the cage and I can masturbate to orgasm until she tells me to stop. I do as told, begin stroking it, hoping to respond quickly and gain my reward. I'm rattled since she's continuing to stare at her phone. Is she videoing? At some undetermined point I hear her phone alarm go off and she tells me to stop and put the device back on. That undetermined duration could be anywhere from 15 seconds to her actually letting me get fully erect and approach that golden moment then she stops me, telling me to lock back up and we'll try it again 'later.'
    If she were to institute this idea, I would want her to do it at her whim with the duration between being a minimum of a month or upward to a year.

    Still, the idea of her, out of the blue, asking me if whatever cage I'm wearing right then is comfortable, could I wear it a year? Once I answer, she asks me if I still have my rivet puller.
    Jamie
     
  4. Well, my chastity device and I are going to become somewhat strangers due to civic duty shortly. Somehow or other I was summoned for jury duty. Being a government building, Ms. K/H and I both figured my steel device shouldn't show up with me in it. The metal detectors are serious here. Seems I didn't need it for the initial summons. No metal detectors, very little security.
    However the week I'll be serving will include courtrooms which means metal detectors so I'll be unlocked during the day and perhaps locked at night. She hasn't made up her mind on that yet.
    On other matters, I modified the new, smaller 42mm base ring by drilling and tapping the lock hole for an 8-32 thread to replace the lock before I put it back on. I planned on trying to find a stainless steel tamper proof torx screw, but the local home improvement store didn't have any, so I'll have to order it online along with the bit to install it. Ms. K/H is a bit hesitant to default to a screw to secure the device since she feels I'm too handy with tools, but she also knows that I want her to be the one in control. If we go to the screw setup to secure the device, I fully intend to turn the crucial bit to the screw over to her for safe keeping, while hoping that she'll tell me to stop on the way home from work and bring home some Red Loctite thread sealant. I don't expect her to suggest or order that since she still leans toward the idea of keeping me conscious of the fact she's keeping me from having orgasms but wants me to remember what I'm missing. If she orders me to coat the threads of the planned tamper proof torx screw with either super glue or Red Loctite, it effectively tells me that my fantasy of her asking me if I remember my last orgasm then telling me that it was indeed my LAST orgasm before ordering me to run the coated screw in place and strip the head of the screw so it would have to be cut off to remove the device so my demented fantasy of permanent chastity would be coming true. I think she would have a hard time letting me do that though, she commented once she saw my little cocklette in the 35mm cage that it looked like a proper bondage device.
    Jamie
     
  5. Well, who would have figured it. I expected to be either completely out of my CD for most of this week or at least during the day due to having been called for jury duty. I won't go into the details, but I was only out of my device for less than 12 hours due to those of us not called for juries Monday morning, were told about 3:30 Monday afternoon that all the scheduled juries for that week had been chosen and that the rest of us were excused from jury duty for the next 10 years. Yippee!!!
    Ms. K/H was astonished but immediately told me to lock back up after I got home and told her the news, get my device and put it back on. She knows me well enough that she didn't have to ask me if I had abused her trust. I'm still, as of today, 137 days orgasm and erection free. I didn't even get time enough to really have to resist temptation. I did see some rather nice looking women, and, being a C/D, found myself admiring what they were wearing somewhat more than what they looked like. What a mind boggler.
    I'm supposed to be loaned to a C/D Domme this weekend who has asked for my key. Right now, I'm back to using the allan head screw setup to keep my device secured but I'm thinking Ms. K/H may have other ideas for this weekend. When I mentioned to Ms. K/H that the Domme wanted the key, her answer was, "I'll think about it."
    I think I already know what she has planned or I could be simply paranoid. When I got home this evening, she asked me if we had any super glue. I looked and couldn't find any. She told me to stop on my way home tomorrow and pick some up.

    Jamie
     
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  6. I've had enough time to work up a work of Fantasy Fiction, please enjoy:

    "Be careful what you wish for," begins a very old and, sometimes, tired phrase. However, make no mistake, heed the advice. I should have.

    My story started quite some years ago when I found myself re-exploring a long-forgotten kink, i.e., Chastity. It seems that the idea of chastity devices had made some amazing strides in the years I had buried it. I was amazed and found myself interested in enforced chastity once more.

    Making a long story less tedious, I took my time approaching my wife who reluctantly agreed to hold my key as long as I didn't pester her as I had some years earlier which aborted that part of our dwindling sex life.

    Time fell away and our sex life dwindled to nothing. I found myself masturbating constantly and reading chastity porn fiction didn't help at all. It became an increasingly overwhelming obsession which I eventually had to realize. Over about a nine month period I had progressed from a well-known plastic device and it's shorter version but still had to have more.

    I discovered that websites that eventually led me to much smaller, stainless steel devices than I ever expected to be able to fit.

    My wife seemed to take to the idea of my penis being confined and my being unable to masturbate seemed to suit her as the months passed. She particularly enjoyed seeing me in the smallest stainless steel device and proclaimed that it seemed more like a bondage device than the plastic one.

    I suddenly found my periods of "enforced chastity" increasing somewhat radically. I suddenly found myself going from days to weeks, then after a surprise 43 day lockup, my wife called me in and told me that she found that she enjoyed being my Key-Holder. She handed me the key and asked me just how serious I was in being kept locked up long term. I asked what she meant by long-term. Her answer was a bit ambiguous at, "Until I let you unlock." I asked did that mean weeks? Months? Years? Her answer was still, "Until I let you unlock." I told her on the spot that I was intensely interested but had questions.

    I was told I had 24 hours to think about it. If yes, then report to her with the device still on but the lock open. If not, she would hand me back the key and I was on my own with the chastity.

    That next day was the beginning of my first six months of being kept locked and kept from erection or orgasm. I wasn't told how long I would be locked, nor did I have the courage to ask. I just let her decide.

    It's amazing to me that one can go from unbearably horny for hours at a time to having little or no interest in sex then back again. The cage on the device was already the shortest I had endured which had made it vastly more comfortable than I had ever expected. It was a mere 35mm long and I was happy that I had personally learned that being prevented completely from any sort of erection was easier on me when I would find myself facing situations that should have aroused me.

    I had eventually settled into and accepted that there would be no fantasized tease and denial sessions such as I had read about. I was fated to simply being denied erection, orgasm or recognized as even being held locked. I settled back, wanting more but accepting that I was getting some of what I had asked for.

    That one day was the beginning of a little something and a lot of nothing which just as richly intrigued and scared me.

    She handed me the key and told me to unlock and remove the cage. While I took my time doing it, she explained the rules of what she was about to do.
    "I'm about to let you attempt to masturbate toward an orgasm, would you like that?"

    Does a hungry man want food?

    She told me that, once I got the cage off, I would be allowed to stroke myself to an erection, then allowed 30 seconds to masturbate myself to an orgasm. I was shaking as I tried to insert the key into the lock. I found myself facing my holy grail so to speak.

    "The rules are, " She began, " You will have 30 seconds once I say go, to masturbate to an orgasm. If you don't orgasm by then, you will lock yourself back up for another 6 months. If you do, you'll be locked in for a full year. You do understand that?"

    I told her that I understood and agreed, then performance anxiety set in. It took me nearly 2 minutes to even approach an erection which wasn't nearly what I had expected or had experienced previously. My cock was barely 3, maybe 4 inches and not hard as I remembered from previous experiences.

    "You have 30 seconds, starting," She said, "Now!"

    That led to 6 months more of being locked.

    I varied between remembering and forgetting about her idea of 6 months. Being locked was just a 24/7, day in, day out situation with the gentle hug of the base ring of my device reminding me that it was there.

    She called me into the bedroom and handed me the key to the tiny lock that had helped keep me from orgasm for a full year at that point. I stared at it in my hand for nearly a full minute while realizing that such a small item was holding my cock hostage and I was allowing it.

    She cleared her throat to get my full attention. She told me the rules for this particular date. She would allow me to remove the cage this time and, again, stroke myself to an erection. This time she added, if I could gain a full erection. I unlocked the minuscule tyrant, then the cage. I began trying to stroke myself to an erection with limited success. After 5 minutes or so, I was apparently as hard as I was going to manage. My cock was about the same 3 to 4 inches as it had been the last time but I could feel a strong churning in my scrotum.

    "You will have 45 seconds to masturbate to an orgasm. If you don't achieve orgasm, you'll be locked into your new device for a full year this time. If you do cum, you'll be locked in it for 2 years. You do understand that don't you?"

    I answered that I did, with that idea in mind.

    "Begin." She called. I began masturbating, which felt so alien to me after being locked for so long. I felt myself approaching that long denied sensation. I felt myself about to reach the point of no return and my balls tightening when I heard her call, "Stop! Remove the rest of that device and put the new one on."

    I was stunned. I was so close, a few more strokes! My balls really ached at that point, my tiny cock throbbed. I told my wife whose answer was that if I came now, I would either be locked for 5 years or I could keep my key myself.

    The new device was stainless steel as well, but the cage was even shorter. The base ring was similar but the ring and cage attached with a fully enclosed lock cylinder. I told her that I was afraid that the cage might be a bit too short but she insisted that I put it on and work into place so she could insert the locking mechanism. It took me a bit of time but she was patient with me. My balls ached now from having been worked out of the old base ring, through the new one which felt a bit smaller and tighter, as well as having been so close to orgasm. I finally got the tabs of the cage and base ring lined up and she deftly slipped the locking cylinder into place and twisted it. She asked me how it felt and I answered that it was indeed tighter but not uncomfortably so at that point. Her response was that she hoped it was tolerable since I wasn't getting out of it for the next year. She meant it. My tiny organ made a futile attempt against its new prison at the thought of another year before any chance of release.

    The new device became just as the previous, just something hugging my scrotum and my tiny penis on the now more rare occasion of any sexual urge that, for so many years, would lead to a full erection and orgasm.

    She meant it about the year. I couldn't believe that I had lost track of that much time that easily concerning my situation, but I had actually stopped being very conscious about wanting to cum. I would still, on occasion, get what had become "horny" for me, meaning everything but the attempt at erection. I would desire sex, want an orgasm, all the feelings and urges but my penis had long since learned not to try the cage very often since the cage never yielded even a bit. I had done quite a bit of research since I literally had time on my hands. I found information about the chastity device that I was locked into. It was apparently highly rated for its comfort and security which made it clear that she had given quite a bit of thought to the situation. The full details of my personal device weren't clear since I never saw the receipt, but I did note that the smallest length cage available was 28mm, just over an inch. I noted my declining sexual urges and wondered, even if I were released at that point, would my cock even work anymore? I could never find any real evidence concerning the physical effects pertaining to enforced chastity over this sort of time. I read anecdotal claims written by men claiming to have been locked for a year or more claiming both possibilities. Some claiming that I could/would be able to regain complete sexual functioning after a recovery period once unlocked. Others declaring the "Use it or Lose it," effect. I didn't know. I was, at that point, afraid I was going to find out personally.

    There was no question she had given this event a great deal of thought. She let me know the day before that the next day would be our next "Game."

    She kept it to herself until the event. She called me into the bedroom and had me service her orally for quite some time before she decided it she had had enough orgasms to concentrate on her "Game."

    She handed me the key to my device and told me to unlock myself. She told me to take my time and get comfortable. She urged me to take as much time as I needed to get fully erect this time. That both pleased and, quietly, terrified me.

    It also terrified me that my now fully erect size was apparently 3 inches. I was hoping this wasn't something permanent and that I'd never approach my original erect length of 7 inches.

    "This time," She started, "I'm going to let you start slowly stroking yourself. Get excited. Be my guest." I felt myself trying to get harder, but the tiny little thing wouldn't but I was throbbing and felt a long unfelt stirring in my balls. I was horny!

    "Now for the rules," She smiled and her eyes sparkled in a way I had never seen before. She was excited. I waited for her to tell me to either eat her or fuck her. "The rules this time are a bit more serious." I felt the urge in my balls growing but my cock didn't. It was still only about 3 inches.

    "I'm going to let you continue to stroke yourself," She started, "And, when I say Go, you are allowed a full minute to cum. IF you don't cum, you Will be locked into the shortest cage I could get for this device which is 25mm long for 3 years before you're allowed to try again for an orgasm."

    The stirrings got deeper and I felt myself relaxing toward a really possible orgasm. She took her time watching me stroking my now fully erect 3 inch penis slowly.

    "Here's the rest of the story," She said quietly. "If you do cum," She hesitated. "IF you DO cum, you Will accept that it will be the last time and you will accept being kept locked in your chastity device permanently." I stopped my stroking for a moment and made the mistake of asking if I had heard her correctly.

    "IF," She said quietly, "You heard me tell you that IF you cum, you will be locked permanently in the new, shorter cage you did indeed hear me correctly. Is that clear?" I hesitated.

    "I said, is that clear?" She was clearly serious. I didn't know what to say.

    "Do you agree?" She was smiling as she asked. I was stunned. I didn't know if I could masturbate to an orgasm inside of a minute, even at that point.

    I heard myself asking, "Shorter? Permanent?" Her reaction was that I had heard her correctly. Permanent.

    I wanted to cum, Dammit!

    I began stroking myself harder and harder. "Go!" She shouted.

    I stroked my little penis harder than I had ever managed. I wanted to cum, I HAD to cum!

    I stroked, stroked, felt that stirring, felt a long time denied physical urge building. I HAD to cum! I stroked, I felt the urges, the physical responses that I hadn't felt in SO long. I had to cum!

    Then I did.

    Oh, God, what did I do? I was so calm after feeling that animal response to such a base urge, then panicked at what I had agreed to.

    "You came," She cooed. "So, you are ready for permanent chastity?" I almost cried. I didn't want that to be my last orgasm.

    I was still crying when she handed me the newer, smaller cage. I asked to be allowed to clean up but she insisted I could shower later. I took the cage and started to do what she ordered. I managed to compose myself to some point while trying to fit my semi-hard cock into the new cage. It was a bit wider but shorter but, strangely enough, my tiny cock responded by going flaccid quickly. I finally got the cage and ring lined up for her to fit the locking mechanism and handed it to her. She told me that we weren't using that one this time, she had a new one, and asked me if I wanted to put this one in myself. I put the other one down on the bed and took the one she handed me. It was somewhat difficult to keep the cage and base ring lined up with one hand and try to line the new locking mechanism up. I didn't notice until I had gotten the ring and cage lined up and began sliding the new locking mechanism in place that I wasn't holding a key, it was simply a metal rod.

    "If you're going to do what you agreed, pull that rod out." I was puzzled. I knew I had agreed to something.

    "Now! Pull that rod out or take it off!" She was more shrill than I had ever heard her. I responded instantly and pulled the key out. Why did she call it a rod? She held her hand out and told me to hand it over. When I did, she giggled a bit and asked me if I knew what I had just done. All I could do was look stupid which is something I apparently did well.

    "Did you enjoy your orgasm?" She asked. I was breathless but managed to answer her that yes I had enjoyed that long denied orgasm.

    "Do you have a good memory?" I was puzzled at that question and asked.

    "Baby, I hope you have a very long memory," She smiled as though she had just had another orgasm.

    "Baby," She continued as I regained my attention, "You just had your last orgasm ever. That locking mechanism isn't keyed, it's the permanent lock with no key. Once you pulled the setup rod out, it locked and can't be removed under any circumstance and the cylinder can't be drilled. You just locked yourself into that device permanently."
     
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  7. Good Morning to All! Today marks 5 calendar months of device enforced chastity for me. Ms. K/H somewhat reluctantly agreed to keep me locked once I made it clear to her that I would NOT beg, complain or pester her about my being locked. I've kept my word and don't bring the subject up. My/Her little thingie has been locked 24/7 other than a release to change devices to smaller, steel ones and for a short stint for Jury duty.
    I did mention to her some time ago how long I had been locked and her only response was like the chastity pic, "And you bring this up, why?" Since then, nothing. She occasionally sees me naked but the subject never comes up. Our lives really haven't changed much other than I'm no longer allowed to masturbate on a daily basis as I was used to. I do get aroused on occasion but this 35mm cage prevents, (Not pretty much, it Prevents) any attempts at erection and, other than a small, sticky spot in my panties now or then, no signs of cumming.
    I have no idea if or when I'm going to be released. Ms K/H hasn't said, nor has she threatened me with my enforced chastity being permanent. Fantasy does have me facing her next May 8th and her asking me if I remember my last orgasm. Being the semanticist I am, I would answer that I remember 'when' I had my last orgasm. As per another pic, she should decide that I haven't been locked long enough if I do, then ignore me for another year.
    Five months might be a walk in the park for some of you, but my previous record was 43 days.
    I'm so close to 6 months as the new mark that I really want her to keep me locked at least that long, if not for a full year or more. Still, it's her call, her whim.
    IF or when.
    Thank goodness for such a loving woman.

    Jamie
     
  8. Well, today makes 164 days locked, kept from erection or orgasm by Ms. K/H, who keeps me in complete suspense as to when, or IF?, I'll even be released for an erection, much less an orgasm. If I get a chance at an orgasm, will she do it? I don't know. I'm wondering if she's actually taken my telling her about my fantasy of permanent chastity/being locked from here on out has taken permanent seed and I just haven't been informed yet, and she simply hasn't decided to tell me to bring the super-glue and her squirt it into the lock.
    Will my release be my Christmas present, or her New Year's resolution is to see how I respond to being told that I'm not going to be allowed out or to cum and she's rewarding me me with a chance to ask her to allow me to cum NEXT January 1st and that she'll make her mind up then. Until then, don't piss her off, don't pester her and don't even bring up that I'm locked unless she does.

    I love her, I do. If she so decides, the cage stays locked and I'm not allowed orgasm, or even erection for the rest of my life, it's her decision and I'm ready to honor it.

    As an old TV western phrase went, "No brag, just fact."
    I know there would be some question if I'm exaggerating about my chastity blogging on here, but it is entirely true. I have been locked as long as I write and Ms. K/H decides.

    Jamie
     
  9. I am on my own at home while my Wife is away with work and I have come to realise something. When I am with my Wife I can stand the denial as I get the extra attention from her that I crave. When I am on my own like I am now I find this incredibly difficult. I get no pleasure from my chastity other than knowing that it is what she wants. I am not sure I could stand permanent chastity either the way that you seek.

    I am interested in your relationship dynamic that you hint at but do not describe in detail. You have a Keyholder, you have mentioned a B/F which I take to be a boyfriend, and you also mentioned being leant to a domme. These experiences are outside of my own and they are what intrigue me.
     
  10. hi jamie enjoyed the read very much so thanks for sharing. i dont think my life would allow me to be in permanent chastity but i do enjoy being in it. as of right now i am locked in a stainless steel cage and my girlfriend has the key in her house which she is away on holiday and i wont be out for a fortnight. i only do little times in the cage because i do enjoy intercourse and my girlfriend enjoys sending me pics or her sexy body and knows that i cant touch myself in that way while shes away. i just know that once shes back ill go over or shell come to me and it will be a good reward waiting for me in that way. i hope to read more of your experience though keep it up .
    Dan
     
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  11. Jasmic68, I wouldn't have thought of my relationship(s) as unusual per se. I do indeed have Ms. K/H whom I've been married to for over 30 years. When younger, pre-children we played briefly with bondage (her tying me) and things went sort of down hill sexually after our daughter was born as it seems to for some couples. Fast forward several years to about 2005, she wasn't much interested in PIV sex but did like me going down on her which was good since I'm a rather oral person. Now, though, due to a series of injuries to her left leg, she's pretty much wheelchair bound and has very little sexual interest since. She has had me lick her to orgasm a couple times since she accepted my key. Chastity was more my kink than hers, but she indulges me by keeping me locked as long as I do what I promised when I asked her if she would hold it. I promised that I would not pester her for release or constantly talk about it. I don't. I'm locked until she decides. 165 days ago, she unlocked me, and ordered me to masturbate to orgasm while she watched. She hasn't done anything like that since about the first year of our marriage. Since then, on the odd occasion the subject comes up, generally when changing devices rather than cleaning since we've gone to the stainless steel devices and away from the CB series, when I have to ask for the key, she'll ask me how long it's been and I'll answer. Her normal reply now is asking me if I think I've been locked long enough. My response is generally that what I think doesn't matter since it's entirely up to her when or if I'm unlocked and why. I see the impish grin I fell in love with after meeting her all those years ago after that little game.
    Yes, the B/F indeed is or, might now be was, my boyfriend. I've had a nearly 5 year affair with a younger male which seems for the moment on hold or slipping away. I dearly love the feel and taste of his cock in my mouth, especially at the moment of his cumming. Yes, Ms. K/H has known about him the entire time. She doesn't watch or get involved. She would either retire to the bedroom or leave the house whenever he was dropping by.
    I'll go into more detail about the C/D Domme I get loaned to at a later point since "She" prodded me into starting to live out my chastity fantasy. She does deserve proper detail since "She's" to blame just as much as Ms. K/H for my present situation. The Domme has repeatedly suggested that my release date, if any, should be February 29th or 30th.

    Dan, thank you for your kind words and I'm glad you and your girlfriend are exploring this somewhat little understood kink and, apparently, enjoying it. I hope it leads wherever you two want to go.

    I'll also try to find the words to explain the inexplicable, my seeming interest in being kept locked permanently since I know that those who understand already know why I feel that way because they want the same. Others use 'enforced' chastity as foreplay or spice to their sexual lives. That's not what we do. My kink isn't foreplay that way.

    Jamie
     
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  12. Jamie, thank you so much for going into some more detail about your situation. It is this sort of detail that fleshes out each individuals situation that makes all of the difference for me. The more I learn about how each of us approach chastity and how we use it to enrich our lives and relationships the better it helps me understand my own position.

    The arrangement with your Wife now makes more sense. I cannot imagine what my own Wife would do in a similar situation. For instance you implied that she is OK with the boyfriend but maybe not because she might leave the house when he comes. Pun intended!

    I think that for me chastity and my Wife's control of my sexuality is in part a way to spice up our sex life. It is definitely doing that even if it wasn't our original goal, which it wasn't. It has however definitely become a lifestyle. When we first started my Wife said there was no way this was going to become a 24/7 thing. Well, it has, and then some. She has enjoyed the change this has brought about and never wants to stop. It has become a lifestyle, not just something we do at the weekends.

    My Wife has extended my periods of denial over this past year from a starting point of a few weeks to where we are now, of periods of between two and three months. She still likes making me cum, so permanent denial isn't on my horizon. We have however discussed it and it could happen one day. She will however let me ruin my own orgasms, she gets a thrill out of the power she holds over me that way.
     
  13. Just a few random thoughts. I'm amused at the plethora of commercials and ads touting all sorts of medicines and gadgets to prevent Erectile Dysfunction and here Ms. K/H and I are doing our level best to make it a constant situation for me. Not necessarily that I become physically unable to ever again have an erection, but that would be interesting for me from a somewhat bizarre standpoint. I've wondered about the idea of being kept permanently locked away, kept from any chance of erection or orgasm ever again. November 8th will be my 6 month chastity anniversary and still no sign of Ms. K/H releasing me, so I'm wondering (Hoping!) that she has in mind to keep me locked for a minimum of a year as I had once suggested to her. I'm so close to that 6 month goal that I feel confident I could go those 6 more months to make it a year. My problem is, if Ms. K/H did take that year as a personal goal and keeps me locked that long, that, come May 8th, would I want her to reward me with another year of chastity without releasing me? Yes, I think so.
    Another question I have for myself that, if I were asked by someone else, I would have no answer other than, "Because that's what I want," is why I'm so fascinated at the idea of shrinking my little penis down to less than an inch if possible. I've been requesting smaller and smaller cages and Ms. K/H has approved each one. The one I've been locked in longest now, the cage is 35mm long and Ms. K/H has approved purchasing the next one with a 28mm long cage and I can't wait to get it and have her lock it.
    This leads to another thought that I can't find any real answer to. There are two trains of thought on the subject of whether or not being locked in a chastity long-term actually causes permanent E rectal Dysfunction and/or shrinkage of the penis. I'm strangely interested in finding out for myself, not necessarily interest in permanent E/D (If it happens, I'll accept the consequences) but more so permanent reduction in the size of my penis. My goal would be to, at some point, be allowed out of my device and my little willie being less than an inch flaccid and, if erect, no more than two inches.

    Just a few random thoughts and rambling.

    Jamie
     
  14. Well, my latest chinese cage arrived about 24 hours ago and I'm quite happy with it so far. Smaller base ring, 40mm as opposed to the 42mm of the previous one which, hopefully will prevent the one escape artist from getting out.
    The other thing that excites me is that the cage is shorter. It's supposed to be 28mm which falls right into my major kink of wanting my little clitty to be shrunk as small as possible. Can we make it disappear completely? For whatever reason, I want it to eventually be no more than two inches hard or kept permanently locked so that I never have to worry about how long I'll ever be.
    It does fascinate me that Ms. K/H seems to be completely uninterested in my ever being let out for any sort of erection, much less orgasm. She seemed to like the excitement when she handed the package to me and, even more, when she saw me in the new device which was within minutes of the pictures I took of the new device. 24 hours into it fits very well and is comfortable. Hopefully Ms. K/H will reward me with another 6 months, this time locked in this device.
    IMG_0491 copy.jpg IMG_0492 copy.jpg IMG_0493 copy.jpg IMG_0489 copy.jpg
    A fantasy conversation that would happen soon:
    November 7th would have Ms. K/H asking me how long I've been locked. I reply that the next day will be 6 months. She tells me to report to her tomorrow. Once I do the next day, she asks me if I deserve to be let out and allowed an orgasm. I would be torn. I want to cum.
    "Please Mistress, reward me with another 6 months of chastity." I would hear myself saying. Her answer, "Very well, report to me the day before."
    Then May 8th, I would find myself begging for another full year of being locked while desperately wanting to cum. Her response?
    "Yes, another year locked. Remind me the day before and we'll go from there. You're dismissed."
     
  15. Hmmmm. A strange series of coincidences in timing. I was locked up May 8th, not March as I misquoted in one response on the site. Presidential election was my 6 month locking anniversary and, now, Thanksgiving is my 200th day locked.
    Casual conversation with Ms. K/H a short while back had her telling me that I wouldn't be released before Thanksgiving. At this point, I have no idea if she remembers that comment or if I'll be released and, if so, for what reason.
    I'm completely mixed on that idea. I want her to keep me locked for another 6 months so that I can claim a full year. I want her to unlock me, look me squarely in the eye and tell me that I have 60 seconds of freedom, jerk off and cum or lock back up. That fantasy makes me want to fail and be locked back frustrated or locked much longer because I did cum.
    OR, she could just conveniently forget and I just stay locked until she remembers.

    Jamie
     
  16. Today, December 8th, makes my 214th day of chastity, 7 calendar months have passed since my last erection and/or orgasm. I've been locked consistently for the entire time except for about 16 hours over a couple days of jury duty. Surprisingly, my sex drive is still pretty high but the frustration is something I've come to accept. Ms K/H keeps me locked and, pretty much, unaware of her intentions She, early on, told me that she wasn't really interested in making my chastity permanent because she wanted me to have an occasional orgasm so that I would continue to want what she intended to keep me from having unless she allowed.

    As time has passed, I've stayed constantly aware of being locked. I both relish and regret that constant reminder. I'm horny but know that I can't do anything about it unless she wants it.



    What I would presently want is that, since I'm this close to a full year in chastity, is that she complete it and smile at me, keeping me locked for several months longer without any sort of release until she feels like it and suddenly surprise me by announcing that she's planned a new program.

    Her new plan is to release me "at least once a year for an erection." From there, it's completely up to her. Hopefully, she'll decide that "at least" really means that when she gets a mean streak, she randomly, every three to four months at her whim, unlocks me for an erection then handcuffs me so she can either tease me or simply let me have the erection until it subsides, ask me if I enjoyed my freedom, then order me to lock back in for a few more months.

    That should be her idea and, on her mood, she could have me stroke myself to a full erection and pull out her phone, set it to timer, tell me that I'm allowed to masturbate once she tells me to go and tells me that I am to stop once she orders it, then lock back up. It's entirely her option to allow me a 5 second chance up to a full minute to masturbate to orgasm. However, she should never allow me more than a full minute at any circumstance.

    Still, these opportunities should be rare and, at least, no less than 3 months apart and up to a full year at her caprice, or tell me that her present idea is that she's interested in, once she decided to let me orgasm for real, that she's finally considering telling me, once she's locked me up, that it's up to me to destroy the key to show her that I'm ready to make my commitment to her wanting me in permanent chastity.
     
  17.  
  18. WISH I COULD FIND A PARTY LIKE THAT I LOCK MY SELF UP SO I DO NOT PLAY WITH ME WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A FEMALE DO IT TO ME
     
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  19. More fan fiction: This is completely fictional.


    I didn't think much about Ms. K/H (my Wife) calling me into what she calls the craft room and asking if I had a small file for metal. I went to the garage and pulled out a couple of files and brought them back to her, asking if either of them were what she wanted. She said she would know shortly. She quickly changed the subject by asking how long I had been locked this time and I told her to the day. She clicked her tongue against her teeth then asked, "Has it really been over 6 months? I bet you would really like to have an orgasm right now." I said quietly that I would if it would please her. She then asked me if she let me have an orgasm the last time she released me. I had to answer her that, no ma'am, you didn't. She suggested that maybe we need to do something about that today and told me to pull my pants down and let me see the device. I undid my trousers and pulled my panties down. Yes, I said panties. She reached gently over and checked my trapped, tiny penis in its stainless steel prison.

    "Would you like me to unlock you today?" I controlled myself and answered calmly that I would be very pleased to be released but only if it pleased her to do so. She smiled slyly commenting that I had given a good answer. She reached into the drawer of the desk she was working at and pulled a small key out. It was impossible for me to contain my excitement and she chuckled and began to laugh a bit as she took her time slipping the tiny key into the integral lock on my steel cage. I was working as hard as I could to stay still so that she could manage the key and lock so my tiny member would finally get out of its steel prison, if only for the freedom. I was hoping she would order me to masturbate and let me cum.

    I felt the stirrings once she slipped the cage off. I couldn't tell if I was actually getting hard or just feeling sensations I had been missing over the months of being locked. I wanted so badly to reach and take my cock in hand.

    "I thought you would get hard immediately." She quipped. "Wouldn't you like to cum? You're not even getting hard." She reached out, took my balls in hand and slowly dragged a finger up the underside of my apparently still limp dick. I did indeed want to cum and was still surprised at my lack of erectile response, especially with her holding and touching me as she was. I closed my eyes and quietly started breathing deeply, to concentrate on the foreign sensations and felt myself finally responding.

    "Good boy!" She sounded pleased. "Go ahead and stroke yourself completely hard. I want to see it. Go slowly, you're not masturbating, you're showing me what your hard cock looks like since I haven't seen it in a while."

    I did as ordered and stroked myself slowly but found I was responding slowly. Apparently I wasn't that horny, which scared me, or my body was suffering from my being confined for that short a period.

    With her watching, it seemed a lifetime before I felt myself reaching a fully hard erection. It felt strange to me for two reasons once I concentrated. One, because of my having not experienced an erection for over 6 months and, two, it felt as though even that I felt completely hard I didn't feel quite as long as I remembered from all the masturbation so long ago.

    "Baby," She started, "Are you sure you're fully hard?" There was a note of question in her voice. I assured her I felt completely hard. "It seems smaller." She stated. I glanced down and was startled. I felt completely hard but only saw what looked like 4 inches instead of my usual 6 inches.

    "No matter," She snapped me out, "After all that time, I'm going to give you 10 seconds for each month you've been locked, so you have 70 seconds to masturbate yourself to an orgasm."

    She picked up her phone, tapped the screen a few times then suddenly said, "Go!"

    I was startled but finally gathered my senses enough to start stroking my cock. It bothered me that I simply felt friction between my cock and hand, not the beginnings of what should end in my shooting a load of cum and a blessed orgasm. I closed my eyes again and took several deep breaths and felt that long denied and desperately wanted feeling of orgasm beginning to build.

    Suddenly nothing else existed, just me, my cock in hand and the slowly, too slowly approaching orgasm. I had to have that orgasm.

    "STOP!" Her voice shattered my reverie and my balls pulled in. My hand was stilled on my cock despite the oh so near nirvana of orgasm that I so wanted. "Good boy." She said, "Sorry you didn't make it, maybe next time. Now we need to get you locked back up."

    It took surprisingly little time for my cock to lose the erection that I wanted to keep at that moment. She worked the cage back onto my quickly shrinking organ and, quite deftly lined the cage and base ring up. She looked up and me with the lock and key and asked me if I would please insert the lock and lock it.

    I did as asked/ordered. I was beside myself at the lust, desire for the orgasm that I had just narrowly had snatched from me and, strangely to me, despite how sexually charged I was I found myself strangely comfortable locked back inside my device. I quietly, with a great deal of difficulty, accepted that I had indeed become my Wife's chastity slave. This was no longer a game.

    "You're dismissed." She said curtly. I pulled my panties and skirt, yes I said skirt, back up and left.

    It was maybe twenty minutes or so when she called me back in. I was expecting her to ask me to get her a drink or a snack. She called me over and told me that she wanted to see my cage again. My stomach got tight as I irrationally hoped for another chance to masturbate. I lowered my skirt and panties again. I noted a scrap of paper with the file and filings on it as she turned toward me. She had the key to my device in her hand. She inserted the key into the lock cylinder and attempted to turn it. She was going to release me again? I hoped against hope that she intended to let me finish toward my orgasm. It took several moments to realize that she was trying to turn the key but it wasn't working. She looked up at me slightly and told me to try the key. I reached down and took the key and quickly realized that it wasn't turning the lock cylinder. I struggled a bit with it and it refused to open. I pulled the key out and noticed that the tiny peaks on the key had been filed away.

    "Did you.... You filed the key?" I was in shock.

    "Yes, is there something wrong?" She smiled sweetly.

    "You destroyed the key? I'm locked permanently? You...."

    "That's what you wanted wasn't it?" She interrupted. "You did tell me that you had a fantasy of being locked away forever." I was stunned still, such a decision without me. Still, I had told her that she was in charge when she agreed to be my keyholder.

    "Yes," I hesitantly admitted, "I remember saying that. It just shocked me that you did it so abruptly."

    It took her several minutes of light chuckling and a constant smile before she spoke again. In the mean time, she picked up the paper with the metal filings on it, handing it to me so I could dispose of them.

    Once I came back to her she smiled and asked if I would like some good news. The concept of my new, present condition was weighing on my mind, so it took me a moment to realize what she asked me.

    "You're not telling me that you didn't really want me to keep you locked up permanently are you? That I'm not in charge of your orgasms? That I was supposed to ask you if you wanted to or were ready to be locked forever?" I answered that, while it's a hot fantasy of mine, I hadn't really expected her to do it so abruptly or in that manner. She giggled a bit at my comment. It hurt my feelings a bit.

    "I do have the other key, you know." She giggled. She had played me. I relaxed a bit but was still apprehensive. She was showing me a sadistic side I had never seen before. Could she really want me locked forever?

    "You do have another key" I asked quietly. She agreed. I felt the burden lighten and my breath came more easily. She smiled and agreed that she did. I felt the strong urge to ask for it.

    "Yes I do, would you like to see it?" I nodded. She reached into her desk and brought out something resembling a snow globe. My eyes opened wide as I realized that behind what looked like two rose leaves posed as a heart was the other key to my chastity device in the middle of a 3 inch thick globe of plastic. She handed it to me and told me that it should make a great paper weight for my desk.
     
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  20. Well, I just found out for sure that Ms. K/H hasn't forgotten about my being locked. She followed me to the bathroom continuing a conversation we were having. Once through peeing, I stood up, pulling my panties and tights up and she asked me, quite directly, "How long have you been locked?" I pulled my dress down and asked, "In this device? Since October 29th."
    She looked quite serene with a Mona Lisa smile then asked how long overall. I answered her 228 days then took a chance by asking her that since I'm that close to a year, could I stay locked until May 8th. She didn't answer so I did add that I know that it's entirely her choice but, Please? No answer. Going back through the hallway, she did add that she wanted me to know that she was enjoying my situation as she called it. I reiterated to her that I was ready for her attention if or when she deemed it appropriate but that I also was ready to remain locked as she felt I should.
    She excited the hell out of me and added to the frustration/excitement tonight.
    Thank you My Love and K/H.
     
  21. I know that I've carried on about my chastity desires/fantasies/wishes, but I'm feeling the urge to put it into words again.

    First of all, over the long term, my strongest physical desire is to see if prolonged, constant enforced chastity will actually reduce the overall length of my penis. I'm presently locked in a device that prevents it from getting any longer than 1 1/4 inches. As I write this, I've been locked in this device for just over 2 months with 4 more months left in my year chastity request/sentence. By locked, I do mean 24/7 with no release at all. I'm hoping that as a result of being kept locked in this tiny device that the my dick will eventually shrink in length permanently and to no larger than my device allows. You read correctly, I'm hoping that, eventually, long-term enforced chastity will result in my cock never get any larger than 1 inch, 1 1/4 maximum. Furthermore, I'm hoping that if such shrinkage actually occurs, that, even if I am allowed out to attempt an erection, that it either refuses to grow, or preferably in my imagination, that the only sign of an attempted erection is that it grows harder but absolutely NO longer. If I'm allowed to masturbate at this point, I really want to only have to use my thumb and fore finger to do it.

    Once I get to the point that my little clit no longer gets any larger than my desired maximum of 1 to 1 1/4 inches, it becomes time to really consider the final situation of truly permanent chastity.

    While Ms K/H does have her idea of wanting me to have an orgasm now and then to make sure that I know what she's keeping me from having has good basis, at some point, and I've reached it I think, the idea or anticipation of having/getting an orgasm becomes better and more fulfilling than actually getting one.

    I finally got up the courage to suggest to Ms K/H a game to amuse herself once my (hopefully only) year chastity sentence is up. The idea is a series of coin tosses that lead to different endings.

    The first toss, if I call it correctly, allows me to be unlocked for whatever time she allows, minimum 15 minutes, maximum 1 hour then locked back in until the next game.

    If I win the unlock coin toss, then another coin toss determines if I'm allowed an erection. If I win that one, I'm allowed to slowly stroke myself if that's what it takes to gain an erection. When I get nearly erect, the next coin toss.

    This coin toss, if I win, allows me to actually masturbate. At this point Ms. K/H can set a maximum time limit of how long I'm allowed to masturbate. I'm not allowed to cum however.

    The final coin toss, which Ms K/H has full authority to over ride, is to decide if I'm allowed a full orgasm from the masturbation. At her whim, without telling me I hope, she sets a timer and lets me masturbate. It's still her choice if I get to reach that golden prize as she watches. As she watches, it's her whim to allow or deny my holy grail as she watches. Secretly, I'm hoping that, since she tells me to tell her when I'm approaching orgasm, that she makes her decision to allow or deny it then tells me to stop and lock back up.

    I've tried several times to call the coin 4 times in a row which has been nearly impossible. If Ms K/H plays this game even as much as 4 times a year, it could still be years before I got near a chance for an orgasm.
     
  22. This past week or so has been strange for me. I've gotten so used to my chastity device that I actually do feel naked without it.

    However, the past week, I've had an occasionally unbearable pain at the underside of my scrotum but had to power through it until I could get home. Ms K/H has allowed me to remove it to work this past three or four days but I obsessively put it back on once home.

    I migrated to a slightly smaller device about 3 months ago and was locked in it the entire time 24/7.

    Earlier on, with the previous devices, I had problems on rare occasion with one of the boys escaping due to the "ergonomic" base rings that were actually very comfortable. I went from 44mm to 42mm and it worked very well until I lusted after a smaller device. I found a chinese device with a listed cage size of 28mm and ordered it with both 40mm base rings and 45mm rings. I put the 40mm ring on and it was perfectly comfortable for the 3 months I wore it 24/7. For some reason, the last couple days, I began to feel some pain.

    Since PIV sex doesn't occur with Ms K/H and myself, I get to indulge my fantasy of shrinking my willie to mushroom size. The cage is less than 1 1/4 inches long and I actually want to shrink it till I see room in the end of this cage. My ideal is to pull my panties down to pee and only see the mushroom head against my pelvis on the odd occasion I'm actually allowed to be released from my device.

    For reasons I can't explain, that's what I want to happen.

    Last night I went to the 45mm base ring and it has felt good all last night and I'm planning to wear it today and see what happens.

    I still want to be locked and kept chaste until at least May 8th which would make a year.

    If I'm allowed an erection or orgasm would still be up to Ms. K/H.



    Jamie
     
  23. I'm looking for a few ideas on how to preserve keys in such a manner that the K/H has full control and the chastity slave has to be kept locked.
    What I'm wondering about are ways other than freezing the key in ice since that can be defeated by simply running hot water over it. I know it still takes time, but entirely too easy for my tastes.
    One idea that I came up with, perhaps occurred to others here, is if you are the crafty sort that makes candles as a hobby, to secure the key at the end of the wick, dangle it in the molding material and make sure the paraffin is opaque so that the slave can't determine which candle has his key.
    Or? Keep the paraffin clear so he'll be teased. You could use the candle, or candles in various manners. If colored so he won't know which one it's kept in, you can tell him that the candles will only be burned once a week at a romantic dinner if he can cook well. Or just make it date night. Burn the candle for an hour, then he has to wait for next time.
    You could make several identical candles and switch them up so it will keep him teased and locked until fate decides, unless you personally mark the candle in such a way that only you will recognize.
    You could use the candles in many different manners. One that comes to mind immediately for those with the BDSM mindset is to use the candles for wax play if he wants to "earn" his release that much earlier. The K/H can use the candles to drip the wax onto his nipples and/or balls. (I'm not sure about that part since I've not had it happen to me outside of nipples.) The slave can always hope that, since the wax is dripping onto his body parts, he doesn't have to wait for it to be burned to earn his release.
    What I'm looking for is other ways to keep the keys out of reach of the slave while the K/H holds THE ONE key until they decide to use it.
    I know you can seal the keys in glass containers that can be sealed shut and kept in view and the idea of sealing the key in some plastic
    I'm not asking permanent, destroy the key in that case, I'm asking after materials the key can be keep the K/H/Chastity slave in suspense and will slow deteriorate till you both have access to the ever blessed key.
     
  24. Well, it's been a while since I've made an entry but not much has happened other than life. I was locked back in July 4th and have been locked 24/7 until this past Friday evening. I was allowed to unlock to change to a slightly shorter and more enclosed device. I wasn't allowed to stay unlocked long enough to have any sort of personal pleasure. The good news, for what it's worth, the device I'm locked in now is one that fascinated me but hurt my scrotal area over a two to three day time trying it out before. I did find that the base ring was 43mm rather than the 45mm advertised and the device I've worn most often and the longest has a base ring diamension of 45mm. I attempted to bend the ring slightly to an oval shape to relieve pressure where it caused the pain and either that helped or I've adapted at least so far. I've found this device more comfortable this time and hope it remains so. For whatever reason, I find that I actually enjoy being confined in the smallest device I can comfortable wear and want Ms. K/H to continue denying me release from the device and getting any sort of sexual release whatsoever.
    Make no mistake, I want an orgasm. I want to cum. However, the fetish of being told, "No," is still such a turn-on. I'm actually getting to the point I want even a ruined orgasm. That seems strange since I managed to go from May 8th 2016 to May 8th this year locked and not allowed any sexual relief. I was allowed to masturbate and was allowed a ruined orgasm then, later, a full orgasm but locked up since.
    I really can't believe that I want even a ruined orgasm this badly this soon. I guess that the longer you're locked and denied, you find it easier to accept being denied.
     
  25. Congrats.
    Or it could be your evolution through experiences. We really don't know what causes our wants and changes to them.

    Anyway, it sounds like you're doing great!
     
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