Anyone have any experience? Wife and I watched 50 shades darker last night and now we are curious. Thanks!
ha ha. We just watched that last weekend and was thinking the same thing. From what I understand its very individual how they experience it. Some say its kinda pointless, some say its a great tease to wear them and walk around.
So if you are in the same boat as me (watched Grey) is your wife hinting at being tied up? (actually she outright asked) Anyway, the balls seem worth a try!
yeah we did that a long time ago after watching the first movie. I asked if she wanted to try and she said yes. She seemed to really enjoy it but that was at a time when things weren't going so great and never tried it again. Though after watching the 2nd one I've been really into getting her to try again. We'll see . But yeah if she asked then go for it! I think the best part is just teasing her, like till its driving her crazy. I mean she's tied up, nothing she can do but enjoy lol.
I find that I do a lot to my wife that I would like to have done to me. Good luck I hope she goes for it. One thing we've done is get a sitter and a hotel room and go "play" for a few hours and then go out to dinner. It's kind of a waste of $100 but the change of scenery and no kids around really seems to help with the mood.
Ben Wa balls are very "individual" ... the best way I can equate it here in CM is what does wearing a chastity device do for you? ... Me for example when I wear one I'm ALWAYS thinking about sex and while I may not be physically aroused (hard) I am mentally aroused (horny) ... other say that wearing the device doesn't really do anything for them "sexually" So wearing BenWa balls (when sized right, just like your cage) is more of a constant reminder, because they are going to want to fall out! Especially if they are the traditional sized metal balls, she is going to have a hard time standing up much less walking. Now if you get the bigger balls (hollow) or balls that are silicone with rattle balls inside of them then she will be able to move around etc. In the beginning this can be very exciting, but wearing them all the time (like your cage) can lessen that sexual nature. So back to the original statement it is a very individual thing.
For some reason its just now occurring to me that I caught my wife in the middle of a movie called "Secretary" last week too...its about a female submissive and her boss. She's been playing my game for me nicely but I have a feeling she wants to go back the other way. hmmmm....
yeah I seen that movie. Its kinda like 50 shades in a sense. Seems like she's more into this than you think . To be honest my wife has no desire in me being submissive. Some women just don't like that. But I think you can still play chastity without the submissiveness. In that kind of play its more of a way to play a game for staying aroused just for her when she lets you out. Maybe play the games she wants for a while and come back to chastity. Who knows she may enjoy it and want to pay you back later on.
Well you are going to have to talk to her and work toward the best for you both ... as an example, maybe she wants you to be dominant sexually, but you want to be in chastity, well if she is OK with you using a strap-on on her, then you are to stay locked yet still initiate and control her, you just stay locked the whole time and get no orgasm. Almost a bit of a cuck-old scene, you are just doing it to yourself ... lol Just throwing ideas out there so that you can go into it open minded and hopefully still be chaste.
I actually don't have a problem being the dominant from a "getting off" standpoint. It leads to more sex and a wife that is hugely turned on. The real issue is that regardless of the role I am playing it tends to extend beyond the bedroom. Once I get into "Sir / Master" mode I start to expect actual obedience. I want to tell her what to wear to bed and I'll take her when I want her outside of scene play. The last time we were in that mode it brought out the "dick" in me and while having a "slave girl" brings out its own unique forms of love, I would get upset when she argued with me. I am a WAY better husband when I am having less orgasms, focusing on her and deferring to her. So the question is can I bottle the dominant in me into 1 hour sessions...that's apparently my new challenge.
Don't look at it that way ... that was why I said "cuck-old" your self .... meaning you are not being allowed to be "dominant" you are being told the way she wants you to "act" ... YEP 100% a head game on yourself ... so yes you can do it because you are not going back to being the dom
This isn't the right place for this post but I don't feel like starting a new one. So today wife is feeling better about work but still has a chest cold winding down. She hits on me all afternoon, I hit back, she's looking really hot, at dinner with the kids she tells me to lay off the margarita to be with her tonight. I explain I've been planning something for her but maybe in a day or two...but tonight I want to play with her a bit to get her ready. We go to bed together tired as always after the kids are down and make out a "little"...when I try to touch her she resists, and when I push a bit she resists "more" that she is not in the mood. At this point I explain to her, anytime you say NO and mean it, YOU are in charge. I'm nice about it, not mad. But I try to explain...its not a fair expectation of me to know when you want me to push it and give you aggressive sex and when not. I pushed past your resistance, you said no, so now it will be a long time and I'm not interested in trying to dominate you anymore. Right now I honestly dont even need it...it was for her...when I really need it I will take it. Maybe she senses that. I know its a lousy topic for a chastity community...but...total orgasm control I can handle, I crave...figuring out a wife who wants to be both submissive and dominant...what a pain. ugh.
I'm not sure what advice I can give - I think you need to speak to some of the switches here, though I'm not sure how many you'd find. Perhaps a thread title like 'Advice for a switch' might get you hte responses you're seeking? If you want to start a new one then by all means feel free. It sounds like you're working it out though, at least your communicating with her which is one half of the battle. The other halkf is getting her to communicate with you, and from what you write it doesnt sound like she's all that forthcoming, so you could maybe work on that a little more. Also, I'm not entirely clear on what the issue is. Is it that you feel you're a sub, but she's forcing you into a dom role? Or is it just about the flow-over of dom activity in the bedroom into the rest of life and how to find the boundaries of that that work for you both? Or both. Either way - this is exactly the right place to sound off on any of this stuff. Even if it's just to write it out to help get your thoughts clear. Who else are you going to ask, the post-man?
hmmm.....mixed signals. Yeah women never do that LOL. I mean I guess she is entitled to change her mind. My wife does that all the time too. Flirting all day then too tired to play. Its very frustrating. I realize its a tough time for you two but I think it would be best if you could come up with a plan like either your dominant for a while or submissive and then switch later on, you know so you can both have expectations and not be confused about whats going on. Also another thing to consider, I'm not sure your both having regular sex but maybe this isn't the time for either one(chastity,dominanation). Maybe just continue on in a more vanilla sense and increase the intimacy then later on bring one of those to the table when things are going much better. I guess it just depends on how you think things are going.
If I had to guess (as related to my personal experiences with my KH), it sounds a bit like chastity is your thing, and that she is entertaining it for you (she may have a reason to entertain it, like she wants you to stop masturbating), but in general it is "driven" by you and she is really just a passenger. Like a passenger she will suggest ways of getting there and places she may want to stop, but the reality is she doesn't want to drive. Because of these very reasons I'm often my own key holder in reality. My KH knows that she is the ALWAYS the navigator with the ability to change our course, but the reality is I'm often left driving while she takes a nap. So I would suggest that you try to figure out something that will work for both of you. You obviously know her, and things she likes, and you know what destination you are wanting to go to, you just have to figure out how to get your navigator actively involved (which involves getting to a place she wants to go to).
It's perfectly possible to both be submissive, and be dominated by the other. You each do the domination for love of the other, and be submissive for your own satisfaction. eg: she can hold your chastity key and so deny you sex, you could tie her in bondage and 'force' her to have orgasms. It's not quite the same as being a switch, as being a dom implies getting pleasure from the act of being dominant. Many partners will 'go along' with their partner's fetishes if it gives their partner pleasure, even if it doesn't have the same meaning for them. The fact that an activity is labelled submissive or dominant doesn't mean you have to be that to do it for your partner. The key thing is you both do something for the other, so that you get (or are denied!) what you want.