Being locked up will not prevent you from masturbating.

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Retired, Jun 26, 2018.

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  1. Retired
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    Retired Locked 6 years Nov 2018

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    I have been to a lot of chastity forums and many of the guys there think that by locking their penis in a chastity device it will do what they cannot do for themselves; prevent them from masturbation. The truth is that you still can masturbate in several ways when locked in any device. Just look at enough chastity porn and you will see guys cumming using a vibrator or simply jerking off the cage. You can also slip something into one of the openings and use that to jerk off with. Does not matter if you are pierced or use a urethral tube.

    So to anyone thinking that wearing a chastity cage will make it impossible to orgasm, save your money. At best, being locked up will give you some time to think about what you are about to do before you do it. I want to stress this:

    It is not the chastity device that keeps you chaste, it is the promise that you make to your keyholder.

    The problem is when you do not have a keyholder. Your can be superglued and destroy your keys but you still will be able to hold a vibrator against your cage and have a nice orgasm just like you see in chastity porn. Many men view the locking and orgasm denial as two separate things. While physically they are, one does not make the other happen. There is an initial excitement when you lock your penis up. That is why so many men, me included, have a difficult time locking up the first few times since we get erections simply thinking about it.

    The problem occurs when being locked up is no longer exciting. Much like having sex with someone new; very exciting at first but after a few months, no so much. That is when most men quit chastity and if yo go to all the chastity forums you will be hard pressed to find many men who are still posting after a few months. Considering that over a million chastity devices are bought each year, the small number of men who post about it should tell us something about how many actually succeed.

    I am not saying not to try chastity. It is very exciting to be locked up. It will may you more aroused than when you are unlocked and having sex when locked is a new and exciting experience. Wearing a cage is also a symbol, just like a Wedding Ring, of a commitment you made to someone you love. For those without a loved one as their key holder, the cage is the same as being collared, branded or marked as the property of a Mistress.

    Also remember that chastity can stand on its own. It can exist and be fun without any other fetish involved. However, most who do chastity use it just as one part of a greater fetish like cuckolding for example. I made the mistake of thinking that chastity was also a FLR. My wife does not want to lead our marriage because she is happy with the way I lead it treating her with respect and having more knowledge that has enabled us to prosper.

    Just go into chastity with your eyes wide open. Just like cuckolding is not going to save a trouble marriage, chastity is not going to save a chronic need to masturbate. It is like quitting smoking. I failed 3 times before I made it. I only made it because I was committed to do so. All four times I had nicotine patches and drugs to help me but it required a real commitment to quit before it took. The same applied to chastity.

    Of course you can have lots of fun with chastity using it occasionally, even just the day you are going to have sex. You can be locked only during sex on those occasions where your keyholder wants sex to focus just on her. Same for a Mistress to prevent you from getting erect while she is disciplining you. So chastity can be lots of fun for occasional use. Just do not think it will solve your masturbation problems permanently,

    For those who self lock. You can throw the keys away but you will never prevent your ability to masturbate when you really want to. When the initial excitement of being locked up wear off, then what? You should also know that self locking, although a valid fetish itself, is not the same as chastity with a keyholder. With a keyholder you get to have sex, just without any orgasm. If you have a Mistress that you see in the flesh, you get to be dominated while unable to get hard and that is fun too as I have done that a few times. Refraining from masturbation, with or without any keys, for a stranger that is in a different country or State often is not enough to make you want to deny yourself and I think any online keyholder can attest to that.

    Hope this helps. I have found very few sources of reality chastity online. Trying to start off based on what you read online can backfire on you as it did with me initially. For instance, showing up with a hunk of plastic or metal on your penis is not a good idea for most couples. It will freak your partner out. It should be discussed first and not like they show online where it is all for her benefit and why wouldn't she want an obedient husband and sex for her pleasure only. I think the best approach is the Tantric or Karezza type sex. Just tell her that you read that skipping the orgasm part of sex for you will make your next orgasm more intense and ask her to try it. When she sees the results she will be more than likely be willing to try skipping your orgasm twice and so forth. At the same time get her used to sex just for her pleasure. I know that my wife had a very hard time with that but now has orgasms so intense that they border on painful since she does not have to deal with my orgasm or penis. It is a process done over time taking it little by little until you mention that you would like to go longer between orgasms and there are devices to help you do that. That is when I showed my wife a few and she told me to get one if I wanted to.

    I also do not recommend that you present chastity with any other fetish. Asking my wife to deny me orgasms and turn into a dominant Mistress from a loving and sexually submissive wife freaked her out so much that I caught her crying the next day. Do the chastity or other fetish part first and then introduce the other elements. The secret is to get them used to things a little at a time.

    Most of all, chastity should be fun. We are all more than the roles we play during sex. We are husbands, fathers, workers and everything else that consumes the majority of a marriage or relationship that has nothing to do with sex. If you find that you want to be treated as a slave and humiliated 24/7, that is OK, but you might want to explore why this is what you want since you are so much more. I was one told in a lecture about fetish play at some munch I went to in NYC, that if your intention is to stay in a loving relationship for a long time it is best to not let your fetish bleed over into your non sexual life. That does not mean you stop fetish play when you leave your bedroom, but that you can slip into and out of your sexual roles when the mood strikes you and not be doing it all the time.

    I have led a fetish sex life for many decades and it never affected my marriage. At the age of 67 my wife and I are still madly in love with each other. The fact that I am sexually submissive does not follow us into the non sexual part of marriage. We have had many fetish married couples as friends and none were "on" 24/7. Online you will certainly find some who say they live it 24/7 but you can also find people who think they are God too. :) Use common sense, some are telling the truth, but others are not. No way to know unless you meet them in real life. Also remember to take baby steps towards your goal. Most of all remember that great communication results in great sex.
     
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  2. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Vinny is that you?:D
     
  3. DonnaSue
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    DonnaSue Active member

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    I certainly agree with you @Retired ! My chastity began as a promise to my wife of 30+ years, using the honor system. I remained faithful to that for some time and that evolved to my cheating and having a wank on occasion, which She soon discovered. After a long discussion (communications being the essential element in any relationship), we decided to experiment with a cage and to use that only when we are apart. (I'm also retired, but She still works.) I have never attempted to masturbate while caged. Being uncaged only when She is in the house with me has proven to help me maintain my chastity promise. To further reduce my propensity to wank, She routinely now milks me periodically to keep me pretty docile.

    I do agree, though, that chastity is pretty much between the ears and not in your pants!
     
  4. Retired
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    Retired Locked 6 years Nov 2018

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    Yes. I have finally gone to a Psychiatrist because of my past ups and downs plus loss of memory. Seems that my old doctor had me on the wrong medication that messed up my mind. Plus I retired this week and I am feeling like my old self from several years ago. I used to wake up and not remember posting some of the things I posted. I feel like a new man now.

    We got out of chastity for a few months as it was not fun anymore and I was having mental issues. I also did not like the direction this site was going at the time. It did not feel like a gathering place for men to discuss chastity without Mistresses watching over them. I really like the new Chasity Mansion and the ownership. I like the new structure and it no longer feels like I am on a site for submissive men run by dominant women.

    This place is really good now and I feel comfortable. I like how the forums are divided up and especially like the Vanilla chastity forum since many people just do chastity without having any desire to do more. No matter how much we try to quit chastity for good, the fact remains that we both enjoy sex better with chastity. I think we have an ideal situation for chastity. A sex life with no PIV for the last two decades and a wife who prefers women. I have gotten used to my wife loving, but not lusting me and chastity ties it all in nicely.
     
  5. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Glad to see you have some things worked out and back.
     
  6. Shepherdsflock
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    Shepherdsflock Active member

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    Chastity devices act as a barrier to such behavior. They won’t stop it, but they offer enough of a barrier that by the time you think of a way to defeat the device you have the opportunity to say no. Plus, I find that the physical sensation of being restrained offers a reminder of what I have committed to.
     
  7. kellysbitch
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    kellysbitch Active member

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    I thought the very same thing. Welcome Back.
     
  8. satyr_returns
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    satyr_returns Member

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    It's like locking the refrigerator when you are on a diet. You do have the key, and can use it. It's a reminder that you shouldn't.
     
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  9. Design is me
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    Design is me Member

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    Nice post. My relationship with my wife is like yours only i am in the beginning stages. I have been without an O for three weeks which I is the longest i have ever gone since being a teenager. We are on the honor system and it works for us right now, but I would be lying if I said it's easy. She did ask me last night if I had cum, so she is paying attention.
    I hope our relationship progresses like yours.
     
  10. nrbill
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    nrbill Active member

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    I know it's possible to masturbate with my device on. It's small enough that erections don't happen because there isn't enough room for any growth. The steel cage prevents touching, which is an excellent initial barrier to enforce my chastity.

    The point of wearing the cage is to stop erections and masturbation. I don't want to cum and don't want to get hard, so I don't. It's what I want and what my owner wants, so there isn't any issue staying soft and orgasm free indefinitely.
     
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