BDSM vs D/s

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Mr M, May 16, 2018.

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  1. Mr M
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    Mr M Active member

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    Amazingly, I did not know the distinction between BDSM and D/s for the first 2 years of chastity. I read recently that BDSM is an activity and D/s is a lifestyle, which made perfect sense. It also helped me understand that a BDSM fantasy is very different from submission to my Key Holder. In which it is ok to negotiate a BDSM scene with my partner if we share the kinks but it is not ok for me to dominate the lifestyle routines, rules and commitments we have in our D/s relationship. Chastity being part of D/s and maybe a convient prop in a BDSM play date, if I earn one.

    Generally knowing this distinction has made me a better submissive and more effective in communicating my BDSM fantasies in our relationship to find our common play kinks.

    I thought I would share this to help others as well as ask CM to add some further understanding to this thread for my learning.

    Thank you...

    Mr M
     
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  2. Breathe
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    Breathe Wife, Owner, Dom/me, and KH of _and_smile

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    I've found that when you're on the same page as your partner with definitions, it makes communication much easier - regardless if others define the same ideas with other terms. Terminology has a way of adding confusion and clarity, at times! Depends on how hard you think about it, in a lot of cases.
     
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  3. simplysub
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    simplysub Junior Member

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    Very much agreeing with Breathe. Words have meaning but can mean different things to different people. The more you read and talk the more confused you can get. I've always been bad about analyzing to the point of overanalyzing. As long as you openly communicate with the involved parties and everyone is on the same page--that's all that counts
     
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  4. Mash2214
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    Mash2214 Her Locked Little Boy

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    What you call it isn't important. BDSM, D/s , FLR , SCFLR or just Normal Life. What's important is that both of you are getting everything you want out of your relationship. One thing you should never call it is "Boring". This is only my Opinion so Take it or Leave it :):lock:
     
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  5. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Active member

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    I'm not very interested in the bondage or sadism/masochism side of things. Doesn't interest me greatly. It's only Domination/submission that attracts me. Obviously there are layers of that, and some elements of wider kink may come in, like punishments, but it's the submission that I crave.
     
  6. tomf_22033
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    tomf_22033 Active member

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    BDSM is the broad term for kinks. It’s generally defined as Bondage, Dominance & Submission, And Sadism and Masochism. D/S is Dominance and Submission which is a subset of BDSM.

    Usually D/s is lifestyle but there are “players” who don’t live it but rather enjoy scenes. Guys who go to Pro Dommes and don’t otherwise BDSM are one example

    Personally I don’t get hung up on terms but rather look at how to incorporate the things I like into my relationships. Now keep in mind that most of my friends are part of the BDSM community so it’s a big part of my lifestyle as it is for most who are around me.
     
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