My wife and I were doing chastity with the honor system for a while and 2 weeks ago decided to try it with a cage. I made it 11 days, today we decided to remove the cage. We were unprepared for the emotional consequences that I experienced. Maybe I'm the only one who feels this way, but after time in the cage I just feel alone on a island by myself. I enjoyed the submissiveness that being in the cage brought out in me, but I also felt like I was doing this alone. During the day was especially difficult as we didn't have alot of contact and it just made me feel alone in all of this. I came home from work last night and teared up as I described how I was feeling to my wife. We talked last night and again this morning about it and she made the decision to remove the cage and go back to the honor system. She wasn't a huge fan of the cage anyway. The honor system was working for us, I just wanted to use the cage because i felt it was how chastity should be done, or as my wife put it "all the cool kids do it that way". We tried it, and made it 11 days. She said that she will reintroduce it in the future for shorter periods. While I'm disappointed in myself for not being able to make it work, I'm relieved that we talked it over and came to this decision. We talked again tonight and are both happy with the cage being removed. It allows her to tease me without the cage in the way and it is physically more comfortable for me. I really don't have a problem with the will power to not touch myself, respect for my wife and our agreement motivate me to honor my chastity commitment. We are still doing "Locktober" in the fact that I will not be having an orgasm this month, it's just not being controlled using the cage. Still diapered though, just a "softer" form of chastity.
You will get more meaningful responses from the other members but I can tell you I totally get it. Heck I sometimes feel lonely on the Honor System without the cage...let alone being in one Was a huge problem last time actually. Right now its honor and mixed with self locking and we've not had a tense moment in 3 weeks, but many amazing ones. Sorry I think i made it "about me". Don't sweat it...find what works for you guys and grow together...seems to be the theme in these forums. No matter what, a man is locked inside his sexuality and that never seems complicated until we turn it over to the one we love. Then its a symphony orchestra that plays in our heads night and day.
@WEC Thanks for your response. You said it perfectly, "symphony orchestra that plays in our heads night and day". I was consumed with thoughts of pleasing her and doing things for her. When I felt like she wasn't thinking at all about me, it dropped me hard. I felt it numerous times during the locked period, but I didn't say anything those times because I was afraid my wife would lose patience with our new FLR arrangement and want to stop it. I tried to talk myself through the feelings and get past it, but in the end it was just more difficult than I thought it would be. She was upset that I didnt bring it up sooner, so lesson learned there. She is just as committed to our FLR arrangement as I am, and that make me so grateful. We are in a good place right now. We have a written FLR agreement that coincidentally ended today. (would be happy to share if anyone is interested). We updated our agreement to reflect our current agreed upon arrangement. My wife is amazing and I will never stop working to be the man she deserves. This is just the beginning of our journey, many more mistakes to made ahead!!
We've practiced orgasm denial for the last 9 months without the use of a cage, and had maybe a dozen full blown orgasms and a few more ruined orgasms (all with her permission, or an accident during her tease session). It's easy to do without a cage. Good luck.
I am learning to handle the orchestra, my biggest problem and why I feel lonely in my endeavor is that my wife still has not made the connection between remaining "faithful" and the new behavior. She doesn't "care" whether I masturbate, we don't talk about it. She loves sitting up with me watching movies at night, receiving foot rubs, and not being pressured for sex, and frankly she loves that I am erect all of the time. I'm trying to get in my head for now that the moments of being with her and the longing I experience for now is my service. That's the purpose. In time I can invite her into it more...but...it does feel lonely on occasion. If a year from now we could be on an honor system where my wife actually plays a role, and some short term locks here and there...I would be happy. Not an FLR, just a normal relationship where the wife is dictating most of the sex, and an aware, active participant in that... and the husband is 100% faithful. She just simply can't comprehend at this point what it means in my head for her to be the single source of my pleasure and relief. I do love it and her so though!