Back to square one............

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by rrjones, Mar 20, 2010.

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  1. rrjones
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    rrjones Property of Desiree

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    I woke up this morning hornier than usual at 530 am. I got up and went to the couch to try to get my mind off of it, tried reading some of the posts from last night, to get myself in a better frame of mind. Nothing at all helped........ (mistake #1) I know were my wife/KH keeps her key and that thought overwelmed and consumed me. I couldn't take it any longer and I got the key and unlocked myself. She was still asleep and I took it from its place to unlock myself. (mistake #2) After I unlocked myself I headed to the shower to get some relief and she awoke and asked me what I was doing, well, like a dumb arse, I lied. As I was in the shower after I finished, she came in and caught me out of my CD. She hit the roof, she was so mad that she couldn't even talk to me. Once she had settled down and we calmly discussed why I unlocked, lied, then relieved myself, I told her I was very sorry and I begged for her forgiveness. She told me that she understood but she wanted me back in the CD and my release date would be April 2cd and we would take it from there. We both agreed that maybe we took this a little fast and didn't communicate as much as we should have.
    I feel a whole gambit of emotions to include, embarassment, ashamed, remorse, and humility. I think that we are both still within the learning curve. I do believe that she realy does have my best interest at heart and what I need to to is let go and let her lead the way.

    P.S. SHe told me that when she is calm and thinking rationally she will impose an appropriate punishment and she has moved the key to a more secret location.

    [​IMG]
     
  2. cockislocked
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    cockislocked Senior Member

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    First up.... Not sure you ever stop learning.... Sounds like you are still adjusting to it all. my Mistress and i have agreed three simple rules about my cage removal. They are sort of based on Isaac Asimovs three robotic rules

    1. Physical and mental health override all other issues.

    2. Only She will decide when the cage comes off unless rule 1 applies

    3. i will always wear my device unless rule 1 or 2 applies

    This does not give me a get out of jail card to remove the device by citing rule 1 anytime i like. There has to be a genuine issue. This actually happened whilst i was away at work this week and had a ball get twisted round the ring of my Eros steel cage it was grim....

    Also my Mistress has given me a key in a sealed box that is used for emergencies. She therefore knows when it has been used as She checks the three seals she has put on it regularly. If She thinks i am breaking rules there will be punishment

    Might i respectfully suggest you discuss a similar approach with your Wife.

    Secondly giving yourself an orgasm is pretty bad without Her permission!! you should expect a pretty severe punishment for that. Take it like man and with humilty you will feel better for it i am sure. you can do this don't be put off by a setback i am sure that there are a few of us here that have been and done the same thing and are supportive and understanding of the journey you are on. i doubt anyone on here would believe the journey ever ends. W/we are relatively new to this and have discovered much about each other by doing this but it had had a great positive and lasting impact on our marriage and i hope that both of you get that too

    Best regards
     
  3. Missy Tanya
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    Missy Tanya Senior Member

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    I totally agree, never, never come here when your vulnerable!!

    Lesson learned. Even though I have control of my key, I feel ashamed every time I don't complete the goal for what locking time. As you know, it is a learning curve, with some of the worst feelings for failure.

    Hang in there, and yes communication is the best. Missy Tanya
     
  4. Celtic Queen
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    Celtic Queen Senior Member

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    Hopefully you've both had time to discuss now she's calmed down!! I think there are two separate areas to focus on here - discipline and punishment. It's common to get the two mixed up but they are very different and need different approaches which need to be discussed and agreed. Cheating your device is, for me, a clear matter of punishment. My hub and I have a number of things that attract punishment, the most common of which was leaving the toilet seat up which drives me absolutely taters. Now solved by demanding he sits down to be even if out of his device - but prior to this, he knew damn well that if I went in the bathroom and had to handle a pissy seat, I would be really annoyed. To be fair to him, it was usually done when he wasnt paying attention / was tired but nonetheless, it was always swiftly dealt with and once he had taken his punishment, it was forgotten about (til the next time). Instances are very rare now although he did get a good paddling with a flat hairbrush the other day. We do have a system of corporal punishment and last time he went off away on business early without his device on - having been granted the night off the night before as a treat - he got a flogging when he got back. The matter then was considered closed and I doubt he'll do it again in a hurry :-D. If you do follow this route though, be sure to agree your timeout and safewords if trying this for the first time.

    Discipline on the other hand is the constant re enforcement of control and in our case involves a lot of teasing and denial just to remind him who's boss and to re enforce the fact that it is I that holds the key. It helps to keep his promises foremost in his mind so helps with the temptation in a more gentle, loving way than just whaling the shit out of his backside when he transgresses.

    Our "systems" if you can call it that, have evolved over the period of time that we have been practicising chastity and I'd say we are now at the point where he understands exactly what is required and fears transgression as he knows it will be dealt with quickly and without negotiation. As he says in his post, we have agreed 3 rules and if his health is in anyway compromised, the cage comes off - for a little while at least and I sometimes replace it with a glans ring so there is still some connection down there. He could cheat ofcourse but I would find out very quickly and he knows better than to risk my wrath....

    It is tough for both. He has all that temptation and I have to keep on the ball to keep up my side of the bargain but the rewards are worth it. We don't know whether the journey will ever get to the point where he doesnt need some tiresome plastic to behave himself but overcoming tens of thousands of years of male behaviour was always going to be a tough call!!

    On a final note, the plastic numbred disposable key locks that comes with the CB6000 are a pretty good way of halting cheating too. Hub does have his sealed emergency key when I put a brass padlock on him (the rattle never fails to amuse me!) but if he needs to clean while he's away, he sends me a picture of him locked next to his watch and then a second picture a short amount of time later after cleaning showing the next lock and the time. It's a short amount of time and even the most committed mastubator has to go all out to come and clean up in the time allotted :)
     
  5. cbtok
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    cbtok Senior Member

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    Square one?

    Your ticker says "Property of Desiree," but i have to question that. It's not as if you made a mistake, forgot something, you were out and you had to get to the office quickly because you were running late and just didn't have the time to lock up.

    you deliberately and maliciously thwarted Desiree's intention for you. That's not "forgetting," "making an easily-corrected mistake," "slipping up" or "being otherwise occupied." you deliberately went to the place where the key was. you deliberately took the key -- all this while you knew Desiree was asleep -- you deliberately unlocked yourself and headed over to the shower for a wank. And you figured you'd get away with it. That She would not notice any behavioral changes after your little trip to the shower.

    And when She confronted you, you lied straight out.

    i have said this at least once in these Forums: There is a vast difference between saying "I'm sorry," where you get to determine how sorry you need to be, and "Can You please forgive me?" where She gets to determine how sorry you need to be. And you, in these actions, are squarely in the second camp.

    Were i you, i would be on my knees asking for forgiveness even now -- and you wrote your post a day ago. And i would be expecting complete and total banishment. Desiree, your loving Wife went to sleep the night before with the understanding that you did love Her and that you were honoring your commitment to Her. And when She woke up, She found that you were violating every oath you swore to, every promise to tell Her the truth and every vow you ever made.

    i would hardly suggest you were "back to square one." On the number line, you are way in the negative and you can only hope that She doesn't simply get shut of you immediately and go find someone who has at least an ounce of integrity.

    i am certainly not capable of thinking of an appropriate punishment. i do deeply appreciate Celtic Queen's description of the difference between punishment and discipline. She clearly knows that Her role is tough and that She has to stay "on" almost all of the time. i would hope that Desiree never again leaves a key anywhere where Her property can find it. Certainly if Her property is at home, nothing along the lines of an emergency could ever arise where She would not be able to provide it, were it needed.

    In the meantime, your ticker seems to suggest that release is just around the corner. i must say, that's pretty amusing considering the circumstances. i would love to hear from Desiree.
     
  6. Mrs Jones
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    Mrs Jones Junior Member

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    Thank you for showing such depth of understanding for how I'm feeling. I keep trying to hold on to the fact that we have only been at this for a few weeks, and did leave him quite a lengthy list of chores to do today, but my feelings are still a bit tangled. As I posted earlier, I am not a dominant person by nature, but am willing to test my own comfort level in order to make this a rewarding experience for my marriage. I know that I will have my hands full because my husband is both competitive and very resistant to criticism, but I am willing to figure out how far I need to go to lead him in a more positive direction. My husband has serious character faults that will continually need to be addressed. The jury is still out on much of this where punishment and discipline are concerned. We are both learning as we go.
     
  7. cbtok
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    cbtok Senior Member

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    It would appear that Your property simply does not comprehend how lucky -- how truly incredibly lucky -- he is. You have truly challenged Yourself in order to express Your love for him. You have left Your comfort zone entirely.

    You could have said, "No" to his entreaties. You could have ignored his fantasies, dismissed them out of hand, told him he was crazy, should see a Psychologist, get treatment. But, insted, You chose loving support.

    And then he does this.

    Mrs. Jones, i would not have done what Your property did, but -- had You offered me the kind of pure love that You have offered Your property here and, had I done anything to displease You, i have no idea how I could possibly regain the kind of trust Your property had two days ago.

    Roses every day wouldn't work. A diamond would be nice, but that's not trustworthiness. Frankly, i just don't know what i would do.

    This kind of pre-planned deliberate violation of Your incredible benevolence is really shocking.
     
  8. rrjones
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    rrjones Property of Desiree

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    I have read your response several times and my emotions have run the gambit of, "who the hell does he think he is" to "damn, I see what he is saying" and, swallowing my pride and arrogance I humbly respond. First of all, you are right, I realize that my wife/KH is showing the purest love for me by taking herself outside of her comfort zone in order to guide me to being a better husband/man. I now understand that breaking her trust is an offense that may take time to atone for but I am willing to do what it takes to make it right again in her eyes. I do consider myself VERY lucky indeed that she is still willing to be my KH and I will show her that I appreciate that fact every day.



    [​IMG]
     
  9. cbtok
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    cbtok Senior Member

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    It's all up to Her

    Really, the contrite attitude you display here is appropriate, but how sorry you truly feel needs to be up to Her.

    i do seem to recall the vows one takes when one is married and they usually include "love honor and cherish." Based on what you have done, it looks to me like you totally forgot these vows, while She, out of Her incredible love for you, chose to honor you by entertaining your fantasies and leave her own realm of comfort. Then She proceeded to cherish what the two of you have built together by creating and maintaining an appropriate challenge for you, which you completely blew.

    i don't really know how you, in your situation, can expect to save your marriage with Her. So it's pretty much up to Her now and what She wants to do. Frankly, Her response would probably be a good education for everyone.

    The feelings you describe in your original post are telling: "I woke up this morning hornier than usual at 530 am..."

    That is what Chastity is supposed to do. It's supposed to give you a challenge so that your Owner can re-focus you on Her needs and Her desires. And this is supposed to happen over time, which you need to allow to happen. "getting your mind off of it" is about solving your problem without taking Her into consideration first. Essentially, you were focused on your dick and not on Her.

    That's a challenge to get beyond when in Chastity. And when one gets beyond that challenge, there are more to come. All of which are presented by Her, not you. Essentially, the challenge is to think with your big head, not the little one.

    One wonders what She has in store for you next -- and you had better hope it's not a letter from a lawyer.
     
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