At a crossroads . . .

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by taped2, Aug 14, 2019.

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  1. taped2
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    taped2 Active member

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    Twenty-four hours a day for me now in chastity. Every day. Still self-locking, but my wife supervises me by copping a feel at unexpected moments. (To make sure I'm not cheating, or walking about "free" under my clothes.)

    I get out for about 30 minutes each night when preparing for sleep, for cleaning, before a fresh cage is put on. There are three models I rotate between.

    Life is good. I'm capable of wearing any of the three cages in my rotation for 24 hours at a time. It took a long time to understand what my body was saying to me about what constitutes a good fit.

    I'm glad I persevered.
     
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  2. taped2
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    @DirtyFeet
    @Chaz69

    So the question came up, how does one learn to love pain?

    In the context of a loving relationship, I have found it quite easy. The application of the pain and one’s submission to it, are inextricably linked to the one giving it. One loves pain, not for itself, but because of who is administering it. If you have doubts about your domme, you cannot endure, or even accept, a small portion of pain from her hand. If you love her deeply, you will endure almost anything she does to you.

    If my dentist hurts me while drilling one of my teeth in his office, or if I am punched on the street by a mugger, that pain (and that attention) feels exactly to me like it would to any one else receiving it. Violent, terrible, profoundly shocking.

    But if a figure (a person) who embodies my eros offers to hurt me in a ritualistic way, with the promise to not overdo what I am capable of enduring, well that’s very attractive. That’s the kind of attention a submissive wants. What I’m capable of enduring is something we will discover together. If a new kind of pain is planned by your domme, or if it’s something new you’d like to try (to experiment with) it should be discussed prior to the first time it is used. Electricity, clamps, heat or cold, for example. And even if the type of pain is one you’ve experienced before, it shouldn’t really be delivered until the space is prepared, until the submissive is prepared too. And the levels of pain (however difficult it is to quantify these), may vary from session to session. You might expect your submissive to take the same intensity of caning in February as he enjoyed in January, but it might not be so.

    Submissives want to submit and show they are capable of submitting. Endurance (and enjoyment) of pain are part of saying to the loved one, “I want you, I want you to own me, I want to be on the receiving end of whatever you want to give me.” As another submissive once wrote in connection with bondage, “Please take the part of my freedom that I don’t want.”

    Lovers find each other’s limits by listening and watching, by giving their full attention to their loved one, as they conduct their leadership over them.

    The other thing about corporeal pain administered in love that it always fades (and it can dissipate very quickly).

    While five strokes of the cane may seem intolerable if administered to the same part of the body within ten seconds, if they are administered over thirty seconds, the duration of the pause between each blow, makes them much more tolerable. And the waiting, the anticipation between each fiery stroke can be full of excitement (not necessarily dread) for the recipient. Ideally, a submissive learns how their domme “plays,” comes to understand how s/he plans to drive them further and further into sub-space. Perceiving a domme’s plan for an evening is a gift and a joy.

    To answer the question as simply as I can: one learns to love pain, by learning to accept it. One learns to accept it by doing it, by taking it, and by loving and thanking one’s domme for her thought, time, and caring in the administering of it. Like many aspects of BDSM, such as bondage and extending one’s tolerance for longer and longer chastity lock-ups, you just have to do it, and open yourself up to it, and to the one who owns your heart. It’s an act of love. Take it as such. If you have read this far, you probably want it. You just have to have the openness and the courage to do it.
     
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  3. DirtyFeet
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    Although I have not been spanked at this point I am sure at some point I will be. I know to body’s reaction is to flee but I signed up from be disciplined when it was warranted. Of course when I am her toy my balls can be the subject of her inflicting pain because she can and she does and I love her all the more for it. The journey continies
     
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  4. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    Thanks @taped2 for writing that up, very helpful. I have fantasized about being spanked for ages, probably due to me being caned all the time back at school (in the UK). My wife and I are just starting on this new journey. She's given me a couple of light spankings (at my request) and initially they don't feel as good as I was hoping, but I do intend to continue to see where we can take it. I'm guessing your advice would be to start slow and gradually increase? Speaking of the cane, do you have a suggestion for how many strokes to start with and how often to increase and by how much?
     
  5. taped2
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    I don't know anything about your relationships -- @DirtyFeet or @Chaz69 -- but it sounds as if both have you have received some form of corporal punishment from your wives (some ball-slapping with the hand and some light spanking with some kind of tool (cane or paddle)?

    It sounds like you'd both like it to continue. I'd just make sure you each praise and thank your wife when it's over and tell her you enjoyed it. She is likely hesitant or unsure whether this is o.k.

    She needs practice (even if she is only using a bare hand). If her bare hand spanking is hurting her more than it's hurting you, either invest in a leather paddle or flogger or similar, or look at household items (e.g., hair brush, heavy wooden stirring spoon, or similar things like a piece of cane from a collapsible hall barrier). That was our first cane, made of bamboo. It hurt! If your wife has a pair of leather gloves she can use those to spank you, if her hands need protection.

    The main thing -- however you do it -- is to indicate that you aren't injured, any marks she leaves will fade in less than a day, and you'd be fine with corporal punishment again at your next session. Be creative when talking to her, unless you're getting the signal that you're overwhelming her with too many ideas and suggestions.

    There's hundreds of ways to be spanked, and hundreds of implements that can be used. Personally I much prefer to be tethered to some object before being beaten. (But I'm a bondage freak too.) Variety is the spice of life.
     
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  6. DirtyFeet
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    My wife has been studying Shibari on you tube so once I am tied up pretty much at her mercy. I am sure in time she will get around to it. This is her rodeo and I am along for the ride. She is very much enjoying her new found power and all thats goes wth that. It will not be boring.
     
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  7. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    @taped2 what a lot you have writ but i think that what you have sayed is very very clever and make a lot of thingys clear and folks shud read what you have writ. cos being spank and paddle dose hurt sometimes. and it lots better to be paddle by somebody that know you and it not as nice when they dont.
     
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  8. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    @jemima, do you often find yourself being spanked by someone other than your mistress? If so, care to share some details?
     
  9. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    well i have not for a long time been spank by somebody not Mistress but when i was it hurt me more. One was a Lady call Miss Angel and She has gone now from Lady Delias and another one was a man and he spank me cos i drop my tray on his shoe but it wern my fault really.
     
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  10. madams-sissysub
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    Thanks for sharing!
     
  11. DirtyFeet
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    Well the spanking finally came hurt like hell, er even have s spanking bench. She didn’t go crazy but it got my attention. I am sure the sessions will get longer pretty sure she liked it. It also did turn me on which I didn't expect guess it takes one’s mind off the pain.
     
  12. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    This is an interesting development, so please share more details. You say it hurt like hell but also turned you on, so I take it that all in all you liked it, or at least, you'd willingly do it again. What sort of spanking was it, caning? Did she warm you up first or just go in blazing? How many strokes? Come on, details! :)
     
  13. DirtyFeet
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    I wouldn’t say I would do it willingly but if I am told to assume the position I will do as I am told. She used a pickleball racquet and no warm up just started wailing on me. Never counted the strokes but in 5 minutes they came fast and furious. It hurt to sit down.
     
  14. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    Wow, she doesn't believe in baby steps, huh? Was this a punishment or just for the fun of it (fun for her, that is)? For how long after did it hurt to sit down?
     
  15. DirtyFeet
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    It was a punishment for misbehaving and as to how long it hurt for lets just say I didnt have to turn the heater seats on for a couple of days.
     
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  16. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    Had it changed the dynamic of chastity play for you? Is it still fun and you're glad to still be playing? And more importantly, did you learn your lesson?
     
  17. DirtyFeet
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    I did learn my lesson which was don’t piss her off or there are consequences. According to our contract she can at any time give me a spanking for no reason what so ever. It also has not changed anything between us.
     
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  18. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    I hope it is all still fun for you, and maybe you'll come to enjoy the spankings too, especially if she gives you some "funishment" spankings occasionally.
     
  19. DirtyFeet
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  20. DirtyFeet
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    Must be doing something right got another spanking last night it was short and intense.
     
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  21. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    Is punishment starting to cross over into being enjoyable yet, and is the overall chastity experience still fun for you?
     
  22. DirtyFeet
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    I am having so much fun pleasing my wife/KH I never want it to stop! The thing about the spankings that is most important is she enjoys it and thats what its all about
     
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  23. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    That sounds perfect, I'm so happy for you.
     
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