Assessing Sincerity and Conviction

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by palockedm, Apr 25, 2019.

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  1. palockedm
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    palockedm New member

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    There is quite a read ahead, but the actual questions are at the end, if you wish to skip the backstory.
    This draws heavily from @sixofthebest thread about Inescapability.
    https://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?threads/inescapability.31770/
    I am not trying to hijack that thread, but I feel the same way and there are some excellent points of discussion for those who haven't seen.

    I was wondering about what the process is for determining someone's sincerity in entering into a chastity / FLR.
    I, personally, feel the need to prove myself. I feel that in this community I have quite the pyramid to climb.
    The honor system doesn't work for me. Not that there is anything wrong with it. I am envious of those which the system does work for them. I wish I could be like that, but I lack self control, and I know this about myself, much to my shame.

    But for me there is a difference between a deterrent and an impossibility.

    I know myself, I know that I would get to the point where I would cheat if I could. Please don't hate me or think less of me, I just know that after I reached the limit of my self control I would cave in if I could. If I could pull out, I know I would. So I made sure that I can't cave in. In order to achieve fulfillment on my end I had to know that there is no way out and no escape until released. That it what led to me getting my PA. But even after that process I was still frustrated by failure in that I could still orgasm in whatever Chinese knock off device I tried, plastic or metal, even with every conceivable PA fixing.
    A magic wand was all it would take.
    And although that orgasm wasn't particularly satisfying, it was enough to cheat the system and gain some satisfaction.

    So, I continued searching. I posted in the intro section about how I made my account to grab a Rigid 5 that was perfect for me. (One good thing about the chinese devices is that it zeroed in on my sizing. To @remyruff : You are my hero. Thanks to you, I finally have what I was craving.

    See the attached picture for the aftermath of 1 hour with the wand. No orgasm. 1 hour of female worship videos, t&d, ruined orgasms and nothing to show for it, except that poor wand. . . It was worth every penny and everything I had ever hoped for in a device.
    wand2.jpeg

    But now to my actual questions. . .
    Both the topic I linked to above and reading the posts from @L-u-c-y have inspired me to this. Although directed at KHs I do want to know what everyone thinks. None of these questions are meant to try to create some sort of "divide" between the community. And none of these are meant to convey that sincerity or conviction is lacking if one doesn't have these. Not at all. I am actually pretty terrified that these may be seen as a thinly veiled attempt to distinguish those like me apart from those not like me.
    Nothing could be farther from the truth. I am not questioning anyone's loyalty or dedication. I will trust all until you give me a reason not to trust you . . . . perhaps that is how you as a KH feel, also.
    Again, I am not trying to assess "worth" just the initial appearance.

    1. Is there a tiered echelon of sincerity and conviction that KHs see when considering a sub initially? Are those that are device-less and on the honor system at the bottom, followed by those with a generic device, followed by those with a custom device, and at the top of the pyramid those who are pierced? (Full acknowledgement goes to the point that having all of these does not actually mean a sub is sincere, anyone can be flaky)

    2. What should someone do to show you their level of commitment and conviction?

    3. Can someone compensate with enough sincerity and effort to the relationship over time to overcome not having the initial appearance of dedication?

    4. Do any of the above things even matter to you in the first place?

    Perhaps my just asking these questions means that I still have much to learn about the community. If I am going about this the wrong way please let me know.

    I hope no one feels excluded, I swear that I am not any type of elitist. I like to think that I am a uniter and not a divider on this, bringing all together for this discussion (should one arise from this topic). I truly believe that everyone here is working towards something better. I also hope that I am not the only one that gains some insight.
    Thank you for your time.

    Thoughts?
     
  2. boisub
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    boisub Inaccessible member

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    I think it’s personal. As has been said many, many times here, there’s no right or wrong way to do it. One KH may, for whatever reason, want utter sincerity and dedication from their lockee. Another may see it as a fun game to be indulged into spice things up. Whatever works for one couple (or triad or online arrangement or whatever) is right, but it will also be totally different from anyone else’s, which will also be right.

    Inescapability is the same way. And ability to orgasm is a different thing entirely.

    I don’t doubt that I could pull out the back of my cage. But I have also never tried it. It’s not because I’m better or more dedicated, it’s just that I fundamentally don’t want to.

    If I felt like my Wife would be ok with me getting a PA, I would strongly consider it because I like the idea of the head fuck of complete inescapability, but in the end I’d probably decide against it just because of the healing time and having to find a better cage for the piercing than my JB. But ultimately it’s not even important enough for me to raise the issue with her. I like being caged, and I don’t need to “escape” for excitement.

    As to the honor system… why would pledging to abstain from something so readily accessible make you less sincere? Part of what convinced my Wife that I could/should be locked up was two years on the honor system. Again, it’s a personal thing, and one size definitely does not fit all.
     
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  3. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    I personally think people bring their own snobbery and elitism to chastity. One of my pet peeves here(and usually done by those same “I’m so much better than you” types) is when someone says that if you don’t do ___, you are just playing a game, or if you don’t do ___, it’s not real.

    I certainly don’t expect everyone in a cage to get pierced like I did, heck I can’t really believe I did it myself! Chastity is just as much between the ears as it is below the belt.

    As far as my keyholder goes, I mentioned to her that I pulled out to wash and groom while in the shower. She asked me “you can just pull it out anytime you want?” The look of disappointment and pointlessness was evident on her face. I told her without a piercing to anchor it, I’d always be able to pull out. I asked her if that’s something she wanted and she replied “when are your next days off, I’ll go with you and we can go to the Texas Roadhouse after my treat”. To her it mattered, other kh’s don’t even bother hiding the key or care if it’s locked. Neither is more real or considered better, it really only matters how you two feel about it.
     
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  4. Mojoman
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    Mojoman Active member

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    My feeling is that the OP has put so much effort into not offending anyone, that the original post is somewhat boring to read, which is a real shame because he raises some very valid points. Keep the post much shorter and take the risk of someone somewhere being offended. Interesting to see how few people have bothered to post a response. Most have probably lost the will to live after the first few lines.

    Do dominant women want the perfect submissive man from day one, or would they prefer to mould a less perfect man to their own requirements? I think the latter offers so much more fun.

    Only my opinion, but I think the OP should concentrate on just being a fun guy to be with. He is massively overthinking this.

    @palockedm do you really think that you can find the dominant woman you want online? Most kinky internet dating sites are probably populated by men to women at 100:1 ratio. Do you really think that dominant women seek an "upper echelon of sincerity and conviction" when choosing a partner?

    People will love you for who you are, not who you pretend to be.
     
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  5. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    There is - alas - no male chastity community in the real world, except perhaps in corners of the BDSM scene around the globe.

    Even within that scene, my understanding is that, once kink compatibility is established, most dominant women look for normal relationship stuff: be attractive, fun, clean, interesting...

    There is no way to show commitment upfront - kinky men are notorious for being big talkers. Having a good device just means you threw money at your fetish. Possibly a PA piercing might demonstrate that you are really into this stuff. However, that may also put of vanilla partners.

    All you can do to show commitment is to demonstrate it day by day once in that relationship.
     
  6. johnjames55
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    johnjames55 Member

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    #6 johnjames55, Apr 26, 2019
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2019
    1. Is there a tiered echelon of sincerity and conviction that KHs see when considering a sub initially? Are those that are device-less and on the honor system at the bottom, followed by those with a generic device, followed by those with a custom device, and at the top of the pyramid those who are pierced? (Full acknowledgement goes to the point that having all of these does not actually mean a sub is sincere, anyone can be flaky)

    2. What should someone do to show you their level of commitment and conviction?

    3. Can someone compensate with enough sincerity and effort to the relationship over time to overcome not having the initial appearance of dedication?

    4. Do any of the above things even matter to you in the first place?



    You are at least honest that you can not be trusted and many in the honour system have been known to secretly cheat. ( I also need to be locked up, high sex drive unfortunately)
    2, Do what you say you will do, actions not words
    4,For an FLR or Ds relationship you need to be friends and enjoy each others company, live,love and laugh together, common interests and values to some degree, like any relationship, the kinky side is in addition to this. Get to know your partner and try to please her
     
  7. remyruff
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    remyruff Junior Member

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    I have to agree with most posters on this topic.
    I've successfully turned every woman I've been with in the past 35 years into fully capable dominant women that demand respect. 5 long term relationships, How?
    Women for the most part are hardwired to at least try to be attractive to the opposite sex,. That's us. So if you meet a woman that truly likes you as a person, she may decide to give the signal to have sex with you. This is the chance to explain that you prefer going down on her. Here's the trick. ...Be really good giving a woman Proper oral and making her laugh. The odds are she never had this experience done right and it will blow her mind that a man would act selfless instead of taking her and leaving the scene afterwards.
    That's what they are afraid off. You proven yourself worthy for a closer look.
    Form there you take it one step at a time and if she is at all into sex and foremost YOU she will engage your fetishes.
    It works every time.
    Finding a ready baked dominant Lady to put a collar on you and make you her pet would be a daunting task. But a hot fantasy.
    I am happy the cage fits you Matt, it's a great start to keep you on your toes. For me I can't do chastity without a woman holding the key.
    My wife will never let me go or be free again She was 24 when we met and already been with many men, loved sex but tired of being used or toyed with by guys Think about that. Now she is saraiscruel and one confident Lady.
    And a word about devices, it's half the story, once you realize that your brain needs it as much as your dick, it doesn't matter as much about the PA. However it's about the head trip of can't vs won't, both for me and her, but it's not as important now that my state of mind is in chastity as well as my dick.
    Best of luck and keep us posted.
     
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