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Are you naturally submissive?

Discussion in 'The Pedestal' started by PouchPantyLover, Jun 29, 2017.

  1. I'm still only a little past half a year into chastity and the FLR that has developed with my wife because of it. I assumed I am naturally submissive because I truly enjoy her dominance of me. I'm starting to question that because I don't think my natural state is submissive. Left totally to my own devices I gravitate back towards doing what I want when I want and I start to taper off on my desire to please my Mistress. She can snap me back into a highly submissive state through any number of methods. The most successful by far has been our weekly punishment spankings. After she wails away on me with her wooden spatula I am hyper submissive. The problem comes when we go too far between demonstrations of her dominance or if her effort at dominance is weak. As an example last weeks punishment should have been brutal. The prior week was way out of line on my part and we were coming off our vacation from chastity where I had 4 un-permitted orgasms. I was really scared headed into that punishment, but she stopped after 6 or 7 whacks (previous high being 30). In addition she made only one attempt at tease and denial and it was pretty weak. I wasn't expecting anything at that point because she had just had an orgasm and that usually means time to sleep. On one of the other days though something would have helped. So as of now I have gone about 9 days with no true strong act of dominance on her part and I'm not feeling very submissive at all. I almost skipped making her smoothie and making the bed this morning because I didn't want to.

    So this leads me to the title of this thread and what I am curious about all of you. Are you naturally submissive? Or do you require dominance to bring out your submissive side?
    sissybitch and Mash2214 like this.
  2. This is an interesting topic. I suspect a lot of men who are into D&S (on the S-side) or who seeek a FLR's, are Alpha males. I KNOW I am not naturally submissive, which is what makes chastity, or pegging, or forced-bi; forced-feminization so damned intriguing! I'm dominant at work, among my friends, in society at large -- so it's exciting to me that I could give up control of the sexual aspect of my life. I am not so sure how it would play-out for me if the situation were to become long-term non-consensual. I suspect I will always need a "safe word." I am looking forward to what others say as well...
  3. Giveitup is close to describing me. In my vanilla and work life I'm very ALPHA, but to women outside of work I'm submissive,
  4. I have been sexually submissive for 47 years and into BDSM, mostly S&M. My wife's girlfriend dominated me but only in the bedroom. Outside I was in charge of our poly triad. I have been very alpha since as far back as I can remember. I was raised in government assisted projects, ran with a gang and have a head full of scars from fights. Fights that I won. I was playing baseball at the age of 8 and then football followed. I played every organized sport available and made the all star teams in each except Basketball. I even volunteered to go to Vietnam because I wanted to taste combat. I was a squad leader by the time I was 19. I came home, married at 21 and owned my first home that same year. I spent 10 months as a clerk and after that I was VP and up. I had to win, had to be first, had to beat all the others in everything I did. I am so alpha that I slammed two male bosses against walls and flipped over the desk of another. I found peace and a great job working for a business owned by a woman. I work from home and have no staff.

    My wife says that I have a "forceful" personality that scares her friends. I look like a mob hitman with hooded eyes but the girls always found me sexy in my younger days. Never had to chase anyone. People and friends are afraid to anger me. I have one other problem. My IQ is in the genius range and I went to schools for gifted children. I was not your typical nerd. In fact, I was more into sports than academics. I could breeze through school with little effort but I loved sports. I loved football where you can legally hit people and get cheered for doing so. My problem is that I have little patience for people who do not get things as easily as I do. That has improved over the years but my wife still says that people are afraid to sit near me for fear of being thought stupid. I never called anyone stupid but if they talk to me they will quickly realize that I know a lot of stuff and do not let things go by without questioning them as to the source of their information.

    Yet, I have a great sense of humor and people love to hear about my travels and mishaps in other countries. As weird as my sexlife is, my personal life was weirder. I moved 13 times and am living in my 9th house. I lived in a Poly Triad with my wife and our girlfriend. I often bumped heads with our girlfriend because she is naturally dominant too and has two Master's Degrees but she is the dumbest smart person I ever met. She new lots of academic stuff but not much about the real world and how to act in it.

    I used to shoot competitively; rifles, shotguns and handguns. I collect knives, firearms and all sorts of weapons. I have a concealed carry license and carry a gun when I leave my home, along with one of my 50 knives. I do not join clubs because I want to do things my way and not the democratic way. Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for dinner. I live my life as I want to and have always done so. I work in an industry with Longshoreman, Truckers and warehousemen. I do IT and security so I have to deal with some guys who only respect strength.

    If only they could see me wearing panties, being paddled with a gag in my mouth and a locked up penis. I use sexual submission for stress relief from being alpha all the time. Trying to be the best can be tiring. :)
    gary170 and Xtudo3002 like this.
  5. I've read your post over a few times @PouchPantyLover@PouchPantyLover and I would have to say that I'm not naturally submissive. I have become that way by my own choice. Let me explain

    I have always had a strong edge for sexual Excitment while my wife never has. When I came across the idea of chastity 7 years ago it seemed interesting so I presented it to my wife and it did t go smoothly for a long time. One Turning point for me was when we went to a wedding and were in our hotel after and She was horny. She wanted to unlock me but didn't bring the key, I had a key but told her I didn't. Long story short I gave her more Orgasms that night orally and using a Dildo than ever before. It was fantastic because she received all the pleasure. I worked very hard at trying to get her to take control of me, but I was still thinking about my wants and needs. About 3 years ago when I totally submitted to her No Matter What. That's very important. No Matter What. I stated and still to this day do anything and everything I can to make her life better and more pleasurable. She Has Not always excepted this. And we had a lot of difficult times but over time she has taken more and more Control and started to enjoy the Power. We wouldn't be where we are today if I didn't Deside to Submitt to Her Unconditionally

    Do we require some dominance to help with being Submisive. Yes I think we do we need our Spouse/ Mistress to show her Control over us. But we have to be patient and allow them time to grow. That isn't always Easy and they may Never get to where we think we would like them to be. If your submitting unconditionally than its not your decision to make its hers.

    I hope I didn't bore you with my long answer.

    Here's the short one " Nope"
  6. I love the well thought out reply better than the short answer. I haven't gotten to the No Matter What point. When she is wielding her power via punishments, tease and denial or other methods I feel totally submissive. I not only do whatever she says unconditionally I actively seek out ways to serve her on my own. When she starts taking her foot off the gas though....
    sissybitch and Mash2214 like this.
  7. I totally understand where you are I've been their. It's not always easy. Have faith in your Mistress and love Her.
    sissybitch and PouchPantyLover like this.
  8. Nope. I am a perfectionist and demanding at work, and regarded as someone to ask when they need an answer.

    I am pretty assertive. It might be overcompensating for being intersex and trying to be more boy.

    Always been sexually submissive though and am more comfortable when my partner decides what and when and takes charge.
    Sublifter49 and sissybitch like this.
  9. I'm naturally submissive and some potential partners have told me I'm "too submissive" (whether that was just an excuse to let me down gently I don't know) .
    I'm my own worst enemy because I want to please and make happy and I always volunteer to do things to help and please even if I hate doing what I volunteer for .
    A prime example was my last Mistress where I was hoping you for a more "play based relationship" however I kept offering to go round and do housework , help in the garden etc and did loads more of that stuff than the play .
    I just couldn't help myself I saw ways of helping and pleasing and offered them to her .
  10. i am yes and i always has been i think. i like being told what to do.
  11. I'm wired as sbmissive sexually and always have been. Before I even knew what it was I remember being arroused by women in control. Anybody remember the movie "9 to 5" where the secretaries abduct their male boss and keep him bound in a room attached to a garage door opener? I remember being arroused and I didn't know why. I think I was about 13. So, yes, I've always been submissive sexually but it does not define me outside of the relationship with my wife. I'm certainly not submissive at work or in other elements of my life. It still honestly suprises me how much I want and enjoy an FLR with my wife but that is where it stays.
    joe01 likes this.
  12. Absolutely and in an interesting side bar which of the three secretaries were you attracted too? Being a breast man I would gravitate towards Dolly, but Jane is such a hottie. Ironically she was the least dominant of the three to start with, but came on strong in the end.
  13. I am dominant at work as I run a couple of business so have assert authority all day but at home with my wife is the total opposite and I love it
    If only the guys at work knew I was locked and in woman's underware under my business clothes lol
    I think deep down I have always had submissive fantasy but life always demands the opposite unfortunately
    I love our life now and have been at it for a good 7 years it just seems to grow stronger and more exciting
    My only regret is that I did not start this long long time ago
  14. During sex, you have a dom and a sub most of the time, and it can switch back and forth, but for me I think that I have always been submissive (at least most of the time). I have always wanted my tongue between her legs way more than I ever wanted "little willy" in her mouth.
    sissybitch likes this.
  15. Yes very much so I feel I always have been
  16. Like many above, i've always been aggressive and "macho" in the outside world. That said, when as a young man, i saw my first Centurian publication featuring Dommes and slaves, i knew that sexually, i belonged on my knees. It took me a few years to admit it to a Lady but i have never regretted doing so.
  17. If this wanting serves as a clue to being submissive, then I am one.
  18. OK I have been reading the replies to this and would like to try and explain my thoughts . it mainly falls into two sides , firstly with males I am and always have been very alpha and totally intolerant , in my younger days the slightest of what I thought to be out of place remarks would lead me to an aggressive response , I have mellowed some with age but even now can be very short fused . so with males no way near submissive . Now secondly enter a female , from a very early age I just melt , all my alpha thinking is gone and I am just putty in there hands , sexually and in daily life , and usually will go out of my way to please or comply with their wants , sexually my first thoughts on seeing what I think is a sexy lady is not the usual I want to go to bed with her but how I could show my submission , like lick her feet , legs, pussy or have her dress me in female underwear and spank me for being naughty and having lustful thoughts about her , I have felt this way all my life . so am I naturally submissive ?? with males 100% no but with females 110% yes . so initially I don't need to be dominated by a lady to feel submissive but it would just fuel my thought and make my already willing submissiveness to them even stronger
    Sublifter49 likes this.
  19. I have been an alpha male in my profession and sexually submissive at the same time. To accommodate this over the years, I would seek out Pro Domme's in various cities as I travelled about on business (without my wife's knowledge). Since my wife began exerting Her dominance and I have retired from my career, I have gradually become increasingly submissive in all aspects. Still, I thought that I was "allowing Her" to be in control and that I was, under it all, dominating the relationship. Then, about a year ago, after much discussion, I went "all in" and have totally submitted to Her in all respects. I no longer control anything and I love how that leaves me dependent on Her.
    gary170 and sissybitch like this.
  20. While I took on an alpha male role for most of my life I'm a beta who wanted to be feminized from the inside out. While I dress in men's clothes, I am psychologically and emotionally a woman who happily concedes my male roles to my wife, who controls my life with empathy and benevolence.
  21. Very alpha in male and female company. Submissive only to my wife. My moto for years was to treat others as speed bumps..I have mellowed with age and now it is harder to have that attitude (which my wife has always hated) When you wear panties and a cage daily it tends to take the cockyness out of the alpha male ego.
    I have been a cross dresser from an early age and I believe the over board alpha behavior (football, wrestling, weight lifting, military arms instructor, paintball addict) was a way for my to feel like a "normal" male..
    Giveitup, sissybitch and Nicoftime like this.
  22. I was stunned by how quickly my wife was able to de-male and feminize me. If she controls your mind, your body will follow.
    Sublifter49 likes this.