Are you guys really affraid of your Wives / KHs?

Hairsplitting is perhaps the wrong term!

Some of this is down to definitions: is scared of a limited but still scary fate the same as actually scared?

 

Yes, I think that's right. I'm basically talking about domestic violence level fear, and you may be pitching it lower than that.

 

I dont know how power exchange with corporal involved would work if you didnt fear what she might do or has done in the past. If she feels a need for correcting you harshly then you probably deserve it.

 

Exactly! Though all this does point to the elephant in the room, that if you do them long enough, power exchange relationships become functionally real, and - just as in abusive relationships - it's hard to see outside their scope.

 

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I have a great respect for my wife/Mistress/Key holder...am i afraid of her ...No ..i don't know what she may do ..i am unable to read her ..just the other day out of the blue she told me .."Get in contact with a piercer ..make plans to get your self pierced a PA pircing we need you to be a lot more securely locked in chastity and it needs to be permanent" ...THAT i did NOT see comming ..i have been locked since middle of October 2020..and there are NO release in any near future.. on the other hand my submission are growing and my feminine side are growing .she keeps telling me how small my "clit" is ..i am small full max length is about 4 inches on a very good day.... BUT afraid ..no ..if she hit me and it was non consensual ..then it would be wrong and it would be a violation of me ..and would have nothing to do with BDSM, TPE and it would not be right ..then i would be afraid ..and i would leave Her ..but i am Her submissive, i trust her ..and have a deep respect for her ..just as she has for me ..

i am a happy submissive ..and proud to be her property ..

 

Hi @slave-in-FLR , yes indeed. I'm not saying tht being afraid of someone IS the beginning of domestic abuse, just that it MAY be. Good luck to you.

 

As other has mentioned already, being "afraid" doesn't go site-to-site with being in an abuse relationship.
First of all everything happens because the man agreed, maybe even more asked for this kind of relationship.
And secondly - if you are truly living in a FLR and.not writing fictional stories - where you'll have a hard time being the sub. At least if you have also additional roles like having a job or maybe having a 2nd family with your former girl friend with kids involved etc.
At least for me it's totally unrealistic being the sub 24/7 because of those roles.
In those times it can be really hard coming back to sub space and what might help is not a "punishment" but a "reminder" that she is not willing to step back.
The question is, how the "reminder" should happen without making feel her uncomfortable or that she HAS to do something.
It must come from her own mind, because she knows that she has the right to be treated as number one. Therefore it will (very likely) only work of she really feels that she is the dominant part.
If she doesn't feel it, that it will feel awkward if she use the "reminder".
But I think it's ok, not beeing in a 100% FLR 24/7 and having struggle to follow through, because a FLR is/should always be a relationship and this includes up & downs.
And if it a good relationship, both sides will learn what they need to do, to resolve the downs easily and faster.
It doesn't have to be good all the times, but it should improve over time ;-)
Feathers.sub

 

Not in a FLR and our play is more for funishment. She sometimes reads stuff on CM and its like drinking the Koolaid and she is onboard wanting to try stuff. We always have discussions when this comes up. In regards to "punishment" our rule is she is ok to have her fun but if I think its getting our of hand I will let her know and if necessary take it away or return the favor. In a consensual relationship anything freely given can also be taken away. It has made her very thoughtful and she has gotten pretty good at walking the line without going over.

 

I have a vanilla lady who I am slowly leading down the keyholding path.

I dont think I could convince her to discipline me corporally though Id like her to.

After 9 months of chastity she has the key and I have no clue where. She was initially worried that Id need to cum regularly but I told her that it was not necessary. She has taken my word for it. I havent had pussy since Christmas and I havent seen the Cock for a month.

She loves me very much and doesn't want this chastity thing to harm me. But now shes a lot more relaxed about it.

But I am a little scared, because SHE IS VERY STUBBORN. That key is gone.

Ps
although she now enjoys an attentive loving husband as opposed to my former self (a masturbating asshole) I am sometimes DISRESPECTFUL. It happens about once every couple of months...a few weeks ago I blurted out that she "needed her head examining"...I would SO like her to discipline me with a paddle or a strap until I was broken!

 

I'm not in the least bit afraid of my wife, and ultimately she couldn't force me to do anything I didn't already want.

I'm not a submissive person by nature, and my wife, while an inner bully by nature, isn't really dominant. Just belligerent in her own way, and pretty damn argumentative.

My wife and I are a match and fuse; not good stored together, so I determined some years ago that in any (inevitable) argument, there should be a tie breaker. Some will have to win. If someone wins before the fight gets underway, there may not be a fight. If someone has to be right, I decided it best be my wife, and that arguing that would solve nothing.

It's a work in progress, but it does have merit. I'm still early on the road of teaching myself to submit. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't.

 

And does that fear arouse you?

 

My Mistress has the power of punishment, and has used it once or twice. However her use of punishment is so rare as to be functionally non-existent. I DO wish she was more heavy-handed at times, but I accept that she leads as she chooses and my duty is to follow.

So I'm an oddball - I kinda wish I was afraid of punishment, but in my relationship it doesn't happen enough to matter.

 

I don’t fear my madam, I love her and and devoted to her, but I know she will always want that little bit more from me, as she demands and deserves complete servitude to her.

 

I tell people all the time the only person I am scared of is my wife. It is just for fun. When there is love no reason for fear. But I do have the utmost respect for her.

 

I do not fear my princess, because I know that she would never physically, or mentally harm me. Now, she might hurt me from time to time, but harm me -- never.

 

I wouldn't say I fear my wife, but I do have a new found respect for her after 25 years. So like most of us submissive guys I would suspect that when we first confessed our desires to our spouses that there is a little bit of "topping from the bottom" in the beginning. We sort of ease our wives into knowing our kinks and what we enjoy and want scenes we want to see happen.

As our relationship progressed more into Femdom we explored our mutual desires for corporal punishment. I love a good paddling, with more of a slow and methodical cadence. My wife will warm me up slowly and then when I get into subspace she will give me a thorough 20-30 minute paddling session. I have thick skin and it annoys her terribly because she loves seeing pics of cherry red asses. That is her goal with me, to make me beet red today, but purple bruises for the next 3-4 days. That is a very satisfying fetish of hers for some reason. I have always had a deep-rooted fetish (and fear) for hard over the knee spankings with a hairbrush. You know the kind where she swats each cheek back and forth with little rest or recovery before completing 50+ swats.

So to make a long story short my wife has always read my body language and could tell when a paddling session was over, which was usually about the time she turned me purple or broke skin. My limits were pushed, but I always felt like if I said "Ok Mistress, I'll be a good boy" she could be coerced into stopping.

So soon after the New Year we were at a gathering and after a couple drinks I got a little mouthy and more brazen than normal. Nothing too bad just guys cutting up and making jokes about our wives. Well the next day I paid for it. She told me I was disrespectful and that I needed a spanking. She keeps a leather arm binder in her sock drawer, which she retrieved and placed the collar around my neck and cinched up my arms behind my back and buckled the strap so my wrists were damn near reaching my shoulder blades. She pushed me down on the bed and told me to wiggle into her lap. By this point I was thinking "Oh shit" and before I knew it she had a leg thrown over mine and I was secured and helpless. She had a short 10" wooden paddle with holes in it, shaped like a big hairbrush on the bed. She then proceeded to spank me back and forth at a more rapid pace than I could acclimate to before getting into sub-space. She got to about stroke number 20 and I was howling into the comforter on the bed, but it didn't slow her down one bit. I don't know how many strokes she landed but I was definitely not in control and this was a fore real, straight up punishment spanking and not sexual in any manner. I vividly recall her swinging away while saying how disrespectful I was and how I needed a long, hard ass beating. If I had to guess it was 75 full swings on my ass. When she was done I was sweating, panting and exhausted. We cuddled and all was forgiven. She was very satisfied with my red ass cheeks and I had been pushed almost to the point of real tears, which NEVER happens for me from pain.

So I guess you could say I fear my wife's ability to put love and caring feelings aside for a few moments while she administers severe discipline. She has obviously matured to the point that she understands my submissive side desires to be pushed outside my comfort zone. Neither of us are violent or mean tempered people, so I don't fear her hauling off and slugging me, but I don't want another ass beating like that hairbrushing. Or do I?

 

Now that's how it should be! You are both on the same wavelength!

 

No spankings here. Yet.

The option is always there, though. But over the last few years, I've only upset her a few times in total (always inevitably followed by a humble and sincere apology and lots of good things to back that up), and I'm not looking to ever increase that count.

As for disappointing her, that is a little more frequent, but I still try to keep that number from ever growing. After only a few (I've lost track) years of this, I'm a dramatically better husband than I ever thought that I could be. And determined to become an even better one no matter what it takes.

 

We get along amazingly well and she knows exactly how to keep me in bliss. I forgot to mention it above but that moment when she was swinging away and I knew she wasn't going to stop based on anything I did or said was extremely hot. It was like an inner fear of giving up control which is what I've always sought when being her sub.

 

It sounds like people arguing over what flavour ice cream is best to me.
Is strawberry better than chocolate ?

The answers are subjective. The key is communication as long as you can talk all will be well. If you can't that that's when you have a problem.
The fact that you have a Mistress and an flr meens your already well off the beaten track relationship wise. You have to chart your own course together. Good luck.

 

Funny, I don’t see anyone arguing.

 

Maybe not the best verb, but I'm sure you can understand the sentiment.