Are you guys really affraid of your Wives / KHs?

There comes a point when even consensual arrangements can slip into abuse. It's not healthy to be afraid of your partner. You need to think carefully about the situation you're in.

 

Sorry to say this, but I think you may have a problem! That is just domestic abuse! If you are happy with the situation then that's up to you!

 

I agree. For us, punishment is real punishment, and it is painful enough to be viscerally scary, and I too find that arrangement exciting and fulfilling.

There are three (3) things that make it not abuse:

1. We totally volunteered for this, including the slippery slope where consent gets nebulous.

2. Our mistresses don't want to harm us - they'll not only respect our safeword, they'll also - in-dynamic - care about safety and cramp and circulation etc.

3. The range of punishment is circumscribed - our mistresses might whip us, but they aren't going to smash up our mobile phones or burn our book collections.

 

Being afraid of the punishment is not the same as being afraid of the person. If you're afraid of the person that suggests something deeper. It may be, in your circumstance, that this is not a concern for you. I don't know and I respect your judgement.

But in general I think that being afraid of somebody is something to think about carefully.

 

i dont like my paddlings very much but i am not afraid of my Mistress cos i know She loves me really but some of the thingys that some Ladys do on here i think are very scary and i wud be very frighted of them and i migt run off as well.

 

I think that first of all there has to be agreement between a couple that the man may be punished by the woman and he has to accept that in that case he will accept the punishment. In that way I don't see how the punishment is abuse.
I believe that in a Femdom relationship willingly entered into by the man on the understanding that he may need to be punished, most men will welcome the woman being strict and enforcing the rules.
In many relationships the man will not want to upset his partner because if he does she will be upset and will probably punish him by for example not speaking to him or refusing him sex. In these cases one could say that the man was afraid of his partner as a result of his actions.
So being afraid can be many things to different people.
I have found that it is exciting to be due a punishment but there have been occasions when I have been afraid of what my partner would do. So the punishment must be scary.

 

I am not afraid of my wife (kh) I know that she loves me an I lobe an adore her to no end. If I do something not to her liking she diffently my lets me know. She has paddled me a few times, she did not like it but she told me was for not listening to her instructions. Just like our parents did when we were younger. In my opinion if you are afraid of your KH, then more communication may be in order. Again this is just my opinion.

 

I think that's hairsplitting! If we are afraid of the punishment, then we are afraid of the person who can mandate it.

It perhaps becomes concerning when it's "afraid all the time" or "living in terror".

 

My dear Mistress key holder has on one or two occasions frightened me in a way that really gives our relationship a bite.
Firstly, I haven't seen her now since last March because f Civic and she lives in mainland EU/France.

We agreed early on that our relationship would be about power exchange /and her control over me - she has picture's of me in, let's jus say ,less than flattering positions including me chained up, wearing her panties and wearing my chastity cage.

When I visit for between 5-10 days it's pretty Femdom but in a Very relaxed , almost social environment - I do her bidding, fix things around the house that needs fixing, cook dinner and we go out to visit places and have drinks etc - all the while Mistress delights in little humiliations and sissy name calling, always privately.

Only on couple of occasions has she got seriously pissed off with me ,both instances when didn't do , quickly enough, what she wanted.

Her punishment s are a total mind-fuck - essentially she starts to tell me which of y friends ought to see my pictures,how would they react - then she backs down for a few hours,then it's the mind Fu*k again - then,I normally get a final warning that if I misbehave again she really will let friends see the real me.

When everything has cooled down,I've said would you really tell anyone about me - she cryptically says, behave and all will be well - and with that, its a few more piccys ,she then sends these to the cloud and if I'm really lucky I might be made to provide some very personal services to her.

Punishment can take many forms including verbal and yes I've been frightened - but the feeling of genuine submission and the exchange of power is exhilarating.

 

There has to be a massive amount of trust in the type of relationships we seek. One of the problems is that, once I slip nicely into subspace, I lose the ability to make a rational judgement on where the line is between domination and abuse. I suspect that many others are the same.

I have absolute trust in my partner that she won't do me any damage. She may choose which shade of pink my bum-cheeks should be, but I have every confidence that I can allow myself to relax and enjoy my submission without any fear of ending up in A&E (ER).

If I felt genuine fear of my partner, then the trust would be gone and the whole scene just wouldn't work. I would be very uncomfortable with the blackmail threat that @valesk25 mentions, especially as it is not a full-time relationship.

 

Yes. There's a kind of masochism engine that propels us down the slippery slope as long as there's no attempt to go off left or right. On some level, we like feeling compelled, so there's a runaway feedback loop.l

 

Another way to look at it is: Yes, we are pretty much owned, consent is fuzzy, and some aspects of our relationship resemble classical slavery, or reversed pre-modern patriarchy. It's therefore very important for anybody contemplating this to choose his mistress with great care.

 

For the last six years my wife and I have had what we call a “Femdom Cuckold Marriage” and it is a total power exchange relationship and we have a written agreement defining the details of our marriage, and punishment is part of our agreement. The agreement says in part...

““Wife has the authority to punish the husband in any way in which she desires, for any reason that she feels is appropriate. Wife and husband understand that punishment is required for the wife to establish her authority, enforce rules and to correct undesirable behaviors. Wife and husband accept and agree that there must be consequences for bad behavior and that he must be held accountable at all times for his actions. Punishments must be difficult or painful enough to detour the husband from repeating his bad behaviors...Husband shall do his best to avoid punishment by always striving to please and obey the wife and to always strive to conduct himself within the rules set forth by this contract and by her. “

Now I do my best to follow the rules and to do what I am told. I do not like being punished. She has punished me many times and in many ways for being disobedient. And she has come up with some very motivational punishments over time. Including things like paddling, bondage, extra chores, and has even posted compromising pictures and videos of me online. And yes I am afraid of being punished, and no I am not afraid of my wife at all. I agreed to all of this in the beginning. We both agreed this is what is best for our marriage. I am her slave and she needs ways to control me, she is my Mistress and punishment is part of this kind of relationship, so we both accept it is necessary. She doesn't like to use punishment and does not need to do it very often because I do my best to be a good slave and I willing to do what she asks...but I also do it in part because I am afraid of the possibility of punishment. I know she loves me and I trust her to only use it when she has no other choice.

 

I'm more afraid of the paddle than who is on the other end of it, I will say she of course has no desire to harm, but to correct.

 

Afraid of the punishments certainly, not afraid of the person administering them.

 

My KH has never really gotten into the physical punishment aspect of an FLR. It’s more of a brief quip followed by her touching her key. We both know what that means. The times she has used a paddle I think it was more “funishment” which I suppose defeats the purpose.

 

When we started down this road, Miss Amanda said she would never be able to administer corporal punishment, but I can report that she soon changed her mind and now has no hesitation in delivering spankings.

 

To be honest it all comes down to trust .

I trust Mistress implicitly - we have an extremely open and honest relationship plus, our needs are very closely aligned - she craves power over me and I crave her power over me - so far she's never asked me to do anything I wouldn't want to do although she is very imaginative and ,at time's, stretches my limits.

I've even asked ,many times, if she ever would 'out' me - as long as I do as she asks ,I'm safe and plan to obey her for a omg time to come.

 

That's exactly right. There is a fine line between what we in this community typically view as "submission" or "FLR" and domestic abuse. But, that line, like the famous example of pornography, is very hard to define.

 

No it isn't hairsplitting, it's a serious point. Neither you nor the OP are at risk because what you're doing is consensual, but when you genuinely become scared of an individual that is the point when domestic abuse begins.

I reiterate, I'm totally not saying that about you and the OP because you are both in control, but it happens. And the difference I've articulated is an important one.