Are there actually any submissives here?

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by L-u-c-y, Nov 1, 2017.

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  1. Chauncy
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    Chauncy Member

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    There are certainly those who are doing it for some version of topping from the bottom, but perhaps the answer is that "submissive" comes in many varieties.
     
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  2. the glove
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    the glove Active member

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    what if a man just wants to please his woman and stay locked even tho he really does not want to??
     
  3. ColoBilly
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    You are so right. It is very difficult for me avoid topping from the bottom. I truly wish to be submissive in all things but it is difficult journey. I know my wife is happiest when I truly let go and stop trying to manipulate our FLR. It is difficult but I will always come back to letting go. Control is an illusion, love is real. I would welcome any advice on how to be a better submissive.

    "Do or do not, there is no try." ~ Master Yoda
     
  4. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    @ColoBilly i read your thing bout asking how to be better and really all you has to do is to do what you are told to do. Cos if you do that then you doing what She want you to do.
     
  5. ColoBilly
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    Is it really that easy?
     
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  6. demale
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    demale Long term member

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    The essence of my female-controlled marriage is that I am completely submissive in all respects and embrace my role with humility and gratitude.
     
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  7. MattL
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    A lot of it is for kink purposes with very little to do with actual submissiveness. Honestly, that was part of the appeal for me to begin with. As time passed, I became increasingly submissive. But, my first(Goddess) and I were new. And she grew more and more Dominant every day. Long story short, yes ma’am, I am submissive
     
  8. MVee
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    Well here's a topic that's bringing me out of lurking:) Truth is, I've been a lurker for a long time precisely BECAUSE there are so many so-called 'submissives' in it purely for their own pleasure - not just here but anywhere. That's just not my flavour of the kink and I have to limit my exposure, or else I end up throwing my hands up in the air, rolling my eyes and just become too frustrated with it all - because it IS everywhere. I am firmly convinced that the majority of chastity wearers do it for their own kink and not much else and I'm pretty sure that some even throw a cage on so that they can send 'dick pics' and get their junk out there while not being completely obvious. *sigh*

    However, that doesn't mean that you aren't going to find any truly service-oriented submissives around - they are just more likely to be hanging back while the 'alpha subs' barrel in. Like finding a golden needle in a haystack;)

    I can appreciate that in a broad chastity forum that you are going to get all the flavours of kink, not just the ones that are appealing to all types. I run a chastity room on kik and it's largely the same, though it is sort of becoming a more submissive-flavoured room there are some members who I would not classify as very submissive, just lovers of chastity.

    Can I ask you Lucy why you don't like sissy/gurl subs? I'm curious.

    For myself, as a Mistress and keyholder (who is also largely based online) it is harder finding the truly service-oriented subs because the real ones desire to much more to serve in real life rather than online. Harder but not impossible. It's also advantageous to not just know exactly what you are looking for but WHY. My modus operandi is quite involved and well-thought out but I'm also well aware that I'm not the norm in what I seek and what my end goal is and how to get there. I'm okay with that:) I think the more precise you are in what you are looking for/expect helps draw the ones that align to your ideals and repel the others (somewhat, anyway).

    I supposed I should go make an introduction now. Heheh.

    Good topic btw, I'm glad you brought it up.
     
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  9. Cincy
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    Cincy Long term member

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    I just asked my wife if she thought I was truly submissive to her, or just in it for the kink. She thinks I am truly submissive to her, but because I'm denied orgasms, I just show it more.
     
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  10. spanked_husband
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    spanked_husband New member

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    Hello again neighbor . . . (We chatted just yesterday). I think the four of us should indeed meet for lunch sometime. My wife isn't a natural-born domme either, but perhaps the ladies might exchange a few "tips and pointers" . . .
     
  11. tiemeupalso
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    tiemeupalso Long term member

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    i would love to have a lady to serve,but I live alone and cant afford to support anyone.
    unfortunately,most of the Domme women I have found are either married or in it for money.
     
  12. Bobbisissysub
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    Bobbisissysub Feminized and locked by my Goddess

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    As my name says, given to me by my goddess, I am submissive in our relationship, and I enjoy every Day
     
  13. ChasteMike
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    ChasteMike Guest

    I think most people who bemoan the lack of 'true' or 'real' submissives are just lashing out because they aren't able to dominate an individual that they want to dominate. Not everybody has the same fantasies as you. Not everybody cares about what you like. Get over yourself. If it doesn't work out between you and somebody else, because your erotic imaginations can't work together, there's nothing wrong with that. Move on, have fun, and keep looking for a partner who does click with you. Try to focus on inspiring submission better, not on people's 'fakeness'. Calling people 'fake' or 'not real' is the dumbest thing you can do. It means you are talking when you should be listening. Kink shaming always makes you look small minded.

    If you want to dominate, and you think the world is full of 'fake' submissives, then you need to grow up before any sane person will submit to you. Cartoons can't dominate.
     
  14. Mistress Jules
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    Mistress Jules Professional Dominatrix and Owner of Lockit
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    I think this thread has shown that there are many types of submission and just as there is no "One Twue Way" for domination neither is there for submission.

    I have been lucky to attend events where I have met a variety of dominants and submissives and there are variations of both. Some submissives are happiest naked with a collar crawling round at their dominants feet, unable to speak or move without permission - that does nothing for me. I prefer that @lockit interact and get to know people whilst ensuring I want for nothing and am kept informed.

    We enjoy heavy impact play, others do not and prefer the dressing up or bondage side of things.

    As I have said on many occasions - this is a sexual fetish site so there are going to be as wide a variety of personas here as there is at a fetish event. Chastity Mansion is known for being a welcoming place for all and that's what makes it so much fun.
     
  15. Cincy
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    Cincy Long term member

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    I'm glad my wife is not into heavy inpact play, dressing me up, or bondage, but anything in life that makes her happy, makes me very happy.
     
  16. sissyassslut
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    sissyassslut Active member

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    I am a submissive. Love bondage and impact play. Love it when my KH dresses me.
     
  17. Andy67
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    I've always been submissive by nature. I never had a huge ego; I never tried to be, nor have I ever wanted to be some macho asshole who goes around flexing his muscles and screaming to the world, "Hey, look at me, ain't I wonderful!". Don't get me wrong, I'm not a wimp either. I'm 6'2" and weigh 225 lbs, so I can handle myself and anyone who threatens me or my wife.

    I am the youngest of 5 siblings; my 3 brothers and sister are 8 to 12 years older than me, so I always felt more mature and more comfortable around people older than me. Where women are concerned, I used to be really self-conscious and had some confidence issues. I dated on occasion in my early college years but didn't have a serious girlfriend until I was 22 yrs old; she was a 29 yr old divorced woman. To me, the 7 yr. age difference felt perfectly natural, and I wanted (or needed) an experienced woman to teach me about relationships, love, and sex. Since then, all but two women I dated were older; the relationships I had with the younger women weren't as meaningful or as long lasting.

    I met my future wife when I was 28 yrs old and were married 3 yrs later. I still joke that she was "the youngest, older woman" I ever dated; she's 2 yrs older than me. We both work full time, and we split or share all the household chores. If she cooks, I wash dishes and vice versa. Once or twice a week, we'll both cook and clean up. I clean the stove; she cleans the kitchen. I clean the shower; she cleans the sink and toilet. We share laundry detail. I mop the floors and run the vacuum. She takes out the garbage. She's an accountant and she pays the bills. I'm a mechanical engineer and I perform all car repairs; no joke, the only thing I take my car to the garage for is state inspection. Finally, she has problems with anxiety and no longer drives a car; I drive her everywhere she needs to go.

    This past year was one of the most challenging and stressful of my career. On the plus side, I earned some nice bonuses, of which I spent every cent on a new gas range/convection oven for my wife. On the negative side, I had a really hard time leaving my work at the office. I was really stressed and my demeanor and disposition wasn't the best during my off hours. I was taking my wife for granted, and wasn't nearly as attentive, considerate, or loving a husband as I should have been. I began masturbating more frequently as a means to relieve stress, if only for a short time. I finally realized that I should have been looking to my wife to bring balance to my life and accepting all the support, comfort, and love that only she can give.

    Based on everything I've shared here, I think it's obvious that I'm in an FLR and I am truly submissive. For me, this isn't a fetish, it's not a passing fancy, and it's definitely not a role playing game for me to get my rocks off. My decision to incorporate chastity into my life is a long-term lifestyle change that I initiated (please follow my posts for more information and feel free to comment or "like") as a means to free me of my masturbatory habits. Furthermore, I have adopted chastity as a means to help me redirect and channel 100% of my sexual energy towards my wife. To demonstrate that she is the center of my life and the most important thing in the world to me is why I have recently been more attentive, caring, and loving than I have ever been before. It's also the reason that I'm now taking the time to give here multiple orgasms before I allow myself to penetrate her. She's also realizing that since she's been more satisfied sexually (probably more than she's ever been), she is not overly anxious to release me from my cage and get her hands on my penis. She knows that I haven't been masturbating nearly as much as I used to (I now leave the bathroom door open when I'm in there so she knows what's going on), and within another week or so, I'll have managed to stop altogether. Finally, she's aware that I'll be placing her in charge of my keys in the very near future; she understands that this is a highly significant symbol of my love and devotion to her. So, does this make me submissive? Does this make her dominant? All I can say is that this is the happiest we've ever been in 20 years of marriage and we can't wait to see how much better the next 20 years will be.
     
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  18. sylvana chastity
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    sylvana chastity just Syl

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    Ok - I think I'll do it! :cool:

    I am not what most would call submissive.
    I am pround and loud (-mouthed) sometimes, a real thinking and talking human being - and definetely not one of the "pardon-me-for-breathing"-section!
    But nonetheless I am glad to be guided and led - and I am still locked up!
    Hope I will be allowed to stay here!:rolleyes:
     
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  19. masohedo
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    masohedo Long term member

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    Deep inside I have always been a true submissive, but for practical purposes I was told " in corporate life what you consider your assets are liabilities and viceversa,so you decide if you want to progress...."
    Now I have the freedom to be submissive to my KHWife and truly enjoy it putting her needs above everything and trying my best to make her happy .
    Chastity is a wonderful way for a woman to feel free to express her needs and guiding her man towards fulfilling them
     
  20. ColoBilly
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    ColoBilly Active member

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    "i think most people who bemoan the lack of 'true' or 'real' submissives are just lashing out..."

    I could not agree more. These day, if you don't do a kink exactly the same way as someone says you should then they say you are "wrong." You did not check all the boxes of my ideas on submission so you must be a fake. It is like modern politics. In this day and age we have lost all reasonable acceptance of different. Politics, religion, kink... why do so many people think if you are not exactly like me then you are on "the other side" or you are 100% bad. Why cant we respect our individuality?
     
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  21. demale
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    demale Long term member

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  22. demale
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    demale Long term member

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    Quite so. On this site, like all sites, we are who we say we are. The Internet is the masked ball of the 21st century.
     
  23. El Guapo
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    El Guapo Ladies First.

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    This is actually a very deep question ...

    For me, my answer is almost a literal example of 'The dichotomy of man'.
    [Sorry Goddess, no easy answer.]

    When I say 'man' I mean it as 'all people male & female' - our species.
    I didn't coin the phrase - its a reminder that we live in patriarchal society.

    Putting the focus on me - my dichotomy - is of a 'man' ... as in one male.

    I am definitely a product - a work in progress - of opposing and often conflicting facts and ideas. And this goes deep into my psyche.

    Almost every single job I have ever held has required me to be an Alpha. An ambulance attendant, a police officer, all sorts of management positions, etc. When I show up at a scene or for my job, more often than not, I am in charge. I suppose that makes me an Alpha.

    When I am done with the working day - the last thing I want to be is 'in charge'.


    Its important to me that I 'Walk my Talk' - I believe in FLR and live it whenever possible.
    At home and about, I will always show everyone, but especially women, respect & courtesy.


    When I show up at home, I turn off the Alpha part of me and am submissive.

    At home and when we are about, I will always be in service to my wife
    - to do the chores without being asked,
    - to wait on her (by both anticipation & when requested),
    - to see all her needs are met, etc.

    That doesn't mean I dump all the responsibilities of the household on my wife - we make those decisions together - as the team we are.


    For me (or even us) it works out to be more than getting my (our) 'sexual kicks' - although to be honest, that is part of it.
     
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