1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Are there actually any submissives here?

Discussion in 'The Tower' started by Mistress Lucy, Nov 1, 2017.

  1. Mistress Lucy
    Online

    Mistress Lucy L-u-c-y
    Staff Member Moderator

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2015
    Messages:
    875
    Likes Received:
    3,638
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Oxford, England
    Home Page:
    Are there actually any submissives here? (apart from the wives)

    I see mainly alpha males with a fetish for roleplay to get their sexual kicks.
     
  2. Yes, I do believe there are.
     
  3. I am a submissive to the core. i live my life in a loving D/s relationship. It is not sexual, I am a cuckold. All fetishes, which i do have, are secondary to my submission.
     
  4. please Mistress, i'm a maid and not a alpha thing.
     
    Penney likes this.
  5. yes Maam there are.but I e anyone near me to serve.don't have
     
  6. A good question and you may well be largely right about the males and roleplay thing.
     
  7. Not me. I used my alpha powers to break my Wife into accepting my servitude, she protested so much about taking financial control, control of my sexuality and prioritising her career, she's dying to do all the chores and cook me dinner every night but no way. Got her right where I want her. I'm such a macho alpha. ;)
     
    manintyres, ineverknew and Nicoftime like this.
  8. Everyone does what works for them; I don't like to put labels on things. That being said if I have to identify as something I go with sub.

    I don't think there's a good hard and fast definition for that, and frankly there shouldn't be. That'd remove so much variety and complexity. My keyholder and I present as vanilla in public and to friends. And when we're home we're generally vanilla. I can express my opinion, even if it conflicts with hers, and we can have meaningful discussions. We do stupid and goofy things. Like a lot of couples we have arguments sometimes but if I feel strongly about something she probably isn't going to use our D/s dynamic to punish me for it.

    On the other hand there are small elements that sum up to a more Domme and sub relationship. For example she likes me to keep my face cleanly shaven. If she mentions I'm kind of scruffy and I haven't shaved by the next day I'm liable to get caned until I'm sobbing and apologizing. It's my responsibility to make the bed every morning. If that isn't done when she gets home it might be an extra few days until I'm allowed to come.

    So it really depends on your definition of sub. Yes there are absolutely a lot of people on here who are full-time 100% devoted to their keyholder. Personally I want someone to maintain control over my sex life and a lot of day-to-day aspects. What's worked well for us is a more "normal" relationship with D/s undertones. I do want to maintain a sense of independence and individuality, however. That doesn't mean I'm not a "sub".
     
    Bob Spade and Pietje12 like this.
  9. <---it's not just a nick, it's a life style. Absolutely I'm submissive. Wife makes the rules and I follow. After going FLR our marriage is stronger than it ever was before, and we are both much more happy.
     
    GoddessMhistina likes this.
  10. Yes there are genuine submissives on this website who are not just alpha males, but in some cases alpha plus males. Some of these males find release from extremely stressful jobs by being sexually submissive. My job of 30 years, from which I am now happily retired was just such a job, and I identify as sexually submissive. Regarding your reference to “wives” there are some here, but not many. Most exist only in the vivid imagination of the author.
     
  11. I am submit to one person and only one person @Mistress Jules@Mistress Jules.
    I think thats the same for a lot of guys I talk to on here.
    The alpha males is alive and well in every other part of my life.
     
    ineverknew and Mistress Jules like this.
  12. It has been my experience that most role play at being submissive. That impression can be tainted by the type of men I know. My wife's girlfriend's cuck husband is a Doctor and doctors are not the submissive types in real life. The other cucks I knew were executives in major corporations or otherwise not submissive outside of the sexual arena.

    You also have to explore if being submissive in and out of bed is a fetish or more of a psychological issue. Let's face it, it is not "natural" to be submissive or a slave to anyone to the extent that some claim 24/7. We passed laws here about that and kicked a certain country out for trying to subjugate us. :)

    Then again, you cannot believe many of the people that post online because many live their sex lives online and want to be a submissive, claim to be submissive, but never really did it in real life where the reality is very much different than the fantasy. Our old girlfriend was a member of a BDSM club and we met some couples there. Although there were some true submissives, most were women and the rest were like me. When we visited them at home for social events, no one was acting submissive to the other. Then again we did not socialize with those who were psychologically submissive in nature.

    The other thing, even prodommes run into are people who are submissive when with them but once home they are not submissive in nature but the Domme will not know that since they are not with that sub 24/7. They only know the sub as he presents him or herself in a scene.

    I do not think you will find any professional who will say that being submissive to a person to the extent that it is viewed sexually, doing all the chores, enjoying humiliation all the time and basically worshipping a person 24/7, is not normal behavior. What is normal is up for debate but for our purposes let's say that it is defined as what most people do.

    For me, I would never take what I read online to be 100%. Forums are filled with wannabe cuckolds, chastity bois, sex slaves, etc. and most are just fantasizing online so no way to really tell. There are people who are very submissive during scenes but afterwards revert to their regular personality at BDSM clubs. There are also lifestyle subs but they are not treated like you see in porn. Anyone who enjoys being whipped all day and treated like dirt has some mental issues that need to be addressed because BDSM is not the right treatment.

    My Psychologist told me that BDSM is often the refuge of the Depressed and she was right. It is a place where you retreat to get away from whatever is bothering you. Once I was treated my desire to do the painful and disgusting things I used to do, went away and those things were confined to sex only, not my non sex life.

    I do not think you can get a good feel for what you are asking online since much of it is fantasy land anyway.
     
  13. Depends greatly on how you define submissive, I’d say.

    I’m extremely submissive sexually most of the time, but in other aspects of life am neutral or even dominant in some cases.

    I think that to describe oneself as wholly submissive or dominant without recognizing that people have many aspects to their personalities and express those aspects in a dynamically shifting spectrum is to be lying to oneself and others.

    On top of that, just because I’m sexually submissive doesn’t mean I will submit to anyone who comes along.
     
    dkid13 likes this.
  14. I have an alpha job running a company but at home very submisive and fem to my wife ..whish I could have that role full time but in reality we all need to earn a living :)
     
  15. In every couple there has to be a leader and a follower, or there will be absolute chaos. Oh, we can certainly be collaborative about decisions major and minor, but at the end of the day someone has to more dominant than the other for a relationship to work. If that's true, and I believe it must, then things are just matters of degrees. In some couples the dominance shifts heavily to one individual, and in others the power difference is barely visible.

    It's just the last 2 thousand years that Western women have somehow been 'traditionally' submissive. In many cultures prior to then and even in some cultures today it's exactly the opposite. Polyandry and matriarchal families are common in China and Tibet, for example.

    I think if we are honest with ourselves women are just as likely to be dominant as a man. Sometimes a couple is just better off if they nominate a dominate partner. Society has somehow pressured us into thinking that person has to be a man, but I don't think so.
     
  16. Mistress Lucy
    Online

    Mistress Lucy L-u-c-y
    Staff Member Moderator

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2015
    Messages:
    875
    Likes Received:
    3,638
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Oxford, England
    Home Page:
    If a man said to his wife "I want you to tie me up every night and force me to accept blowjobs from you while I pretend to resist", is that being submissive? Is it being sexually submissive? Is it roleplay? Is it topping from the bottom?

    Is it any different than saying "I want you to put my penis in a cage and I will pretend I can't escape and pretend I'm not enjoying it"?

    Is it any difference than saying "I want you to tie me up and pretend to force me to eat all my favourite foods"?

    They are only submitting to the scenario they have created for themselves which they enjoy.

    Surely a submissive would do whatever he is told, be it sexually or non sexually?

    If he only wants to "submit" to sexual things he loves and enjoys... is that submitting? Surely it's pretending to submit for the fun of it?

    I'm not trying to belittle anyones fetishes, I'm just trying to understand the mindset. Everyone seems to have a different idea of what being submissive is.
     
  17. None of the above sound like being very submissive to me.
    I can only speak for myself I am totally submissive to @Mistress Jules@Mistress Jules
    I would like to think there are a lot more guys on here that are the same with their Wife/Partner/Mistress.
     
    xcitedsisssy and Mistress Lucy like this.
  18. To me, being submissive means doing acts of service both asked and unasked for my dominant (my wife).

    To me, being submissive is accepting my dominant makes the final decisions and I follow.

    To me, being submissive is a mindset and lifestyle choice made of *our* (not just *my*) free will between myself and the dominant and is not based on sex, kink, fetishes, or other considerations. It's how we base our relationship. Sexual pleasure flows from that, and not the other way 'round.

    To me, being submissive means that I devote myself to making my dominant happy, and I get pleasure by doing so.
     
    Mistress Lucy and lockit like this.
  19. And I think that's the problem. There is not, as far as I am aware, a way to objectively quantify submission.

    My Keyholder and I had a lot of discussions about how we want our relationship dynamic to work and we actually came up with some terminology for the thing you mentioned. Now these aren't absolute terms and if anyone identifies under these labels and your definition differs from mine please know that I am NOT trying to set or change any definitions. There has to exist, however, agreed upon terminology for the effective communication of ideas within a given context.

    With that out of the way, we made a distinction between a Dominant and submissive vs. a Master and slave. D/s and M/s for short.

    In an M/s relationship, the slave is what you seem to describe as truly submissive. They will do anything their master wants, sexual or otherwise. They give up individuality and become an extension of someone else, bound only to their will without one of their own. There do exist people in this type of relationship. I would argue that this level is very rare, however. Ultimately to continue you're treading into the involuntary territory here, which is obviously bad by our modern standards (i.e. slavery is from a modern global standpoint to be considered a bad thing). This is because no one who doesn't, at some level, *want* to be in a relationship like this will choose it. If you don't have any desire to submit or a desire to be forced to submit, then you are truly under duress which is probably at that point illegal and immoral; essentially a human rights violation.

    So to have a D/s relationship, which is by the definitions in this context 99.999999% of people "submitting" you have to have someone who wants to submit. I regularly work out with weights to stay in shape for my Keyholder. She does cardio, mostly. In any situation (aside from being bound, maybe) I could at any time easily overpower and seriously injure her. Obviously I'd never do this. Does that make my submission to her any less "real"? I'd personally argue: no.

    Would I do something I truly didn't want to at her command? It depends. I'm not going to walk into work wearing nothing but my cage with "Property of Mistress <name>" tattooed across my chest. Would I lick my cum off the floor? Yes, if she forced me. Would I enjoy it? Well, yes and no. It's disgusting and I'd hate the physical act of it. But I would enjoy the humiliation.

    I think it boils down to that you can't get anyone to do anything they truly don't want to do without actual use of force, which breaks the #1 rule of BDSM: consent.
     
    Bob Spade and Mistress Lucy like this.
  20. Mistress Jules
    Offline

    Mistress Jules Professional Dominatrix and Owner of Lockit
    Staff Member Moderator

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2013
    Messages:
    1,184
    Likes Received:
    2,648
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Company Director and Professional Dominatrix
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Scotland
    Home Page:
    I think you have to realise that there is a whole world of difference between submission as sexual roleplay for a bit of fun and someone who is a lifestyle submissive. This site has both and that is ok.
     
  21. I am submissive to my Wife, Elle, but I am not submissive to any one else in particular. I am not in any way an alpha male though, never have been, never will be. The best thing that happened to me in the workplace was when I retired from the company I had worked at for nearly a decade and became a self employed consultant. I don't tell anyone what to do and no one tells me what to do. I suggest, I inform, I instruct. It is up to the client whether they listen or not, I get paid no matter what. It is bliss.

    As for all the fantasy stuff that you mention, so called submissives saying that they want to be tied up and made to pretend x, y or z, none of that happens in our house. We do have fun, Elle uses her control of me in ways that turn her on. The fact is she gets turned on by seeing me get turned on but being unable to do anything about it. I don't however get any say in what she does, apart from very, very rarely when she asks me what I want to do.

    What I think you are referring to is all the so called femdom porn you see on Tumblr. Ooh look, a submissive man, having his penis masturbated until he cums by a woman wearing shiny rubber clothes with her breasts out. He must be submissive because he is restrained and cannot stop her making him cum. Oh, another submissive man, he is being pegged by a woman who is also wearing shiny rubber clothes. She is obviously a Domme as she looks very, very cross. And he cannot do anything about how she is masturbating his penis while she pegs him. Etc, etc ad infinitum.

    Yesterday I was told to give my Wife a massage which led to me also giving her the pleasure she needed to reach an orgasm. I didn't ask her for this honour, suggest it, make any hint or do anything that led to it happening. Before that I had been told to fix a door in the kitchen and to do several other around the house jobs. That was after I hadn't been told to take out all the recycling, cook the dinner, make a caramel latte for Elle or a string of other things I had done simply because I knew they needed to be done or they would please Elle.
     
  22. It's a difficult question Mistress Lucy, and probes the conundrum of the submissive psyche, and how this relates and differs from submissive role play. The submissive has a deep-seated desire and need to serve and submit to another. On one level meeting their own needs by their submission - their need, their desire, to submit to another's wishes or whims, which is to a lesser or greater extent part of their nature. But it is this need and desire to submit that is the nature of a submissive, it is what makes them submissive - the need, the desire to place another's desires above their own, even if this originates and answers their inner desire to serve, submit, and please. In following their desire to submit to another, they place their own desires or wants below those of the dominant, with there own wants and needs only of relevance inasmuch they interest the dominant. In essence, their act of submission goes beyond their desire to submit. However if they did not have that desire to submit in the first place, they would not truly be a submissive, but rather a slave ...
     
  23. I am submissive to only one and that is Madame. The rest of the people in this world are speed bumps as far as I am concerned.
     
    corsac and Nicoftime like this.
  24. Probably not very many. I am only submissive to my wife in the area of sex. My body and it’s sexual equipment belong to her. Aside from that, I am not submissive. Nor would I want to be.
     
    dkid13 and gary170 like this.
  25.