Appreciation post for new KHs who don't know what they're doing

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by SaIiaris, Mar 26, 2020.

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  1. SaIiaris
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    #1 SaIiaris, Mar 26, 2020
    My wife/KH is very new to chastity and this submissive side of me. She herself would classify herself as a sub as well which means she is pretty far out of her comfort zone. When we first start this, I messed up pretty badly and had extremely high expectations for how things would go which I projected onto her which wasn't fair at all. She was new to all this, had no idea what to do. Didn't even know what to say most times. So we shelved it until recently when I kept the mentality of going slow, and she tried really hard to learn about what I was hoping for.

    While she is still learning, she's made huge leaps in this. Where 2 months ago she wouldnt even discuss me wearing a bra, she told me last night while teasing me that she was thinking of sending me to work in one!

    Basically what I'm getting at is that for some KHs, it doesn't come natural to them and they put in a tremendous amount of effort so that we can enjoy this lifestyle. So I'd like to thank each and every KH who has put in the time and effort to learn about this. And for those starting out, please take your time in this. It can seem overwhelming, but if you take it slow, it will be easier. Communicate with your partner about wants and desires from both sides. And don't be afraid to ask for help!

    If you guys or gals have any stories you'd like to share about the beginning when you were learning, or moments that made it click so to speak for you then please do! I'd love to hear them.
     
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  2. L-u-c-y
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    L-u-c-y
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    #2 L-u-c-y, Mar 26, 2020
    Instead of her changing to suit you, why don't you change to suit her?
     
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  3. SaIiaris
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    #3 SaIiaris, Mar 26, 2020
    I'm assuming that you mean in D/S roles? I myself am a switch, and typically when we are having PIV I'll be the one in charge or topping so that she still has her own fun being the bottom. Most times I'm unlocked I'll be in charge, but recently we came up with a system where we alternate days of being in charge but that's only when I'm unlocked, and she can change it at her discretion. So far its working out =)
     
  4. Sexy Slave 69
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    Sexy Slave 69 Long term member

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    #4 Sexy Slave 69, Mar 26, 2020
    You may need to read Lucy's response again
     
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  5. SaIiaris
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    #5 SaIiaris, Mar 26, 2020
    Slightly confused then. Can you perhaps help me understand?
    EDIT: Think I understand what she's saying now.
     
  6. L-u-c-y
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    #6 L-u-c-y, Mar 26, 2020
    I'm not casting aspersions on your relationship, just I see a lot of posts where the woman changes and adapts to suit the subs fetishes. It makes me wonder why the male isn't the one changing.
     
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  7. SaIiaris
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    #7 SaIiaris, Mar 26, 2020
    It's a very good question, and no worries about poking and prodding. It's actually made me message my wife and ask if she was still ok with all this (I used to ask this more often when I was worried I was going to mess up again) so thanks =) as for changing myself to suit her fetishes, I have done my best to do so. Her fetishes involve impregnation and lactation which I can't exactly do (financial reasons and where we are in life). She's shown interest in light bondage recently and has bought me some rope which I'm practicing my knots when I can.

    What you asked is a very good question though for sure so thank you for asking it =D
     
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  8. Mistress2U
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    #8 Mistress2U, Mar 26, 2020
    I agree taking things slow. Going back 3 years....
    I had been divorced for 3 years, had a couple guys I dated longer term, and was what I consider myself a sex-a-holic. So, I began reading erotic novels ALL the time. That was when I met my current husband online. We talked online for a while, dabbled in erotic texts, and dated. Things seemed off and we took a break but yet chatted about our dating experiences with others. We tried dating again and our relationship took off. He was totally into BDSM and truly introduced me to this lifestyle outside of the books I was reading. We watched videos, which I know some can be phony & fake, but it helped guide me along with chatting with another Femdomme via text and email. She guided me and helped form me who I am along with my husband's help and tons of our own communication.
    While I still consider myself new to this, I can be quite strict but yet at other times quite soft. I enjoy inflicting pain and playing with his mind keeping him wondering. I like the physical and mental aspect of things. We're still trying to find our own niche, which I think is most important. You can't say or go according to guidelines. What's funny is he kids all the time about letting him dom me. He has only had his way with me a couple times. While I find it intriguing, it is not for me. I absolutely hate my hair pulled as well as being spanked. I can almost say those are hard limits. Sometimes, he pushes his limits to the extent that he is punished for it.
    You have your whole life to figure this out. Take it one day at a time and savor each moment...
     
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  9. SaIiaris
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    #9 SaIiaris, Mar 26, 2020
    Thanks for sharing! As well as the words of encouragement. We are still definitely trying to find out where our hard limits are, but like you said, one day at a time. So far she's been enjoying the teasing tremendously, and has seemed to have become more open to the cage as there's been a few times when she's told me to lock up without myself mentioning that I was going to self lock
     
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  10. madams-sissysub
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    #10 madams-sissysub, Mar 27, 2020
    Agreed, I have been exceptionally lucky that I met someone who was into bdsm already, and considered them self a Dom, and also that we just clicked.
    So I do appreciate it hasn’t been such an straightforward path for a lot of people. And there have been a lot of very understanding partners out there.
     
  11. winstonmacgregor
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    winstonmacgregor Long term member

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    #11 winstonmacgregor, Mar 27, 2020
    I love the idea that she had said that “impregnating” and “lactating” were her fetishes. What a clever lady you have :) Meaning I want a baby and family. You are in a tricky predicament. She is not dominant so how can you expect her to be a key holder. It is her submissive side that allowed her to agree to be your key holder most likely. You asked and she submitted. Maybe you can help her work on herself and her confidence. Perhaps you can help her channel her inner goddess. Best wishes to you both.
     
  12. arseman4u2
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    #12 arseman4u2, Mar 27, 2020
    I can add to that in my experience. The woman who is my Keyholder is also very very submissive and for her holding the key and keeping me locked in chastity is her serving me. We've talked about it at length and because of many factors in her life she so service oriented. So while she really enjoys teasing me and even has a slightly sadistic side, her becoming my Keyholder stemmed from her desire to please me and provide a service to me. It can be convoluted to wrap your head around. But I can totally related to @winstonmacgregor comments!

    Secondly I would agree with what others have said about why should she change, perhaps you need to look at things and re-evaluate? It seems like this thread and those comments have sparked that idea in your head and opened you up to that, so kudo's!!

    Finally, can't agree more about taking it slow! Slow and steady wins the race and couldn't be more true in my experience, especially in terms of Female Domination and Chastity.
     
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  13. winstonmacgregor
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    winstonmacgregor Long term member

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    #13 winstonmacgregor, Mar 27, 2020
    Yes! Give her space to grow and explore without criticism or judgment. Slow and steady.
     
  14. winstonmacgregor
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    winstonmacgregor Long term member

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    #14 winstonmacgregor, Mar 27, 2020
    Yes! Give her room to grow and explore without criticism or judgment. Slow and steady.
     
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