Any links to success stories of introducing FLR to more vanilla spouse?

there are many posts on here telling just that, take your time and have a read back over some of the past posts, you will find quite a few helpful posts.

 

The only FLR book I ever read was from mistress Ivey Green and unfortunately I thought it was crap. My guess is a lot of the guides out there are crap and really only written from limited experience and embellished in some areas. I'm sure there are a few down to earth books out there on the topic but as Amazon continues to flood with privately published chastity books and the like it's getting harder to sift through it all to find good information.

As @slave stroppy said, browse the FLR forum here and look for what sounds right and real to you. Also it's really up to you and your partner to create your own style of FLR, anywhere between light and heavy. Sure there are guidelines for FLR but it's her rules and her wants. You have just as much work to do in regards to learning to be her submissive just as much as she does in becoming your domme. What I mean is don't expect her to come at you with a crop and to baby sit you just because that's the supposed "norm". If you want to live a FLR you need to prove it to your partner to help encourage her to take the reins and feel dominant. I always found the harder I tried for my Miss, I would see how pleased she would be with my behavior and then she would act on her role more out of feeling confident because I helped give her that confidence. It's a slow process, at least it has been for us but little by little I see my beautiful goddess come out of her domme shell little by little.

 

Two thumbs up and double snaps to to @Wonderwomanssub for saying this. Being submissive does not mean being passive. Being dominant actually takes effort as well as confidence to own the power and responsibility that comes with it.

I'm enjoying this for just that reason as we enter this new phase of chastity in our marriage. It reminds me that I have to work hard to be attuned to her needs and wants without being a "do me" sub. If you have ever had the luxury of dining at a really fine restaurant, the servers have learned to observe and anticipate their guests' needs. Their objective is to be right there with the solution just as the guest turns to ask for it...or for the water glass to be filled before the guest even notices it is empty.

Dominance and submission, through chastity, is a dance and you're asking your partner to lead but you have to abandon any thoughts of where you should move next, you just need to pay attention to her cues and move in response.

I keep trying to tell myself that and it's not easy but today I did get a reward and it makes me want to try even harder now. I just have to remind myself that I don't need her to be dominant, I just need to be a good submissive.

 

What happend for us I think is pretty common. It was my idea a couple years back and it did take a fair amount of convincing and patience. She was far from gung-ho at first and eventually accepted it as you say. I think the first hurdle was for her to understand that I was turned on by denial and really wanted her to be the source of power. It was really a gradual thing and it was probaly six months in when she said, "I hope you really like this because I don't want to go back to the way it was."

For us, it's not really about chores.......as much as I try to do things around the house, she is one of those people that find housework somewhat theraputic. For her, it's increased confidence and the room to be as selfish as she wants. Other than the sexual control, which she has really come to love, the main thing is the ability to 'cut me off at the pass' when I get out of line and get owly. Though I don't mean to, I can be a dick at times and in the past, she'd be quiet about it and take responsibility. Now, she has a signal. She snaps her fingers once and I have to stop talking, kneel before her and kiss her feet.

Everyone is different but I suspect that it's more gradual than sudden. We are at the point now that it feels completely natural, our sex life is fantastic, (though admittedly measured much differently than 'normal folks'), we have tons of fun together and I rarely get out of line.

It sounds like you guys are communicating pretty well. Do you think you could do a trial period? We did that and, if I'm honest, though the idea of being locked seemed exciting, I was unsure if I was really ready.

 

Some really good advice here. All I can really add is have patience and don't be pushy. I was like that for the first couple of years and we tried chastity on and off. The light switch for me was realising that what I thought was my game had become her game. That I had to listen to her needs and fulfil them. And what she wanted was not whips, chains and all things fetish but an obedient, compliant husband that did the chores to her standards and served her as a personal servant.

The hardest part for me still is that she can tell me to shut up during an argument or when I talk disrespectfully and I have to because I know that she will punish me if I go any further. That's a real kick to the ego sometimes.

So I suppose what I am saying is learn to be her sub. She'll figure out what she wants. I don't recommend giving her reading material, as she'll probably just see it as you being pushy.

 

Has your wife been comparing notes with mine? ;-)

 

Ditto on both accounts. My wife does not like for me to give her reading material as she interprets it as me trying to tell her that she's not doing it "right." I find this is the hardest space to navigate as I think she would enjoy learning more about how other couples experience and utlize chastity but she's not there yet. Maybe some day, she'll ask but I'll have to wait until then.

 

Her only guide should be what she wants and is comfortable with. She can go at her pace and do what she wants (assuming it doesn't violate established limits). What other people do or have done has should have no bearing on what works for her.

 

That largely mimics our dynamic. My wife loves the ability to cut me short with either an arched eyebrow or with a curt "What year is it again?" alluding to the fact that we are no longer in the year where she has to take any of my moodiness or sarcasm. She is pretty strict these days and I immediately apologize, give her a kiss if she allows, and we move on.

 

I get “Is that the hill you want to die on” or “I’m playing the D-card” when she wants to either remind me of our relationship or when she wants to just unilaterally exercise her power.

 

You can provide books or stories for her to spur her imagination but unless she embraces the role, it will only be short term.

Ask her what would make her happy and work off of that. What does she enjoy? Make that a priority.

Anything introduced should be left to her disgression if when to implement and if she does not like it, drop it.

I laid out everything I was interested in to my wife early this year and let her know I am willing to try anything she is interested in and anything on my list is something she can pursue from mike to extreme without any doubt in 100% on board

She loves the fact that she can tease me without having the feeling sex is required at the end. This alone is why Flr and Chastity should be more prevalent in society.
Affection and sexual teasing should otbalwaus mean sex needs to happen as a result.

 

I meanwhile ago during a conversation on phone to change my attitude atleast now.
Btw I'm locked right now

 

When I had the FLR talk with my wife she was most attracted to two things: one, that she could have me do her share of the chores as well as mine and be a general errand boy/waiter; two, that she could get sexual service on demand with no obligation to provide me with any.

When I followed through, she quickly got used to the idea. Chastity came later. Now she takes those things for granted and pays attention to further aspects: proper deference, temperament, attitude in general. She's taught me how much it annoys her for me to use a whiny tone, to be petulant or sarcastic, and to push back on her demands. She also is starting to be intolerant of laziness and inattentiveness. Recently she gave me an extra week in the cage for continuing to defend myself against her criticisms when she had already said it twice. The other day she caned me because I failed to find something I was looking for in a closet where she later found it immediately. It's the fact that she's taking the FLR in her own directions that delights me.