An ongoing experience of chastity and love

Thanks! I appreciate hearing that you like my blog. I still plan on posting regularly, regardless of wearing a device mistress still considers me in chastity but on the honor system. Its very disappointing not to be able to wear my device because of the psychological factor it brings to this type of relationship. However I think doing this will make us work harder to keep our relationship and what we've built together the way it is. It's been evident in mistress's efforts lately and mine as well.

 

I love those two little shit dogs of ours but they ruined a seriously great moment between mistress and I. Oh well I made up for it tonight mostly

 

That's a bummer on the skin issue, when I was starting out with my holy trainer i found it chaffed me quite a bit. I never seemed to have any skin issues after I started wearing steel aside from my current issue which as you know isn't skin related. Were you ever able to find any cheap Chinese devices that you could have shipped to Germany?

 

I'm so bored I feel like I've been staring at a white wall for the last two weeks :/

 

It's been a rough last couple of months for mistress and I. There just hasn't really been any time for us and that's put me in a bit of a depression. Mistress even apologized to me for the lack of attention and time spent together over the last couple months. Her apology wasn't necessary, I understood but I was still feeling lonely and bored even with projects, hobbys etc. Also because of all the stress with school and life in general mistress is on an anti anxiety/depressant which quite nicely leaves her happy and content but absolutely kills her sex drive. She doesn't care about being pleasured in between my releases and often times waits to have an orgasm until she's ready to play with me. I honestly hate that part of it, a big part of this lifestyle I was hoping to enjoy was to pleasure my wife often in between my releases. I have a hard time coming to the mansion anymore because I read about all the new couples starting with chastity and the lengths they've gone to already and I feel left behind. Not wearing a device hasn't helped either, wearing the device filled in a lot of the missing T&D and helped my feelings stay even. I've beat my masturbation problem because I really have had any issues with that since being unlocked. Admittedly I have had 2 accidental RO's that I'm not proud of. However there is good news! I'll explain in my next post

 

Good News!!!

Things are on the upswing for mistress and I, the last couple of months have been tough for us both. With family in town, final exams, illness, really bad weather, graduates entrance exams and graduate school applications blah blah blah blah...

That left no time for mistress and I since before the thanks giving holiday. I felt very lonely over this time period because there was very little intimate time to be spent with my wife. I tried to fill the time with being the best sub I could by doing every little thing I possibly could as far as keeping the house clean, cooking, chores and the list goes on. Our house was so clean I think anyone would've been impressed, then as January continued and her stress mounted and my neediness and lack of attention mounted I finally got fed up. I started becoming quiet and inattentive to mistress, I let the house chores fall behind and just didn't care. This went on for about a week before mistress and I finally had a talk. She apologized to me for not playing her part she also explained to me that her anti anxiety/depressant pills also play a big role in effecting her libido. I knew the pills could possibly effect her ability to orgasm and could decrease her sex drive. Her sex drive did decrease but her ability to achieve orgasm hasn't been effected, sometimes it's a little more difficult for her to reach an orgasm but when we do play she always has one.

One thing neither of us realized completely was that the pills really didn't make her think about sex at all. Sure she still gets horny but there's a really small window of the day when she is truly horny and if something distracts her, the horniness is easily dismissed or goes away, it's truly aggravating sometimes. I feel guilty complaining about all of this because these are things she can't help and she's obviously taking those pills because she needs them. I feel selfish thinking about my needs when right now is when she needs me. But no doubt it's hard to live this lifestyle when as a sub you do not feel like you're receiving any attention whether it be positive or negative. Other than taking care of the household like I'm supposed too, this lack of affection made me feel rather useless and unwanted on an intimate scale. Again, not her fault there was just a lot going on.

We can finally breathe again as things have drastically calmed down. In not so many words Mistress has made it clear that we are going to focus on each other now that things are calmer and her mind is a little more at ease. When we agreed on me going cageless for 6 months we knew we needed to try a more strict FLR relationship among other things. We found a couple of great books on femdom and mistress training that will help her become the domme she wants to be. I still wish she'd spend some time on this forum but she'd rather not and I'm not going to push the issue. I just know that she would become friends with many of the other KH's here and as we all know this is a great place to exchange info. Well either way she has those two femdom books written by experienced authors.

On that note we have restarted (at least in my mind) a new segment of our relationship. Now that mistress is free and clear of the major stresses of school (for now) she claims I'm in for a wild ride. She started the new segment with some very hard paddling for being so disobedient and mopey the last so many days. She used her new leather paddle that has the word "SLUT" cut out of it that leaves an imprint on the skin if whacked hard enough. She certainly tried hard to get that word imprinted on me in several places. I have a feeling I'm going to be smacked with that paddle quite a bit lol. She now has quite a few toys to spank me with, it's fun that she has a good selection to choose from. I'm hoping that she makes me lay them out for her to choose between when she thinks I deserve a spanking. After my spanking I was instructed to give her a good massage and if I'm lucky she might allow me to have sex with her. I gave her a damn good hard rub down but she didn't allow me anything sexual. While I was rubbing her we were talking about a buttplug that I asked if I could buy. The last year she hasn't been into any anal play with me so I half heartedly asked if I could buy this wireless buttplug, I told her it would allow her to buzz me anywhere when I was wearing it and it could be a signal that she needed me, like a maids bell. Well she apparently loved that idea and gave me permission to buy one. I found a decent deal on one and picked it up right away. She thought it would be fun if I were naked wearing only an apron and the plug, then she could just buzz my ass when she wanted something. Next week we will have a Thursday all to ourselves, I'm hoping it arrives by then and hopefully mistress will have picked out an apron for me to wear. I asked her if she'd allow me to wear her vinyl black and white maids outfit but she said no, it was a bit much for her. I still hope she'll get me or have me order and femme apron or a black leather one. Lately I've been liking the thought of her emasculating me that way but I don't know if she'll ever be into that.

Although I wasn't allowed any sex the night before she did dominate me in the shower the next morning. She unexpectedly joined me in the shower. I cleansed her body from head to toe. As I was kneeling down I gave her two loving kisses on each butt cheek. Kissing her butt makes me feel less superior to her and I like that feeling. I stood up and I moved out of the water so she could rinse off. She rinsed and then pumped some body wash into her hand. She started stroking me and got me hard instantly, I leaned in to kiss her neck but before I could she told me to turn around. I started to say something but she told me to "shut up!". She wrapped her left arm around my chest and with her right hand stared teasing my cock. She touched me slowly and gently to get the most out of my arousal. When she new I was very turned on she started jacking me harder and faster, I came in under 20 seconds, she continued to torture my cock after I came, holding me while I was squirming in her arms from the over sensitivity. Then she ordered me to clean the cum out of the shower. I tried to get it down the drain but it just kept sticking to everything.

I'm really hoping this is the start of a more strict FLR relationship between us, I now feel I need this type of relationship to feel content myself. Whenever she's playing her part well I crave more and more from her. She confessed once again how much she likes how we are now, how I treat her and her being the one in charge. I really hope this is a new chapter in our chastity relationship and I think it will be. I'm also hoping my Peyronie's disease goes away, I alresdy feel like it's gotten better with the vitamins I've been taking. I really want a PA it frenum piercing for a more secure device and that def won't happen unless this clears up. I can go without the cage but it feels like a huge loss to me not being able to wear one. I'm just glad that we've been living this way for the last two years and my mind has now been somewhat trained to be more submissive towards my wife and it feels right. Also of the few times I've tried it's just not fun to masturbate anymore, it's meaningless unless my mistress is involved. It really doesn't even feel good to be honest. She knows how to touch me better than I can touch myself and that has a lot of meaning to me. Because I was upset I tried to masturbate a couple different times last month. I felt so guilty about it and it's like my mind has been rewired. I looked at some porn tumblr and started stroking, I could get semi hard but not all the way without feeling like I was going to cum. I continued and had what felt like a ruined orgasm, it didn't really feel that good and I was left unsatisfied and felt guilty about the whole thing. I thought it was weird that I couldn't get all the way hard because I had been fully hard randomly just prior to that. After this I truly realized how worthless masturbation was to me, it holds nothing that I want anymore. Of course that doesn't mean that I'm not weak and wouldn't benefit from a wearing a device but I feel like I've come a long ways on my thoughts and feelings regarding self pleasure and sex. Ironically when I think of play time with mistress I get rock fucking hard and that does mean something to me. That being said I'm determined to be good through these next 5 months until we reassess and find out if I'm going back into a device or not.

 

That's been my biggest challenge since we've started this. I'd gladly give never having an orgasm again if I could exchange that for my wife to have her sex drive back like before. Aside from wanting to please my wife all of the time this has also had an effect on our intimate contact. Sure I rub on her almost every night but I miss just laying on the bed with her and kissing, making out, you know all the teenage stuff that chastity seems to bring back. Our intimacy seems to have been effected by both the medication as well as after her having a child, I know that childbirth can screw with hormones. The medication has been in the last year and our kiddo is now 3 years old. Obviously there has been a lot of changes for both of us over the last 3 years in home and work life. Of course those things can drastically change us as well.

 

I'm surprised to be posting so soon! I was completely taken by surprise a few nights ago. Thursday night is the kind is the kick off to my weekend so mistress and I are usually in good spirits come Thursday. We started Star Wars the force awakens around 10 and we actually stayed up to finish the movie which is rare for us anymore, usually one of us passes out before midnight.

The movie ended and out of the blue mistress started rubbing me between my legs. I started rubbing her back and caressing her as my cock started to grow, she gently teased the head bringing me to a perfect erection. I was already moaning by this point while she played with my pulsating cock. She quickly brought me to the edge of orgasm and then letting me cool down. She knows my body so well and how to make my toes curl. Mistress looked at me and we kissed softly as she touched me, I could feel the cum starting to drip. Mistress moved down and took me into her mouth and I moaned even louder. Her warm wet mouth and soft lips felt like heaven on my throbbing member. I could feel every single thing she was doing. My hips were moving and thrusting around, the pleasure was almost unbearable. She stopped sucking and came back up giving me a wet precum kiss, we kept kissing as she stroked me faster and harder, I was close.

Mistress pushed me right over the edge and guided my cock so I would cum all over my stomach. Stream after stream shot out all over me. She kept teasing the head of my cock after and it was so torturous and delightful.
Mistress got up to clean her hands and I slowly got up to clean my entire torso. As I stoop up the cum starting dripping down, I had just had an amazing full orgasm but was still horny as could be. Mistress watched as I wiped myself clean, she always likes it when I use an article of my clothing to wipe my cum off. In this case I was using my shirt.

I quickly grabbed the vibrator from my dresser and got set up back in bed. Mistress came back from the bathroom to find me laying towards her with the vibrator waiting. She just looked at my and said with a devilish grin "I'm not done with you yet. I wasn't sure what to expect but she slid back in bed and we started kissing heavily. She started rubbing my cock again telling that she wanted me to fuck her and I better be able too. I was trying to get hard again and her dirty talk was getting me there but I had just came so I was having trouble getting fully hard. Mistress realized this and I don't know if this was what she was thinking or not but I think because I wasn't able to get fully hard right away for her she must have thought to herself "well if you can't fuck me then I'm gonna fuck you". Her hand slipped between my legs and she started to finger me. It felt so lovely and my cock grew harder. She started pushing into my ass hard, I asked her if I could get mistress some lube, she said hurry. I dashed to the dresser and was back in bed in flash. She held out her hand for me to pour the lube onto. I dabbed a bit into her fingers thinking it was enough but the look she gave me told me I was in for more of a ride then that. She kept her hand out until I'd covered it entirely with the silicon lube. Seeing her entire hand dripping with that slippery stuff had me excited and a little scared. She massaged my ass gently spreading the lube while softly kissing my lips and being cute. I felt her grab my cock again with one hand and then I felt her press into me with the other and she really pushed her hand into me. First just a couple of fingers and then after the warm up she pushed 4 fingers into me. I could feel her stretching me as she pushed, it felt so amazing, I was moaning begging for more. She stroked me and worked my ass bringing me to the edge again. I didn't think it was going to be possible to cum so quickly again. She stopped stroking me and told me to do it and then she just focused on her other hand. I started jacking my self harder and she started pushing into me harder. It felt like her entire hand was almost inside. The thought of this sent me over the edge and I shot massive spurts of cum on her tits right where she wanted me too. I lie there breathing heavily as I slowly feel her hand come out. She caressed my head with her hands while kissing me. She was sooo turned on and I couldn't help feeling even more submissive to her. She leaned away showing me her hand to brag about how far she pushed into me. She showed off her 4 fingers with a smile. Then mistress said now give me the vibrator.

I helped her with the pink magic wand and turned it on for her, she put it between her legs and I helped push the head of it right into her clit. I asked if I could lick her cum covered breasts and to my surprise she said yes! Also to my surprise I still wanted to lick the cum off of her even after cuming twice!
She started really moaning and seemed very turned on by this. Luckily there wasn't as much as I thought since I'd already came once before so I licked it all off of her.
After that she didn't want me to touch her anymore and just wanted me to lay next to her and watch her bring herself to orgasm. I laid there watching my sexy mistress bring herself to a few good orgasms. I couldn't help but process everything we had just done. I couldn't believe she got her hand that far in me, so fucking hot! This is the most submissive she's ever made me feel, very incredible. Mistress kept showing me her hand to emphasize the point of what just happened. It left me craving more of her dominance and wondering just how far she's willing to go. Mistress can truly shock me when she wants to.

Just a side note, our damn dogs nearly ruined the moment again! Luckily this time I got them settled and out of the room before they had a chance to kill mistress's mood lol.

 

Hmmm, a treat is a good idea, I bought them these little bone chew things that take them quite a while to get through, maybe I need to get some more of those.

Our min pin doesn't care so much but the chihuahua is the one that gets antsy. One night when they were both in the bedroom with us our min pin kept growling st something and wouldn't shut up about it. Finally I realized she was growling at a town that was left in a heap on the floor. Apparently it was really setting her off lol.

 

I'm locked back up again! So much for my 6 month no cage stint. I couldn't help but ask mistress to lock back up again after I deduced where my original issue developed. Perhaps this isn't the smartest thing to do and even though aside from the occasional self edging and the accidental ruined O I was pretty damn good for the last month being uncaged. I never touched myself with the intention of giving myself an orgasm. So why wear a cage again?!? Because there no true feeling like it! I hope one day in the near future to have a PA piercing or a frenum piercing to make this lifestyle that much more powerful.

I thought mistress might object because she's the more logical one of the two of us. She agreed with me on how I hurt myself and that my new cage should be safe. We also agreed to take my cage off every couple of days for a while just to make sure nothing changes.

Mistress M decided to sleep upstairs last night because she wanted to read and wasn't feeling sleepy. So I woke up alone this morning and had a real desire to be caged again. So I contemplated my decision during my shower. I got out and dried off, I found my device and put it on before I brought mistress coffee while only wearing my cage. I woke her up gently by kissing her on her back, she rolled over smiling and I handed her the keys and explained myself. After we talked and I discussed my reasoning I asked her if she was okay with this and her response was "um hell yes!" That made me feel good. Not wearing a chastity device for someone who has been wearing one for almost two years and living this lifestyle is similar to someone attempting to quit smoking. You can try other things to curb your craving but in the end there's nothing like the real thing.

 

I'm a spoiled boy lately, mistress let me fuck her like a man yesterday. Last night started out like most of our nights with our usual routine. I was massaging mistress's legs and one thing led to another. Next thing i knew my face was buried in her pussy and her foot was pressing on my chastity cage to remind me of my position. I really took my time making love to her clit with the tip of my tongue. I was still locked up with no certainty of being unlocked so all of my focus was on her pleasure. She decided she wanted me unlocked and wanted to feel me so she told me where I could find the hidden key. In the world of chastity it hasn't really been that long since she allowed me to have sex with her. The last time I was allowed to was pretty pathetic on my end though. As most of us know our lasting power is almost zero in most cases and maybe since it hadn't been that long since my last release I was able to last longer but we made love for a short while. I love that body to body contact and intimacy where I have my arms wrapped around her, her breasts pressing into my chest, our breathing getting heavier and feeling her warmth. I can feel her squeezing my cock which makes me want to cum right away. I slow down as to not spoil the gift from my mistress. Mistress moaned louder and rotated her hips and pushed into me meeting my every thrust. I can't hold myself back any longer and I feel all of my pleasure start to well up deep inside me. I let her know my orgasm is imminent, I pull out and cum on her stomach just as she likes me too. She demands I squeeze every lady drop out as she watched me. My cum pooled on her stomach, there was quite a bit. I promptly got a towel to wipe mistress's tummy clean.

I get such a different kind of satisfaction from making love to her like that. The fact that I don't get PIV very often makes it that much more special for me. I'm pretty sure mistress knows this and enjoys how appreciative I am when she allows me this pleasure. Although I made the mistake of not properly thanking her this morning which earned me a hard swat with the paddle. I was also threatened with 2 months of lockup so I'd really appreciate what she'd given me the night before. That put things in perspective for me and I'm definitely going to show more appreciation next time she allows me any sort of orgasm. She has gotten way more assertive with me lately, it's like I'm seeing new woman in her. I feel more and more under her thumb and I'm loving every second of it.

I'm excited to use our Hush buttplug when we get around to it. I've got the app on her phone and we tested it out. Once she tells me to wear it, it will be her way to notify me when she needs me or needs me to call her. She'll just give me a quick vibration to let me know to get ahold of her. Or if we're both home and she lounging as I'm doing chores it'll be like a servants bell. As soon as I feel it I'll know to ask her what I can get her lol. I'm sooo looking forward to that . Cool thing is, is when I'm wearing it as long as I have my phone on me she can vibrate me anywhere in the country. All she has to do is go to the app on her phone and give me whatever kind of vibration pattern she wants. She doesn't need me to authorize anything on my phone either now other than the app being open on my phone. It'll be a total surprise when she decides to buzz me. She joked about me wearing it at work, I honestly think once I get used to it, I could wear it to work, I'd at least try. Talk about an ultimate form of submission and control, not only would I be chaste but also plugged with remote vibrations from mistress. I'm super excited to try it out and I'm hoping it works out because I'd like for it to be a regular thing for us to use. Thinking about it just makes me feel more submissive to her.

 

Am I selfish for wanting strap-on sex so bad? I fully understand that this lifestyle is all about her pleasure and about me deriving pleasure from giving her pleasure. I also think this lifestyle is about exploring new ways of pleasure and to step outside our comfort zones in that pursuit. My birthday is coming up and mistress has been asking me what I want. I know she was probably meaning a tangible item but I took that opportunity and asked her if she would have her way with me with the strap on. She immediately recoiled and said I was going to have to get her really fucked up for that. Then she said what if she just dominated me from the top, meaning no strap on and doing me female superior style. Needless to say I was disappointed but it's not my choice to make. Thing I don't understand is she has used a strap-on on me before and at that time she claimed to have liked it. I had brought it up several times since then and I can't get her interested in trying again. Initially I thought I'd annoyed her with asking I finally stopped hoping she would reward me randomly. But no such luck, we have two high quality harnesses and a few very nice and somewhat large dildos that never see the light of day. I suppose one of the reasons I find her lack of interest in this is that in my opinion I find it one of the more power exchange submissive acts a Femdom couple can perform. The other thing I find confusing is that she practically fisted me a couple of weeks ago, all she needed to do was put her thumb in and push a little harder and she would have gone all the way. So I'm baffled that she'd do that but get squeamish about strap-on sex. I know she was extremely horny when she was using her fist on me and maybe it was just the moment that was right but I find it very confusing.

Sometimes I wonder if in her mind she sees the act as somewhat homosexual. Even though it's only the two of us, maybe the fact that she'd be shoving a giant black cock into me that unsettles her and she's worried I'm going to like it too much, but that's the point isn't it, pleasure and domination? I mean the big black cock is attached to her and not a big black man lol. I have no idea what she really thinks about it and wish she'd just be honest with me. I suppose this is the time I wish her inner domme would come out and just tell me how things are gonna be. I'm not complaining at all, now that we've had a little more time for each other she's made things really fun. The reality of this 24/7 lifestyle is a lot of patience waiting for the fun, you can have it all the time. I suppose this is where the chastity device comes in handy to fill that psychological void from the down time between playing. Oh well, I'll probably continue to ask for the strap on for my birthday or Christmas until she tells me to stop asking .